Argh mom vent

[mommy2allgirls]

Thank you for those that support me and get what in trying to say. I shouldn't have brought the names of the stores into this because it wasn't was important. Thankfully it seems like my mom might have woken up about what she is doing

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[hereyago]

OP, glad your mom has possibly seen the light.

Here is my thing: once OP told grandma those are the clothes kid wants to wear, that should have been the end of discussion. And I hate when people say oh that is how that person is, no that person is that way because no one calls them out consistently.

 

[sunshinehighway]

You don't have to defend yourself for buying your girls clothing from stores that plenty of people also buy their school aged kids from . I guess everyone else only buys their kids stuff from Aeropostle and Abercrombie and GAP and who knows where else? My kids get clothing from Penneys, Sears, Aero, CP, Kohls, Meijers, Kmart, Justice. I don't know many people who don't shop wherever they see something cute or that their kid likes. The bottom line is that your mom is being a turd. She needs to back off and let you clothe your kids unless she just wants to add a few things to their wardrobes and keep her mouth shut.

I know lots of little girls that like the stores you mentioned, especially Justice. Those stores seem different than Childrens Place or Gymboree.
If the op's daughter like those clothes then that's what they should wear.

Maybe the mother does need to just let the op buy her kids the clothes she wants. Girls can be mean and maybe the mother is just trying to help the kids fit in. Maybe the op is making a big deal over little comments and its making the daughters more upset about the comments than they would be if you she reacted differently.

 

[Becky2005]

Girls are mean and I tried really hard, even bought me some clothes with TB on them and told her over and over she likes whatever she wants to.

Unfortunately, this is true and happens no matter if it is girls or boys. Kids in general are very mean about "trendy clothing" but the funny thing is it shifts. In middle school around here, you wouldn't be caught wearing *anything* with a character on it unless it is some popular thing but then turn around into high school & characters are totally cool to wear.

Basically, you could own one shirt - wear it from Kindergarten through 3rd grade - no problem. 4th grade a little iffy... 5th - 8th grade - would be teased awful. 9th - 12th - everyone would think the shirt was awesome and go out of their way to buy character shirts.

Add to that, what is trendy in one area, another area wouldn't have anyone who is trendy buying from that store -- so in this case, it is hard since it is OP's mom but I can't tell you how many times in the past I have said to the kids "school is NOT normal life!" Basically that they just have to survive through school and after that, no other time in their life will they be thrown together with the same kids, year after year all grouped by age.

Good Luck OP...I don't really know what to tell you since this isn't my area. I have a 19 year old DD but the rest are boys & frankly -- I know my older DS gets teased for what he wears but he embraced being the "dorky" one quite a while ago and has been known to take it to a whole other level (i.e. he actually wore a Star Trek uniform shirt to school one day since they were doing a school wide lip-dub music video after school & he was representing the Sci-Fi club) plus I have theatre inovlved kids and at that point...you don't ask...you just think "Ok then...interesting outfit", as you said as long as it doesn't expose things it shouldn't.

 

[NotUrsula]

As to the backpack personalization, personally I don't have an issue with it. I think that we are way more paranoid than we need to be about things like this. My kids do walk home, and they do have their names on the outside of their backpacks, but not embroidered on -- I routinely mark them by putting a piece of plain ribbon through the zipper pull, knotting it, and using fabric paint or a sharpie to write first and last name on each end of the ribbon. It makes a good zipper pull and helps them identify their bags in the corner pile at aftercare -- there can be a lot of duplicate backpacks there. They know better than to respond to being called by name on the street by an adult.

FWIW, if you don't like the name but do like the bag, get a seam ripper and pick off the embroidery, then take it to a local monogram shop to have the name replaced with something else that will hide the needle holes. They can put a proper monogram on it, or an image of something else if you like (I know my DD would want a horse on hers!) If the original stitching would remain obvious, they can alternatively do the new design on a patch and sew it on instead.

 

[mckelvey72]

Props to you for letting your daughters pick what they want. I currently have a 7 year old boy and up to this point have just gotten his clothes for him. We happened to be at the outlets so went in a few stores. He was funny cause at first he wanted no parts of shopping...then he fell in love with a pair of shoes, found a matching shirt and jacket plus a backpack. I can tell you that I HATED the jacket but he wears it proudly and LOVES it. So I am getting into the time frame of allowing him to pick out his stuff.

As for my step-daughter who is 13.....camo all day all the time. I hate it but it is what she likes so I deal with it. I want a GIRL HAHA!!!

Hard being a parent and as you said, sometimes you makes mistakes, but you live and learn. My son is a sneaker snob I have to say......Jordans, Nike are the only thing he will wear. He has conceded to wear Walmart cheapies for playing in HAHAHAHA!!!!!

