At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

[Pamlur]

Thanks! I'm not into country music or the outdoor type (fishing, boating, hiking, etc) and none of us golf. I've been looking into mini golf though! Mom and I are more shopping, eating, museum stuff. We rotate who picks each year. 2 years ago mom picked Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama for plantations. Last year I picked Disney and this year is dad's year. He's very much a country boy and I knew Branson would be in our future very soon.

Just wanted to jump in here and tell you that Branson has several outlet malls.

My husband and I took our kids, in-law kids and grandchildren on a trip every other year, for several years. We paid everything because we could and wanted to. Now my husband, one child and one in-law child have died, but I have the memories. My daughter and I, and her oldest daughter, go on trips together every once in a while. She could pay but we just spend her inheritance.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Thanks! I'm not into country music or the outdoor type (fishing, boating, hiking, etc) and none of us golf. I've been looking into mini golf though! Mom and I are more shopping, eating, museum stuff. We rotate who picks each year. 2 years ago mom picked Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama for plantations. Last year I picked Disney and this year is dad's year. He's very much a country boy and I knew Branson would be in our future very soon.

Well, there's not much for shopping, just an outlet mall. Plenty to eat, so no issues there. There's a Titanic museum. Never been, but I assume it's like others they have elsewhere.

There's also a lot of non-country shows - magicians, acrobats, comedians, celebrity impersonators, etc . You'll find something

 

[two_cat]

Evening, all! I really should take the time to read back through several more of these posts, but . . . . seeing the "thread" topic, I just wanted to take a few minutes before my husband and I turn in for the evening - and "chime in" here. Our two children are not - quite - "grown" yet - they'll turn 16 in late July. Since we've been DVC Members for about eighteen years, now - we've been planning on & taking them with us to Walt Disney World ever since they were infants (the first time). However, I think that having done so frequently for years has finally "burned (them) out" on Disney. We took them the last time about a year ago, when we purchased Annual Passes again - for the four of us. This last Sunday, my husband and I just returned from a week trip to Walt Disney World in Orlando without them - for the first time in YEARS - because when we asked them about going with us (when we were planning this trip) back in December, neither of them expressed any interest in returning again!! Now, it may not have been TOTALLY due to age - may have just been due to the fact that we've "over exposed" them to it for much of their life. But . . . . that being said, it was REALLY A TREAT for the two of us - as we had not had a chance to go without them for several years. It was nice just to be able to go down there and "tour" the parks/ eat/ relax by the pool on our own schedule - with the exception of the restrictions imposed by HAVING TO pre-plan several of our meals within the parks - if we wanted to actually GET IN TO any of the more popular restaurants, to eat! Not having to be "restricted" to the plans of a group of six or seven. Was nice just to be able to spend the week "away" together, relaxing and "touring" the parks at a leisurely pace!!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I've enjoyed reading all the perspectives on this thread.

For our family, we deal with some of the same issues, compounded by the fact that I have a 21 year old step daughter (that has always lived with us and been a part of our nuclear family full time), a 10 year old daughter, and a 3 year old daughter.

My 21 year old has graduated college and works full time in a professional position. She probably makes more money than I do, and has limited expenses. We're very proud of her.

But, now that I've had my youngest daughter, that bumps our party up to either 5 or 6, depending on if my Mom goes along. My mom accompanies us sometimes and chips in financially, which is nice. This March we went on a trip to WDW and we stayed at Bonnet Creek in a time share, so accommodations worked out. We rented a van, which cost more than a car, of course, but that was a fine expense. I did ask the 21 year old to buy her park admission. I don't know if that was the appropriate thing to do, as she was VERY offended and brought it up several times during the trip. But, I work an additional part time job to pay for our trips. She helps me out at the part time job and gets paid for it. It seemed fair to ask her to use that extra money to pay for her ticket, versus me having to work extra hours to buy hers while she spent her money on make up. I still don't know if it was the right thing to do.

I was pricing Disney Cruises earlier in the year. She's been on two of them with us and her middle sister before the little one was born. I was honestly not planning on including her on that one because the cabin sleeps four. Somebody mentioned something to her about it and she went crazy, just couldn't believe we'd consider going without her, but the difference in including her was over 2k, which she didn't want to pay either. I told her I was just pricing them and just let that ship sail (haha) but it seems a little unfair that the baby won't get the same experiences the oldest got because I can't afford to have another adult in the room.

My family was more traditional so my grandmother and mom always took me until I started dating my husband and had a full time job, at which time my grandmother passed away and my mom and I started going halfsies. I didn't have younger siblings, though, so I don't know how that would have played out. I'm pretty sure my grandmother brought my sister until she was 24 or so.

