Bride's maid ditched; thoughts?

ems_mom

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Apr 8, 2007
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My daughter was asked to be a maid of honor in her college roomates wedding.

The background: They were originally paired with other girls but switched with everyones approval during the first month of school. They lived together on campus for the first year and in an off campus apartment for the next 2 and a half years (my daughter graduated a semester early).

After graduation my daughter stayed on the east coast while her roomate moved to L.A. to be with a man she met in NY. My daughter was very happy and excited when she was told they were engaged. Emails and phone calls were made planning the east coast wedding.

She bought the bride's maid dress ($250 without a fitting) and attended a "spa-weekend" for the bridal party at a NJ shore spa for $400. She also bought a gift, totallying I don't know, she won't tell me.

The point: the bride emails her to say the rehearsal dinner is on the Thursday before a Saturday evening formal wedding. This is only one month before the wedding. My DD has already reserved a hotel room at the special "wedding" rate of $149 + tax for the wedding night. Now she is expectected to pay for two more nights...

She works 60 hours a week (restaurant manager) and it was a stretch to get off on a weekend to begin with. She was worried about getting off from work and the money for the hotel and I told her to just be honest...tell the truth. You can't afford to lose your job over it and you can't afford the hotel bill.

Phone calls and email were exchanged...then my daughter was dumped from the wedding party. Because she couldn't afford to attend the rehearsal dinner that was held 2 nights before the wedding.

She seems to be holding up well. but I am angry. What do you think?
 
:scared1: Is she still going to the wedding? I would send a bill for her dress to the Bride.
 
I guess I don't understand why they couldn't do the rehearsal without her and fill her in the next day? Take notes and give her the play by play?

My MOH didn't get into town until about 20 minutes before my wedding because her train broke down. The priest and the wedding coordinator gave her a run down when she arrived, and no one was the wiser.
 
I think it's completely rotten what has happened to your daughter. Big silly parties come before true friends these days. :sad2:
 

I think its horrible and that bride has behaved terribly! I feel for your daughter. I would mail the bride a bill for my expenses thus far. I think they have an opening on bridezilla.:mad: I think some brides just lose their marbles prior to their wedding.
 
Whatttttttt.........are you kidding? OP, there has to be more to the story....after all your DD has been to the bride, roommates in college etc etc to just DUMP her seems just so bizarre!!!!!!!!! :confused3

:sad2: :sad2: :sad2: :sad2:
 
How terrible. Just because she coudlnt' make it to the dinner? Really? That's just crazy. And how hard is it really to be in a wedding? No rehersal is needed unless they are doing so unconventional that it can't be explained. If I was your DD, I would send the bride a bill for everything that I had already paid for. And what in the world is that bride gonna do without a MOH? Who's gonna hold her dress when she pees?
 
/
Wow. I agree that she should send the bride a bill for her expenses, and good riddance to that "friend."
 
Well, I got booted out as the Maid of Honour at my friend's wedding several years ago because I could not attend her bridal shower. I paid for all of it, mind you, but at the last minute I could not be there because I was sick (and I was really very sick).

One of her other friend's told her that if I was a real friend I would have gone anyway (vomiting into the finger sandwiches I suppose). And she called me up to tell me that this other friend was now her Maid of Honour.

I still went to the wedding and all but the friendship just sort of fizzled out anyway within a couple of years.

Tell your daughter she has a good peek into what her friend is really like when the chips are down. Remind her that she really hasn't lost much.

Forgot to add: To my "friend's" credit, she did buy the dress back from me so I was not out that money. Maybe your daughter's friend will do the same.
 
Honestly that is the whole story. I guess I feel guilty and that somehow I've let my daughter down in this whole thing is because it's about money.

The roomates parents' are in a different tax bracket. Gracious, kind, and rich. I can't stop thinking that if I could have paid for everything for my DD to attend the wedding (she's 24) the relationship would still be intact.

My DD is the best... we treasure her but she has for the most part been earning her own way since graduation from college. We would help out more if we could. Then again we both grew up with a different concept of money. I hold the purse strings tight.

Our daughter works hard but spends money on things we wouldn't even dream of...electronics, cell phones, designer clothes, etc.

I know I'm right not to give her money to go to this wedding, right? But still, I know her former roomate knows her financial situation, and given all she has put into the wedding, it was cruel to cut her out.
 
I think your DD should go to the wedding and wear her dress. I mean, she already paid for the room & plane-ticket right?

But then I'm mean that way...

