Bereavement...am I thinking unreasonably?

[DISUNC]

Kelly,

Sorry to hear about your news! How is your DH doing?

Your DH's company is run by idiots! That is just COLD.

Everywhere I ever worked had a minimum of a 3 day paid leave, and if more was ever needed that was always given without any hesitation.

 

[DISUNC]

When dh died, I was not given any paid time off. He passed on a Saturday and I was at work on that Monday. I took two half days and was not paid for the time

 

[Caropooh]

When dh died, I was not given any paid time off. He passed on a Saturday and I was at work on that Monday. I took two half days and was not paid for the time

that is incredibly sad

 

[EMom]

Sorry for your loss.

And yes it stinks that they are threatening him with being written up. He really needs to talk to HR about this. Some supervisors don't know the policy

When dh died, I was not given any paid time off. He passed on a Saturday and I was at work on that Monday. I took two half days and was not paid for the time

That is just plain unfeeling. I'd have been a basket case. It is outrageous that a company won't give at least one lousy day for a funeral of a close relative.

When my mother was dying, my DSis took care of her for 1/2 the week and I took care of her the other half. We had to drive a few hundred miles to get there, and did this for a months. The last few months, I could not take care of my mother AND my toddler without safety being an issue, so DH used up every second of his vacation time to come with me every week. He watched DD so I could take care of my mother.

When she died, they gave him a week off with pay. That's for a MIL. It's a Fortune 500 company with lots of employees, but he was the only person who did HIS job in the world. In fact, it was a "worldwide" job, with monthly deadlines. So it's not as if he was easily replaced. But they had compassion and knew he'd work his butt off on his days at work to make up for his time missed....and he did. At the visitation, we were surprised to see his department sent the most beautiful arrangement there. It meant a lot to us, considering how generous and accomodating they'd already been. It was so thoughtful.

So when I hear of people being expected to come back to work with no time off when spouse dies or getting in trouble at work for taking a day off for a close relative's funeral, it sickens me. If they show a little consideration for their employees, they'll have employees who are far less resentful. Plus, how well can you really do your job a day after your spouse, child or parent has died?

 

[kaw1218]

I hope he's getting good pay, otherwise he should move on to a job and an employer who cares about their employees just a little.

well....for what he does...and our area...it'll be very hard to find a job to replace it.

Sorry for your loss.

And yes it stinks that they are threatening him with being written up. He really needs to talk to HR about this. Some supervisors don't know the policy

When dh died, I was not given any paid time off. He passed on a Saturday and I was at work on that Monday. I took two half days and was not paid for the time

I'm sorry.


I tried calling his HR...he's just going to go to work tomorrow and then take friday as a vacation day.

 

[ZPT1022]

Thanks becky...I already took care of that. My ASM put the Goober in for me already.

I'm so glad that they're working with you.

Sorry for your loss.

And yes it stinks that they are threatening him with being written up. He really needs to talk to HR about this. Some supervisors don't know the policy

When dh died, I was not given any paid time off. He passed on a Saturday and I was at work on that Monday. I took two half days and was not paid for the time

That just makes me sick to my stomach. Seriously, how do they expect people to function after something like that?? I think if something happened to my DH I'd need WEEKS to get over it and be ready to be around people again. I am so sorry that happened to you

 

[angwill]

My DS school was emailing me complaining that his science fair project would be late and he would only get 50% grade when he took two days off school for my brothers funeral. I told the teacher that she would only make herself look bad when he got an F in science and I really didn't care what her stupid rules were my brother passed away and he will be put first. She was not the only teacher who emailed me complaining about the work he was missing. I wonder how they would feel if the principal told them to get back to work in that situation and kept calling them to ask questions in the middle of preparations. Anyway, I don't know what things are coming to when people are expected to work and not deal with important family matters.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Actually there are a lot of companies that don't give bereavement leave. I have always been lucky, and worked for companies that do, but DH hasn't. His old job, gave nothing.

