Big Wedding Debacle

[schoen]

Hey all. I frequent this board, but rarely post! I have a big wedding related problem... My sister is getting married on November 29th. I am maid/matron of honor. I am married, and have been with DH for 12 years. Well, our good friend, who stood up in our wedding is planning a very last minute wedding (for the peace corp.. so he can be stationed with his wife). Well he calls DH yesterday and asks him to stand up for him. He of course said yes, but then our friend says that he is getting married in Houston (we're in MI), and that his wedding is the same day as my sister.

We are so torn. This is a VERY special day for my family, and I can't imagine DH not being in the family pictures, etc...

On the other hand, this guy is a very GOOD friend...

To make matters worse airfare is through the roof, and DH would also have to miss my birthday...

I am just sick over this whole issue. Any opinions/advice would be appreciated!

 

[lurkyloo]

Oh no!! What a tough choice!

Well, it seems like the nice thing to do would be to send DH off to his BF's wedding while you go to your sister's wedding. Although it is a drag that DH won't be in Sis' wedding photos, this is probably not as important to her as his being in his BF's wedding photos is to BF (if that makes sense).

Maybe after you all get back, you and DH could do something extra special to belatedly celebrate your birthday. My birthday is around the same time as yours, and because of Thanksgiving, I almost never get to celebrate it on the actual day. So we go to Disneyland the following week instead - and get just as much pixie dust as if it were my actual birthday!

 

[Lynn5700]

Aww man that is tough

What does your husband think?? Personally this is just me but I think family should always come first and so does my DH so he would go to my sisters wedding.

I am sure the friend will understand if your husband does not go.

Sorry

 

[kingLouiethe1]

I agree with Lynn. Especially if this is a big thing your sister has been working on for a long time, and this is a rush job his friends are throwing together. If its such a rush job then maybe its not going to be very large?

And if thats the case is there any way they could change the date of their wedding if its so important for your husband to be there?

 

[schoen]

Thanks for the input. It is just such a difficult situation. My sister's wedding is a BIG deal, to me, her, and our whole family. We are a VERY close family, and I can't imagine him not being there.

Also, my sister was engaged before BF even starting dating his fi... This has been a whirlwind of a relationship... just don't know what to do.

DH wants my opinion, and I certainly have one, I want him with me! But... I can't tell him he can't be in BF's wedding. I am very displeased that I am going to have to miss his wedding. He is my oldest friend.

There just isn't a good answer...

 

[IndyBride]

I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot. I honestly don't know what I would do. I want to say I'd say have fun but... maybe talk to the friend about the situation. If he could change it to even the next day it would be possible for him to be at both. Not easy but possible.

 

[Chilly]

What a difficult situation.

Have you told your friends it's your sisters wedding that day?

 

[schoen]

Have you told your friends it's your sisters wedding that day?

Yeah, he knows. I haven't actually spoken with him yet. this is all fairly new. Thanks to everyone who has responded. I am so annoyed with this situation! There are 52 weekends in a year, and BF had to choose this one!

 

[Donald'sGirl]

I am so sorry about your situation! That is really tough! I honestly don't know what advice to tell you. If they were closer together then you might be able to do both but where they aren't I don't know. I wish you lots of luck on your decsion, sorry I couldn't be more help.

 

[RachaelA]

DF would never miss my sibling's wedding for a friend. My family is his family (and his is mine) and we both agree family comes first.

I'd understand if it was a cousin or something.

Is money tight?

 

[MyMelody]

I am with Lynn on this! Family comes first no matter what. I think DH should speak to his friend and explain the situation if he already knew your sister's wedding was that day I mean he can try to change his date.

 

[mla1977]

Good luck figuring this out. My cousing is getting married this Saturday. She got engaged last month. (not a shotgun wedding, they just didn't want to wait)

DBF has a bachelor party that has been scheduled for months. I know a bachelor party doesn't match up to another wedding, but my cousin JUST decided to do all this. I told him that if he didn't already have plans he would have to go since it is family, but since he had the plans and she just sprung this on everyone, that he is excused.

(I do keep bugging him about going to bachelor parties since he isn't the one getting married)

 

[29apr00]

It's a very difficult decision and I'm sorry you and DH have to make it.

If it were me, i'd tell Dh to go to his BF's wedding. Yes your sister's wedding is a very big deal to your family. But Dh wasn't asked to just attend the wedding, he was asked to stand up in it. And didn't you say BF was going in the peace corp? This could be the last time DH sees his friend for a while, right?? I would want him to be there with his friend. Yes family is important, but so is being best man at your best friends wedding before he travels across the world.

 

[Mermaid_Ariel]

I think family comes first in this case - I think you both should go to your sister's wedding.

 

[schoen]

Thanks again to all the responses. We still don't have a decision. We keep putting it off. I want to talk to my sister (she and my husband are pretty close) and see what she has to say. If she feels very strongly one way or the other than this will be a non issue.

DH just told me that he is leaning towards staying in town for my sister. My sister has asked him to do a few minor things at the wedding (other folks could certainly do it) but he feels like he committed to her already. He also feels like family comes first... and that he has been planning on this for months and months, where as his BF just asked him on Tuesday.

I feel sick over the whole thing. I feel like I will feel guilty if he stays, and I will be somewhat upset, and certainly jealous (I want to go too!) if he does go... Either way I am a bad person!

I read this board all the time, I loved my wedding, but a little part of me will always wish I had done one at Disney. We did Honeymoon there though. I wrote a trip report that I never posted, I should post it over here...

thanks again

 

[Tabetha]

I don't envy your husband, what a pickle!

He did agree to attend your sister's wedding already, and has agreed to help, and he should honor that. Backing out makes his BF's wedding seem 'more important' than your sister's - which I'm sure isn't the message he intends to send, but, that's in the background, you know?

Just my personal opinion.

 

[StitchBride]

Awww, what a tough situation! I would talk to your sister and see what she thinks, otherwise if it were me and it was my husband's best friend, I would probably tell him to go. Of course, then with the cost of travel, he might just say it would be more of a hassle to go.

Good luck deciding!

 

[battricia]

this is a tough situation! But I agree with the people who say family comes first. Especially since you've both known for so long about your sisters wedding and this new wedding just popped up.

 

[disprincessatheart]

That stinks!! My BF didn't make it to our wedding (ok, she gave birth a week before, big deal ) and I hated that, but the bigger deal was that my sister's husband (she was my MOH too) didn't make the wedding. He's a pilot and was in manadatory training that day and flew in that evening for dinner, but missed the ceremony. For 3 months now my mom has been talking about how the family pictures really aren't the whole family like she wanted because he's not it them. I also know my sister would have had more fun if he was there, plus we would have had some extra help with the kids!

 

[BecBennett]

I think because you've both already said that you'd be at your sister's wedding, then that's what you should both go to.
You should also speak to your friend and explain that you're very upset that you're going to have to miss his wedding. You never know, they might have some other small inconvenience about having the wedding on that day, and that you and your hubby not attending might even change their minds about the date.
It might be bluffing slightly, but hey, really you should both be at your sister's wedding.