Bridzilla Disney Style?

[Skywalker]

Oh Please, there are usually two sides to any story but not in this case and the Mother is not being impartial she is taking sides and she is clearly putting her future daughter in law over her own daughter that is wrong and the OP has nothing to "work on" the brother is the Prince and he nor his fiance can do no wrong.

I am not sure how you can be so 100% sure of all that but ok.

But I do like your dog though.

 

[karice2]

OMG. No no no no no! This isn't just about one person outside the family acting out. Your brother's behavior is unacceptable. The way you are being treated by your entire family is unacceptable. What you're describing is emotional abuse. It sounds like you do a lot to try to please people and make them happy, thinking it will make them love and accept you, but they should be doing that anyway. And your daughter shouldn't be punished for being born "at the wrong time" or for knowing someone who is insecure.

I spent years bending over backwards, spending lots of my own money, thinking it would make the people in my life like me. Fortunately, I'm in a better place now and surrounded by people who genuinely love and support me and now I look back and wonder how I put up with the abuse for so long. So seeing your post and hearing your story really breaks my heart. I've been there.

I strongly, strongly recommend seeking out the input of a good therapist. You need to hear from an unbiased third party (and a professional, not us armchair psychologist forum posters). You need to hear that this is not your fault. And I hope your daughter has plenty of people telling her she's awesome!

I wish I could give you a hug.

I wish there was a like button for this several things jumped out at me as I was reading your post. Things like being told that you don't get rewarded for doing things out of order, being told that you shouldn't show up to family events. You are the Omega in your family. The whipping boy for all of their faults and failures. Your husband sees it and wants you to be better but you can't see it for yourself.

Be the amazing person that you are to people who will love and respect you.

Don't go to the wedding. Don't call your brother and wish him anything because he has culpability in this mess. Don't reach out during the holidays, don't try to figure out what you did wrong.

Just don't with your family anymore. You will be happier for it. You can get more kindness from strangers than from your own family as proven on an anonymous message board.

 

[Skywalker]

It's not that I don't WANT to think about two sides to the story, I was just simply pointing out that I could obviously only give one, mine.

I am no victim I assure you. I have been thru enough things in my lifetime, things that would break a lot of people, and pride myself in it making me a stronger person. I don't easily get my feelings hurt, but when I do, yeah it's pretty major. As I said above, I CAN be hot-headed, I have a ferocious temper, and will speak up when others won't. This gives me somewhat of a bad reputation I suppose within the family. They also know tho that as hard as I can be at times I am fair and I am truthful. I am the FIRST one to admit if I'm in the wrong.

Likewise, even tho my DH loves me, he will always tell me if I'm wrong. I asked every one of the people there if they thought I was overreacting, they all said that they thought I wasn't even calling her out on half of it.

Remember, it wasn't just me she was being like this to. My own mother, who seems to be on her side, slipped up and said she knew this was going to happen. Her solution is that if we just hadn't gone on the trip everything would be ok,which in theory is true, but is ridiculous!

We ALL know how she is, we've just never seen it to the degree and as prolonged as it was this trip. Yes, my baby bro is scared of me.

What can I say, according to my kids I can be quite scary at times.

Seems reasonable. I was only saying because I have seen how bits and pieces of similar things have played out in my own life.

There was a birthday party for a girl I knew and she spent the whole night really ignoring everyone, looking miserable, and spending her time mostly in huddles with these two other girls. I was starting to feel pretty shunned. But it turned out one of those had chosen that time to unload a lot of crap on her (I forget what it was, girl was pregnant, girl's dad died, girl got diagnosed with something etc etc). She didn't want to discuss things with others around that she barely knew. She wanted to talk to my friend that night because she wasn't sure when she'd see her again etc. What could my friend do, say sorry I feel for ya but this is my birthday party and I going to mingle and have fun. That wouldn't have made her a very good friend either.

Other time was when a friend of mine "Un-Maid of Honoured" me because she thought I was spending too much time with my boyfriend instead of her. She said I could still go to the wedding. Much to everyone's shock I actually went. She was touched that I went and we talked it out after the fact and retained a friendship, rather than wrote one off.

I am rambling now....I know these examples are unlikely in your case...I guess I just don't see the value of you writing off your family or considering them dead to you etc., all over one sister in law and you butting heads. That is if the relationship with your family is otherwise good. So you hate your sister in law. Millions of people do! lol I have one I hate too. But some of this seems like an overreaction to me. Good luck with it.

