Boys and Public Restrooms

[Momvic5]

This morning my children and I went into Kohls to return a few things and to shop for my Grandmother's birthday this weekend. While shopping, my youngest DS6 had to go to the bathroom. No big deal, I walk into the ladies bathroom with him and proceed to let him go when a woman stops me and states that he is too old to be going into the ladies bathroom. I looked at her with shock and then replied, "Thank you for your concern but he is only 6 and I feel that it is in his best interest that he come with me. He is too young to recognize danger and act accordingly so until then he will go into to ladies bathroom with me. He is not allowed to wonder in the store alone, so why would I allow him out of my sight in the men's bathroom." She just stared at me blankly and turned to walk out but as she was leaving she stated that he had to grow up sometimes.

I was just wandering at age do you let your sons begin going into the men's bathroom alone or leave them outside the door alone while you go into the ladies bathroom. I have an older son too who just turned 12, and I think I started letting him go into the men's bathroom alone in public places when he turned 8. Even then though, I still stand near the door and give him a certain amount of time to go. I know I tend to be very cautious, but of all the places I want my sons to be alone with strangers, the men's bathroom is by far the last place on my list. I guess I never thought of someone else not agreeing. I was never approached or reprimanded with my oldest son on the issue. I guess because he is my son, I still see him as vunerable while others see him as an older kid capable of going into the men's bathroom on his own. Just wondering what the rest of you moms of Disney boys think.

 

[kmccartney]

As a mom of a teenage son, I absolutely agree, 6 is too young to be left to use the men's room alone. It is a shame that today we need to worry about what will happen to our sons in the men's room, however bad things do in fact happen. And, yes, once I started letting my son use the men's room alone I was a mom that also stood next to the door... once when he took too long and I couldn't hear him when I called in to him I did walk right in to the men's room to make sure he was okay. None of the men in there seemed to mind once they realized I was checking on my son. My advice, just ignore the comment from that woman!

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

I don't have boys but I personally don't understand what the big deal is with little boys being with their moms in the women's room . Women's rooms have STALLS...it's not like they are seeing things! Now the reverse is a far bigger issue for me and one that my poor hubby has to deal with all the time (having to cover DD's eyes and bring her into the men's room...and hope to god that the stalls actually have doors).

 

[bookgirl]

My nephews started going in the mens 100% around 7 (they would have started going in there 100% at 5 but I nixed that idea, but at 5 I would let them go in to single bathrooms or uncrowded bathrooms by themselves with me near) but at almost 9 I still stand near the door. I've been known to yell in if they fool around too long, so they always hurry.

 

[gibsontrio]

I think you handled it perfectly!! I have a 5 yr old and I would not let him go by himself. I think until he is old enough to understand what type of danger he may face in that bathroom along he should stay with you. ( for example: child molestors, kidnappers) I'll give the woman the benefit of the doubt and figure she was older and I guess more traditional, perhaps she forgets what its like to have children. Good for you though keeping your cool and stating your piece

 

[Wildflowerz]

I totally agree with you. I'm not sure what that age is...the one that's right. They were just talking about it on the radio the other day. I don't know how factually true it is, but someone called it and said that legally, they could go into the bathroom of the opposite sex until they were 5. That just still seems WAY too early for me.

 

[tink20]

My son is also 6 and he goes in the women's restroom with me. I don't know when I would let him go alone in the men's room. I wonder about that myself. He'll go with my husband, when he is w/us. I would just ignore people like that woman, I mean there are stalls in the restroom, it isn't like her privacy is being invaded. Some people just like to state their opinions to total strangers. If there weren't so many sickos in the world, we could let our children do a little more without us being right there; but I'm not ready to take that chance with my baby!

 

[bartleby1]

My DS is almost 6 and I definitely would not let him go into a men's room by himself. Not sure when I will, but definitely not now.

Ignore her comment. I'd rather keep kids safe and listen to a few nasty comments than chance something terrible happening.

ETA: I don't let my 8yr old daughter go to the ladies room by herself either. Maybe I'm overprotective, but you just never know. If she had a sister old enough to go with her then maybe (her sister is only 3). But not by herself.

 

[katiesmom2]

My son is only 3, so I don't have firsthand experience, but I will tell you that he will NOT be going into the men's bathroom alone at 6.

You have every right to have him accompany you in the ladies washroom. That woman is just crazy - what is she afraid of? Does she think he is peeking under the doors to see naked women? What exactly is he going to SEE in there? Some women washing their hands? Good grief!

 

[wildfan1473]

Just ignore her, and the others like her. You handled the situation perfectly . I take both DS6 and DS3 with me all the time. DS6 has mental health issues that looking at him you would never know about, and his safety and vulnerability are extremely concerning to me.

 

[patti_jim_peanut]

I don't have a son, just a DD5 so far, so I don't know about boys and all that. But, I would be just like you...lol

I don't even let my daughter go into the ladies room by herself yet...probably won't for the next couple years at least

There are WAY too many creeps out there for me to care whether a couple people who don't remember how much a mother worries about her child's welfare, get offended. It's not like the woman had to watch him pee! It's better than making him wait outside and having an accident that she would probably complain about as well.