Good luck with your mom, I am sure she will come around and do better. She loves the kids and wont' want them hurting!!

 

[kellyjeanie]

I know lots of little girls that like the stores you mentioned, especially Justice. Those stores seem different than Childrens Place or Gymboree.
If the op's daughter like those clothes then that's what they should wear.

Maybe the mother does need to just let the op buy her kids the clothes she wants. Girls can be mean and maybe the mother is just trying to help the kids fit in. Maybe the op is making a big deal over little comments and its making the daughters more upset about the comments than they would be if you she reacted differently.

Do you think it's okay for a grown woman to tell her granddaughter she looks "dumb" or "dorky"?

It's moot anyway, the OP talked to grandma and grandma felt bad, and apologized.

 

[kellyjeanie]

Honestly I don't even know any 6 year olds that wear Gymboree.

it sounds like you and your mother are both using the girls as an outlet for issues between the two of you. My guess is you influence the girls to dress in a more young child way (Childrens Place) and your mom tried to influence them to dress older and more trendy. I doubt your mother is really super mean about the girls' clothes because it has gone on for this long. Its probably more likely you are taking her comments as a criticism of you (because that's how you influence the girls to dress) and taking it to be harsher than it really is.

I mean, seriously you'd stop letting your mother see her granddaughters because she doesn't like their clothes?

I know this is continuing the off topic (the brands the OP's daughter wears are not important), but obviously there are a lot of 6+ girls who wear Gymboree or they wouldn't make those sizes. And it didn't have to do with grandma not liking the clothes, it was about the mean comments she was making, which she has since apologized for.

 

[Hrhpd]

I have four kids ages 9-13 and I don't get why anyone thinks by fourth grade you cannot buy stuff from Children's Place any longer . How ridiculous! I buy my 9 yr old son's jeans and shirts there, and my 9 and 11 yr old daughters would be happy to shop there, they have very cute clothing and it's nowhere near the price of Justice or Abercrombie. I have never heard of it being a store for the under 9 set . (my 13 yr old daughter hates everything so she doesn't count )

I think Children's Place is pretty generic and as somebody said, along the lines of Old Navy.

However, the OP seems pretty set on Gymboree for a 9 year old. Depending on how they utilize Gymboree, it can be pretty babyish and can be recognized immediately as Gymboree.

If you go the matching dress, socks, headband, with all the matchy matchy prints, it can look very toddlerish. I loved the look and absolutely LOVE Gymboree. But you have to be very careful as their clothes are very recognizable.

I was in a kindergarten class this past year and I noticed a boy with a Gymboree sweater on that I had for my now 23 year old. Classic, well made clothes, but definitely recognizable. I think a 9 year old can wear Gymboree, but it is the parent's responsibility to also guide their young children in what is socially appropriate. Buy the dress, but explain that the headband with the matching floret on it or the matching lacy socks are not age appropriate. Not saying the OP is decking out the 9 year old in the complete Gymboree outfit as we don't know, but there is a way to buy children's clothing while still keeping "mean girl syndrome" in the back of your mind.

 

[hops&dreams]

OP - I have not read through all of the replies that you've gotten so far, but I wanted to let you know that I totally get where you're coming from. My parents were the same way, and were buying (what they deemed) "appropriate" clothing. A few years ago, we sent DD to stay with my parents for a few days. She picked the clothing to pack and went. When we talked on the phone the first day, she said my mom had taken her out and bought her a bunch of new clothes. For the rest of the trip, she did not even take them out of the bag. When I picked her up, my mom made a comment about it and I told her she picks what she wants to wear because it's what makes HER comfortable - comfort of the clothing and of the style she puts out there for herself. I told her we give DD the choice to choose her clothes so she can express her individuality and so she can be comfortable - no tags scratching, uncomfortable seams, etc. DD doesn't care where the clothes come from, and has clothes from Target, Meijer, WalMart, Hanna Andersson, Juicy Couture, DKNY, Kmart, Christian Dior... it's all the same to her - just clothing! She loves the fabrics from Hanna Andersson and American Girl, and the fit of both of those companies too - It's like they were made just for her and her body type.

My parents now GET it. They still buy her clothes on occasion, but have learned to be understanding if DD just doesn't use them (often or at all). This past winter, though, my mom bought her a couple of outfits that DD LOVED, and wears all the time. My mom was thrilled. She thought the clothes were outlandish (by her standards), but knew DD's taste enough to know she would love them, the look and the feel.

I would just try talking to your mom and explain that your kids clothes are a way that they express themselves. Best of luck to you.

