Anyone else go overboard with budgeting/saving money?

[rnorwo1]

I have come to the realization today that when it comes to saving money, I am nuts. Not extreme cheapskates nuts, but still a little off the deep end. We are in pretty good shape financially, thanks to my tightwad ways.... Not wealthy by any means, but no debt other than small amount left on mortgage, on track with retirement, and decent savings. I enjoy saving money on things we buy and planning/budgeting it, and I think that's ok. I also think that no matter how much you have, you still need to be mindful of how you spend it. What I'm worried about is that I don't know how to "let go" sometimes, when we can absolutely afford it.

Today I planned out our meals for our upcoming trip for the 15th time (mardi gras vacation... Yes, 6 months away and I'm still obsessing over this). I have every single meal on a spreadsheet, ones we can eat in the room, ones we can split, ones we can eat off-site, etc. I have poured over the menus and am already trying to convince my DH that he doesn't really need to order a drink at each meal. I've made an ADR at Yak and Yetti and canceled it several times... I've always wanted to eat there, but just seems like it'll be a lot for a meal that sounds like the same type of food we can get at home from PF Changs. I really want to try the dessert wontons, but I keep asking if $100 plus for the whole meal is worth one dessert? I totally see the flaws in that reasoning, but I can't stop!

We have a very healthy vacation savings account, we have the money for all of this, and our financial lives would be no better off in the grand scheme of things if I saved a couple of hundred on meals over the week! And I know divorce will be a budget buster if I don't let go of adding up the costs of all my DH's drinks at meals seriously, what is wrong

It's not just vacations, I can list several other areas of my life. And I'm not just talking about having fun shopping for bargains, which I will always love and do. Does anyone else have this problem? Any tips on how to let go and enjoy???

 

[StayCool]

It sounds like you have some anxiety about money which leads you to try to control it and save as much as you do. You *know* that you are fine but it *feels* wrong. Try booking the meal you want and have your dh pay for the meal. Don't look at the receipt until you get home. Then maybe try this now and then. Hopefully over time you will be able to enjoy the occasional splurge.

 

[Ginny Favers]

You actually sound like my mom. My father never made a lot of money, so my mother became a huge budget-minder. They were slaves to this budget. My mother would go to many stores every week to find the lowest prices on things, they'd drive out of the way if gas was a few cents cheaper, they'd water down the milk, oj, and ketchup and save a ball of aluminum foil and cooking grease, they'd always buy used everything, never go out to eat or splurge, ever. Because of this, my father retired at 50 with 7 figures in the bank, under the assurances of his financial advisor that even if they lived extravagantly, he would never have to work again.

Obviously, they do not live extravagantly, even now. It's too much a part of their life. They have the money in the bank but never spend it. They still save aluminum foil and don't buy anything without a coupon and water down drinks and never order anything other than water when they go to restaurants. Sometimes I have to say to them, "PLEASE, spend my inheritence and have a good time." But saving IS their good time. They get as thrilled with saving money as some people get on an extravagant vacation.

I do think there's a lot of fear there, and that it can become a bit of an obsession. There are worse obsessions you can have. It seems as though you're not COMPLETELY obsessed with savings-- you ARE going on vacation, at least! My parents refused to do even that.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

Last weekend TLC had an "Extreme Couponing" marathon running. I caught a few episodes and it really made me wonder. One lady spent 20 hours a week planning her coupon strategy. She begs coupons from everyone she knows and even from people she doesn't know. She stocks up on stuff, ends up paying very little for it all and keeps it in her basement. If she doesn't have 100 boxes of cereal on hand, she starts to panic. 40 bags of Doritos, 60 packets of pancake mix...some of this stuff has expiration dates and will be stale or expired before she and her daughter get to eat it. I'm thinking there may be more going on with her than just wanting/needing to save money. Food hoarding maybe? I don't know.

