Books for DD9 - social/confidence issues

[Merriwind]

Hi all- (long, sorry)

My wonderful DD9 is going through a bit of a rough spell. She is second guessing everything she does, coming to me several times a day for confessionals. Some things that happened that day, others from years ago. Most are no big deal at all. Some are downright funny (she forgot to put on underwear going out to dinner one day that she was 6). Others are struggles with social issues--playing oneupmanship, what to do when kids say not nice things about others, or kids say not nice things to her, what is a white lie, etc.

I am sad that she is so worried about these things, but very happy that she is coming to talk to me about things that are on her mind. I've been telling DD how proud I am that she comes to me when something bothers her and that it gives us the chance to talk about things. This makes her happy. Some items have been teachable moments--the oneupmanship, for tonight's example.

I just don't like how troubled she is. She had stopped biting her nails for a few weeks, now she's back to it. She cries for every "confessional." She just started theater camp (with no one she knows) last week after three weeks with just me or DH and me and I'm thinking that the social issue is stressing her. She is less adept with kids than many her age. (Only child, born in a VERY rural setting to older parents and an older nanny, small Montessori preschool, homeschooled through 1st grade, now in a magnet school.) She's a little introverted, very sensitive and definitely more comfortable around adults than kids. She is 110% a perfectionist and this is very hard for her.

Anyway, she says that she appreciates the life lessons these teaching moments have provided, but asked if I had any books that could help her. I'm sure that there's lots of great fiction for girls with these sorts of social lessons in them, but I'm drawing a blank and I can't ask her guidance counselor until August. If anyone can recommend some good books that demonstrated to their girls some good social lessons and/or helped boost their social confidence, I would really appreciate it.

Sorry so long, but I wanted to give enough info. TIA!!

 

[mommytobug]

She sounds so much like my dd8. DD worries a lot, and does not understand the things kids say or why..........and gets frustrated easliy when kids will not do their school work, etc. Anyway, I bought her the American Girls book on feelings. I have looked over it a few times and it really has helped her some. She writes about how she feels about certain situations and it gives some really good suggestions. American Girl has quite a lot of good books. I also think my dd is hormonal at times. She has begun puberty already. Sad to see a girl playing with dolls already dealing with some of this. I also encourage her to come to us.........and she does............no matter what she is feeling or needs to say! HTH

 

[MeetMrsMasters]

If you go into a Barnes and Nobles bookstore (the only one I am certain about) The American Girls series has books that deal with social issues and self confidence problems. My fiance's daughter is 8 and she recently has started with the same kinds of conversations and I remember seeing them earlier in the year and stored the books away for when she might need them as a pre-teen in a few years! I sure was off on guessing what age girls start having this dramas these days. I wish I could help you with titles but from what I saw when I looked through them, they really looked great. Good luck with your daughter!

 

[tink_about_it]

Yes,yes! Search Ebay or Amazon for The American Girl Series! I bought them for my DD when she was the same age!!! They are fabulous!

....http://www.amazon.com/Keeping-Friends-American-Library-Middleton/dp/1562474820

...http://www.amazon.com/Feelings-Book-Keeping-Emotions-American/dp/1584855282/ref=pd_sim_b_1_img/104-6289687-5725501

...http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Girls-Guide-Friendship-Troubles/dp/1584857110/ref=pd_sim_b_2_img/104-6289687-5725501

.....http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-...476661/ref=pd_sim_b_2_img/104-6289687-5725501


These are just 4 of the many books that AG offers! The links to these have more when you click on them.Goodluck!

 

[ldo]

I read these when I was a pre-teen, and now at 40, I saw that my DD10 had one from the library---I recall that they dealt with social stuff like this.
Another idea is to find an older girl who can befriend your DD. Finding small groups that share her interests is great as well. Girl Scouts is another way to develop confidence. I highly recommend GS for this age group.
You are a great Mom to recognize her struggles (which every girl this age has to some extent) and I'm sure she know that. Best wishes.

 

[jenrein]

There are also some really good websites that talk about girls feelings while growing up. I would suggest though that maybe she talks to a counselor? MY daughter saw a great childrens counselor after a childhood incident and I wouldnt hesitate to send her back with social anxiety.