 

[Julylady]

Well, I know you made it clear that you don't want to think about two sides to every story but...I am going to be that person because I think you are trying to paint a very one-sided picture here. Is it fair? I don't know but you are indulging in being some sort of victim here and I don't know if you are. It seems like every thing the bride said or did, if she didn't like something or was disappointed in something, or if she wanted / needed privacy with some old friends, you took it like a personal stab against you, when maybe it wasn't at all. Maybe she was honestly blindsided by your angry outburst in that expletive filled text. Just because she can be a whiny witch doesn't mean she can't also be misunderstood. Perhaps your mother being impartial means she CAN actually see both sides...maybe your brother not siding with you and being "scared to death of you" means maybe you have your own issues / dramatic tendencies yourself and they know it. If you have always ha a good relationship with your family then it is worth working on.

Rose, please consider this perspective. I know you are hurt and reeling right now, but you need to think about this for the long term. I too have been furious with my siblings, but we have always found a way to get past it somehow. You need to own up to your part in this drama. For one thing, you should have never sent that text no matter what she did. You played right into her hands.

You need to take a deep breath and think about how you wAnt the next 30 years to go. You are making decisions now that can impact your life and your daughters life forever. Think before you act. If it were me, I would sit down and write my Mom a letter expressing how much I love her and how sorry I am that this all happened. Don't take blame, don't give blame. Same with brother.

However, I would also set boundaries in the future particularly around how you and your daughter are treated. And, I would stop being so generous. They have shown you who they really are so believe them.

Would I go to the wedding? Yes, but I wouldn't tell them yes or no prior. I would go and kill them with kindness just to throw them off.

 

[Skywalker]

Rose, please consider this perspective. I know you are hurt and reeling right now, but you need to think about this for the long term. I too have been furious with my siblings, but we have always found a way to get past it somehow. You need to own up to your part in this drama. For one thing, you should have never sent that text no matter what she did. You played right into her hands.

You need to take a deep breath and think about how you wAnt the next 30 years to go. You are making decisions now that can impact your life and your daughters life forever. Think before you act. If it were me, I would sit down and write my Mom a letter expressing how much I love her and how sorry I am that this all happened. Don't take blame, don't give blame. Same with brother.

However, I would also set boundaries in the future particularly around how you and your daughter are treated. And, I would stop being so generous. They have shown you who they really are so believe them.

Would I go to the wedding? Yes, but I wouldn't tell them yes or no prior. I would go and kill them with kindness just to throw them off.

I think this is all well said, and for sure the bolded is true.

 

[Suger Mag]

Rose, please consider this perspective. I know you are hurt and reeling right now, but you need to think about this for the long term. I too have been furious with my siblings, but we have always found a way to get past it somehow. You need to own up to your part in this drama. For one thing, you should have never sent that text no matter what she did. You played right into her hands.

hindsight is always 20/20. But sadly once you did that, you were doomed. Everything up to that point was he said/she said.... all heresay and up to the whims of perception. But when you sent the text... you gave her the smoking gun. She has rock hard proof... and was not afraid to use it to her advantage. No point in fighting about it now, what is done is done. But really do not let a spoiled attitide over a dinner and a couple of rides or a vacation ruin your relationship with your brother.... faults and all he is still your bro.

My brother got married... it was the third wedding in that month and I was tired and totally weddinged out. I left really soon after the ceremony and did not participate like I should have... he died a few weeks after that, and I regret to this day ( 17 years later) not dancing till my feet were bloody at his wedding and the sun was rising in the sky.

You cannot undo what has been done, but the future is still wide open. Life is too short to waste on such foolishness. Make your peace... with yourself... and with your brother... be the biger person, hold your head high, go to the wedding and act like nothing is out of the ordinary. You have been generous and that is something to be proud of. Besides... eventually she will have a different target... sooner rather than later IMHO.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I think the problem with going to the wedding would be that the bride's text was clearly an uninvite without her coming out and directly saying it. It's a game and one the op can't win.
Op, you sound a lot like me. My mouth can get me in trouble. I have difficulty silently putting up with the bad behavior of other people. I have found that certain people (in my case, my sister) will use that to their advantage when it comes to family dynamic. Since sil has issues with your daughter, she likely has issues with you as well. If she's insecure like you describe, she probably is the type that wants other people to feel the way she does about the both of you. Just drop the whole thing with your mother and brother. Don't discuss the Disney trip anymore because they have already made it clear that they are not going to see things your way. You will not get the resolution from them that you want and it will just lead to more hurt feelings and problems.

If you can ask your brother what he wants you to do about the wedding, maybe that's best. Don't bring up anything else though.

 

[Skywalker]

I think the problem with going to the wedding would be that the bride's text was clearly an uninvite without her coming out and directly saying it.

And I don't think you can really blame the bride for this...The OP posted the bride's text but not her own. If you had let's say a bad weekend with someone and they responded with a text saying something along the lines of "You are a &**# and I have hated you for the last 8 years but me and daughter who is ^*@&% better than you are only put up with you because of my brother but he is making a mistake because you are a &&^#%*& and a ^&&*#&&# so go &**&" lol whatever it may be...would you or anyone still want that person to be involved in your wedding?? I wouldn't. I can only speculate though, since we don't know what OP said. but even she admits it was bad and she wasn't even the one on the receiving end.

