Bride's maid ditched; thoughts?

[onelilspark]

I think there might have been some words exchanged between these two that resulted in your daughter being "ditched" from the wedding party. I don't think it's because she doesn't have the money. And if it is, it's shallow and petty and you should remind your daughter that you don't really need those kinds of friends.

Most friends would understand if someone can't make it to the rehearsal dinner if they are rational people, I really, truly believe that something else was said between the two.

Your daughter needs to ask herself is this really worth losing a friend over. She can still attend the wedding, give the gift, etc. Don't be concerned with her finances, she's 24, she can handle it. (Or lesson learned...) And if she decides not to go to the wedding, she needs to be prepared to lose the friendship. Is the stress of a wedding really worth that?

I'm kind of appalled at the things suggested in this thread. They're awfully nasty. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and move on. Be the better person and hold your head up so that when the smoke clears, you don't have any regrets for the way you acted.

 

[momrek06]

I'm kind of appalled at the things suggested in this thread.

Curious, what things appalled you??

Let's start with the bride, you don't think the bride's behavior was appalling??

 

[mkymouse1928]

Wow, just wow. I guess when my MIL had to miss my rehearsal and dinner I should have just told her to stay home, even though she still paid for it!

 

[KirstenB]

If I am reading your timeline correctly, your DD had planned to show up the morning of the wedding. I am reading it this way because otherwise she would be paying for one more night (Thursday), not two. If this is the case, it would not matter whether the rehearsal is Thursday or Friday because your DD wouldn't have been in town until Saturday. Is this the case or am I just reading this incorrectly? If this is the case, is this the first the bride has heard of her MOH showing up the morning of the wedding and skipping the rehearsal? I am not going to pass judgement on anyone in this case because I am guessing there may be two sides to this story. We don't know what was said by who and when.

I agree with this. Tensions had to be running high on both sides. The OP's daughter, worried about her finances, the bride worrying about the wedding. It sounds like things escalated. Weddings are expensive all the way around. There's that saying there are 3 sides, yours, mine, and the truth somewhere in the middle.

 

[JessicaR]

I wouldnt send her the dress as a gift. I would put it on ebay and try and get at least some of my $ back. To me sending it back is losing more $! I guess the burn factor would be pretty good though to send it to her so maybe it would be worth it!

Still think this bride is a such a witch for what she did.

 

[DawnCt1]

I guess I don't understand why they couldn't do the rehearsal without her and fill her in the next day? Take notes and give her the play by play?

My MOH didn't get into town until about 20 minutes before my wedding because her train broke down. The priest and the wedding coordinator gave her a run down when she arrived, and no one was the wiser.

Because it isn't about the rehearsal. Its about Bridzilla's photos of the rehearsal dinner that will be missing one of the wedding part. I would send the bride a bill for the dress and end that relationship.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think your DD should go to the wedding and wear her dress. I mean, she already paid for the room & plane-ticket right?

Brilliant!

 

[rie'smom]

If people started thinking more about the marriage and less about the wedding day extravaganza, these kinds of things would probably happen less often. DH and I have attended at least 10 of the over the top platinum type weddings and in every single case, the couple divorced-1 in less than a year, the rest in under 3 years.
The wedding is 1 freaking day yet more thought is put into this than the marriage-pitiful!

 

[englishteacha]

I was demoted from MOH to "reader" for my high school friend's wedding. (She only had 1 attendant.) Her reason? Her groom's best friend couldn't make it to the wedding so his brother was going to stand up with him, so she thought she should have a family member stand up with her. Not her sister (I could have understood that I suppose) but her cousin. Her sister wasn't even part of the wedding party! Luckily for me, I had returned the expensive dress because the wedding was postponed, and I found the exact same dress at a local surplus/salvage store for $5. If I'd been stuck with that expensive, hideous dress, I would have been so angry. I gave the $5 version to my niece for a play she was in. I went to the wedding, did the reading I was asked to do, and my DH (then my fiance) videotaped the wedding. I haven't seen them since they came by to pick up the wedding video. They didn't come to my wedding even though they RSVP'd. It's been almost 10 years since I've even spoken to her. I totally feel your daughter's pain, and her emotional pain is probably worse than the financial burden she's now bearing, too.

 

[Lindsay22]

My MIL, GMIL, GFIL, Best Man, Groomsman, Bridesmaid and two Ring Bearers missed our rehearsal because they didn't realize that it would take an hour to get from Coronado Springs to the Wedding Pavilion. (Now, had they listened to me or read one of the several newsletters I sent out regarding this exact issue we wouldn't have had that problem, but that's neither here nor there)...

Was I livid? Yes! Absolutely. Did I cry? Yes, but not in front of them. Did I make a scene? I don't think so. Did I kick them out of the wedding? No.
I did ask the the mom of the two ring bearers help the kids practice walking down the aisle of the WP so that they wouldn't get frightened the next day, but that was all.

Really, it's walking in a line. Not rocket science.

OP, I think your daughter should wait a few days, let the bride calm down and talk to her about this. The bride is probably super stressed and definitly over-reacting.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Brides make decisions regarding their wedding. The rest of us have to roll with it.

Not sure I understand this response. Do you mean that the OP's DD has to roll with the fact that she was kicked out of the bridal party? And accept that gracefully? IMO, it sounds like the bride is one very lousy friend.

OP, when I was 19, a friend who I grew up asked me to be her MOH. My parents tried to talk me out of accepting because they knew her family--they were neighbors of ours. These were the cheapest people I ever knew in my life. Of course, my family knew that as well, and also knew that the bride and her family would take advantage of me.

She chose a dress I hated because the bride and her future SIL loved it. We had to buy all kinds of stupid accessories--gloves, hats, shoes and purses. (Every other wedding I've been in, all we had to get were dresses and shoes.)

Her mother didn't kick in a dime for her shower (very unusual in my circle) and invited a long list of guests. She also insisted we throw a lingerie party, which was basically a second shower. Every time, I turned around these people had their hands out, and by the time the wedding rolled around, I was feeling a lot of resentment and bitterness toward the bride.

Our friendship was strained after the wedding, and I haven't spoken to her in close to 15 years now. I don't know what the moral of all this is, except to say that if I ever met a group of people as cheap as this family, I wouldn't put myself in a position to be taken advantage of.

When I got married, I had two attendants--my sister and my husband's sister. I had a couple of cousins and some friends who I could have asked to be in my bridal party since I was in theirs, but I decided to keep my wedding simple, and that's a decision I've never regretted. I hate to say this, but I think things like weddings and baby Christenings should kept inside the family. Friends come and go, but your family is always your blood.