Ashley Madison an auspicous day

[phamton]

Got to love it. Florida State Attorney Jeff Ashton had accounts on Ashley Madison. He says he was just curious and used his own computer to access the site instead of the state's. He says he never cheated. I would imagine a lot of those who had accounts there are saying the same thing.

Even if he never cheated, I can't say much for his sense of honor. Seems like someone in a government position should have a little more sense.

He was the prosecuting attorney on the Casey Anthony trial.

I think I read that Sam rader the YouTube star created his AM account a couple years ago before he was married. But beyond that I don't know details. I don't know if they were dating or engaged at the time or not.

Not exactly. He made it 2 years ago around their 4th anniversary and the birth of their second child.
Here is the quote: Rader admitted his guilt in a video released on their YouTube channel earlier today after leaked data from Ashley Madison reveal he made two payments of $189 to the website in September 2013, the same month he and his wife celebrated the birth of their second daughter and their fourth wedding anniversary.

“I did make the account, I made the account two years ago,” he said in the video.

 

[Tigerlulu]

I haven't read all of this thread so maybe this has been addressed. But what do you do when you find your best friends husband on this list? And no way she suspects.

 

[gwynne]

I haven't read all of this thread so maybe this has been addressed. But what do you do when you find your best friends husband on this list? And no way she suspects.

I would 1000% mind my own business and say nothing. If you friend wants to read the list, she will. There must be things about him that made you suspicious enough to search for him, she probably already knows things aren't totally OK. If she comes to you after finding out, don't tell her you suspected. Don't hint. Just be her friend.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I haven't read all of this thread so maybe this has been addressed. But what do you do when you find your best friends husband on this list? And no way she suspects.

You took it upon yourself to check out your best friend's husband? That's pretty bold IMO.

If I stumbled on info like that I'd tell her. If I had specifically searched it out I don't know what I would do to be honest because that would be putting my nose where it doesn't belong.

 

[threecrazykids]

I haven't read all of this thread so maybe this has been addressed. But what do you do when you find your best friends husband on this list? And no way she suspects.

If you came to me with the info the first question I would ask (if I was your close friend) would be "Why are you looking up my husband?" It would be completely out of curiosity as to what would make you think to do that. Or, did you look up all of your friends husbands just to know?

As far as whether I'd tell her (or anyone for that matter)? No way in hell. I understand the whole martyr claim from some people (not directed at you - because I don't know your situation with your friend) but in reality most people end up on the crap end of the deal when they think they are being "helpful" in infidelity situations by ratting out the cheating spouse. Using phrases such as "I told her because if it were me, I'd want to know" etc. But in reality the bearer of the news doesn't typically go unscathed in the ordeal. They end up right smack in the middle of the whole mess and may end up losing the friend over revealing.

Is it going to make her leave if she finds out? Is that what the "informer" WANTS? Are there harbored feelings towards the cheater that will somehow satisfy some sort of dark satisfaction of them getting caught? Are you willing to lose a friend? Are you 100% sure it's the correct person and not just the same name as this person?

I can't think of any reason I'd tell any of my close friends. If they want to know, they can look it up themselves. I'd feel like crap going to any of my friends saying I'd discovered it - I wouldn't want to answer as to why I, who is suppose to be her friend, would go out looking for such info.

 

[BostonJP]

You took it upon yourself to check out your best friend's husband? That's pretty bold IMO.

If I stumbled on info like that I'd tell her. If I had specifically searched it out I don't know what I would do to be honest because that would be putting my nose where it doesn't belong.

I would argue that even telling her, regardless of how you found out, is putting your nose where it doesn't belong.

In other words, MYB.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I would argue that even telling her, regardless of how you found out, is putting your nose where it doesn't belong.

In other words, MYB.

You're right. I completely agree that is wrong a MYOB situation.
I'm trying to be honest though. I'm not perfect and don't always make great decisions. I probably would tell her. But actively searching out that info crosses even ANOTHER line IMO.

 

[BostonJP]

I probably would tell her. But actively searching out that info crosses even ANOTHER line IMO.

Oh most definitely. Inserting yourself into the situation is ill-advised, but searching for friends' hubbies email addresses would raise all kinds of questions that NONE of them want to answer.

 

[JaxDad]

I have gone through the horrendous pain of finding out my spouse was cheating. I definitely would have wanted a friend to tell me, BUT only if it was a certainty. I would NOT tell your friend unless you are absolutely certain her husband is cheating. There is definitely some uncertainty associated with e-mails released from the Ashley Madison hack. The e-mail alone is not enough to tell her. As her friend, you do need to be supportive of her and her marriage, and be there if and when she needs you. Listen to her carefully, as she may not make a direct request for your support if she finds out about any infidelity. It is a difficult situation, and she may be reluctant to ask for anything, but she WILL need support.

 

[Tigerlulu]

I didn't search it out. A list of our state and city was released and a mutual friend was browsing our town out of nosiness and found it. Called me. Now I'm stuck with this info that is making me physically ill.

