Argh mom vent

[mommy2allgirls]

I am a big believer in setting boundaries, even for family. People who do the same thing over and over again even saying sorry, really doesn't mean it.

She seems to have problems with her filter, turn the tables and see how she reacts. Also, I would fully allow my kid to tell granny she is being rude ie"granny if you can't say anything nice...... respect goes both ways.

The last part is what I told my 8 year old to say if she says anything.

I'm a firm believer in allowing my kids to wear what they like and feel comfortable in. I should add that my 8 and 9 year old are both popular and have tons of friends and neither one has been made fun of at school. Also, other kids wear similar clothing to what my girls wear. I've even seen 5th graders wearing Gymboree. If my kids were to be made fun of then it would be a lesson and maybe we would have a talk about their clothes and what they want to do.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[mommy2allgirls]

Exactly! OP, you need to set a firm limit with your mom and stop this behavior right now. If that means limiting or stopping contact until your mom gets that it is unacceptable for an adult to pick on a child then so be it. Kids are so critical of one another that they certainly do not need a grandma giving them a hard time about their wardrobe.

Thanks. I will do this and do now realize how important it is for my girls. The funny thing is she is so worried about being made fun of and the only one who is doing it is my mom

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[kellyjeanie]

Gymboree has a lot of cute things for older girls. If your daughters like it, who cares what store it's from - no need to make excuses. If someone makes fun of what they wear, that reflects badly on the person doing the teasing/ribbing/making fun, not on your daughter. Not sure why your mom insists on trying to undermine their confidence.

I have 2 dd's that are 22 and 16 now. They would have been horrified at having a backpack from Children's Place in 4th grade.

It is the "age", ads, commercials, etc. Stop blaming your mom for everything.

Granted your mom sounds like she could use a good slap in the mouth though.

It sounds like she is doing just fine raising girls who weren't worried about external influences like other kids, ads, etc. Why is that a bad thing? And if she liked the bag, how would anyone know where it was from?

 

[MEK]

Your mom needs to get a life if she is that focused on what brand names your children do and don't wear. Her priorities are completely in the wrong place. She is definitely trying to make up for some deep seated personal insecurities, although I am sure she would adamantly deny it. I am sorry you have to deal with this.

The take home message here is that clothes do not make the person. You can't control your mother's behaviors, but you can make sure you emphasize to your children that is who they are on the inside, not what the wear on the outside, that counts.

This thread definitely makes a case for school uniforms. Sheesh. Glad my kids are grown.

 

[usnuzuloose]

You need to set some boundaries with your mom. There are consequences for crossing boundaries. She should have never been let to make fun of your children like that. The boundaries should have started then, but you have let it go on. If it were me I would be telling my mom if she kept it up she would not be spending some time with them until she understood I meant what I said.

It is okay to set boundaries with her. But you need to do it with out your kids around and a calm environment. And don't let her buy things with out your permission like that. Other wise my mom would have it back and it would be her problem she is with out the money. That is one of the boundaries I would set with my mom. She would not do that again.

Not being mean, just helping you understand that you can create boundaries that are reasonable.

 

[sbtrfly74]

I have to also admit that me and my mom still shop at Childrens place 0-3mths clothes that fit my DD10's American Girls dolls... we cant go there without looking through the clearance items lol.

Our last trip to DW we bought DD and her doll Brooklynn matching outfits

sidenote: gymboree closed out before my children were in elementary school so I never looked at that age.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

And if she liked the bag, how would anyone know where it was from?

Kids know believe me!

My DS used to go to a Catholic school and wore uniforms. Some of the kids knew by the style of the pants and shirts if the uniforms came from Gap, Target, or Gymboree.,and teased accordingly.

 

[mommy2allgirls]

You need to set some boundaries with your mom. There are consequences for crossing boundaries. She should have never been let to make fun of your children like that. The boundaries should have started then, but you have let it go on. If it were me I would be telling my mom if she kept it up she would not be spending some time with them until she understood I meant what I said.

It is okay to set boundaries with her. But you need to do it with out your kids around and a calm environment. And don't let her buy things with out your permission like that. Other wise my mom would have it back and it would be her problem she is with out the money. That is one of the boundaries I would set with my mom. She would not do that again.