The fact that she's not my biological child plays a part as well, as I'm pretty sensitive to her feeling not included and don't want these kinds of decisions to add to that.

For now, my solution is to just try to find time share places that will accommodate us all. It will keep us from our favorite vacation accommodations, but it's worth it to keep everyone happy.

This is exactly the type of situation that I find so unfortunate--I really feel for you. What does your husband say about it all?

In my opnion, including adult chidlren on trips if you want to and can afford it is nice and there is nothing wrong with it. BUT I feel it is wrong for adult children to feel they have a right to be included (at no cost to them) or be offended if their younger (especially MUCH younger, as in your case) siblings get to go on a family vacation and they do not.

As you point out, this adult child got to experience Disney trips and Disney cruises while she was growing up. I do not think it is right that her younger siblings would not get to have the same types of experiences in their childhoods in order to accomidate that she gets to be included in everyhting now that she is an adult.

I really cannot understand posters who think it is somehow more fair or right to deny the little ones ever getting these kinds of experiences than to deny the adult child more free trips so that s/he does not feel "left out"

 

[morgan98]

This is exactly the type of situation that I find so unfortunate--I really feel for you. WHat does your husband say about it all?

In my opnion, including adult chidlren on trips if you want to and can afford it is nice and there is nothig nwrong with it. BUT I feel it is wrong for adult children to feel they have a right to be incouded (at no cost to them) or be offended if their younger (especially MUCH younger as in your case) siblings get to go on a family vacation and htey do not.

As you point out, this adult child got to experience Disney trips and Disney cruises while she was growing up. I do not think it is right that her younger siblings would not get to have the same types of experiences in tehir childhoods in order to accomidate that she get to be included in everyhting now that she is an adult.

I really cannot understand posters who think it is somehow more fair or right to deny the little ones ever getting these experiences than to deny the adult child more free trips so that s/he does not feel "left out"

I completely agree with this post. As much as parents may want to, I think that it is nearly impossible to provide a completely equal experience to each child and to continue to include an adult child on vacations every time. The oldest child probably had experiences that the younger one didn't. My brother and I are eight years apart. I went on vacations he did not go on, and he went on vacations without me. That's life.

What I find most surprising is that the some of the adult children still keep score and bring it up to the parents. By the time I was in college (let alone out) I had my own class schedule, summer job in downtown Chicago, friend that did not live in the same area that I wanted to visit on vacations. Heck, it was hard for me to find the time or desire to go with my family. Heck, they went to Italy without me. I have survived and have gone plenty of times on my own since.

If people want to pay for and include adult children, I think that's great. I just don't understand the sense of entitlement on the part of the adult child.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

If people want to pay for and include adult children, I think that's great. I just don't understand the sense of entitlement on the part of the adult child.

Agreed. I couldn't imagine raising an adult that would expect to be paid for. That would be hurtful and angering.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Was nice just to be able to spend the week "away" together, relaxing and "touring" the parks at a leisurely pace!!

Like your kids, ours got burnt out from WDW at about the same age. We have found going somewhere totally different from Disney for family vacations is a win-win for everyone.

DH and I still like doing a long w/end at WDW once in awhile (just the two of us), but we are starting to explore small inns and boutique hotels up the east coast. Totally different vacation from when the entire gang is together, and your word "leisurely" perfectly describes it

 

[Laura66]

We take the kids on vacation! We will probably always invite them to come even when they are out of collage.
This year my oldest graduates from grad school and starts her new job June 1st. Thank goodness her employer said she could take off, no pay of course. Next year she'll be invited - but we expect her to pay - and it would never cross her mind not to. We paid for college and grad school and she's making great money. Next year my son graduates. We will pay for him if he can go. If he starts a job that wont give him time off - we will still travel.

 

[NewRVLady]

Like your kids, ours got burnt out from WDW at about the same age. We have found going somewhere totally different from Disney for family vacations is a win-win for everyone.

DH and I still like doing a long w/end at WDW once in awhile (just the two of us), but we are starting to explore small inns and boutique hotels up the east coast. Totally different vacation from when the entire gang is together, and your word "leisurely" perfectly describes it

My kids stopped doing Disney at 15-16....we did condo at Destin from then on for Family vacation

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

This thread is so interesting. So many different perspectives. I mentioned earlier in the thread that we took family vacations that my sister and I didn't pay for well into our late 20s until we were both out of school and scheduling became a lot harder.

