Bridal shower - gift opening

[Boopuff]

I almost think showers should just go away. So many couples have established households (some owning homes) and in days of old, most never lived together so the point of the shower was to get them going on their new "nest". I've been invited to showers for long-attached couples. They still registered, but it was for money. Money for the honeymoon, money for the house, money for whatever. Talk about gift grab.

 

[AnnaS]

The only way I can kind of guess who hosted is by who you send your RSVP to but even then it was most likely a group effort and that person is taking care of the RSVPs.

Showers can get pricey and it is a lot for one person to host. I don't think I have ever been to a shower that was hosted by only one person. It has always been a group effort.

I think it's wonderful we all have different and our own experiences

 

[ronandannette]

Sincere question for those that are accustomed to the 4-figure bridal showers. Is the expectation for gifts what I would consider a shower gift - towels, bedding, kitchen gadgets, small appliances, etc. or would people be bringing bigger gifts or significant amounts of cash?

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Sincere question for those that are accustomed to the 4-figure bridal showers. Is the expectation for gifts what I would consider a shower gift - towels, bedding, kitchen gadgets, small appliances, etc. or would people be bringing bigger gifts or significant amounts of cash?

I'll jump in since I don't mind donning a flame suit. In MY experience those types are gifts are absolutely expected, appropriate, and appreciated for a shower. Everything you mentioned is exactly what is expected in my experience to be gifted. People go in together on more expensive place settings, silverware, formal glassware, etc, but most of that is going away and people don't register for it that much anymore.

Cash is expected here for the actual wedding. I've been to out of state weddings with physical gifts but, locally nothing other than an envelope. There literally wouldn't be a place to put a physical present at a wedding.

I know there has been a shift somewhat in feelings about wedding showers. I still feel like a lot of people have cobbled together household items from college and roommate situations etc so setting up a house can still be a real thing. I explicitly chose not to have a shower for my second wedding because we had lived together awhile and I felt like it would be a gift grab (second wedding for both of us). I just didn't feel comfortable with it. To be honest, even in that situation some new bath or kitchen towels, etc would have been nice to receive but I felt like it would have been too much on people.

 

[kymom99]

Back in the day according to Dear Abby types it was considered very bad etiquette for MOBs to host showers - it was looked on as a gift grab for your own child. That's what I was taught.

Same

 

[Lsdolphin]

Recent bridal shower I attended there were about 30 guests and the gifts were not opened. this does appear to be a trend now not opening the gifts.

 

[Lsdolphin]

Recent bridal shower I attended there were about 30 guests and the gifts were not opened. this does appear to be a trend now not opening the gifts. But gifts are definitely still opened at baby shower.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I almost think showers should just go away. So many couples have established households (some owning homes) and in days of old, most never lived together so the point of the shower was to get them going on their new "nest". I've been invited to showers for long-attached couples. They still registered, but it was for money. Money for the honeymoon, money for the house, money for whatever. Talk about gift grab.

This is a big reason why I was never comfortable to do a shower. My husband and I were together 17 years before we got married. Our home was well established by that point and I wouldn’t have felt comfortable asking for gifts. (Not that I would ever feel comfortable *asking* for gifts.) Honestly, it might have been nice to get that boost of free home goods so we weren’t still using cheap plastic serving spoons at the age of 35, but alas…. Really, the thing we could most use at that age was cash, but like you said, we weren’t trying to be tacky. As for baby showers, well, that also happened far enough into adulthood that we felt we should be funding our own kids.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'll jump in since I don't mind donning a flame suit. In MY experience those types are gifts are absolutely expected, appropriate, and appreciated for a shower. Everything you mentioned is exactly what is expected in my experience to be gifted. People go in together on more expensive place settings, silverware, formal glassware, etc, but most of that is going away and people don't register for it that much anymore.

Cash is expected here for the actual wedding. I've been to out of state weddings with physical gifts but, locally nothing other than an envelope. There literally wouldn't be a place to put a physical present at a wedding.