Not being mean, just helping you understand that you can create boundaries that are reasonable.

Thank you and I will do this. I admit I was wrong not doing this before. I truly appreciate the advice

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[mommy2allgirls]

Gymboree has a lot of cute things for older girls. If your daughters like it, who cares what store it's from - no need to make excuses. If someone makes fun of what they wear, that reflects badly on the person doing the teasing/ribbing/making fun, not on your daughter. Not sure why your mom insists on trying to undermine their confidence.

It sounds like she is doing just fine raising girls who weren't worried about external influences like other kids, ads, etc. Why is that a bad thing? And if she liked the bag, how would anyone know where it was from?

Thank you

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[FayeW]

I am so utterly thankful that my kids wore whatever I bought for them, and never did we worry about, or experience, children being teased by other children about their clothing. As teenagers they became more interested in shopping but in elementary school nobody really gave a hoot what anybody else wore. At least not the kids my children interacted with.

Surely I cannot be the only one who is seeing that as the real problem in this thread, not Granny encouraging the girls to be brand conscious?

 

[MEK]

Surely I cannot be the only one who is seeing that as the real problem in this thread, not Granny encouraging the girls to be brand conscious?

You are definitely not the only one who sees what the problem is. It's really very....never mind!

 

[MSLRAC]

I am so utterly thankful that my kids wore whatever I bought for them, and never did we worry about, or experience, children being teased by other children about their clothing. As teenagers they became more interested in shopping but in elementary school nobody really gave a hoot what anybody else wore. At least not the kids my children interacted with.

Surely I cannot be the only one who is seeing that as the real problem in this thread, not Granny encouraging the girls to be brand conscious?

I guess I'm missing it. The OP has girls that like to wear certain brands/styles, she has no issue with buying her girls those brands/styles and the girls peers are not picking on them for their clothing choices. The grandma is however picking on the girls to the point that it's become an issue with the older girls. I see nothing at all wrong with allowing kids to have an input into the clothing that is purchased for them because after all, they are the ones that have to wear it.

 

[tigercat]

Wow I am really glad that my kids are grown. My grandkids have always had their own ideas on what they want to wear and none of it is a name brand. When my kids were growing up we could not afford much. I made a lot of their clothes and what I didn't make we bought from Zellers. It would have been nice to have lots of money to buy the expensive things but not everyone has the funds.
Grandma should really not be making fun of the kids though. The bully isn't at school but at Grandma's house.
tigercat

 

[NotUrsula]

I'd cut granny some slack here in terms of intentions; I'm betting that there is a class migration involved in this scenario -- that the OP is better off than her parents were when she was in school. Granny probably remembers feeling really anguished that she didn't have the resources to spare the OP the teasing of classmates back then, and now she wants to make up for it. (There may also be some frugality issues as well.)

My question would be, is granny really making fun of the children's clothing, or questioning their choices, perhaps in a sort of joking way that she may think is lower-key? ("That dress is kind of baggy, don't you think? Does anyone else at school like that style?)

I would say that the most important issue would be; are the kids upset with Grandma over this situation, or is the OP the only one who is bothered by this? If the kids are not upset with granny, then the issue is not what the kids are wearing, but boundaries between the OP and her mom.

If the girl likes her CP backpack and doesn't care if anyone teases her (IF anyone teases her), then she should keep using it. Thank Granny nicely and put the PB backpack at the back of the closet; maybe DD will prefer it next year.

It's really not unusual for someone two generations removed to think that an outfit that a kid chooses lacks style. My mother was 48 years older than me, and it took years for her to accept that a post-pubescent teenage girl not wearing a girdle to school wasn't indecent -- and we won't even discuss her opinion of women wearing jeans. In such cases, I find the best thing to do is usually to chalk it up to an uncrossable generational divide and try to let it slide off your back. Yeah, it doesn't reflect well on Grandma, but if she has good intentions, then perhaps this battle just isn't really worth fighting.