 

[WDSearcher]

Thank you for those that support me and get what in trying to say. I shouldn't have brought the names of the stores into this because it wasn't was important. Thankfully it seems like my mom might have woken up about what she is doing

Like the DIS, sometimes moms need to be told 150 times before they get it!

Have a great school year!!

 

[kellyjeanie]

I think Children's Place is pretty generic and as somebody said, along the lines of Old Navy.

However, the OP seems pretty set on Gymboree for a 9 year old. Depending on how they utilize Gymboree, it can be pretty babyish and can be recognized immediately as Gymboree.

If you go the matching dress, socks, headband, with all the matchy matchy prints, it can look very toddlerish. I loved the look and absolutely LOVE Gymboree. But you have to be very careful as their clothes are very recognizable.

I was in a kindergarten class this past year and I noticed a boy with a Gymboree sweater on that I had for my now 23 year old. Classic, well made clothes, but definitely recognizable.

That's not what the OP said. The OP said her daughter likes Gymboree, and she lets her daughter pick what she likes.

 

[Hrhpd]

Our only rules for clothing are belly and chest areas have to be completely covered. Shorts need to be fingertip length and no bikinis. They can have takinis(how do you spell that) and there can't me any bad writing or derogatory writing on the clothes other than that we are pretty flexible in what they wear and don't really care where it's from

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Even if I wanted to limit the belly showing (I wouldn't), I couldn't. DD plays several sports and their outfits always seem to be a sports bra and shorts.

Track she runs in a sports bra and shorts that look like a bikini bottom.

For competitive cheer, her mandatory practice outfit is a Nike Sports bra and Nike Pro shorts (can wear nike pro capris in winter.) Her competition uniform is also a crop top, although not as short as some. Our gym is a bit more conservative and it comes down 1 inch under the bra line (for those that wear bras). And their skirts are almost up to their belly buttons and are 2 inches below the buttox curve. Everybody from the 5 year olds and up are wearing the sports bras as practice uniforms and the crop top uniforms.

And swim team....while the suit is a one piece, the norm is to wear it 2 sizes too small. I think some people would be apoplectic at seeing the girls and guys in skin tight, too small suits. It leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination.

 

[mommy2allgirls]

I think Children's Place is pretty generic and as somebody said, along the lines of Old Navy.

However, the OP seems pretty set on Gymboree for a 9 year old. Depending on how they utilize Gymboree, it can be pretty babyish and can be recognized immediately as Gymboree.

If you go the matching dress, socks, headband, with all the matchy matchy prints, it can look very toddlerish. I loved the look and absolutely LOVE Gymboree. But you have to be very careful as their clothes are very recognizable.

I was in a kindergarten class this past year and I noticed a boy with a Gymboree sweater on that I had for my now 23 year old. Classic, well made clothes, but definitely recognizable.

I'm not set on gymboree and my 9 year old doesn't wear it. My 8 year old likes gymboree because she likes dresses and the fact that she can wear matching leggings instead of tights in the winter because she has sensory processing disorder and tights "hurt" her. She loves what she wears and I buy what she wants.

Like I've said over and over I don't care what brand my girls wear I buy what they like of we can afford it and it covers them properly. Also, most of the 8 year olds I know also wear gymboree, children's place etc...

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[mommy2allgirls]

OP - I have not read through all of the replies that you've gotten so far, but I wanted to let you know that I totally get where you're coming from. My parents were the same way, and were buying (what they deemed) "appropriate" clothing. A few years ago, we sent DD to stay with my parents for a few days. She picked the clothing to pack and went. When we talked on the phone the first day, she said my mom had taken her out and bought her a bunch of new clothes. For the rest of the trip, she did not even take them out of the bag. When I picked her up, my mom made a comment about it and I told her she picks what she wants to wear because it's what makes HER comfortable - comfort of the clothing and of the style she puts out there for herself. I told her we give DD the choice to choose her clothes so she can express her individuality and so she can be comfortable - no tags scratching, uncomfortable seams, etc. DD doesn't care where the clothes come from, and has clothes from Target, Meijer, WalMart, Hanna Andersson, Juicy Couture, DKNY, Kmart, Christian Dior... it's all the same to her - just clothing! She loves the fabrics from Hanna Andersson and American Girl, and the fit of both of those companies too - It's like they were made just for her and her body type.

My parents now GET it. They still buy her clothes on occasion, but have learned to be understanding if DD just doesn't use them (often or at all). This past winter, though, my mom bought her a couple of outfits that DD LOVED, and wears all the time. My mom was thrilled. She thought the clothes were outlandish (by her standards), but knew DD's taste enough to know she would love them, the look and the feel.