You dealt with her very well and did much better than I would have. I would not have been so calm

 

[abcboys]

I certainly don't think 6 is too old. My 9 year old has been going into the men's room since he was about 7. My 6 year old sometimes goes with me, sometimes goes in the men's. It really just depends where we are at. I'm more lenient than some. I've heard of some moms making their 10 year old go in the ladies room with them. My oldest wouldn't be caught dead going in the ladies room

 

[stopher1]

While it may be true that the boys have to "grow up sometime" - I think that your response to this lady was perfect. As a father of 2 boys and a girl - I understand fully what you are saying. My DS12 didn't start going into the men's room on his own when out somewhere with just DW until he was about 9, and my DS9 is just starting to do so. Even now, if I'm there, I will typically go into the M'sR with my DS9 and just stand there near the door. It's a sad reality, but you just can't trust people to have the same values that you do - especially where your kids are concerned. Both of my boys are in the Boy Scout program (one is a BS and one is a Cub Scout), and believe me - Youth Protection is a BIG part of the program. I applaud the ladies that have posted about this with their concern for their sons - after all, if you aren't concerned, who will be? There definitely are good samaritans out there, but too many times people are just "too busy" to pay attention to what's going on around them. I don't believe it's being overprotective, either.

I haven't personally been on the receiving end of looks from guys when I have to bring my DD in with me, but that time will come I'm sure. At 4 she hasn't really viewed anything that she shouldn't yet, but you never know when that might happen, so I always pray she won't have to go when we're out and about without her mother!

 

[delmar411]

I personally think 6 is about the limit and I do believe we need our children to learn basic acceptable public behaviors starting at school age. Not sure the genders/ages of your other children but if it was just myself and my 6yr old DS, we'd be heading into the mens room. I'd give it a quick look-see and if it was empty he'd go in and do his thing and if not then WE would go in and he'd do his thing. My oldest DD (10) has been using public toilets on her own since she was 3. She now takes her 4.5yr old sister with her if they have to go. Obviously as a rule the women's room is 'safer' but still. I'm not looking forward to visiting a bunch of mens rooms but I'll do what I have to to teach my sons how to behave /be aware/etc in a public mens room, I'm lucky in the fact that they will have a built in buddy system since they are only 16mths apart.

I do love those new family bathrooms though. Everyone piles in and takes a turn and I never have to take my eyes of them!

 

[thegrimdwarf]

You were way more polite and explanatory to that woman than I would have been, lol. And yes, when my boy is 6, he'll be heading into the Ladies' with me. Like another poster said, I don't know what the magic age will be when he flies solo in the men's room, but I'm sure it will be well after he's 6.

 

[TDISFAMILY]

I have a DS3 and I dread the thought of haveing him use a Mens room by himself. I don't like it when he goes to use a public restroom with his DD now. I can't say at what age I think is appropriate to go by himself but I think it will not be a 6. It would depend on his maturity and abilty to fully understand of what isn't appropriate behavior. Also would depend on what the bathroom is like at a sporting event in a stadium where they may be alot of drinking going on I can't picture myself letting him in that type of atmoshere at age 9 by himself. Way to go on how you handled that women

 

[cinjam]

You were totally right. Ignore what other people have to say. As PPs said, I don't know when the magic age is either; I think it would vary by child. My son turned 7 in February & has been saying that he's too big to go into the women's room - and, to date, for me it's been on a case by case basis.

For example last night we took the kids to dinner at a local pizza place. It was deserted. DS7 said he had to go. I took him back (DH was being lazy) to the restrooms and stood outside the men's room door while he went.

But, last month we were at a hockey game at a BIG arena. TONS of people & multiple entrances/exits to the bathrooms. He went in the ladies room with me. No way was I letting him go in that men's room alone. He wasn’t thrilled but he acquiesced to my wishes. Again, for me, it just depends on the child & the situation.

 

[DevilDuckie]

I totally agree with you. I'm not sure what that age is...the one that's right. They were just talking about it on the radio the other day. I don't know how factually true it is, but someone called it and said that legally, they could go into the bathroom of the opposite sex until they were 5. That just still seems WAY too early for me.

Our son was 7 or 8 when my husband determined that I really had to let him use the men's room. I hovered outside the door a lot. As for what to do when he's too little to stay alone but getting too old for the ladies room when mommy has to go... that's tough. I did a lot of holding it! Not always useful, but it was often enough until I got to a store with either a family bathroom or a ladies room with a "lounge" area. If we HAD to go into a regular ladies room I generally had him go into another stall and shut the door until I was done.

 

[ERMama]

Im agree with cinjam, it really depends on the place. My oldest is 7 but looks/acts about 5. He gets special ed services in school and often needs reminders and redirection but recently has matured alot. I will sometimes let him go into the mens room alone.

IF I take him in with me to the ladies room, I do glance in first. I know sometimes women will change in the open or try to fix a skirt/bra/etc without being in a stall. I also make sure "the coast is clear" on his way out.

There recently was a huge discussion on my local moms forum about bringing boys 5 and older into womens locker rooms at local gym/healthclubs. Now allowing that age of boy to see strange women naked is NOT acceptable.

But honestly, the risk of seeing someone even remotely indecent in a public BATHROOM is very low. Hes in a stall peeing or pooping just like everyone else, he washes his hands and gets out as fast as we can.

 

[CampbellScot]

If we are all out together and my step son (who is 6) has to potty, he goes with Daddy. But if it's just me and the munchkins he goes into the women's bathroom with me. It's not that big of a deal and I don't know what that woman was huffing about. Women's bathrooms have stalls with doors. It's not like she can tell the difference in who's going wee...know what I mean? A lot of places have family bathrooms now, so that father's with daughters and vice versa can go potty without having to go in alone.

I think it depends on the maturity of the boy.

Seriously, if you think about it...allowing a child...even a child who is 7 or 8, into a men's bathroom alone is a pretty big decision...he is being exposed to men who are...well exposed and exposing himself. Not that there is anything sinister going on, but it sure does remove a barrier of protection. You need to be very aware of the maturity of your child before you let him into a men's bathroom by himself. My step son has ZERO awareness of his own body and what he is doing with it. It would not occur to him to protect his privacy,or the privacy of others.

Don't let the woman at Kohl's bug you. You didn't do anything to get into a twist about!