You sound nothing like this lady! You sound like me. I am planning a family trip to Hawaii for July 2013. I have already priced it out about 15 different ways - flights, hotels, car, no car. I am struggling a little with the hotel...stay where I really want to stay or stay someplace cheaper. The difference is about $400 right now. I'm not ready to book yet, so I'll continue to look for a "deal". I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to get the most for your hard earned money. That said, I know I need to relax and let go every once in a while...stay in the nicer hotel and enjoy it.

I say re-reserve Yak & Yeti, get a nice meal with those dessert wontons and enjoy!!!

 

[coastiewifern]

I totally understand that fear of spending $. Some of us have trained ourselves that spending is bad. Over the past few years my husband started speaking up about how aspects of this were bugging him. I've worked on it and realize now that if you can afford to spend then sometimes it is ok. Especially on a vacation. If you can afford to then splurge a little. Vacation is supposed to be a break from the norm so what better time to take a break from the budget.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

I have come to the realization today that when it comes to saving money, I am nuts. Not extreme cheapskates nuts, but still a little off the deep end. We are in pretty good shape financially, thanks to my tightwad ways.... Not wealthy by any means, but no debt other than small amount left on mortgage, on track with retirement, and decent savings. I enjoy saving money on things we buy and planning/budgeting it, and I think that's ok. I also think that no matter how much you have, you still need to be mindful of how you spend it. What I'm worried about is that I don't know how to "let go" sometimes, when we can absolutely afford it.

Today I planned out our meals for our upcoming trip for the 15th time (mardi gras vacation... Yes, 6 months away and I'm still obsessing over this). I have every single meal on a spreadsheet, ones we can eat in the room, ones we can split, ones we can eat off-site, etc. I have poured over the menus and am already trying to convince my DH that he doesn't really need to order a drink at each meal. I've made an ADR at Yak and Yetti and canceled it several times... I've always wanted to eat there, but just seems like it'll be a lot for a meal that sounds like the same type of food we can get at home from PF Changs. I really want to try the dessert wontons, but I keep asking if $100 plus for the whole meal is worth one dessert? I totally see the flaws in that reasoning, but I can't stop!

We have a very healthy vacation savings account, we have the money for all of this, and our financial lives would be no better off in the grand scheme of things if I saved a couple of hundred on meals over the week! And I know divorce will be a budget buster if I don't let go of adding up the costs of all my DH's drinks at meals seriously, what is wrong

It's not just vacations, I can list several other areas of my life. And I'm not just talking about having fun shopping for bargains, which I will always love and do. Does anyone else have this problem? Any tips on how to let go and enjoy???

I sincerely doubt that you want any tips or advice.

There's a difference between being money-conscious and downright cheap.

Everyone, no matter how much money you have, should watch what they spend.

I work with a 70 year old man who is so cheap with himself that I actually feel sorry for him. He has spent his own life saving every single penny, never spending any more than he has to. He wears smelly cloths to work, cuts his own hair, doesn't own a car, no cable, no nothing. He brings the same thing for lunch every single day I have worked with him.

I know for a fact that he has plenty of money in the bank and will not spend a dime on himself because he gets more pleasure in saving than spending. To what end? He has spent his whole life saving, that he can't even force himself to spend money on his own self. It's very, very sad.

When a person worries about their own spouse buying a drink at a meal...then that person has a serious issue that no message board is going to solve.

 

[Pumbaa_]

you are a perfect candidate for the dining plan. Pre-pay, order what you want and not worry about each decision at each meal.

Or put your budget on a gift card and your DH in charge of the bill. Can't stress about what you don't see!

 

[Granny square]

I can't imagine telling my husband he can't have a drink. Or fretting my brain about it. The dp does sound like a way to not have to control others.

 

[Lesleyluvsdisney]

If anywhere, your vacation is where you should splurge!! It's your break from reality!!

We always have the DP so you don't really think of the cost of each meal. x

 

[NotUrsula]

Yep. I call them "radishes at Tara" moments.

