Anyone else go overboard with budgeting/saving money?

[rnorwo1]

Do you have an actual job that brings in money? Or have you made micromanaging your finances your job?

Yes, I do have a job, one that pays extremely well, although I can't possibly see what that has to do with anything?!?

 

[QVCshopper]

I am just like this, although maybe not as bad with the clothes! We spend so much on kids' education and extra-curricular, vacations (but not the food!), etc... things I truly value. I hope you can "get over" the wedding costs, I'm sure you'd regret not being there, although it would pain me if I wasn't interested in going to Jamaica any way.

Thanks again everyone, I've gotten some good tips and encouragement, now it's probably just a matter of doing. Hope I can stick with it.

You know, I'm going to throw out my shorts tomorrow. I just liked them, but they are too old now (I tend to wear things out). Once it gets cooler, I am good with clothes. It's just my summer wardrobe that has gotten quite terrible from pregnancies and extra weight. Hopefully I'll lose 20 lbs now that my older two are back in school. Trying to make time for myself--and I'm going to reward myself for good eating and exercising.

Good luck with changing, it is a struggle with me and probably always will be. No one really understands, unless they have the same outlook on life. Part of my thing is I don't like tons of stuff, so I don't buy tons in the first place, and I like to use things up before replacing. But, I have found shopping at the Goodwill and other used stores helps me with "splurging."

Funny about the poster above me; just because you worry, they think you don't have a job.

 

[rigs32]

QVCshopper - you don't *have* to go to the wedding. Or all 5 of you don't have to go. It's hard for me to empathize because in this economy, the percentage of people with five figures in the bank is low.

 

[lilpig]

While I also do not have the same funds as QVC or others with the same way of thinking, it is a way thinking that takes hold of you and unless you do it you will not understand it.

I also have problems in this area, I do not have problems buying for my husband and children. But I have a really hard time buying for myself and when I do I have tremendous guilt.

When we go out to eat I also think about how much a pop cost for everyone and that we could go out to eat more if we drank water every time or what else I could do with that money. ( for a family of 5 it is almost $15).

My parents also did not have money as I was growing up, I had a sickly sibling and the medical treatments were costly.

Anxiety is real, and when I am working on "penny pinching" it can seem worse. I have realized for myself anxiety drives me to do it (worry about not having enough for my family. food, resources..whatever it maybe) and then anxiety happens while I do it (because I am over thinking and knowing I need to relax)

So I have "talks" with myself..I reassure myself, " we have a budget, we have groceries, everything is taken care of. I am allowed to have fun. I can spend a little extra"

I have given myself a "fun fund" where I spend it every month, it is just for me I can buy for only myself or take a friend to lunch. The hitch is I have to spend it. ( I know for some this makes no sense but that is because you do not have the same problem, sorry) The dollar amount is small (to some), but enough that to me it means something.

So OP my suggestions are give your self "pep" talks and give your self an amount that you must spend every month.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I wrestle with this type of thing myself, so I can relate. We're a family of 6, so we rarely eat out at home--it costs $100 just to say "hello" at most places. And although DH has a good job, and we're not hurting financially, it still seems like money flies out of here for the kids.

Anyway, I have a Disney credit card. I charge everything to it, then pay off the balance each month. The points I earn then go to pay for our meals when we're at WDW. We only go every other year, so I had (I think) somewhere around $700 in points on the card last trip.

If getting the card is not something you're willing to do, let me suggest a variation of this: Figure out your food costs for the trip. Include a few splurges, like ice-cream, drinks, and that Yak and Yeti meal you're considering. Don't forget tax and tip. Then, come up with a figure for Disney meals (I probably would do this, separate from the in-room meals, but that's your call). Now, put aside that money from the overall trip budget, and putit on a gift card. Disney, of course, unless you're including all food costs, and some would be off-site. I think it would bother you less if you knew the money was already allocated for this specific purpose. Then, a day or two before heading home, see how you're doing as to the card balance. Have extra? Good for you! Spend it on a treat or two before you leave. Tell yourself this is food money that you budgeted for.

I find that if I can separate out the money, I can "let it go" a lot easier. Does that make sense? I also grew up poor, and I know it affected me deeply. But, I'm trying very hard not to let my money issues become my children's issues. And it seems to be working, DD17 is acting very price-insensitive when looking at colleges, and it's darn near killing me. But that's a story for another thread...

 

[dreaming4disney]

I think I understand: You like to save as much money as you can, but it can be difficult to unwind and spend a little more sometimes. Its a mindset that can be hard to turn on and off.

My advise: Life is short and if it were all over tomorrow, do you want to look back and count up how much money you saved in drinks at dinner over vacation or do you want to look back and remember the good times at dinner that you had on vacation. Put aside vacations and a few other times/circumstances were every dime saved is less important then those moments. I think you will be happier for it.

 

[tajz90]

I have come to the realization today that when it comes to saving money, I am nuts. Not extreme cheapskates nuts, but still a little off the deep end. We are in pretty good shape financially, thanks to my tightwad ways.... Not wealthy by any means, but no debt other than small amount left on mortgage, on track with retirement, and decent savings. I enjoy saving money on things we buy and planning/budgeting it, and I think that's ok. I also think that no matter how much you have, you still need to be mindful of how you spend it. What I'm worried about is that I don't know how to "let go" sometimes, when we can absolutely afford it.

Sometimes I will worry myself sick over letting the money go even though we can afford it. I think that can be just as unhealthy.
I have people in my life that will say "your lucky you have it, go ahead and spend". I can't afford to think like that because I personally think that's the attitude that has gotten so many of us in trouble in this country. It's a fine line. You can't take it with you and none of us are promised a tomorrow, but you certainly have to have a plan and we all really need to learn to take care of ourselves.

 

[QVCshopper]

QVCshopper - you don't *have* to go to the wedding. Or all 5 of you don't have to go. It's hard for me to empathize because in this economy, the percentage of people with five figures in the bank is low.

Thanks. Most of the money is for retirement and college for the kids, so I don't feel like its even there to spend. We really don't make incredibly much, I think there was only one year we crossed over into three figures and that was a long time ago when I was working full-time. We just save a lot. I put away 50% and my hubby puts away the max amount into 401k, plus Roths, plus 529s, and Ed IRAs, which means there's not tons to play with after all the saving. We went to a charity benefit for big donators and were by far the lowest income there... I was also dressed completely wrong, lol.

The wedding.... I'll write to the travel agent today after I throw out the shorts. We are even forgoing other trips to go. I also still contemplate moving to get into a better school district for my kids and a bigger house. That may happen eventually.

Sorry to talk about me, OP, but I think there are some others like you.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Yes, I think this all comes from growing up poor, my parents fought all the time about money, neighbor bought us food, food stamps, WIC, etc. I'm also like the OP, and I meant to write back earlier today.


We have nearly seven figures in the bank and I wear ripped shorts. I tell myself it's because I am waiting to lose baby weight--which is true--and I have plenty in a smaller size. But I won't buy the bigger size to look nicer. I am trying to lose though. And I wanted to get myself a frozen yogurt and won't due to the price... I have been getting a little better recently with the spending. I bought $20 Lands End jeans since my last two pairs ripped after I wore them so much. And I do enjoy trips and spending on experiences. And I had my baby--which I've wanted for years and years--even if she means more college expenses, etc.

However, I heard about the male gymnastic Olympian who got a job and handed his mom the paycheck. I want to be like him.

If you really have nearly seven figures in the bank - that is close to A MILLION DOLLARS - you should not have to wear ripped shorts!

Please go on a shopping spree - you deserve it and have the cash!

 

[rnorwo1]

Thanks. Most of the money is for retirement and college for the kids, so I don't feel like its even there to spend. We really don't make incredibly much, I think there was only one year we crossed over into three figures and that was a long time ago when I was working full-time. We just save a lot. I put away 50% and my hubby puts away the max amount into 401k, plus Roths, plus 529s, and Ed IRAs, which means there's not tons to play with after all the saving. We went to a charity benefit for big donators and were by far the lowest income there... I was also dressed completely wrong, lol.

The wedding.... I'll write to the travel agent today after I throw out the shorts. We are even forgoing other trips to go. I also still contemplate moving to get into a better school district for my kids and a bigger house. That may happen eventually.

Sorry to talk about me, OP, but I think there are some others like you.

Haha. No worries, we can all grow from similar stories.

I started saving gift money and little extras I found over two years ago, putting them in an envelope and telling myself it was for little splurges for myself. I have yet to use it on me. I also have those fears that something is going to happen and I'll need that money, which is crazy because we have emergency savings. Guess I need to just make myself take some of it and buy something. Maybe my feelings will change after doing that a few times.

 

[ilovemk76]

Yes, I think this all comes from growing up poor, my parents fought all the time about money, neighbor bought us food, food stamps, WIC, etc. I'm also like the OP, and I meant to write back earlier today.

I once spoke to a rep from Suze Orman about this issue when I wrote into the show, but because I didn't fight with my hubby about it, they weren't interested. But it is so hard for me to spend money.

We have nearly seven figures in the bank and I wear ripped shorts. I tell myself it's because I am waiting to lose baby weight--which is true--and I have plenty in a smaller size. But I won't buy the bigger size to look nicer. I am trying to lose though. And I wanted to get myself a frozen yogurt and won't due to the price... I have been getting a little better recently with the spending. I bought $20 Lands End jeans since my last two pairs ripped after I wore them so much. And I do enjoy trips and spending on experiences. And I had my baby--which I've wanted for years and years--even if she means more college expenses, etc.