 

[mommy2allgirls]

I don't care about brands my 6 year old wears things from Target and Walmart as does my 1 year old. However if my daughters see something at a store they like and we can afford it we get it. My mom is the one who brought up to my oldest that you must shop name brand or else you would be made fun of. I admit I make mistakes and will make other mistakes in life but name brand isn't important to me.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[mommy2allgirls]

My parents had money when I was in school but I had my own style and didn't care what others thought. My mom tells them they look dorky and things like that

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[Poohforyou]

I am so utterly thankful that my kids wore whatever I bought for them, and never did we worry about, or experience, children being teased by other children about their clothing. As teenagers they became more interested in shopping but in elementary school nobody really gave a hoot what anybody else wore. At least not the kids my children interacted with.

Surely I cannot be the only one who is seeing that as the real problem in this thread, not Granny encouraging the girls to be brand conscious?

This has been our experience as well. Dd is now 13 and will be entering high school in September. She still doesn't care about labels. If she something in target that she liked she'd ask for it. Never once that I know of has she been teased and she definitely doesn't wear typical teen girl clothes.

I think it's so sad that little girls are being picked on for the clothes they wear. Shame on the parents of the mean kids for teaching their children to be so superficial.

 

[MomofIndigo]

I'd cut granny some slack here in terms of intentions; I'm betting that there is a class migration involved in this scenario -- that the OP is better off than her parents were when she was in school. Granny probably remembers feeling really anguished that she didn't have the resources to spare the OP the teasing of classmates back then, and now she wants to make up for it. (There may also be some frugality issues as well.)

My question would be, is granny really making fun of the children's clothing, or questioning their choices, perhaps in a sort of joking way that she may think is lower-key? ("That dress is kind of baggy, don't you think? Does anyone else at school like that style?)

I would say that the most important issue would be; are the kids upset with Grandma over this situation, or is the OP the only one who is bothered by this? If the kids are not upset with granny, then the issue is not what the kids are wearing, but boundaries between the OP and her mom.

If the girl likes her CP backpack and doesn't care if anyone teases her (IF anyone teases her), then she should keep using it. Thank Granny nicely and put the PB backpack at the back of the closet; maybe DD will prefer it next year.

It's really not unusual for someone two generations removed to think that an outfit that a kid chooses lacks style. My mother was 48 years older than me, and it took years for her to accept that a post-pubescent teenage girl not wearing a girdle to school wasn't indecent -- and we won't even discuss her opinion of women wearing jeans. In such cases, I find the best thing to do is usually to chalk it up to an uncrossable generational divide and try to let it slide off your back. Yeah, it doesn't reflect well on Grandma, but if she has good intentions, then perhaps this battle just isn't really worth fighting.

I was seeing this too. My mother had me "late" and she never accepted that I wore pants and jeans. She thinks DD not wearing tights/hose with all her dresses and skirts is indecent and she doesnt understand leggings. LOL but at least she just tells me and not in front of DD

I would talk to your mom again but also have the girls tell her why they like the clothes they do and get in the habit of saying "But I like this Grandma. I like it because yadda yadda yadda" and train your mom to say " That is lovely dear, I am so glad you like it. It looks like you have a specific style you are perfecting." just like a little play

 

[MSLRAC]

I don't care about brands my 6 year old wears things from Target and Walmart as does my 1 year old. However if my daughters see something at a store they like and we can afford it we get it. My mom is the one who brought up to my oldest that you must shop name brand or else you would be made fun of. I admit I make mistakes and will make other mistakes in life but name brand isn't important to me.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

Exactly...I really don't see this as a brand thing. I buy my kids what they like whether we are at the mall or Target, provided it is age appropriate and affordable.

 

[mommy2allgirls]

Exactly...I really don't see this as a brand thing. I buy my kids what they like whether we are at the mall or Target, provided it is age appropriate and affordable.

Also I shop at resell shops and they pick out the clothes there. It's really only my oldest that now looks at the brands. My 8 year old just asks for dresses and shows me the style she wants. I don't fault my oldest for this I'm partially to blame and so is my mom. I have sent her an email with my feelings and will talk with the girls about letting her know if she says something. I also plan on talking to her face to face this week.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards