Are you a stay-at-home wife?

[ronandannette]

Could be. Things are different here in the states. Also, I don't know how your taxes work, but DH and I will move sometime after I retire because taxes here in New York state are out of control. In addition to high income and sales taxes, our property taxes are through the roof. We can move to other states and pay a fraction of the taxes, freeing up funds for fund things like travel. A house like ours 10 miles over into the next state has property taxes half of what we pay. It's absurd.

Good points. Our income tax is likely as high as yours but from what I understand your property taxes are breathtaking. Property taxes are municipal here, some higher and some lower, but nothing like the 10's of 1,000's I've seen mentioned. For example, on (give or take) a $500,000 home here, we pay $2,200 per year in tax. And the rate is based solely on assessed value, so it doesn't matter what kind of property you have, or where it's located etc. (other than how those things may influence an appraisal).

Our freedom from the burden of health insurance is another huge reason our circumstances are different. If we had to account for hundreds or even thousands of dollars per month to buy insurance, over the course of our lifetime, well, let's just say the impact of that would substantially change our lives.

 

[quandrea]

Good points. Our income tax is likely as high as yours but from what I understand your property taxes are breathtaking. Property taxes are municipal here, some higher and some lower, but nothing like the 10's of 1,000's I've seen mentioned. For example, on (give or take) a $500,000 home here, we pay $2,200 per year in tax. And the rate is based solely on assessed value, so it doesn't matter what kind of property you have, or where it's located etc. (other than how those things may influence an appraisal).

Our freedom from the burden of health insurance is another huge reason our circumstances are different. If we had to account for hundreds or even thousands of dollars per month to buy insurance, over the course of our lifetime, well, let's just say the impact of that would substantially change our lives.

Your property taxes sound better than mine! We are at $17000 per year now. We will be moving in ten years or so to escape that expense as we approach retirement. Even in Canada, property taxes vary wildly. I think the health care situation is the biggest game changer though.

 

[Micca]

Per my tag: Stay At Home Grandfather, I'm a SAHG

 

[ronandannette]

Your property taxes sound better than mine! We are at $17000 per year now. We will be moving in ten years or so to escape that expense as we approach retirement. Even in Canada, property taxes vary wildly. I think the health care situation is the biggest game changer though.

WOW, just wow! Whereabouts are you? I know in Calgary our taxes are pretty moderate, but that's weighed against all the "pay as you go" services provided by the city. My extended family live in a small northern city and their rate is double, or better than ours. I usually try to avoid the public/private health care here on the DIS but I really don't know how many Americans come up with that kind of money. It would change our lifestyle completely.

 

[ronandannette]

Per my tag: Stay At Home Grandfather, I'm a SAHG

Pronounced "sag", I presume?

 

[Micca]

Pronounced "sag", I presume?

Screen Actors Guild? Yeah I can sag...I mean hang with that.

 

[superme80]

Very interesting read. I have been a stay at home mother ever since I started my 2nd trimester with DS #1. It hasn't been easy, but it is the best choice for our family. I was in the work force for 10 years before coming home. I have friends who work, friends who stay home, and family where the husband stays home. I love having choices. My husband has commented several times how happy he is that I am home.

 

[quandrea]

WOW, just wow! Whereabouts are you? I know in Calgary our taxes are pretty moderate, but that's weighed against all the "pay as you go" services provided by the city. My extended family live in a small northern city and their rate is double, or better than ours. I usually try to avoid the public/private health care here on the DIS but I really don't know how many Americans come up with that kind of money. It would change our lifestyle completely.

Mississauga. Toronto has low property taxes but they too have the pay as you go scenario. Lots of Torontonians complain about property tax rates, but they don't know how good they've got it.

 

[North of Mouse]

This is a topic that I've thought about on and off for years. I always had imagined I would be a stay-at-home mom, and that was my heart's desire.

But as we know, life sometimes has other plans, and so far we haven't been able to have children. Regardless, I think I would just love to be a housewife. I like the traditional roles of husband/wife and I think I would be perfectly happy taking care of the home and volunteering at our church, while my husband works. And my husband would support me in that venture.

