Anyone else a SAHM who doesn't plan on returning to the work force?

[scraptoons]

I was a SAHM for 13 years. I LOVED "being there" for my kids & hubby. I would NEVER have traded those years for all the money in the world!

WHY do I know that this was a good choice for us? Because - both of my adult kids (30 & 32) have thanked me for "being there" for them. They respected my DH's and my decision to raise them as WE felt we should. Do not listen to others - your decisions are just that - YOURS!

Now - we have an "odd couple" switch. (I am 60, DH is 63.) For the last four years, HE has run the house, done all the errands, etc, etc, while I continue to work. It is HEAVEN! I really do enjoy the "no housework for me" thing. Everything is done for me. All I do is go to work. Life is good.

So - enjoy your SAH status. Life changes too quickly. We're here to do what we feel is right.

(OK - I'll get off my soapbox now!)

Thankyou so much for sharing!!!

That's exactly the way we feel. I've always told people that these kids grow up faster than you want them to.

There is always plenty of time for working and such after the kids are grown.

DH and I are probably going to be doing the same as you guys when we get to where you are. It will be a while though. Right now our oldest is 8 and the youngest is 3.

 

[scraptoons]

I am glad that your DH makes enough money so that you don't have to clean the house too. I hope that your good fortune will continue, and you can enjoy this luxury as long as you are a SAHM.

For some of us, making the decision to be a SAHM also includes accepting that we don't have extra income to have our homes cleaned for us. Who knows what the future holds.

 

[scraptoons]

[QUOTE You don't have to have to be a SAHM and do all the cleaning too![/QUOTE]

This was supposed to be in my earlier post. Oops!

 

[Lizzy2]

I have been a SAHM since Oct. and before that my Mom kept my DD4 while my DH and I worked- Long story short, DH got a promotion in another town and since we had more money and no childcare that I would trust I am staying home and pretty much loving it. The suprise in all of this is that DD will go to K in Sept. and in this town it is an all day program-Now I don't know what I'll do with myself
I am looking around for a little part time something to keep me busy and fund next year's WDW trip but I do love being at home and my DH just like all the other guys likes me being home to do all the house stuff. He said to me the other day, "You know, we haven't had a fight since you stopped working. You're not going back to work!" This from a man who told me flat out when we started dating that he could never marry a woman who didn't work and have her own life and money independent of him.
Oh how times have changed!!!

78 days and counting

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

I was a SAHM mom until DD6 went to Kindergarden and I would have stayed doing that, but as a volunteer at school, the Principal asked me if I would like to Sub Teach. I said sure. The pay is great, I pick my days and the extra money is my "SHOE MONEY" as DH calls it. The extra $$ is nice. I can bring home almost $1000 per month just working part time. And that buys a lot of shoes. The best part is this, I can always say no if I don't feel like working. I get to go on field trips, parties and just show up in the girl's classrooms and I am on a first name basis with their teachers. I have the best job in the world, I get to be a SAHM most of the time, Teacher in my kid's school part-time. And my kids are with me.

 

[faindrops27]

Wow, I wish I had the luxery to stay home. As other posters stated, staying home to cook, and clean. I do that before, i go to work. My husband makes a good amount of money. But, living on Long Island. I must go to work. I am a chef, and honestly. I kind of like getting my own check. When, I was out of work. I didnt like the feeling when Christmas, or my husbands birthdays came around.I would use his money to pay for them. Ok, I know it is our money, but it just didnt feel right. I like being independent. But, i dont like getting up to go to work, who does. So, it is a catch 22. I think if my husband was a millionaire. I would feel very comfortable lounging around at home though.

 

[sara74]

The poster you quoted must have said 10 times that she did what was best for HER family, that is was THEIR choice, that it was a PERSONAL choice, and so on. Why jump on her for stating HER opinion? My mom worked her butt off too when I was growing up but I would have given my left arm for her to be a SAHM. I appreciate she worked to support us but secretly wished we had enough money so that she would be there for me when I came home from school like other friends' moms did. I would have loved, loved, loved, to have my mom physically there instead of having to wait til she got him at 5:30. Because of this I made sure that I would be there for MY children. I made sure that MY children would never secretly wish I stayed home with them. Fortunately my children never want for anything with me being a SAHM because my DH has a great job. I also had maid to come in and clean every Friday and I am a SAHM. You don't have to have to be a SAHM and do all the cleaning too!

Sorry to the poster I quoted, if *she* felt I jumped on her. I was simply putting out there that staying home full time is not the ONLY way to be there for one's family. Sounds like you and I have similar situations with our DH's having great jobs and us both having the luxury of disposable income. Great! I think your post does say a lot about why we all make the choices we do. It is a very personal decision that is fueled largely by our personal experiences growing up. When I was a kid, most of my friends had working moms (in fact I am trying to think of even one who had a SAHM) and I actually had two of them! We had divorced parents who shared custody of us and my stepmom worked full-time as well. I never wished for them to be home more than they were. I never had the feelings that you did and I think that is why I am confident in choosing to be a working mom now. I understand your point, if I had wished that my mom had more time at home with me as a kid I might live differently now.

My children would want for nothing if I quit working too, DH is a partner in his practice and doing great. But I don't work solely for $. I like dentistry and feel like I really help people. And I don't equate being away from my kids for 25 hours in a week as not being there for them. And I'm not saying that the other poster said that! I am just saying that I posted the other perspective of the choice and that being there can have many interpretations.

 

[Skatermom23]

I think if my husband was a millionaire. I would feel very comfortable lounging around at home though.

Not even sure how to respond to this? So I won't....

Bottom line is that I am glad to hear that their are other women out there that are secure in their marriages to trust that their spouses will not divorce them during a mid life crisis. I have spent the last 16 years being the caretaker of DH and kids and am looking forward to this next phase of it just being DH and I.

 

[Michie]

I know a lot of SAHM's that say well they have a degree in such and such, but they have not worked in 10, 15 years in that field, but if they had to, they coud get a job in their degreed field and support themselves/their families. Now after even a 10 year gap of employment, how do they really expect to do that?

 

[DaisyD]

I am glad that your DH makes enough money so that you don't have to clean the house too. I hope that your good fortune will continue, and you can enjoy this luxury as long as you are a SAHM.

For some of us, making the decision to be a SAHM also includes accepting that we don't have extra income to have our homes cleaned for us. Who knows what the future holds.

I was talking to the poster that kind of insinuated that by her working she was able to pay for cleaning help and for some reason thinks that is a good benefit for working outside the home. I was just setting it straight that not all SAHMs are cleaning but can afford to hire help. My remark had NOTHING to do with SAHMs that can't afford it.

 

[DaisyD]

Not even sure how to respond to this? So I won't....

Bottom line is that I am glad to hear that their are other women out there that are secure in their marriages to trust that their spouses will not divorce them during a mid life crisis. I have spent the last 16 years being the caretaker of DH and kids and am looking forward to this next phase of it just being DH and I.

I guess I am secure in marriage. Going on 20 years and it is never better! If something did happen to our marriage I have no worries. I have a lot of commercial real estate that can carry me a long way. I can't imagine considering it caretaking for my DH. We both have lives. I don't even do the poor guy's dress shirts or pants. HE takes them to the cleaners and picks them up himself! There is no way I am going through life worrying about what MAY happen. If it does it does. I'm ready for anything.

 

[Caitsmama]

I think if my husband was a millionaire. I would feel very comfortable lounging around at home though.

Yes.. What exactly did you mean by this??! I will give you a chance to explain before i give my opinion..

 

[sara74]

I was talking to the poster that kind of insinuated that by her working she was able to pay for cleaning help and for some reason thinks that is a good benefit for working outside the home. I was just setting it straight that not all SAHMs are cleaning but can afford to hire help. My remark had NOTHING to do with SAHMs that can't afford it.

That would be me. The 'some reason' that I think it is a benefit is that when I am home with my kids I am unencumbered by the tasks that I dislike and that take up a lot of time. So I enjoy my working days M,T,W and then I enjoy my at-home days playing play-doh, making art projects, going for walks, with the kids and don't have to worry about cleaning or yardwork, nor does DH. For me it is a good bonus for working, certainly not the reason I work, but one of the perks IMO. There are plenty of SAHMs in our area that I am sure have cleaning help, but I know that that wouldn't be our choice if I was home all the time.

Somehow I feel a little taken aback by your post...my reasons for working are many and earning enough to more than justify a cleaning lady is well down on the list, but a perk just the same. For 'some reason' my reasons, actually OUR reasons in our family, are good reasons for me to work. Not everyone has to agree with them. Did you read my other post about perspectives and making choices based on our childhood experiences, or are you just going to continue on about the first one?

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I do have the luxury of staying home. DH has a very good job and gets paid very well, but he works really hard and deserves every penny of it. Others complain at work about his high salary but some guys say he works the hardest so he should get the money etc. We also have been blessed financially but not in a way that makes us happy since all our family members have passed away and we are both the only children now who inherited everything. DH is inheriting a huge amount of property from his df and we will retire early to texas in the next 5 years hopefully. Now I am still busy, I used to help be dh secretary with his consulting business but he is not doing that right now, its more of a hobby when he wants to, do lots of volunteer work at ds school and church and this whole summer I have done nothing but run the 2 ds to work, drs. appts, etc. I stay home and still dont think there are enough hours in the day. I do not spend money unwisely either which makes dh very happy.

 

[DaisyD]

That would be me. The 'some reason' that I think it is a benefit is that when I am home with my kids I am unencumbered by the tasks that I dislike and that take up a lot of time. So I enjoy my working days M,T,W and then I enjoy my at-home days playing play-doh, making art projects, going for walks, with the kids and don't have to worry about cleaning or yardwork, nor does DH. For me it is a good bonus for working, certainly not the reason I work, but one of the perks IMO. There are plenty of SAHMs in our area that I am sure have cleaning help, but I know that that wouldn't be our choice if I was home all the time.