 

[Brier Rose]

Absolutely no doubt I was wrong to send the text!! I hope I didn't imply otherwise. Am I sorry for what I said?? Honestly, not really. Am I sorry that I sent it because it's now the ONLY thing they're using against me, yes.

As you all said, I played right into her hands. DD even said as much the moment I sent it. She poked and poked and poked, and I kept it together for days, but then yeah, I messed up.

In truth I think what finally did it for me was the pics they kept posting on FB of her and the other two bridesmaids, all happy and smiling, wearing those stupid freakin bridesmaid Mickey ears. DD was supposed to be her MOH for God sake!!

Mess with me, I can take it for at least a while, but mess with one of my kids...

 

[sunshinehighway]

And I don't think you can really blame the bride for this...The OP posted the bride's text but not her own. If you had let's say a bad weekend with someone and they responded with a text saying something along the lines of "You are a &**# and I have hated you for the last 8 years but me and daughter who is ^*@&% better than you are only put up with you because of my brother but he is making a mistake because you are a &&^#%*& and a ^&&*#&&# so go &**&" lol whatever it may be...would you or anyone still want that person to be involved in your wedding?? I wouldn't. I can only speculate though, since we don't know what OP said. but even she admits it was bad and she wasn't even the one on the receiving end.

Why assume it was that bad?
Besides, we are talking about family. I know that means little to many here. It seem the dis is full of people who cut family out of their lives easily.
They had a fight. Both were wrong. They both owe each other apologies. Even if the op's, text was as bad as you speculate, perhaps the bride's behavior made the op feel equally bad. Actions can speak louder than words.

Uninviting a sibling to a wedding is a huge deal. There's no taking it back.

 

[Brier Rose]

Ok, even tho I'm not trying to defend myself or get anyone to take my side, I will post the text I sent her. Profanity edited of course. Like I said..it IS bad. I was very clearly in a rage full fit at that point. The two margaritas I had just had didn't help. I know I can't "prove" anything, but I PROMISE you the way she probably sounds all demure over text is NOT how she is in person. Again..no way for me to show yall that, but I'm ok with it.

This is after they had been avoiding me, DD, and my sister ALL DAY. We had not seen them once. The Bride had asked me to make a dinner reservation at Le Cellier..

Will it mess up the reservation if we don't go to le cellier? We're thinking we might not be done with all we wanna do in food and wine by then

Nah it's cool. Yall go do your thing.

Thanks for costing me $60 by not going to eat tho. I told yall multiple times there is a cancellation fee.

Well we can pay you back for whatever. We're not trying to ruin plans

**** yall.

I dare yall to say any "plans" have kept ANY of you from doing a <edited> thing!! There wasn't one <edited> time that I have tried to keep anybody from doing anything they wanted to do. I couldn't give two <edited> whether yall wanted to play the freakin game, or eat at whatever <edited> restaurant. Yall decided to go off on your own and start acting like 'witches'. 'WITCHES'!!! Tell em I said so..we're in Japan. Yall got something to say I'd love for yall to come find my <edited>. Not too much to worry about there tho huh?

 

[crazee4mickey]

Wow, just wow.....I am speechless........when I read the OP, if you hadn't mentioned anything about her and her friends being adults, I would have sworn you were talking about temper tantrum throwing 4 year olds

I have read the first and last page of this discussion....the only thing to me that matters is how absolutely spoiled rotten, ungrateful and immature the bride-to be has acted!

When someone goes to all the effort and hard work and expense to plan something that spectacular for you, to be anything but gracious is deplorable! Then to uninvite you and say your daughter is no longer MOH over a fabulous bachelorette?!

I honestly am speechless that your brother has not shown any <edited> and stood up to her telling her to grow up......OMG!!

Is your brother the only boy in the family or the youngest? Just asking because that is what would happen in my family if this same scenario went on....the "baby boy" of the family has never done anything wrong! LOL

To make matters worse, they sulked and basically "hissy fitted" the entire bachelorette were not grateful one little bit but now post pics all smiles on social media.....wow, just wow!

This diva shouldn't warrant anymore of your time....as for your family being angry at you, karma will lash back at them in the shape of a spoiled bridezilla and they will finally (hopefully) see what she is really like

 

[sunshinehighway]

Ok, even tho I'm not trying to defend myself or get anyone to take my side, I will post the text I sent her. Profanity edited of course. Like I said..it IS bad. I was very clearly in a rage full fit at that point. The two margaritas I had just had didn't help. I know I can't "prove" anything, but I PROMISE you the way she probably sounds all demure over text is NOT how she is in person. Again..no way for me to show yall that, but I'm ok with it.

