Bride's maid ditched; thoughts?

[The Mystery Machine]

Can she get a refund on the gift? I hope she didn't send it.

Personally, that would be the end of the friendship for me. I would probably cut off contact and never look back.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sometimes it really sucks when you find out who your real friends are/aren't.....

I know you are ANGRY!
And, your daughter will be too when she gets past the shock and the hurt.... This is probably an injury/loss that she will process thru in the expected 'stages'. Don't let your anger add to this... Simply be there, a good sounding board, for your daughter.

I am glad that your daughter seems to be handling this well.

I would cancel all travel reservations, return the gift (hopefully returnable) and, if your daughter still has any receipt for the dress, then she should forward a copy of that to her 'friend'.... with no note and no comment.

I don't know if this friend has been bodysnatched by the big bridezilla monster or not... (never know if a big - 'I'm sorry, can we still be friends' is in the future.... but I would not want to put myself in an opportunity to be treated like this again.

 

[robsmom]

That is a little bit of a stretch - it is quite common to have a rehearsal dinner on a Thursday, so one can have a quiet night on the Friday before the busy Saturday.

In the Bridezilla's defense, I did not have a choice. The church would not do rehersal's on Friday. Every wedding in my family has had a Thursday rehearsal. That said, they have known for months the date of the rehearsal. This should have been communicted to your daughter much earlier so that she could react to it. At this point, dumping her was just rude and insensitive.

 

[Pigeon]

I've been to and been in many dozens of weddings and rehearsals. I've never heard of one that wasn't the night before the wedding.

 

[cepmom]

that's truly awful for the bride to do that to your DD...she' not much of a friend I guess. I see no reason that she can't skip the rehearsal and still be the maid of honor. What a witch

I have always been to rehearsals on the Thursday before a Saturday wedding, never the night before. I got married on a Sunday and my rehearsal was the Friday before. I wanted to have a quiet night the night before the wedding, get my last minute packing for the honeymoon done, and just relax to try and calm my jitters. Maybe it's a regional thing? It's almost unheard of to have the rehearsal the night before around here.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

That's crazy that they dropped your daughter!! I was in my cousin's wedding a few months ago (bridesmaid) and couldn't attend the rehearsal dinner. No one really cared as they were just eating anyways and handing out a few gifts. I was able to attend the rehearsal as that was the day before the wedding. After having spent over $600 on her wedding (and none of that was hotel or travelling costs) I will be declining any future invitation to be in a wedding party. I hope your daughter's ok!!

 

[Disney Doll]

See bolded

Honestly that is the whole story. I guess I feel guilty and that somehow I've let my daughter down in this whole thing is because it's about money.

The roomates parents' are in a different tax bracket. Gracious, kind, and rich. Too bad their daughter did not pick up on the "gracious" part. I can't stop thinking that if I could have paid for everything for my DD to attend the wedding (she's 24) the relationship would still be intact. The relationship with a spolied, childish witch. Why would you worry about keeping it intact.
My DD is the best... we treasure her but she has for the most part been earning her own way since graduation from college. We would help out more if we could. Then again we both grew up with a different concept of money. I hold the purse strings tight. Nothing wrong with teaching someone the value of money.
Our daughter works hard but spends money on things we wouldn't even dream of...electronics, cell phones, designer clothes, etc. If she works for it, it's her to decide what to do with.
I know I'm right not to give her money to go to this wedding, right? Right. But still, I know her former roomate knows her financial situation, and given all she has put into the wedding, it was cruel to cut her out.

Two different issues.

You're second-guessing your raising of your lovely daughter because some spolied brat bride didn't get every single thing her way. Don't do it. Your DD is great...a treasure...

Thank your lucky stars that DD found out about this girl's character before she got involved in something more serious than wedding issues (like a business venture or something like that) with her.

DD can ask if she'l reimburse her for the expenses. I wouldn't hold my breath waiting though.

Life teaches difficult lessons sometimes.

