Argh mom vent

[kellyjeanie]

Kids know believe me!

My DS used to go to a Catholic school and wore uniforms. Some of the kids knew by the style of the pants and shirts if the uniforms came from Gap, Target, or Gymboree.,and teased accordingly.

How awful. I thought the whole point of uniforms was to prevent this sort of thing.

 

[MSLRAC]

Also I shop at resell shops and they pick out the clothes there. It's really only my oldest that now looks at the brands. My 8 year old just asks for dresses and shows me the style she wants. I don't fault my oldest for this I'm partially to blame and so is my mom. I have sent her an email with my feelings and will talk with the girls about letting her know if she says something. I also plan on talking to her face to face this week.

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Good luck...I hope your mom understands and lightens up! We also shop resell and I rarely pay full price for anything. I am a brand snob when it comes to jeans and shoes but that's due to fit and how they hold up. I guess what really got me about this situation is your 8 year old being afraid for her grandma to see her in a Gymboree dress. That's not good for anyone involved.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

What bothered me believe it or not is the fact that she had the name put on the bag, I don't find that safe

 

[mommy2allgirls]

Good luck...I hope your mom understands and lightens up! We also shop resell and I rarely pay full price for anything. I am a brand snob when it comes to jeans and shoes but that's due to fit and how they hold up. I guess what really got me about this situation is your 8 year old being afraid for her grandma to see her in a Gymboree dress. That's not good for anyone involved.

Yeah that's what woke me up some when she told me she was afraid of grandma making fun of her. I didn't realize how much it effected her until then. I think the backpack thing this weekend was just the final straw for me. I also rarely pay full price. I'm a bargain snob ;-)

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[Kellydelly]

I have four kids ages 9-13 and I don't get why anyone thinks by fourth grade you cannot buy stuff from Children's Place any longer . How ridiculous! I buy my 9 yr old son's jeans and shirts there, and my 9 and 11 yr old daughters would be happy to shop there, they have very cute clothing and it's nowhere near the price of Justice or Abercrombie. I have never heard of it being a store for the under 9 set . (my 13 yr old daughter hates everything so she doesn't count )

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

I'd cut granny some slack here in terms of intentions; I'm betting that there is a class migration involved in this scenario -- that the OP is better off than her parents were when she was in school. Granny probably remembers feeling really anguished that she didn't have the resources to spare the OP the teasing of classmates back then, and now she wants to make up for it. (There may also be some frugality issues as well.)

My question would be, is granny really making fun of the children's clothing, or questioning their choices, perhaps in a sort of joking way that she may think is lower-key? ("That dress is kind of baggy, don't you think? Does anyone else at school like that style?)

I would say that the most important issue would be; are the kids upset with Grandma over this situation, or is the OP the only one who is bothered by this? If the kids are not upset with granny, then the issue is not what the kids are wearing, but boundaries between the OP and her mom.

If the girl likes her CP backpack and doesn't care if anyone teases her (IF anyone teases her), then she should keep using it. Thank Granny nicely and put the PB backpack at the back of the closet; maybe DD will prefer it next year.

It's really not unusual for someone two generations removed to think that an outfit that a kid chooses lacks style. My mother was 48 years older than me, and it took years for her to accept that a post-pubescent teenage girl not wearing a girdle to school wasn't indecent -- and we won't even discuss her opinion of women wearing jeans. In such cases, I find the best thing to do is usually to chalk it up to an uncrossable generational divide and try to let it slide off your back. Yeah, it doesn't reflect well on Grandma, but if she has good intentions, then perhaps this battle just isn't really worth fighting.

I feel the same and agree with what you said. I don't think the Grandma is doing it intentionally or coming from a bad place. OP stayed that grandma is very close with her grandchildren and sometimes when the grandparents are really involved, with strong love comes strong and voiced opinions. My mom does it with my children. She will say I should dress DD nicer. My DS wears Nike and sporty clothes do she doesn't mention so much about him, but she will pick out clothes for my daughter. I don't mind. I know that she does a lot of good for my kids. Your mom seems like an amazing grandma and I think it would be really mean to take the kids away from her. I would however communicate to her that its very rude to make comments about their outfits in front of the kids. That will make them self conscious. You can gently talk to her about it. Good luck!

 

[mommy2allgirls]

My mom responded to my email and said she didn't realize my 8 year old was afraid of being made fun of by her grandma. She said that made her sad and she now understands what I've been saying all of these years. We are meeting this week to talk face to face and make sure this doesn't happen again. She's never said she understands where I've coming from its always just been I'm sorry. Maybe it's progress

Oh and I agree on the name issue

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[Laura66]

I don't see the gramma coming from a bad place either! If everything else is good I'd just chalk it up as that's how she is!

I adore my Daddy! Love him to bits! But if I look back I remember (and believe it or not fondly - it makes me smile) that I'd be all dressed up to go out and he'd say - Laura! My god would it kill you to put on some lipstick? Or flats were in but he liked heels on women - so he'd say - you're gonna go out with those dorky shoes! You'll never get a man! Oversized sweaters were in and it would be - did you buy that sweater from Omar the tent maker?

It sounds like she's genuinely concerned about the kids. And although we all say it shouldn't matter and kids should wear what they like - the truth of the matter is - kids and adults do judge! Some kids enjoy and relish being different and others like to fit in!

 

[cobright]

If you don't have something nice to say then hold it until you can say it alone in the bathroom or out with the smokers.