We're now into our 30s and I would still imagine that if we were invited on a family vacation that we would not be expected to pay (it's actually happened a few times). I'm sure we'd both offer, but I think we'd get a "keep you money" in return. By most measures we're pretty grounded young professionals so I don't think our family way of things did any harm. We always had a financial safety net but managed not to grow up thinking money was disposable.

For those of you that expect/need/want your adult children to pay to go on family vacation, do they get a say in the accommodations or budgeting the trip? Or is it you plan and if they want to go they pay x amount?

There's no way even now that I could afford to stay in the same type of accommodations that my mom does (and I'm very picky about hotels) so I'd have to decline every vacation since 18 with my family which makes me incredibly sad to think about.

 

[mummabear]

Speaking as someone whose parents regularly did this with a younger sibling, I can tell you my feelings were incredibly hurt. If it's a family vacation, family goes.

See it is a bit of a loose loose for the parents in some ways, @sunnyday123 you are right that is not fair to miss out on a family vacation but also as the youngest I always felt it was unfair that my older brother got things (familky vacations, presents from Santa etc) for 5 years more than I did since they cut things off at the same time.
OP I would honestly sit down and talk as a family or at least with DS19 about it. at 19 no way would have my parents taken us on vacation-god I had already bought a house by then you really are an adult at that point. Maybe he is welcome to come but has to pay the cost for airfares and tickets?

 

[NHdisneylover]

See it is a bit of a loose loose for the parents in some ways, @sunnyday123 you are right that is not fair to miss out on a family vacation but also as the youngest I always felt it was unfair that my older brother got things (familky vacations, presents from Santa etc) for 5 years more than I did since they cut things off at the same time.
OP I would honestly sit down and talk as a family or at least with DS19 about it. at 19 no way would have my parents taken us on vacation-god I had already bought a house by then you really are an adult at that point. Maybe he is welcome to come but has to pay the cost for airfares and tickets?

The original thread is several years old, and the last post was in May-----it is so easy to miss those dates

 

[mummabear]

The original thread is several years old, and the last post was in May-----it is so easy to miss those dates

Ha-its those tricky boxes down the bottom advertising "new" threads

 

[NHdisneylover]

Ha-its those tricky boxes down the bottom advertising "new" threads

yep--I hate those because they are so tricky!

 

[mjkacmom]

I ignore those bottom boxes.

 

[North of Mouse]

My DH and I are discussing a November trip to WDW, we have 4 children, ages at the time of trip will be 20, 13, 11 and 9. We have decided to go in November because we really want to see all of the Christmas decorations and this is the first time my DH will be able to get away from work at that time of year. DS 19 will be in school, DH and I kinda assumed that he would not be going with us this year. My DS asked me the other day if we were taking a trip this year and I told him that we were thinking November, I think he assumes that he will be going. I didn't have the heart to tell him that we weren't planning on him going because we figured he'd have school. Also by him not going we will be saving a lot, in airfare, tickets and food. I hate to sound cheap and say we aren't bringing him because of the cost but realistically, it does come into play. We are all going to the Outer Banks this summer so it's not like he will never vacation with us again. DH and I both were talking about it and said that our parents went on vacations all of the time when we were in college but we didn't have younger siblings going with them so it's a little different. So my question is, do we suck it up, allow him to miss school and go with us or do we figure a way to nicely tell him that we weren't planning on him going? I hate to make him left out of the loop so my mom guilt is kicking in overdrive

.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I posted a long time ago on this thread. But I just got back from a family Christmas trip to Hawaii. My 20-something kids are in grad school and would have never been able to afford to go if they had to pay for it themselves.

We are in a financial position to pay for them, and so we did. My Lord. It was the best trip of our lives. So happy to have the priceless memories.

 

[Hannahinwonderland]

My family went on a Disney trip during my freshman year of college and I was heartbroken! I wasn't mad- we had totally different breaks so it wasn't really possible- but I just hated seeing all of the pictures of them at my favorite place without me. That being said, we still go on vacations together on occasion and my mom does prefer for us all to travel together if possible. To be fair, my mom also felt terrible about it. She called me every day for like a month apologizing!

 

[katrina1122]

Last year my mom wanted to go to paris for a week and then a cruise on the Seine. None of her friends could go, so she took me, all expense paid. I was 41 at the time.

 

[jerseygal]

HOPEFULLY NEVER! We see it as GREAT BONDING time with both of our adult sons, 28 and 20. Older DS lives on his own about three hours away and the boys love spending vaca time together. Looking forward to when they marry and have children of their own to making some wonderful EXTENDED FAMILY MEMORIES!