This is after they had been avoiding me, DD, and my sister ALL DAY. We had not seen them once. The Bride had asked me to make a dinner reservation at Le Cellier..

Will it mess up the reservation if we don't go to le cellier? We're thinking we might not be done with all we wanna do in food and wine by then

Nah it's cool. Yall go do your thing.

Thanks for costing me $60 by not going to eat tho. I told yall multiple times there is a cancellation fee.

Well we can pay you back for whatever. We're not trying to ruin plans

<edited> yall.

I dare yall to say any "plans" have kept ANY of you from doing a <edited> thing!! There wasn't one <edited> time that I have tried to keep anybody from doing anything they wanted to do. I couldn't give two <edited> whether yall wanted to play the freakin game, or eat at whatever <edited> restaurant. Yall decided to go off on your own and start acting like 'witches'. 'WITCHES'!!! Tell em I said so..we're in Japan. Yall got something to say I'd love for yall to come find my <edited> Not too much to worry about there tho huh?

Having been on Disney vacations with people that are total nightmares to deal with, I have to say I laughed when I read your text. I've totally been there.

It's definitely something you do need to apologize for but it's not a "uninvite you from the wedding and never speak to you again" thing.
You were clearly hurt by her actions and that came through as anger. It happens.
Families have fights. It really shouldn't be something you can't discuss and move past.
I'm sure you are going to get responses telling you how awful you are for the text. Remember this is a place where many get the vapours from a little swearing.

 

[luvsJack]

Wow. You were angry!! But having dealt with someone like this, I do understand. Dil and I had it out in person. She messed with my mom and I exploded. I felt bad for how I said what I said but not that I said it.

Here is what I did but whether it works in your situation, I don't know. I sat down with Ds and explained my side of it. I then told him everything that led up to it. I also told him that I loved him and supported his decisions and would always be there for both of them. She was a part of the family and I would treat her as such but I would call her out when necessary. He accepted all of it and she got over it.

Their marriage ended because of the way she treated people but it wasn't me in the end but him and her own family.

You need to talk to your brother. He is the important one. You can't change her she is going to be what she be. Whether you go to the wedding or not isn't important, your relationship with your brother is.

 

[EMom]

I think that text shows amazing restraint. You didn't even bless her heart one time.

 

[Brier Rose]

Ya know...this is the one and ONLY time in 8 YEARS I have ever said an off word to her. Even looking back over my text, yes I was mad, BUT I was only addressing THIS issue. I didn't attack her character, I didn't bring up past issues where she has been horrible to my brother, my mother, and most often, my stepfather.

In any normal circumstance this seems like it would just be your standard argument. Something that needs to be smoothed over and worked out. The fact that it immediately turned into complete family meltdown, fired MOH, and being tolerated at my own brothers wedding is just strange to say the least.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

"'WITCHES'!!! Tell em I said so..we're in Japan."

Best. Line. Ever. I can't stop laughing. Where else but Disney would you ever get to say something like that?

 

[Brier Rose]

"'WITCHES'!!! Tell em I said so..we're in Japan." Best. Line. Ever. I can't stop laughing. Where else but Disney would you ever get to say something like that?

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Ok, even tho I'm not trying to defend myself or get anyone to take my side, I will post the text I sent her. Profanity edited of course. Like I said..it IS bad. I was very clearly in a rage full fit at that point. The two margaritas I had just had didn't help. I know I can't "prove" anything, but I PROMISE you the way she probably sounds all demure over text is NOT how she is in person. Again..no way for me to show yall that, but I'm ok with it.

This is after they had been avoiding me, DD, and my sister ALL DAY. We had not seen them once. The Bride had asked me to make a dinner reservation at Le Cellier..

Will it mess up the reservation if we don't go to le cellier? We're thinking we might not be done with all we wanna do in food and wine by then

Nah it's cool. Yall go do your thing.

Thanks for costing me $60 by not going to eat tho. I told yall multiple times there is a cancellation fee.

Well we can pay you back for whatever. We're not trying to ruin plans

<edited> yall.

I dare yall to say any "plans" have kept ANY of you from doing a <edited> thing!! There wasn't one <edited> time that I have tried to keep anybody from doing anything they wanted to do. I couldn't give two <edited> whether yall wanted to play the freakin game, or eat at whatever <edited> restaurant. Yall decided to go off on your own and start acting like 'witches'. 'WITCHES'!!! Tell em I said so..we're in Japan. Yall got something to say I'd love for yall to come find my a@&. Not too much to worry about there tho huh?

WOOOOOEEEE Light that bridge on fire. Burn baby burn.

 

[Brier Rose]

gonna try and post the card game pics again...

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