Hey, I bet I know why the rehearsal dinner was planned for the Thursday before a Saturday wedding. The brideZILLA wants to have a bachelorette party (booze! male strippers! more booze!) before the wedding but wants to be able to sleep off her hangover before the big day.

Good riddance to bad rubbish says I.
agnes!
 
Hey, I bet I know why the rehearsal dinner was planned for the Thursday before a Saturday wedding. The brideZILLA wants to have a bachelorette party (booze! male strippers! more booze!) before the wedding but wants to be able to sleep off her hangover before the big day.

I think you are right, Agnes!
 
Honestly that is the whole story. I guess I feel guilty and that somehow I've let my daughter down in this whole thing is because it's about money.

The roomates parents' are in a different tax bracket. Gracious, kind, and rich. I can't stop thinking that if I could have paid for everything for my DD to attend the wedding (she's 24) the relationship would still be intact.

My DD is the best... we treasure her but she has for the most part been earning her own way since graduation from college. We would help out more if we could. Then again we both grew up with a different concept of money. I hold the purse strings tight.

Our daughter works hard but spends money on things we wouldn't even dream of...electronics, cell phones, designer clothes, etc.

I know I'm right not to give her money to go to this wedding, right? But still, I know her former roomate knows her financial situation, and given all she has put into the wedding, it was cruel to cut her out.

Your daughter hasn't lost much.

I would send a wedding card with the notation " You've have lost more than I have. Good luck and good bye"
 
I think your DD should go to the wedding and wear her dress. I mean, she already paid for the room & plane-ticket right?

But then I'm mean that way...

Hey, I bet I know why the rehearsal dinner was planned for the Thursday before a Saturday wedding. The brideZILLA wants to have a bachelorette party (booze! male strippers! more booze!) before the wedding but wants to be able to sleep off her hangover before the big day.

Good riddance to bad rubbish says I.
agnes!

That ought to be an interesting marriage.
 
To me the whole situation sounds very disturbing. :sad2:

What about all the other bridesmaids...what are their thoughts on this...how about the bride's parents...what were their thoughts on the fact your DD is now OUT! :sad2: Who will be MOH now...? Isn't DD's dress a MOH dress...? And what about the groom's best man...who will be his partner now...?

Did DD see this coming at all from this now bridezilla...? :sad2:

I am sorry you DD is going through this but weddings are so costly...and if DD cannot afford it, and she has done allot so far, well than she just cannot afford it and she should just move on from this friendship completely. ::yes::

I was just thinking...my son just traveled to the East for a wedding and 4 ushers stayed in one room splitting the costs. Is that an option, could DD split the cost with some of the other girls??? :confused3
 
Who's gonna hold her dress when she pees?

Seriously.

I mean, I ended up not "going" ALL day long, but I think that's just b/c it was 100 degrees and no amount of water or yummy beer could replace the sweating I was doing...but MOST brides do need the gown-holder at some point....



Ya know, overall it's for the best, because this is a person that likely would have faded from the friendship after the wedding anyway, but I know that my own mom would have helped me be part of the wedding so I can't totally agree that you *not* helping was right in my own heart...but again, overall, probably for the best.
 
I've honestly only seen this behavior on the Bridezilla series.


Some brides are sticklers that all of their "rules" are followed.

I *personally* make sure that I am there for the rehearsal and dinner (usually the night before, not 2 nights) and plan on 2 nights (I don't think the hotel rate is that bad and my husband paid that with his first job when I was in a wedding but was still in college.

This wedding was DIVINE! I mean mega -deluxe (in my world). The bridesmaids gowns were simple black gowns that were TRULY rewearable ( I wore mine several times). They were a close out from Sax Fifth Avenue adn they tracked all the inventory down for her large bridal party. the dress was a *little* over $100.

I don't think your daughter should have been ditched, but it sounds like her services were more of a commodity than friendship. And the bride sounds like a witch.
 
Hey, I bet I know why the rehearsal dinner was planned for the Thursday before a Saturday wedding. The brideZILLA wants to have a bachelorette party (booze! male strippers! more booze!) before the wedding but wants to be able to sleep off her hangover before the big day.

Good riddance to bad rubbish says I.
agnes!

That is a little bit of a stretch - it is quite common to have a rehearsal dinner on a Thursday, so one can have a quiet night on the Friday before the busy Saturday.
 
That is TERRIBLE!!:sad2:

I was asked to step down from MOH to a simple bridesmaid in my "best" friend's wedding because............her current roomate was engaged to the best man and it would "look better in the pictures for them to walk down aisle together" :confused3 I was hurt, but still went.

But to be booted off is UNREAL after all the expenses she has incurred!!!!!
 

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