Most of us who do this have some legacy of poverty in our backgrounds. In my case, I'm determined never to go back there again.

 

[Jill in Chicago]

Everyone has their "thing." I sat on the plane, down to Disney, with a lovely lady, and got to know her adorable little girl. Right before we got off she said, "Wow I need a cigarette," followed by, "I know that is so bad."
'
I said, "Look at me. Obviously I eat too much, and I drink too much too. We all have our thing."

None of us is perfectly adjusted. The key is to know what your thing is, and you do. And yes you have to be aware of how your "thing" affects those around you. I cannot know what your husband thinks, but if my spouse made a comment about one drink I would be pissed. I say keep those comments in your head, and remind yourself that you have your "thing," and he has his. Period.

But, and this is huge, just because I would be annoyed about the drink comment, does NOT mean your husband is. What one couple thinks is a mean/horrible/unacceptable thing to say, another couple does not care.

One person may think it is sad about your money choices, I say it's your hobby. If it makes you feel in control, and your husband is on board, who cares if this is how you choose to live your life. If, on the other hand, this is annoying your husband, then yes you need to figure out how to make it work for both of you.

 

[IUTBAM]

I am a SAHM, and back in the day when the kids were little and we had less money, I was also very anal retentive about planning vacations to WDW and DLR. I would spend hours studying menus to find the best values, and had spreadsheets with meals, approximate costs, what meals we would eat off-site or in the room, grocery lists with coupons, etc. when we went on vacation. I'm over that now. We've been so many times that I don't feel the need to do it. And, our income has tripled since then, so I don't worry about every penny we spend.

That being said, even though my DH makes a very comfortable salary, and we don't have to worry about day to day expenses, we are frugal...very frugal by the standards of other people who make the type of salary my DH does. We drink water when we got out to eat (we do enjoy eating out on average once a week, but we cringe if the bill for the four of us....two adults, two teens...goes over $50-60...we eat at chain restaurants, and I keep coupons in my purse all the time for dining out, and groceries). We don't have cable (we don't watch TV...the shows and movies we like are watched on DVD). My kids and I use pre-paid cell phones. The only reason my DH has an I-phone is because the company pays for it. The TV's in our house range from 15-20 years old (and we only have two). Our desktop is 6 years old, and our laptop is almost four years old. We don't buy new electronics until the old ones break. My 19 y/o daughter and I actually enjoy shopping at thrift stores...in fact, she told me last week (as she purchased a pair of like-new jeans from Express at Goodwill for $3 (they would have been $60 at Express) that she could NEVER go back to shopping in the mall or department stores. I get my hair cut at a low-cost salon, and I don't get facials/manicures, etc. We just enjoy living a simple life, and not wasting money.

 

[Tiger926]

People are free to allocate their monies to certain budgets, but if you are obsessing, compulsing and anxious about it, like you are, then that could become problematic.

You are micromanaging everything in order to control the situation. Is this the only area of your life in which you do this? If so, then it is related to money, but if not, then you may need to get a handle on this behaviour, as it may affect your daily life, as well as your actual vacation.

I would say it's prudent to look at the total meal cost and decide whether or not it's worth it or not, but when you are obsessing about your husband spending $2.00 on a pop at dinner, and finances are not an issue, then that could be a problem for both of you.

I wish you luck in getting through the next few months - I am a planner and superior organizer and love to micromanage, but I don't do it in such a way, that it adversely affects my family in any way, shape or form. We are frugal in many ways, but splurge in others, and are in the middle with other areas. We own DVC which is a splurge to many, but since we cook most of our meals in our villa, our vacations cost less in a 1 bedroom villa than what some people are spending to stay at a Value Resort. So, we allocate our monies differently and enjoy being frugal in some areas as it allows us to put that money into another area. It's all about balance, and based on your description, I don't see much balance in your situation though.

I hope you are able to figure out an eating plan that works best for all of you!

