"birds and bees" talk with cognitively delayed dd

[forr2grls]

Ok,so I have twin 8yr old girls.Time for "the talk". How do I explain sex and mentrual cycle to cognitively delayed dd?? Help!!

Paula

 

[Pomlover2586]

At 8??? I think you can hold off on that talk for at least another 2 years.......especially if their cognitively delayed. I work with elementary kids and I can tell you that not even half of the 5th graders know about the birds and the bees.........

 

[BeckyScott]

I don't know how helpful this will be...

I am somewhat addicted to watching "A Baby Story" on TLC. Both of my boys have seen parts of it enough, that they are getting the concept of childbirth. Pretty much they are horrified. Which frankly right now is okay.

There was also some special on Discovery Channel (? maybe) that was really cool where they did the whole fetal development using some fancy camera, it was probably 2 hours long. It was purely scientific stuff, but my son was so into it, we let him stay up late.

Neither of them deals with the menstrual cycle, and certainly not a substitute for parental discussion. But even I thought the Discovery Channel show was pretty neat.

My oldest accidentally walked in on me in the bathroom while I was dealing with pads, I tried to explain, his first thought was that I was hurt, something wrong with me. I would think from a kid's perspective, that would be a pretty normal reaction. What he knows, and he's a boy so I'm not having to explain so much how to deal with periods, more just explaining what they are... is just that it's a normal thing that happens when girls grow up. I tried to go into more detail about, you know, the egg blah blah blah, but I could tell he was zoning out on me so I shut up.

I think if I were in your shoes, for now I would let them know that if they do start their period, what it looks like and that it's okay and to tell a grown-up and that it might make them feel grumpy or crampy and they can talk to you and you'll help. Girls are starting earlier and earlier, and if yours are physically developing, it might happen in 4th or 5th grade. And I would give them the spiel about not letting anyone touch them etc. And then I'd wait a while before delving further.

I wonder if they still make those little "kits". I remember I got one of those "back in the day". You might ask the school nurse if she has any booklets or anything, you might feel more comfortable if it's something scripted.

 

[WildGrits]

I personally feel that Where do babies come from and the puberty talk are to different conversations.

If you go to Barnes and Nobles', they have a great section on these books.

One of my personal favs is The Care And Keeping of ME. It is part of the American Girl series. This is a book on changes due to puberty. Eight is a perfect time to start this talk. With girls starting menses at 8 or 9? There is time too early to start.This book has no talk of S-E-X in it. It is souly about puberty for girls.

A book I bought for my girls when they where in K was What's the Big Secret?

I also have, from my college days, the Anatomy Coloring Book. Anything I can't describe, I say, "go get my coloring book". All body parts are in there. From pores on your face to the nerves that are in your feet.

 

[WildGrits]

At 8??? I think you can hold off on that talk for at least another 2 years.......especially if their cognitively delayed. I work with elementary kids and I can tell you that not even half of the 5th graders know about the birds and the bees.........

I don't mean to disrespect your opinion, but I find it quite scary that a class of 10 and 11 year olds don't know this information.

Knowledge is power. And if we are to raise women of power, then withholding information is not the key.

Childern with learning delays many time are targets of predators. These children need more reinforcement than any about personal space and the workings of their own bodies. Without this information how are they to understand why something is good touch as oppose to bad touch.

To err on the side of caution is to educate. Never to wait for a better time.

I am very sorry if I hurt your feelings. This is a topic I have VERY strong feeling about. As you can see by my avatar, girl power is my life. GS isn't just about making a bird feeder out of a pinecone.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

If the Wonders of Life Pavilion were still open, I would suggest a trip to see "The Making of Me". I loved the way everything was explained. It discussed everything except how a man and woman got so close that their s and egg met, thus leaving that for a later time. I would probably ask them what they know first and go slow. It's too much info for any child, esp. one (ok two ) only 8 years old and with a cognitive delay. I would mention any pregnant women you know or have seen. See if they've noticed that only women can have babies. I'd explain that it is a very special gift that makes girls different from boys and part of that gift is that boys and girls bodies are different and that they grow up to be different. You can discuss facial hair, breasts, etc. and leave genitalia for another day, if you prefer. (I like making a few talks, rather than one) I would talk to them about their bodies changing into women's bodies one day soon. (Bras, hips, etc.) I'd mention that all of this is the body's way of preparing itself to hold and feed a child. I would tell ask them if they've seen commercials for pads and tampons, also. I'd tell them that other than parts on the outside, bodies change on the inside, too. There is a small room inside each woman where a baby can grow. When a girl grows up, her body begins to prepare itself inside by growing cells to make the walls of this room soft, cushy and full of nutrition for the growing baby. The walls fill up with blood. Once a month if the room doesn't have a child in it, the blood gets washed away and replaced with new, fresh blood. This is part of the miracle of life, but it is also something extra for women to deal with. Then I'd emphasize keeping clean, not being scared when you see blood, etc. Again, this is about as far as I'd go the first talk. I'd discuss genitals and the babymaking process itself at a later date once they've had a chance to absorb this stuff. Lots of luck! Check out some books and movies first, just to prepare yourself. Then decide which ones to share.