Somehow I feel a little taken aback by your post...my reasons for working are many and earning enough to more than justify a cleaning lady is well down on the list, but a perk just the same. For 'some reason' my reasons, actually OUR reasons in our family, are good reasons for me to work. Not everyone has to agree with them. Did you read my other post about perspectives and making choices based on our childhood experiences, or are you just going to continue on about the first one?

I wasn't trying to insinuate anything back to you either! LOL~ I don't care who works and who stays home. As long as I get to do what I want that is all that matters. I used to be a working mom when my now 23 year was born. I was a working mom for 6 years. I couldn't do it. I preferred to be home for my kids.

 

[pumpkey3]

I to am a SAHM for going on 9years now. In the begining it was a struggle money wise, but my husband has a great job now, so we are fine. Being broke and struggling in the begining, sure makes you money wise now
I have 3 children 10, 6, and 2. I would never have time to work!!! Between, school, homework, sports, and just plain ole running the house. I'm tired just thinking of it all.

 

[jodifla]

Not even sure how to respond to this? So I won't....

Bottom line is that I am glad to hear that their are other women out there that are secure in their marriages to trust that their spouses will not divorce them during a mid life crisis. I have spent the last 16 years being the caretaker of DH and kids and am looking forward to this next phase of it just being DH and I.

But this is a fantasy, is it not? You can be secure in your marriage, but if your husband hands you divorce papers after 25, 30 or more years of marriage, then you have no choice. It happens all time, every day, to more shocked women than you can imagine, apparently.

My dad divorced my mom after 45 years of marriage, after promising me that he would always be there to take care of her.

 

[txgirl]

But this is a fantasy, is it not? You can be secure in your marriage, but if your husband hands you divorce papers after 25, 30 or more years of marriage, then you have no choice. It happens all time, every day, to more shocked women than you can imagine, apparently.

My dad divorced my mom after 45 years of marriage, after promising me that he would always be there to take care of her.

There are only so many *what-if's* I can plan for and to what degree am I willing to plan? No pre-nups here, and if I had millions when I married my guy there would have been no pre-nup then either. Part of the beauty in marriage is the faith in the promise that is made. Of course there are no guarantees! Honestly, if I was handed divorce papers after that many years I would wonder what planet my husband had just come from??? We make such huge efforts to make our marriage new and keep communication alive. Praying together makes intimacy mean something totally different!

Do I know people whose marriages have fallen apart? Certainly! Both my parents and my in-laws but I can tell you there was not the nurturing and feeding and working that is going on in mine. I can't predict the future, but who can? Am I going to stick back money for rehab in case in of my kids turns out to be an addict? What if my husband loses his job and is unskilled for anything else? Should he spend every waking hour of free time being trained in a different career and forgo coaching ball for our kids and taking our daughters out on *dates* with their #1 guy???

My faith is what sustains me, both through good and bad and God knows (and only He knows) how I will handle the valleys. What I do now is what I know how to do best, which is raise these babies and take care of this home and love my husband every day!

 

[brandylouwho]

So, back to the original question/topic...

My aunt did this same thing...it is your business (well and your husband's business too I suppose) what you do and why! If you don't need to work in order to make ends meet and dont want to work to get out of the house, the why do it!?!

Eventually my aunt did end up working very part time, but at a grocery store bagging groceries. (She has a teaching degree, which she would not have been able to just jump back in the workforce after 20 some years). I don't think it was really about the little bit of money she made, it was more about social contact (husband was working all day, kids were off in college...she got bored/lonely).

I always thought (dreamed) that if I did not have to work, and my kids were grown, I would volunteer at a school, or museum or something to keep myself busy, get out of the house and contribute to society. I would get too bored around the house, even with all the housework there is to do.

Then again, if we were mega rich I probably could handle being a full time shopper

But alas, for now I work.

 

[Reflection]

...I don't think anyone here has *discounted* the working mom who feels they are doing what is right for their kids....

Working mothers are doing their jobs both at home and away from home differently but not necessarily better or worse, K? I am certain there are benefits but for me I would feel absolute misery (like my friend) if I did things differently. There are SAHM's who feel judgemental (as there are those who work that do the same ) Don't lump all those types here, because I think the posts on this thread talk about the *personal* feelings of staying home and not how the others are wrong and making a mistake.

Well I beg to differ with the view that the working mom is not being discounted when you read something like this...

Originally posted by Cruz Family
Great to hear about people who have their priorities in order. You and your DH should be proud that you put your families needs and happiness before the all mighty $!

Personal feelings and opinions notwithstanding, I think it rather presumptious to determine what another family's priorities should be or define happiness for a family other than one's own.