 

[NewCrew42]

Some brides are just very selfish and believe that if you are a "true" friend, that you will do everything to help them on their special day. They do not think beyond themselves or of the hardship that they put on others.

That being said, my MOH went shopping and skipped the rehearsal and came to the dinner late. I asked my brother to sit with me at the head table. It was so embarrasing.

When she showed up late, I asked her what had happened as I was worried she had car trouble or had been injured. Can you even imagine what I thought when she said she went shopping at the mall? I still had her be my MOH, but as you can imagine, that was pretty much the end of the friendship.

Young people are often immature and think only of themselves. Unfortunately this sounds like the case of this bride.
Who in their right mind would want their friend to put their job in jeopardy?

 

[Earstou]

I think your DD should go to the wedding and wear her dress. I mean, she already paid for the room & plane-ticket right?

But then I'm mean that way...

 

[ericamanda01]

What a terrible thing to do to a "friend"! I would ask the bride to pay for the dress if it couldn't be returned.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Let's see...your DD has purchased a dress and made reservations at a hotel for the room and now Bridezilla is cutting her out of the wedding?

I think I would return any gift I had purchased and go ahead and attend the wedding and reception. That way your DD can recover some of the costs from the dress purchase at the reception! The bride owes her that much!

TC

 

[ZephyrHawk]

My rehersal was on a Thursday for my Saturday wedding because the chapel I booked is usually being used for weddings on Friday evenings. As it was, my rehersal started late because the Friday people had to have their rehersal first. And of course, that was after all the tourists left for the day and the place was officially closed. Yes, it was a busy location. Point being, sometimes you have to have the rehersal on a Thursday.

I had my maid of honor and one bridesmaid back out about two months before the wedding. Both were out of town guests. I asked neither to come to any of the pre-wedding functions, but still the one girl decided she couldn't make it.

The other claimed money issues, but my question is why she didn't bring those up earlier. I asked her if traveling or money would be a problem when I first asked her to stand for me, and she said no. I would have been happy to put her up at my parents if she couldn't afford a room. I didn't care much about shoes or hair and I asked only that my maids buy their dresses. I certainly didn't need a gift from her. Heck, I probably would have dug into my meagre funds to buy her dress for her, if she had just told me ahead of time that she was going to have issues with coming.

I'm not saying that this is what happened with the OP's DD. Clearly, that doesn't seem to be the case, but weddings are expensive. And that means expensive for the wedding party as well. I remember when two of my friends got married and both DH and I were in the wedding party. All told we figured we spent a significant amount for the privilege of representing them. And that's what it was, a privilege. An honor.

If you can't pay, or think you might have a problem doing so, say so up front.

 

[DisneyAndRedSox]

My MOH took a long, hot bath and lost track of time and missed the rehearsal, made the dinner. Trust me, I wanted to demote her to bridesmaid for about 30 minutes but of course I didn't!

This is terrible, first if the rehearsal is on a Thurs and people need to travel, a month's notice is not enough!

I would seriously consider cancelling my hotel, return the gift (if purchased) and send the dress as a gift instead if it can't be returned. The bride is not a real friend if she can't see why your daughter can't make it on Thurs.

 

[ols386]

Wow, what a great friend the bride was. I think that's awful, especially since your daughter had already spend the money for a dress, etc. If I were your daughter, I probably wouldn't go to the wedding or reception, and I'd return the gift she had purchased. You just don't treat people that way.

 

[luvmy3]

My MOH took a long, hot bath and lost track of time and missed the rehearsal, made the dinner. Trust me, I wanted to demote her to bridesmaid for about 30 minutes but of course I didn't!

This is terrible, first if the rehearsal is on a Thurs and people need to travel, a month's notice is not enough!

I would seriously consider cancelling my hotel, return the gift (if purchased) and send the dress as a gift instead if it can't be returned. The bride is not a real friend if she can't see why your daughter can't make it on Thurs.