 

[Keara'sMom]

Here's another vote for the American Girl Feelings Book. I have an only dd as well (mine is 10), and we're older parents, too. My dd is VERY social (almost too much so) but also worries and doesn't quite get why others keep teasing when it obviously upsets the one being teased. She also tends to react very emotionally to everything. I gave her the feelings book to look at, and she turned immediately to the section on worry (I sneaked a peak over her shoulder ). I'm hoping that the theatre camp helps your dd, although I bet it's a little stressful here at first since she doesn't know anyone. My dd loves theatre--I think it helps her act out her feelings some.

Have you talked with anyone at your public library about fiction book possibilities? Also, sometimes large bookstores have folks in the Children's Section who are knowledgable and helpful...I think it's wonderful that your dd talks to you--she's lucky to have such a responsive mom!

 

[Merriwind]

Thanks all. I will definitely look into the AG books. I actually looked them up on Amazon and they seem promising. I'll swing by the bookstore tomorrow.

For fiction, we live in SW FL, retirement capital of the world. We don't even have a permanent children's librarian, but it can't hurt to ask. I checked her school website, but no recommendations. Maybe another elem school...

I thought about counseling, but would like her to talk to her guidance counselor first. We both really like her and DD knows her as her third grade teacher sent girls there pretty routinely if someone was crying or there was a disagreement.

We had another tearful morning, but she's doing better now. She's off to theatre camp in a few minutes. I won't see her until later today, but told her that I was sure that she's going to have a good day and I put a love note in her snack.

Thanks again for the ideas and the support.

 

[Mkrop]

Can you schedule some playdates with girls from school or from theater camp? Is there anyone at camp that she has clicked with, maybe this child could come over after and spend few hours. I think things like that always help kids become more social, sometime one on one is better!

Good luck!

 

[StephMK]

The AG books are great. I second the Scouts idea, it's a great way to make a group of friends quickly. They usually do a mix of small & big group activities so she'll get to know other girls quickly. When we moved, I found my DDs troops before we got here so they could get started right away.

There is a series called Here Come the Brownies. I have no idea if they are still made but I bought some secondhand a few years back. They list for ages 6-9 but seem to address some of the issues you mentioned. Being the new kid, feeling left out, friend issues,etc. Cute books.

How about getting her a journal so she can write it out along w/telling you. My DD started getting hormonal at 9 too so could be a combo of issues.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I have two girls close in age to your daughter. Mine are 8 and 12. It's a tough age for girls. They start to doubt themselves and become more aware of the opinions of everyone around them.

I add my recommendation to the others for the American Girl books. Also, keep an eye out to make sure she is not being bullied by any of her "friends." Sometimes bullies make girls feel bad about themselves.

 

[Keara'sMom]

Just wanted to let you know that I asked my dd10 for some fiction suggestions, and she's thinking about it! With any luck she'll come up with some ideas for you! Hope things are better today!

 

[Merriwind]

Thanks again to all. DD is paging through an assortment of AG books I brought home today. She has picked two keepers and has four more to go.

For fiction, I asked my Dmom, who used to teach MS English. She couldn't help and thought that today's kids deal with different issues from when she was teaching anyway. She's probably right. I'm going to stop by school Friday and a bigger library and see if I can get some ideas there.

On a happy note, Dmom got the WHOLE story, all the concerns that have come home. She thinks DD is handling the situations great. I agree, but know that she's not feeling confident in these situations. So, we forge ahead...

Thanks again and I would love to hear anymore ideas people have.

 

[Keara'sMom]

My dd came home from school yesterday (yes, we're still in school--today's the last day!) with a suggested summer reading list, and there were a couple of possibilities on that list. We haven't read them, but they sounded potentially promising for you. Here goes...

*Coraline by Neil Gaiman
*Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Cleary
*A Friendship for Today by Patricia McKissack
*Stuart's Cape by Sara Pennypacker
*Vive La Paris by Esme Raji Codell

These books apparently have children as protangonists, and they all are going through something that they have to overcome. Dear Mr. Henshaw and Stuart's Cape have boys as the main characters, but they're dealing with worries and friendships. Vive La Paris looks particularly promising, although again, I haven't read any of these, and neither has my dd. She did just recently read Ida B. by Katherine Hannigan (about a homeschooled girl who makes the transition to school grudgingly) and recommends it. If you get any other good fiction suggestions, I'd love to hear them!!!

Hope all continues to go well. How's the theatre class?