But I just can't bring myself to do it. I have a stable job with good benefits that I've been at over 10 years now. It would seem foolish to leave that on the table, and I likely won't ever do it unless we have children. With our two incomes combined, we are able to travel and pretty much buy what we want, but I'm in no way passionate about my office job and wouldn't miss it. I also feel like I would be incredibly judged by people. The first question someone asks when you meet them, "so what do you do?" I already get some pretty awful replies when I tell people I'm a secretary (although we do way more than that title implies), so I cannot imagine what they would say if I told them I don't work, and we don't have children. I know I shouldn't care what people think, but I think I'd even get some derogatory remarks from family.

Just something I've thought about a bit and wondering how many others have thought about it or are actually living it. And do you feel like people are supportive?

Just don't worry about what anyone thinks - just between you and dh! I never worked outside the home, raised 3 children, and we were/are all happy! I happily kept our home, did the cooking, cleaning, whatever, while dh brought home the 'bacon'!! Dh loved knowing I was home in the evening to greet him with dinner ready, and I loved doing it.

We took an annual vacation, lived within our means, bought a home, had a nice vehicle. Maybe we didn't have lots of extra, we dreamed, and now seem to even have more than a lot of our friends that have always had two incomes. Seems like sometimes the more you have, the more you spend without having a lot to show for it. Know it's not for everyone, but we have never had regrets, own a nice home and have no debts.

 

[Magpie]

Declaring this doesn't make it true. And it's judgy to boot. There are lots, lots of things that happen in life that all the planning in the world won't prevent. Lots.

Whether my DH lives or dies, I'll still have to work until I'm 70. Most definitely not what either one of us ever foresaw coming earlier in our lives. And that's in spite of having made all the conventionally "wise" financial decisions most prudent people would.

You're quite right, and I didn't mean to imply otherwise. I certainly didn't mean to suggest that the people mentioned in the previous post were to blame for their circumstance (though the previous poster does indeed seem to believe her friends and family are responsible for their misfortunes, since she was trying to use them as cautionary tales for the rest of us). The point I was actually trying to make is that financial planning is critically important regardless of whether you stay at home or go out to work.

There's no scenario in which you shouldn't try to plan wisely.

But even if you have sought out paid employment your whole life and saved and kept a diverse portfolio and tried to be the most accomplished and independent woman you possibly can be, and never, ever relied on another human being for anything, the earth can still fall out from under your feet. There are simply no guarantees in life.

Sadly, virtue isn't guaranteed to be rewarded, and sins aren't guaranteed to be punished, in this lifetime. All any of us can do is try to make the best decisions we can. And that includes sometimes deciding to stay home and keep house.

 

[ronandannette]

You're quite right, and I didn't mean to imply otherwise. I certainly didn't mean to suggest that the people mentioned in the previous post were to blame for their circumstance (though the previous poster does seem to believe her friends and family are). The point I was actually trying to make is that financial planning is critically important regardless of whether you stay at home or go out to work.

There's no scenario in which you shouldn't try to plan wisely.

But even if you have sought out paid employment your whole life and saved and kept a diverse portfolio and tried to be the most accomplished and independent woman you possibly can be, and never, ever relied on another human being for anything, the earth can still fall out from under your feet. There are simply no guarantees in life.

Sadly, virtue isn't guaranteed to be rewarded, and sins aren't guaranteed to be punished, in this lifetime. All any of us can do is try to make the best decisions we can. And that includes sometimes deciding to stay home and keep house.

Thanks.

 

[HarperLeigh]

I'm saying that people have to make their own choices but they should always know they have current and marketable skills to support themselves if they had to. This can be done through working outside the home, working from home, volunteering or other opportunities that can show you have skills an employer would value. Life insurance can help replace the income of a working spouse but it doesn't help if the marriage breaks up or the breadwinner spouse can no longer work at all. I like to have a plan B for everything. I understand that others are perfectly comfortable winging it if something unfortunate or unforeseen happens.

We aren't winging anything. If you knew anything about me, you'd know how absurd that statement is about me.

 

[HarperLeigh]

And how condescending to believe people that have made a well-informed decision are "winging it". I am done with this thread. My initial point has been proven over and over in this thread alone.

 

[Magpie]

I'm saying that people have to make their own choices but they should always know they have current and marketable skills to support themselves if they had to. This can be done through working outside the home, working from home, volunteering or other opportunities that can show you have skills an employer would value. Life insurance can help replace the income of a working spouse but it doesn't help if the marriage breaks up or the breadwinner spouse can no longer work at all. I like to have a plan B for everything. I understand that others are perfectly comfortable winging it if something unfortunate or unforeseen happens.