 

[Laura66]

My mom responded to my email and said she didn't realize my 8 year old was afraid of being made fun of by her grandma. She said that made her sad and she now understands what I've been saying all of these years. We are meeting this week to talk face to face and make sure this doesn't happen again. She's never said she understands where I've coming from its always just been I'm sorry. Maybe it's progress

Oh and I agree on the name issue

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This shows me there is no intent to belittle or make your children feel bad. That she apologized, didn't get defensive and is open to discuss this further is a wonderful thing!
She may not change overnight - so give her some slack!

 

[It'sWDW4me]

What bothered me believe it or not is the fact that she had the name put on the bag, I don't find that safe

THANK YOU!! I kept reading wondering why nobody brought up the name embroidered on the backpack. Now any creepazoid could call your DD by name as she's walking home from school.


Nope, I'd be handing the backpack right on back to Grandma and telling her "DD will NOT be using this. So sorry you wasted your money since you can't return it now."

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

THANK YOU!! I kept reading wondering why nobody brought up the name embroidered on the backpack. Now any creepazoid could call your DD by name as she's walking home from school.

Nope, I'd be handing the backpack right on back to Grandma and telling her "DD will NOT be using this. So sorry you wasted your money since you can't return it now."

Thank you I thought I was over reacting

 

[mhsjax]

This has been our experience as well. Dd is now 13 and will be entering high school in September. She still doesn't care about labels. If she something in target that she liked she'd ask for it. Never once that I know of has she been teased and she definitely doesn't wear typical teen girl clothes.

I think it's so sad that little girls are being picked on for the clothes they wear. Shame on the parents of the mean kids for teaching their children to be so superficial.

It must be certain areas. We come from a middle to upper middles class area. The kids wear what they like and no one is teased. If it is cute, it is cute, it doesn't matter where it came from.

YOu know the saying, " Money doesn't buy class". I think those that are doing the teasing have proven that.

 

[mhsjax]

THANK YOU!! I kept reading wondering why nobody brought up the name embroidered on the backpack. Now any creepazoid could call your DD by name as she's walking home from school.


Nope, I'd be handing the backpack right on back to Grandma and telling her "DD will NOT be using this. So sorry you wasted your money since you can't return it now."

I aslo agree on this one.
My kids don't wear anything with their name in plain view, especially a younger child.

 

[mommy2allgirls]

This shows me there is no intent to belittle or make your children feel bad. That she apologized, didn't get defensive and is open to discuss this further is a wonderful thing!
She may not change overnight - so give her some slack!

That's what I was thinking too. This whole thing has showed me a different perspective. I think I became mama bear and wasn't seeing the whole picture

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[aaarcher86]

If you don't have something nice to say then hold it until you can say it alone in the bathroom or out with the smokers.

This is why I miss smoking :-/

 

[mommy2allgirls]

And also we don't buy the girls bags with their names on it for the reasons mentioned. I do mark their names on the inside in case another student has the same bag but never on the outside.

Now that I see a few things from a different perspective and my mom seems to get that her comments are actually hurting the girls maybe things will actually change. I do hope we can work this out and am willing to do whatever it takes because I know my kids love their grandparents and would be heart broken not seeing them. We see them every weekend almost. I will also make sure to always being up when my mom is saying something negatively about their clothes and I asked her to help me in my bad areas too. I will get more info when we can have our face to face but I'm hoping this works and is a perfect compromise. So far I've never heard her use the words or say the things she said in the email before so it is progress!

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[Minerva Mouse]

So I am a mom of 5 girls ages 9, 8, 6, 4, and 1. My parents are very involved and love to spoil my kids. Well, since I started having kids my mother has made fun of the style of clothes I bought. Once my kids are old enough I also allow them to tell me what style they like and get them for them if we approve. Well, my mom tends to make fun of the clothes in front of my kids. She says she does it because she doesn't want them to be made fun of at school like she was and I was.

It's to the point where my 8 year who loves Gymboree dresses is afraid of grandma seeing her in them. I told her that she should never let anyone tell her what's right or wrong about her style and that all that matters is what she likes and thinks.

Well since you asked.

OP this has to stop, no matter what your mothers intentions are, it's absolutely not ok. Shame on her for making fun of her own grandkids, I'd rather be picked on by the kids at school than my own family. Family is where your suppose to feel safe, and free to be yourself. Shame on her!!!

Now it's your turn, stand up to her and stand up for your kids. I absolutely would NOT involve my mother in any family activities until she could learn to control her vomit mouth.

 

[Help Please!]

I am happy that you confronted (in a nice way) your mom about the situation. I teach elementary school, and guess what? 95% of the kids could care less who wears what from where. LOL! Props to you for encouraging your daughters to be unique individuals. Allowing them to choose their own clothes and encouraging their ideas/opinions builds their self esteem, and will make them the kind of kids who will STAND UP to bullies and choose the right types of friends. Good for you!

 

[MSLRAC]

My mom responded to my email and said she didn't realize my 8 year old was afraid of being made fun of by her grandma. She said that made her sad and she now understands what I've been saying all of these years. We are meeting this week to talk face to face and make sure this doesn't happen again. She's never said she understands where I've coming from its always just been I'm sorry. Maybe it's progress

Oh and I agree on the name issue

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Glad to hear this! I hope your meeting later in the week goes well and you have made some progress with your mom.