 

[freckles and boo]

This is a timely topic for me. I have a friend whose baby is due August 2 and my daughter with HFA is beyond fascinated and wants to know how the baby will get out of the belly. She is only five, so I have been vaguely saying "Oh, the baby will come out through the birth canal", but unfortunately she thinks that is the belly button. I REALLY don't want to use the V word because she is also fascinated by her own anatomy. She knows the real names of all her body parts and I don't want her thinking a baby will come out of her own!!! To complicate things, my friend will be having a C-Section so I could just say that they will make a cut and take the baby out, but I also don't want her to try to cut herself. I want to answer her truthfully but I don't always know how much she "gets".

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

This is a timely topic for me. I have a friend whose baby is due August 2 and my daughter with HFA is beyond fascinated and wants to know how the baby will get out of the belly. She is only five, so I have been vaguely saying "Oh, the baby will come out through the birth canal", but unfortunately she thinks that is the belly button. I REALLY don't want to use the V word because she is also fascinated by her own anatomy. She knows the real names of all her body parts and I don't want her thinking a baby will come out of her own!!! To complicate things, my friend will be having a C-Section so I could just say that they will make a cut and take the baby out, but I also don't want her to try to cut herself. I want to answer her truthfully but I don't always know how much she "gets".

When my then 3 yo nephew had questions like these about his baby sister being born, he was told that they had to go to the hospital because there doctors and nurses knew how to get the baby out safely. Would that help?

 

[freckles and boo]

When my then 3 yo nephew had questions like these about his baby sister being born, he was told that they had to go to the hospital because there doctors and nurses knew how to get the baby out safely. Would that help?

Thanks! I will try that. Right now she associates the hospital with her neurologist and getting an EEG, but I have tried to explain that people go there when they have boo boos, too. Next time it comes up (and it will come up again!), I will tell her that doctors help women have their babies at the hospital, too.

A funny side-note... when my brother and his wife had their second child they let my three-year-old niece watch the birth. For three years she told people that her Mommy pooped out her sister!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Thanks! I will try that. Right now she associates the hospital with her neurologist and getting an EEG, but I have tried to explain that people go there when they have boo boos, too. Next time it comes up (and it will come up again!), I will tell her that doctors help women have their babies at the hospital, too.

A funny side-note... when my brother and his wife had their second child they let my three-year-old niece watch the birth. For three years she told people that her Mommy pooped out her sister!

Unbelievable! I told my nephew that doctors and nurses are people who know how bodies work and can help them - with boo boos, have babies, take pictures of their insides, and that since our bodies have so many special things inside, most doctors pick just one part to learn all they can about. So, one doctor will know many, many things about brains and another will know all about how to safely take out the baby.

 

[Momelie]

Let me second the recommendation for the Care and Keeping of ME, the American Girl book! My girls are 9 and 12, and I used it for both of them. They present the material in a very factual, plain English manner, with a positive emphasis on hygiene. Its not too graphic, but it also is realistic and slightly humorous.

Its available not only online, but in any bookstore. Once you find it, browse through the other books near there, but I scoured all of them, and found this to be the best by far.

I think it would be OK for your cognitively impaired DD. A good friend of mine used it for her DS daughter sometime during the 4th or 5th grade - just be prepared for some really strange looks to come your way, LOL!

 

[Linda Bell]

Ok,so I have twin 8yr old girls.Time for "the talk". How do I explain sex and mentrual cycle to cognitively delayed dd?? Help!!

Paula

Been there, done that!

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND these two books:

"What's Happening to Me?" A guide to puberty (Paperback)
by Peter Mayle

Where Did I Come From? (Paperback)
by Peter Mayle

Both available on Amazon. Can't say enough nice things about these books. Liberal doses of good humor and cartoons.

Nothing heavy or "gross".

Linda

 

[coolkidhann95]

About telling her about the birds and the bees. Tell her when she wants to know. I'm going to be 12 in a week and I still dont know.

I also third Care and keeping of me.