Exactly what "marketable skills" do you think every person should have?

Is there a list somewhere?

Since you included working within the home, as well as paid employment outside of the home, and volunteering, and "other opportunities", I think we're talking in circles here. Because I've got all kinds of interesting skills, as do most stay-at-home wives. As, in fact, do most other human beings, currently employed or not.

No one's suggesting it's a great idea to park oneself on the couch, watch soap operas and eat bon-bons all day. Obviously, everyone should strive to live a life in which they are active and engaged and learning new things. And - for me! - one of the really nice things about being a SAHW, is I do have a lot of time to dedicate to various personal projects.

My husband and I, after much discussion, made a conscious, deliberate decision about what we wanted our life to look like. We didn't "wing it".

 

[North of Mouse]

Thanks for posting. I was thinking the same thing. The question states staying home without children. For me, personally, nah.......I would want to work for my own self worth. If kids were a part of it, me obviously being a Mom then, that would possibly be a different reply.

Yep, stayed at home before, then after, kids!

 

[North of Mouse]

I admit I have often thought about women in the past, like in my mother's time (1950's-1960s) and how they didn't work before having kids. But while I think that was a bit odd, I find it odder still that women don't work in our current time. We have so many more conveniences and just don't have the need to be housewives full time without children. So, I guess I would be curious. What do you do? I don't think that is such a strange question.

Really? I don't know too many housewives that run out of things to do. I sure never did - with/without children. Having a nice yard with flowers, a vegetable garden, cooking nice meals from scratch, running needful errands, etc. etc. etc. So, not so odd, or odder still, as you put it!!

We don't all enjoy the same things, and doubt anyone that doesn't have a busy life as a SAH wife/mother, or enjoy it, would do it in the first place. I always wanted every minute with my babies (before Kindergarten) and have no regrets that's what I did for all three of mine.

 

[disykat]

Very interesting read. I have been a stay at home mother ever since I started my 2nd trimester with DS #1. It hasn't been easy, but it is the best choice for our family. I was in the work force for 10 years before coming home. I have friends who work, friends who stay home, and family where the husband stays home. I love having choices. My husband has commented several times how happy he is that I am home.

Isn't it great when real life isn't like these kinds of DIS threads? I have been in all of the above circumstances and have friends in all of the above circumstances and have never had an issue. Most of my friends have enjoyed the freedom to make whatever choice works for them and I've always considered that a wonderful thing. But on the DIS? Whew! I think one of the reasons I feel the need to defend is because it's just so odd to me that people make such assumptions.

 

[Saphire]

Really? I don't know too many housewives that run out of things to do. I sure never did - with/without children. Having a nice yard with flowers, a vegetable garden, cooking nice meals from scratch, running needful errands, etc. etc. etc. So, not so odd, or odder still, as you put it!!

We don't all enjoy the same things, and doubt anyone that doesn't have a busy life as a SAH wife/mother, or enjoy it, would do it in the first place. I always wanted every minute with my babies (before Kindergarten) and have no regrets that's what I did for all three of mine.

The topic here is women without children that stay home. I respectfully am curious about it. Children bring an enormous amount of business and activity into a family. But without them, I remain curious as to how the time is filled.

Now I understand about hobbies, volunteer work, and self-fulfillment activites, but it *seems* there would still be a lot of time left in a week. Just because I am asking does not mean I am judging.

 

[disykat]

The topic here is women without children that stay home. I respectfully am curious about it. Children bring an enormous amount of business and activity into a family. But without them, I remain curious as to how the time is filled.

Now I understand about hobbies, volunteer work, and self-fulfillment activites, but it *seems* there would still be a lot of time left in a week. Just because I am asking does not mean I am judging.

Your post does not sound judgmental, but I'm not sure how you remain curious when so many people have answered. It's understood that it wouldn't be what you would choose, but I'm not sure how anyone can answer more fully without giving you a minute by minute plan to critique. Isn't it enough that the people here who aren't working by choice because they feel like it works for them feel like their time is well spent? If not, why isn't that enough?

 

[Saphire]

I read many replies from women with children here, but only a few answering the question of the OP. Again, the question was for women who stay home and don't have children. And so, I am still curious.