Last year my grandmother died, and my company only paid one day for a grandparent. However I was told to take more if need be, and that I could use vacation time. I needed more because I had to drive home for the funeral. At DH's new job, he could have gotten 3 days, if he had wanted. He only took 1, and only because he was on kid duty, while I was gone.

My husband's job gives 3 days of bereavement leave--officially--and when his grandmother died they told him to e-mail a copy of the obituary to prove his relationship to the deceased. Huh??? What if he wasn't mentioned in the obituary??? Some people have tons of grandchildren and the family can't possibly list all 20 of them in the paper. What if there wasn't an obituary??? Does that mean he's lying??? As it so happens, he was very close to this grandmother and was mentioned by name in the obituary, so it was no problem to send a link to the funeral home's web page.
Well, it turns out that's a formality they have in place to discourage people who have a grandmother die every other month. They figure if they ask for "proof" it will scare the liars out of running their scam. WHO WOULD DO THAT??? Sickening. Dh only took 2 days off, since the funeral was on a Saturday anyway, and was back at work on Monday. When he showed up, his boss asked him why the HELL he was there. He told him to go home and take another day off, and that in the future he should ignore the written policy, as dh has missed only one day of work in 3 years of employment, and that's because they told him to stay home the next day when he didn't feel well at the end of the afternoon. They know he isn't one to miss work for any reason at all, much less a made-up one.

My condolences to the OP and family.

 

[HelenePA]

all your stories are breaking my heart, thankfully dh's job isn't heartless like some of yours when MY grandmother died unexpectly last March they told him to take as much time as he needed to help me get thru it, all paid. they even sent me flowers and a card. I'm sorry for all your heartless places of work.

 

[Cindy B]

Here's a quick question:

Why is the wife handling the HR person for her DH's company?

My DH would tell me that he would handle it--and he would.

 

[Mkrop]

Sorry for your loss.

And yes it stinks that they are threatening him with being written up. He really needs to talk to HR about this. Some supervisors don't know the policy

When dh died, I was not given any paid time off. He passed on a Saturday and I was at work on that Monday. I took two half days and was not paid for the time

That is just so wrong.

 

[BoyLovesBuzz]

This is their policy, but do you know for sure this is what they would do? Many times policy gets trumped by "manager discretion". My employee handbook has a much stricter official policy than I have ever actually been subjected to.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

My Dh's company does not have bereavement pay. He can take time off for deaths in the family, but he has to use vacation/sick time, or take it unpaid.

I am assuming it would be because of the possible abuse of the policy.

I lost two brothers and my dad in a 15 month period. It seemed every time we turned around, someone else was gone. After we got through it, I realized how unbelievable it may have sounded to people. DH had go to work and tell them his wife's borther died. Then, 7 months later, his wife's father died, then, 7 months after that, another brother of his wife's died. He needed time off for all of these deaths. I am sure more than one person rolled their eyes.

 

[RSoxFan]

I work for the government too. I was an intern all through college, and I will never forget the day I signed up as a full-time employee. The payroll person told me "I know you're close to your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. But don't think that when and if they die you get bereavement leave. That's for immediate family only."

Some things just stay with you

 

[kaw1218]

Here's a quick question:

Why is the wife handling the HR person for her DH's company?

My DH would tell me that he would handle it--and he would.

Because I am.

 

[kaw1218]

This is their policy, but do you know for sure this is what they would do? Many times policy gets trumped by "manager discretion". My employee handbook has a much stricter official policy than I have ever actually been subjected to.

Yes they will write him up.

A coworker of his. ~ his wife just lost a baby 7 months into the pregnancy. His managers response when he gave him the write up: You didn't lose the baby, no reason you couldn't be at work.


I HATE his manager ( I used to work for him too...so I KNOW what he's like) but until the economy gets better...he has to stay where he's at.