I know there has been a shift somewhat in feelings about wedding showers. I still feel like a lot of people have cobbled together household items from college and roommate situations etc so setting up a house can still be a real thing. I explicitly chose not to have a shower for my second wedding because we had lived together awhile and I felt like it would be a gift grab (second wedding for both of us). I just didn't feel comfortable with it. To be honest, even in that situation some new bath or kitchen towels, etc would have been nice to receive but I felt like it would have been too much on people.

I agree, cash is never a thing at showers, gifts are never a thing at weddings. I lived on my own fir 5 years before getting married, my husband had roommates. Our apartments were furnished with dead aunt, garage sale and curb findings, it was nice to have a shower and get new things in good condition. Anything goes for shower gifts, regardless of the cost of the shower. Towels are
always appreciated.

 

[ronandannette]

This is a big reason why I was never comfortable to do a shower. My husband and I were together 17 years before we got married. Our home was well established by that point and I wouldn’t have felt comfortable asking for gifts. (Not that I would ever feel comfortable *asking* for gifts.) Honestly, it might have been nice to get that boost of free home goods so we weren’t still using cheap plastic serving spoons at the age of 35, but alas…. Really, the thing we could most use at that age was cash, but like you said, we weren’t trying to be tacky. As for baby showers, well, that also happened far enough into adulthood that we felt we should be funding our own kids.

I was an “older bride”; 29 was ancient at the time and DH was even older. We’d both had our own households well established and actually had to get rid of quit a bit of decent stuff when we merged into our first home. I didn’t need the typical things and so I didn’t have a traditional shower either. Thinking back, a few bucks would have been nice though.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Did you say "thousands" ?!? For a shower? I'm fainting...

I've been a maid of honor twice and hosted showers both times. I spent maybe a couple hundred on the showers. Where I live, bridal showers are generally about 2 PM and are chicken salad sandwiches/fruit salad/veggies and dip/etc and then cake. At one of the showers, we did a few games, so I bought a couple things from Bath and Body Works to be the prizes for the games. I hosted the showers at my Mom's house both times. VERY low key and inexpensive.

Until I read this thread, I had no idea showers were sometimes multi-course meals in nice restaurants.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I've been a maid of honor twice and hosted showers both times. I spent maybe a couple hundred on the showers. Where I live, bridal showers are generally about 2 PM and are chicken salad sandwiches/fruit salad/veggies and dip/etc and then cake. At one of the showers, we did a few games, so I bought a couple things from Bath and Body Works to be the prizes for the games. I hosted the showers at my Mom's house both times. VERY low key and inexpensive.

Until I read this thread, I had no idea showers were sometimes multi-course meals in nice restaurants.

This exactly! I have been bridesmaid 5 times.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I agree, cash is never a thing at showers, gifts are never a thing at weddings. I lived on my own fir 5 years before getting married, my husband had roommates. Our apartments were furnished with dead aunt, garage sale and curb findings, it was nice to have a shower and get new things in good condition. Anything goes for shower gifts, regardless of the cost of the shower. Towels are
always appreciated.

I’ve gotten some bridal shower invites with a “cutesy” message basically saying they prefer cash. This was all from people who lived together before marriage so they don’t need anything for a new home. Those showers end up being mostly gift cards, cash and lingerie type gifts. I actually just went to one of these a few weeks ago. It was completely unnecessary IMO.

I love me a good party. A reason to get together and eat, drink and be merry and I’m there. I still go, take a gift and have a good time but even I think some bridal showers are a bit much and not needed for most brides. I have been seeing more brides not doing a bridal shower since they have everything they need.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Sincere question for those that are accustomed to the 4-figure bridal showers. Is the expectation for gifts what I would consider a shower gift - towels, bedding, kitchen gadgets, small appliances, etc. or would people be bringing bigger gifts or significant amounts of cash?

It's the same old stuff. Gifts at showers, cash at weddings here. I live in NJ, land of the $$$$$$ Weddings. It's common to register for a very wide variety of things, cheap all the way up to and including expensive items because a lot of families will go in together on gifts to get those expensive purchases out of the way in a reasonable way - lol So I have a family shower coming up, my MIL, SIL and I are going in together on one bigger gift. We are spending the same amount we normally would but just getting a nicer gift and only bringing one box LOL If it was not a family shower I'd just spend my budget on a smaller gift by myself.