Anyone separate from or divorce their spouse and years later reconciled? Tell me about it

[Disney1fan2002]

Thanks everyone for the responses. Not too many personal experiences, but enough of you know people who have. So, I can see it may not be as uncommon as I thought. I can't speak for him, but I am going into this with eyes wide open. I have had 7 years to look back and see where our problems were. Mainly it was communication. Also, the stress of both working and raising 3 kids. The kids are grown now, so we can focus on us. We never fought, and that was a problem. We would still piss each other off, but keep it inside, because we both had a problem with communication. I can't say that will get better, I hope it does, but at least now I know and I can try harder.

I also was able to see, once I moved out, that he is probably on the spectrum. My oldest DS has asperger's and watching him as an adult now, I realize his dad probably has it too. It was just not dx'd in the 70's. So, rather than get frustrated or angry when he reacts a certain way to a situation that I don't find is appropriate, I will have a better understanding and maybe more patience.

 

[Katie Dawn]

I don't know anyone, but I think it's great you feel your relationship has grown and changed to a new stage, and you're considering what that means going forward.

If I might give some unsolicited advice: if you were my friend I would urge you to do some "marriage counseling" now, where you can hash stuff out before fully committing to changing the current relationship and/or one of you moving to be closer. It would actually be really easy to do in different states now that most any clinician (including therapists) do Zoom-type appointments.

Best wishes to you!

 

[Micca]

We have begun a discussion about reconciling. We realize it is going to take a lot of work. Lots of things to consider, and it may not happen. I hope it does happen, but if it doesn't I am OK with that too.

I don't normally get involved with these types of issues but I will ask: If it's going well, why change it? All the best to you!

 

[starry_solo]

I don't know anyone, but I think it's great you feel your relationship has grown and changed to a new stage, and you're considering what that means going forward.

If I might give some unsolicited advice: if you were my friend I would urge you to do some "marriage counseling" now, where you can hash stuff out before fully committing to changing the current relationship and/or one of you moving to be closer. It would actually be really easy to do in different states now that most any clinician (including therapists) do Zoom-type appointments.

Best wishes to you!

it would be difficult unless the clinician was licensed in both states. One of my clients is looking for a clinician/therapist that is licensed in both CA and MI...yeah, can’t find one yet....

 

[we"reofftoneverland]

OP, sounds like a happy ending! Good luck!

 

[BadPinkTink]

one of my neighbours did.

They were married in the 1970's, their kids are around my age, but in the late 1990's divorced. They remained friends and co parents, but just figured out that marriage didn't work for them.

She did have another relationship but for the last 15 years she has been on her own.

Over the years, he would spend Christmas with her and the kids and would turn up at her house every so often to do odd jobs, like fixing up the yard etc.

A few years ago he passed away. He was very ill in hospital before he died and he told them she was his wife, so that she would be allowed in and would be there when he died.

Seeing them, and how some people can be soul mates and BFF but just can't be married , made me realize that divorce is not the end and its ok to say we can't stay in this marriage. So many stay in an unhappy relationship, because they think there is no other way, but there is, it just takes work and a level of maturity.

 

[ronandannette]

one of my neighbours did.

They were married in the 1970's, their kids are around my age, but in the late 1990's divorced. They remained friends and co parents, but just figured out that marriage didn't work for them.

She did have another relationship but for the last 15 years she has been on her own.

Over the years, he would spend Christmas with her and the kids and would turn up at her house every so often to do odd jobs, like fixing up the yard etc.

A few years ago he passed away. He was very ill in hospital before he died and he told them she was his wife, so that she would be allowed in and would be there when he died.

Seeing them, and how some people can be soul mates and BFF but just can't be married , made me realize that divorce is not the end and its ok to say we can't stay in this marriage. So many stay in an unhappy relationship, because they think there is no other way, but there is, it just takes work and a level of maturity.

I don't understand what you're saying here. Did they reconcile and remarry or didn't they? It doesn't sound to me like they did and if they didn't, they're not an example of what the OP is referring to. If she was looking for examples of couples who went on to have friendly and meaningful relationships after divorce, well, there are many people who have. It's not the same. And as you pointed out, one or both almost always go on to couple-up with others.