That said, my sister is getting married in Jamaica, and the expense for 5 of us is killing me and getting between us. It really makes me mad that someone else is choosing how I spend my money. I'm trying to get over it, really really hard, but it's so much and I wish she'd just save like I do and have her wedding here...

However, I heard about the male gymnastic Olympian who got a job and handed his mom the paycheck. I want to be like him.

I think is it sad that you have a million dollars in the bank and you would not want to attend your sister's wedding.

 

[Granny square]

I think is it sad that you have a million dollars in the bank and you would not want to attend your sister's wedding.

No kidding! And how sad not to see it as a life expanding adventure. . At a certain point it goes from being smart and planning well to being miserly.abd teaching children that they are not worth taking care of themselves. That they should grow up wearing torn shorts as you show the example. That family and their siblings are not worth traveling for or speeding money on, should one dream of a destination wedding.

 

[Tiger926]

I think is it sad that you have a million dollars in the bank and you would not want to attend your sister's wedding.

I am not sure how this thread is now about this other poster, but I don't see the same extreme behaviour with the actual OP of the thread, although she may get there one day. I see a lot of bragging about how much money this poster has, and in the same posts, bragging about how she can't or won't spend that money.

I know millionaires who also wear ripped shorts, and it's really nothing about money, but fear and control issues. It's about accumulation and the power and status one has over others in the hoarding of such assets.

I wish the OP well in her vacation, and I hope this posters rectifies within herself that she should attend her sister's wedding.

Tiger

 

[QVCshopper]

I am not sure how this thread is now about this other poster, but I don't see the same extreme behaviour with the actual OP of the thread, although she may get there one day. I see a lot of bragging about how much money this poster has, and in the same posts, bragging about how she can't or won't spend that money.

I know millionaires who also wear ripped shorts, and it's really nothing about money, but fear and control issues. It's about accumulation and the power and status one has over others in the hoarding of such assets.

I wish the OP well in her vacation, and I hope this posters rectifies within herself that she should attend her sister's wedding.

Tiger

Well, I certainly don't mean it as bragging. Didn't I used to do the no-buy thread with you? I feel like I have a real problem, as do my family and friends in real life. My kids have very nice clothes, tons of toys. And I have nice clothes, but I'm struggling with my weight gain from a recent pregnancy and none fit.

Anyhow, what power and status do I have over anyone else? I send my kids to a very diverse school and volunteer a great deal there to make it better, I'm on the school board and everything. I give to charities, try to help others. But, this thread isn't about me, and I wish the OP and everyone else all the best--as I seem to have taken the spotlight, I won't be back.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Haha. No worries, we can all grow from similar stories.

I started saving gift money and little extras I found over two years ago, putting them in an envelope and telling myself it was for little splurges for myself. I have yet to use it on me. I also have those fears that something is going to happen and I'll need that money, which is crazy because we have emergency savings. Guess I need to just make myself take some of it and buy something. Maybe my feelings will change after doing that a few times.

What about stores like TJ Maxx where you can purchase nice things but not full price or Nordstrom's Off Rack? Right now is a great time to purchase end of season things for you. Or try something small as a "splurge" like a frozen coffee at starbucks or a nice lunch out for just yourself. You have to be good to yourself because sometimes that is the only person that will be good to you.

I came from nothing and to me security is a full pantry and freezer. I freak out when I let it get low like before vacations or before another move. I know realistically I have the money to fill it back up but for me it is a security thing.

My husband, however, is a numbers guy and likes to see a specific number in the bank for his security. We get to his happy number and then transfer the leftovers to our fun accounts or specific savings account.

We also do not scrimp and save year round for that ONE vacation a year. We don't have the luxury of taking a vacation every year due to schedules. I want us to have memories of enjoying life and not worrying everyday about this, that or the other. We go to festivals and fairs, sports games, and out to the movies.

Life is going to pass people by while they are counting every nickle in the bank. Enjoy your time and your family while balancing the safety net.

 

[Tiger926]

Well, I certainly don't mean it as bragging. Didn't I used to do the no-buy thread with you? I feel like I have a real problem, as do my family and friends in real life. My kids have very nice clothes, tons of toys. And I have nice clothes, but I'm struggling with my weight gain from a recent pregnancy and none fit.

Anyhow, what power and status do I have over anyone else? I send my kids to a very diverse school and volunteer a great deal there to make it better, I'm on the school board and everything. I give to charities, try to help others. But, this thread isn't about me, and I wish the OP and everyone else all the best--as I seem to have taken the spotlight, I won't be back.