This is exactly what I was thinking. No way would I attend that wedding after that, the bride doesn't deserve the good wishes and support of the OP's dd.
Of course there would be a part of me that would want to attend, and take advantage of the open bar and when it came time for the MOH to speak to the bride and groom, I'd get up from my drunken stupor, steal the mic from the newly appointed MOH and tell the bride what she can do to herself

 

[TiggerTails57]

I would seriously consider cancelling my hotel, return the gift (if purchased) and send the dress as a gift instead if it can't be returned. The bride is not a real friend if she can't see why your daughter can't make it on Thurs.

send the dress as a gift instead if it can't be returned...............LOVE IT!!

 

[justhat]

My wedding was a Saturday afternoon with a Thursday night rehersal, which we found out about fairly close to the wedding date (I think about 6 weeks out). Apparently the 8th grade was graduating the next week and was having their graduation mass that Friday night, so it was Thursday for us.

I did have a bridesmaid who simply couldn't make it in time for the rehersal Thursday night but that was totally fine. She didn't really need to 'rehearse' cause really, what did she do, follow a line of others down an aisle? Not rocket science. She did just fine Saturday at the wedding.

So really it all seems insane to me and I can't even imagine dumping a friend over that.

 

[MerMom60_94]

My daughter was asked to be a maid of honor in her college roomates wedding.

The background: They were originally paired with other girls but switched with everyones approval during the first month of school. They lived together on campus for the first year and in an off campus apartment for the next 2 and a half years (my daughter graduated a semester early).

After graduation my daughter stayed on the east coast while her roomate moved to L.A. to be with a man she met in NY. My daughter was very happy and excited when she was told they were engaged. Emails and phone calls were made planning the east coast wedding.

She bought the bride's maid dress ($250 without a fitting) and attended a "spa-weekend" for the bridal party at a NJ shore spa for $400. She also bought a gift, totallying I don't know, she won't tell me.

The point: the bride emails her to say the rehearsal dinner is on the Thursday before a Saturday evening formal wedding. This is only one month before the wedding. My DD has already reserved a hotel room at the special "wedding" rate of $149 + tax for the wedding night. Now she is expectected to pay for two more nights...
She works 60 hours a week (restaurant manager) and it was a stretch to get off on a weekend to begin with. She was worried about getting off from work and the money for the hotel and I told her to just be honest...tell the truth. You can't afford to lose your job over it and you can't afford the hotel bill.

Phone calls and email were exchanged...then my daughter was dumped from the wedding party. Because she couldn't afford to attend the rehearsal dinner that was held 2 nights before the wedding.

She seems to be holding up well. but I am angry. What do you think?

If I am reading your timeline correctly, your DD had planned to show up the morning of the wedding. I am reading it this way because otherwise she would be paying for one more night (Thursday), not two. If this is the case, it would not matter whether the rehearsal is Thursday or Friday because your DD wouldn't have been in town until Saturday. Is this the case or am I just reading this incorrectly? If this is the case, is this the first the bride has heard of her MOH showing up the morning of the wedding and skipping the rehearsal? I am not going to pass judgement on anyone in this case because I am guessing there may be two sides to this story. We don't know what was said by who and when.

 

[sbell111]

Brides make decisions regarding their wedding. The rest of us have to roll with it.

 

[momrek06]

and send the dress as a gift

Well as HYSTERICAL as that is laughing ...my DSIL loved the bridesmaids dresses she picked for us for her wedding to my DBro that AFTER the wedding, she contacted me and asked me if she paid me for the bridesmaid dress I wore to her wedding could she have it.

I asked why and she said she could alter it and wear it again. DBro being an Officer in the Military, they were always attending all these Military Balls and she loved the dress.

DSIL figured I would never wear it again and she could.

Sooooo, before you go mailing her that dress that YOU paid for......keep that in mind, she may end up with a very lovely dress AT YOUR EXPENSE.


OP, please keep us all updated on this situation....I am so hoping this is resolved and to everyone's liking!