 

[Tigerlulu]

They're having some issues as it is. He spent some money to the tune of about $350. I can't say he cheated. The date listed is a day I'm pretty sure she was out of town with me. I don't know what the date means though.

 

[BostonJP]

I didn't search it out. A list of our state and city was released and a mutual friend was browsing our town out of nosiness and found it. Called me. Now I'm stuck with this info that is making me physically ill.

Ugh, though I said above that I would just mind my own business I can understand why it's stressful for you. What a tough position to be in.

If this is the case, though, this news will inevitably make it back to your friend. This sort of thing always does.

 

[gwynne]

I didn't search it out. A list of our state and city was released and a mutual friend was browsing our town out of nosiness and found it. Called me. Now I'm stuck with this info that is making me physically ill.

I would still say nothing. I'm sorry a mutual friend decided to gossip to you about this information.
It sounds like your friend will find out from other gossip spreaders. It would be a kindness to her if you stayed out of the mess. She may really need a true friend down the road.

If you do decide to tell her, first you are going to have to verify the information yourself. Are you sure you are ready to hop on the snoop train?

 

[Tigerlulu]

I'm really not wanting to have any part in this. She has moved away from our area and doesn't keep in touch with many from here, and I doubt anyone from her new town would ever think to check a different states list for that one name. There is no doubt it's him.

I don't want them to split up. Her husband has his issues but I love the two of them and pray they can work out current issues. I in no way want to add to them.

But if she ever finds out I knew and didn't tell her, what then? I'm not inclined to tell her but I would be very upset that my bf knew and didn't tell me. Never thought I would find myself in such a position. Ugh.

 

[threecrazykids]

I didn't search it out. A list of our state and city was released and a mutual friend was browsing our town out of nosiness and found it. Called me. Now I'm stuck with this info that is making me physically ill.

That situation really stinks - she put you in a really crappy situation. However, if a friend called and told me this info I would for sure question the motive. Why on earth was she snooping around for everyone she knew? People who relish in this type of "discovery" are sick, twisted, and deserve to be called out on it. I would have told her that I find it quite disturbing that she felt the need to call ME and put the burden on ME. If she had the information and was THAT concerned she should have called her herself - instead of running her mouth about others unfortunate circumstances. I don't even KNOW this woman, but she sounds to me like the type of person who gets all giddy finding out things about others that somehow, some way make her look "better" because HER husband wasn't on this particular list.

I'd seriously ask her "I'm not as concerned about his name being on the list, but rather more concerned with why you felt you needed to call and tell ME this information". There is a root cause as to why she feels the need to gossip about her "friend" - that's the info I'd want to know.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I haven't read all of this thread so maybe this has been addressed. But what do you do when you find your best friends husband on this list? And no way she suspects.

I'd go on doing whatever I was doing prior to finding out that info. Absolutely nothing to gain, and much to lose, by getting involved in all of that.

 

[JaxDad]

But if she ever finds out I knew and didn't tell her, what then? I'm not inclined to tell her but I would be very upset that my bf knew and didn't tell me. Never thought I would find myself in such a position. Ugh.

I know it is very difficult to think of this scenario, but you also have to consider that she might already know (maybe he confessed after the hack), and they are in the initial stages of working through it. Maybe the hack scared the husband into stopping this behavior and being faithful again. Use the knowledge you have to make yourself more aware of her potential need for support. I am sure she will understand your hesitancy to tell her, if this comes out later. Tell her honestly about your feelings if that happens, and again, be there to support her and her marriage. I'm very sorry for your friend, and for you too.

 

[threecrazykids]

I'm really not wanting to have any part in this. She has moved away from our area and doesn't keep in touch with many from here, and I doubt anyone from her new town would ever think to check a different states list for that one name. There is no doubt it's him.

I don't want them to split up. Her husband has his issues but I love the two of them and pray they can work out current issues. I in no way want to add to them.

But if she ever finds out I knew and didn't tell her, what then? I'm not inclined to tell her but I would be very upset that my bf knew and didn't tell me. Never thought I would find myself in such a position. Ugh.

I would tell her that you didn't check the website yourself, and therefore it was RUMOR from a nosy gossip and didn't research any further. Tell her the info was out there for anyone who WANTED to know, and if she didn't look, she clearly didn't WANT to know - so that's why you didn't tell her. Be her shoulder to cry on if she needs it, but I wouldn't tell her.

 

[Tigerlulu]

I'm pretty sure it will get around our small town. This list is out and his name is well known. So who knows of anyone will tell her. But I feel horrible that they will be the talk of the town. Thank goodness they don't live here anymore. Guess I'm going to just continue to keep them in my prayers. And walk away from anyone else who wants to discuss it. It really is no one else's business but theirs. No good can come of this.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I didn't search it out. A list of our state and city was released and a mutual friend was browsing our town out of nosiness and found it. Called me. Now I'm stuck with this info that is making me physically ill.

I have to say if my "friend" called and told me this I would not be happy because it's none of her business. Your friend is perfectly capable of search up this information if she so chooses.

When you stumble upon other's business no matter how, it's still not YOUR business.