I would just try talking to your mom and explain that your kids clothes are a way that they express themselves. Best of luck to you.

This is exactly what happens to us. And what you described about how you let your daughter dress is exactly what we do

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[mommy2allgirls]

Even if I wanted to limit the belly showing (I wouldn't), I couldn't. DD plays several sports and their outfits always seem to be a sports bra and shorts.

Track she runs in a sports bra and shorts that look like a bikini bottom.

For competitive cheer, her mandatory practice outfit is a Nike Sports bra and Nike Pro shorts (can wear nike pro capris in winter.) Her competition uniform is also a crop top, although not as short as some. Our gym is a bit more conservative and it comes down 1 inch under the bra line (for those that wear bras). And their skirts are almost up to their belly buttons and are 2 inches below the buttox curve. Everybody from the 5 year olds and up are wearing the sports bras as practice uniforms and the crop top uniforms.

And swim team....while the suit is a one piece, the norm is to wear it 2 sizes too small. I think some people would be apoplectic at seeing the girls and guys in skin tight, too small suits. It leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination.

We haven't reached this issue yet. My 9 year old is in competitive dance but the dance studio is pretty conservative so their practice wear is tank tops, dance shorts, and tights. So far all of her costumes have been conservative as well. I do know that if she ever has to go to a different studio that may not be the case.

My 8 year old is in cheer but on a special needs team because she is legally blind and has sensory processing disorder. The team covers a wide range of special needs and they practice in whatever and their uniforms cover them. However, the regular cheer teams at the gym practice in what you described.

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[Styx Fan]

To the pp who asked if I only take them to the stores I want. I take them to a town square that has all of the stores you could imagine and we just go in all and they pick what they want. Store brand doesn't matter to me. I could care less where it comes from. All I care about is that they are covered in appropriate clothing

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Totally with you on this, OP. My DS(16!) spent the first 14 years of his life in clothing from everywhere under the sun....expensive stores, hand-me-downs from friends, resale shops, garage sales, Target...you name it. He didn't care a bit as long it was athletic style pants and t-shirts with cool pictures, usually sports motifs. Shorts had to be basketball style. For church I demanded something with a zipper on the bottom and a collar on the top, LOL. He still doesn't really care about where the things come from, but has become a bit more picky on style and type. He loves anything with a Nike, Adidas, whatever sports brand. Shirts are now plainer, but the colors bolder.

DD(9) is not real picky and we get her clothes just about anywhere, just like DS. Brands mean nothing to her. Probably because they mean nothing to me Quality, yes. She does love Justice, but more because it's full of clothes she likes. The same things from a different store would be just fine. I take her into Justice, but it's not my favorite because I find the quality horrible. But we still shop at Childrens Place. This summer I didn't find much I liked in there, but I would buy it if I liked it.

From reading this thread, I am so glad we bought a house where we did. The kids at our elementary dress like my kids. Or should I say my kids dress like everyone else. There are some kids that wear the more expensive brands, but certainly not exclusively. They all look really cute the first week of school, and by mid-year not nearly as much so, LOL! They do get more brand aware in junior high and definitely in high school, but there doesn't seem to be much teasing among the boys. We shall see with the girls.

 

[mom2rtk]

From reading this thread, I am so glad we bought a house where we did. The kids at our elementary dress like my kids. Or should I say my kids dress like everyone else.

It was one of the primary reasons we bought where we did. It gets harder when they get to middle school and high school, but it's still better than other areas of town.

Maybe I went too far though. It took me over a month to talk my college bound son into picking a pair of nice new sneakers. And he's happy wearing any clothes he doesn't have to go out and shop for himself.

 

[Robbi]

I'm not set on gymboree and my 9 year old doesn't wear it. My 8 year old likes gymboree because she likes dresses and the fact that she can wear matching leggings instead of tights in the winter because she has sensory processing disorder and tights "hurt" her. She loves what she wears and I buy what she wants.

Like I've said over and over I don't care what brand my girls wear I buy what they like of we can afford it and it covers them properly. Also, most of the 8 year olds I know also wear gymboree, children's place etc...

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Some of us are reading your posts without misinterpreting what you meant. I'm sorry you're going through this. My mom sounds kind of like yours and the only way she hears me is if I'm blunt. Her feelings get hurt. As I've told her though if she moderated her speech, then the talks wouldn't be necessary. She usually behaves for a while and then we have to go through it again. I used to think it was rude to tell her how I felt but one day I realized that she was ok with being rude to us. Even though we have the talk every so often, our relatioship has improved because I'mnot so frustrated all the time and she tries to mind what she says.
Good luck to you and I hope things work out.