Oh, and as an update: DH went into work this morning. He'll be home this afternoon. He's using 1 1/2 vacation days for the rest of the week.


Thanks again for the

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

Because I am.

Good answer!

Yes they will write him up.

A coworker of his. ~ his wife just lost a baby 7 months into the pregnancy. His managers response when he gave him the write up: You didn't lose the baby, no reason you couldn't be at work.

That's horrible!

Big hugs to ya'll for the next couple of days!

 

[BoyLovesBuzz]

Yes they will write him up.

A coworker of his. ~ his wife just lost a baby 7 months into the pregnancy. His managers response when he gave him the write up: You didn't lose the baby, no reason you couldn't be at work.


I HATE his manager ( I used to work for him too...so I KNOW what he's like) but until the economy gets better...he has to stay where he's at.



Oh, and as an update: DH went into work this morning. He'll be home this afternoon. He's using 1 1/2 vacation days for the rest of the week.


Thanks again for the

That bites! Good luck with everything.

 

[Todd&Copper]

That is the joy of contract positions.

They don't have to pay the benefits of a regular full time position.

When I worked for a federal government contractor, I was offered paid bereavement leave three times within 7 years, once for DH's paternal grandmother, once for DH's maternal grandmother, and just last summer for DH's maternal grandfather. Up to three days of paid leave each. [I think you can only get three days' bereavement per year total, though, so if your family experienced more than 1 death, I guess you had to do LWOP or vacation time].

 

[barkley]

My husband's job gives 3 days of bereavement leave--officially--and when his grandmother died they told him to e-mail a copy of the obituary to prove his relationship to the deceased. Huh??? What if he wasn't mentioned in the obituary??? Some people have tons of grandchildren and the family can't possibly list all 20 of them in the paper. What if there wasn't an obituary??? Does that mean he's lying??? As it so happens, he was very close to this grandmother and was mentioned by name in the obituary, so it was no problem to send a link to the funeral home's web page.
Well, it turns out that's a formality they have in place to discourage people who have a grandmother die every other month. They figure if they ask for "proof" it will scare the liars out of running their scam. WHO WOULD DO THAT??? Sickening. Dh only took 2 days off, since the funeral was on a Saturday anyway, and was back at work on Monday. When he showed up, his boss asked him why the HELL he was there. He told him to go home and take another day off, and that in the future he should ignore the written policy, as dh has missed only one day of work in 3 years of employment, and that's because they told him to stay home the next day when he didn't feel well at the end of the afternoon. They know he isn't one to miss work for any reason at all, much less a made-up one.

My condolences to the OP and family.

people do it, and the idea of asking for an obit or one of those funeral home programs or cards is intended to discourage abuse of leave policies.

have to share-had a coworker whose realy abused leave. she was always claiming she had to attend to this or that ill relative and it was always on a weekend that they passed she claimed several times she had to attend funerals and her supervisor never followed up on it. the rest of us sups knew it was a scam but you could'nt get it through to that sup who thought this gal was 'mother theresa' for tending to all her sick and elderly family. one day in a managment meeting the supervisor is going on and on about 'poor deb' and how she had to take time off again because her grandma who she was named after was had passed the previous day. i could'nt take it anymore and finaly said 'well on the bright side-the woman's condition had obviously improved significantly in the last 3 months since her LAST funeral was held' the supervisor sputters 'oh no, you're mistaken'-i reply 'nope, i remember seeing the obituary in the newspaper when i was on maternity leave'. then another sup pops up and says 'well, yeah i seem to remember deb being off work to attend a funeral a few months ago but i don't recall who it was for'. quick check of the obit archives in the local paper finds that deb's grandma did pass away 3 months earlier and she took advantage of leave at that point. needless to say deb was greeted by both her supervisor and her supervisor's supervisor upon her return, and the supervisor was put on notice that she HAD to get the appropriate verifications to permit this type of leave for all future requests.