Tiger

 

[Bob NC]

When a person worries about their own spouse buying a drink at a meal...then that person has a serious issue that no message board is going to solve.

I'm all for saving money where possible.

I am going to guess that your husband works hard all year.

For god's sake, let him have a few drinks on vacation. AND, he's not going to enjoy a drink if you "let" him get it then give him the stink eye until it's gone.

 

[bumbershoot]

I really want to try the dessert wontons, but I keep asking if $100 plus for the whole meal is worth one dessert?

You could always just go for dessert.



It sounds like you are aware of what you're doing, and that you have a sense of humor about it. That's a great start!

I wonder if labeling "chunks" of the vacations savings will help? People here are saying that convincing DH to not have a drink with dinner is horrible...well, I try to convince MYSELF to not have a drink with dinner, for money-saving purposes! Is THAT horrible? Because it's the same thing. The fact of the matter is, I sometimes WANT a drink (though generally not with dinner, especially now that I'm used to doing Weight Watchers and want to *eat* my meal that I've chosen, not get too full from a beverage). And therefore, I budget for it.

I have a drinks budget. I have a tips budget. Souvenir (though that one is really flexible). Car, gas, tolls if we're doing WDW. It's all separate, so I figure out what we might spend on something (which involves conversations with DH about what he wants...and because our communication is weird that always means 10 minutes of "I'm not stopping you from getting what you want, I need to budget for what you want!" LOL), then fill that budget.

Maybe that would work for you?

And I really agree with getting a giftcard (or 5, LOL) and/OR handing the payment duties to DH. I personally hate the concept of forced tipping, so I fill that budget, then hand the money over to DH. Just makes it easier on me.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Saving money for retirement and savings, that is awesome.

But that does not mean you can't spend some for pleasure. You need to enjoy it also.

 

[Dorisk3]

Over the top frugality is really a control issue. Throw away and delete those spreadsheets and allow yourself the freedom of choosing what you really want to. Most importantly, buy your husband two drinks, get your dessert and tell him that you love him!

 

[Marionnette]

Over the top frugality is really a control issue. Throw away and delete those spreadsheets and allow yourself the freedom of choosing what you really want to. Most importantly, buy your husband two drinks, get your dessert and tell him that you love him!

 

[disykat]

I don't see anything wrong with thinking about your dh's drinks. Obviously you know you shouldn't not "allow" him to drink. You're aware of it, you're laughing about it. You just have different drinking habits, so it's a pet peeve. I prefer water, so the cost of drinking sodas or whatever at restaurants seems silly to me. Not so much on vacation, but at home I always think "we can buy soda at the store for x, why buy it with your meal and spend an extra $3 everytime we eat out?" If it's alcohol and you don't drink, it probably seems even more unnecessary. Thinking about it doesn't mean you're giving him the stink eye or nagging him continuously. It just means you would make a different choice.

Your dh might think massages, or going to get your haircut, or whatever is a waste of money. Everyone has their things they personally like to budget on. It doesn't make them in need of counseling.

My dh HATES that we spend money on cable tv. However, I have a say and I find value in it so we have it. He doesn't ruin my life over it, despite that he regularly brings it up as a way we could save money. It's just a difference of opinion. In fact, the next time he brings it up I'll point out the money he spends on soda, iced teas, etc.

You're going to WDW, you're not planning on ironing grilled cheese sandwiches in your room or grazing for "free" from the condiment bars. You're not over the top frugal!!!

Laugh at yourself, ease up a bit (as you clearly already know you should,) put some money right in your budget for things you consider frivolous, and ignore all the people telling you you're some kind of nutcase.

 

[ilovemk76]

Over the top frugality is really a control issue. Throw away and delete those spreadsheets and allow yourself the freedom of choosing what you really want to. Most importantly, buy your husband two drinks, get your dessert and tell him that you love him!

If you chose to not have a drink that is up to you. Telling another they cannot have a drink is about control.