No, I have never been involved in a no-buy thread.

The power and status is saying you have 7 figures in the bank, since most people do not have that amount of savings; therefore, you are in an elite position over most of everywhere one else around you. You also have a comfort zone and safety net that most don't have, which it sounds like you have worked hard to accumulate, and that is personal power as well.

I have no idea why you feel the need to continually tell us what you have and what you do in the community. None of that is relevant to the OP struggling to not micromanage her finances, nor is any of it relevant to how much money you have in the bank, so I feel that perhaps this thread is cathartic for you and not so much about the OP? Perhaps I'm wrong...?

Tiger

 

[ilovemk76]

No kidding! And how sad not to see it as a life expanding adventure. . At a certain point it goes from being smart and planning well to being miserly.abd teaching children that they are not worth taking care of themselves. That they should grow up wearing torn shorts as you show the example. That family and their siblings are not worth traveling for or speeding money on, should one dream of a destination wedding.

From another thread about deodorant, one of the older two is 8. They are old enough to know the aunt is getting married and will have heard the poster saying it cost too much money. The poster says she was scarred by her parents fighting over money. What is she going to say when the kid asks, "Are we poor? Is that why we did not go to my aunt's wedding?"

 

[Tiger926]

From another thread about deodorant, one of the older two is 8. They are old enough to know the aunt is getting married and will have heard the poster saying it cost too much money. The poster says she was scarred by her parents fighting over money. What is she going to say when the kid asks, "Are we poor? Is that why we did not go to my aunt's wedding?"

I don't think this poster will be back.

Perhaps though there is something here that can help the OP.

It's great to save money, but when it affects the immediate family in a detrimental way like them not feeling like they want to go on vacation as they've dealt with the micromanaging for months, or in the above case, where someone has chosen not to go to a sibling's wedding not because she can't afford it, get time off of work or has a strained relationship with the sibling, but simply because she struggles to actually spend money on things perhaps due to a difficult childhood, then this is where a step back and re-evaluation of finances is necessary, IMHO. I used to have very similar micromanaging issues, and I've taken a step back, as it can become all consuming, especially with things like vacations. Pennies can be watched and budgets kept, but it should be done in a balanced way, not in an extreme or obsessive way.

I have no doubt that OP and Qvcshopper have built up a nice savings and seem to be in a positive financial place due to hard work and responsible behaviour, but at what cost has this come?

Tiger

 

[QVCshopper]

No, I have never been involved in a no-buy thread.

The power and status is saying you have 7 figures in the bank, since most people do not have that amount of savings; therefore, you are in an elite position over most of everywhere one else around you. You also have a comfort zone and safety net that most don't have, which it sounds like you have worked hard to accumulate, and that is personal power as well.

I have no idea why you feel the need to continually tell us what you have and what you do in the community. None of that is relevant to the OP struggling to not micromanage her finances, nor is any of it relevant to how much money you have in the bank, so I feel that perhaps this thread is cathartic for you and not so much about the OP? Perhaps I'm wrong...?

Tiger

This will be my last post on the disboards. I have been thinking about leaving and this is the final straw. I don't know why you feel the need to say such mean things. I have mentioned previously about my mortgage, but this was the first time I ever mentioned a number. I didn't mean it as bragging, I just like talking about money and I can't do it in real life. People seem to find it rude and uncomfortable, but I find it interesting. It's a hobby of sorts. I put it in there this time to show how ridiculous I'm being lately.

To the other poster about deorderant, my oldest is seven. She knows we are not poor, that came up during a conversation when her classmate told her that she was poor herself. Half of the school gets free or reduced lunch. That's why I'm trying to help so much there. I am in charge of all of the fund raising through boxtops, labels for education, target, food stores, etc. as well as the finances. No one else wanted the job, so I volunteered. Cutting out 10,000 little box tops is very luxurious, isn't it?

As for the power issue , I'm an overweight SAHM who loves her hubby and kids and works in her basement at night. I'm no better than anyone else, but I do try to help others by giving and serving to my community. It's a fact, not a brag. I do wish other people would help more, though, as it seems to always be the same 10 people at every single event.

Today, I wrote to the travel agent and threw out my shorts (which ripped about a month ago from constant washing and wearing), but I'm not buying more because I'm sick and tired of being overweight. And I did not say I wasn't going to my sister's wedding up above, I said it was extremely hard for me to spend that kind of money on a trip. It's going to cost $6k, probably more, which is probably double what we've ever spent before. And my brother is not going, and he makes more than me and my hubby combined and has two less kids.

So, on that note, good night. Instead of reading the disboards, I'm going to spend my time doing better things like playing with my kids more and exercising.

Oh, and the lady on the no-buy was Tigger something. She was nice.

 

[rentayenta]

Moderation is key.