Anyone else a SAHM who doesn't plan on returning to the work force?

[MATTERHORN]

I hear alot of women say they stay home to cook, clean, and keep thier children? Isnt that what all mothers do. Whether, they work, or not? I do all of that, before I go into work. So, actually, I am a SAHM in the day, and a a full time worker at night.

As for the other poster. Who said, explain what I meant, before, she makes a comment. Please do make a comment. Your opinions, are yours alone.

I think her point was that if you do all that you say you do, you KNOW that we are not just lounging around all day. Even if my DH was a millionaire, I would be with my kids all day, not just lounging.

And no it is not the same. My friend who has kids in daycare all day, if her house ins clean in the morning, she comes home to a clean house because the kids are not there all day. They aren't painting, cooking, playing at the house all day to mess it up. Someone else feeds them during the day, so there are no extra dishes or kitchens to clean when you get home unless they were already dirty. Any of my friends who have truly done both say that working is much much easier than staying home if you are a good SAHM!


Andrea

 

[MATTERHORN]

I'm one of those people (not a SAHM), but I am going to reply anyway. I have an MBA from one of the top business schools in the nation. I personally stopped working at 55. Most of my friends had stopped working (if they worked) between 40 and 50.

One of my friends didn't want to go to a reunion because she wasn't working. She wasn't a SAHM - she was taking care of a mother with Alzheimer's.
I told her not to worry about not having a career because that was the "in" thing.

No one that I know who is financially able to stop working is still working. Granted most of these are 50 year old women (and men), but that is still way short of the normal retirement age of 65.

So I would agree with you totally about not returning to the work force if you don't have to. I had a great and very, very successful career, but working is vastly over-rated. It is much more fun to travel and do what I want. I said for years that I was ready to quit work every way except financially. As soon as it financially worked out, I was so out of there.

Many of my female classmates were extremely successful - heads of major corporations and corporate divisions, etc. I won't give details as it would be too easy to identify who they are, and I will respect their privacy.

So enjoy life and don't worry about working unless you just have a strong personal desire to do so.

Thank you for posting that! I was worried that I was one of the only ones that hated working as much as I did. We do everything we can so that I am able to stay home, but even if I didn't have kids at home, I can honestly say I would still hate reporting to work everyday!!!


Andrea

 

[Cruz Family]

I think her point was that if you do all that you say you do, you KNOW that we are not just lounging around all day. Even if my DH was a millionaire, I would be with my kids all day, not just lounging.

And no it is not the same. My friend who has kids in daycare all day, if her house ins clean in the morning, she comes home to a clean house because the kids are not there all day. They aren't painting, cooking, playing at the house all day to mess it up. Someone else feeds them during the day, so there are no extra dishes or kitchens to clean when you get home unless they were already dirty. Any of my friends who have truly done both say that working is much much easier than staying home if you are a good SAHM!

Andrea

 

[noodleknitter]

Oh, and the fact that I never finished school has no psychological impact on my daughters ..." now THAT is the riskiest way to think.

I agree with the majority of your statement, but thought that I would comment on this statement. Most of us, or at least the majority of the people I know, had either parents or grands with less of an education than we have. The idea of bettering each generation has been around a long time. I have a Phd, my mom had a RN license. Was I affected in a negative way? No. Nor were my brothers, because education isn't a gender issue.

To the person who stated that they do more in a day than the mother who stays home. For shame. That is as ignorant as the statements that mothers who work don't care as much for their children.

 

[bunny]

I don't agree that it is harder to stay at home than it is to work. That is also an ignorant statement. All the mothers who work know what it is like to be a SAHM. They do it on the weekend or their day off. Some jobs are more stressful than others, but most jobs do not allow you much down time during the day. Since I work, I cherish the time I do spend with my children. When you are at home all day, you are reading books, taking your children to the playground, etc. It is work but fun too. There are very few other jobs you could say that about. Being at home is a luxury. Every SAHM should realize how blessed they are to be able to afford to do that!!!

Back to the orginal question, even though I work right now, as soon as we financially can, my husband and I are both going to retire and see the world. If you can afford to never work again, more power to you. Some men don't really want to do anything at home. To them there is nothing more valuable than a homemaker. My mom and dad are like that. He still works at age 65 and she cleans, cooks, and bakes every day. She has never worked outside the home and they are both extremely happy. Do what works best for your family.

 

[MATTERHORN]

To the person who stated that they do more in a day than the mother who stays home. For shame. That is as ignorant as the statements that mothers who work don't care as much for their children.

If you are replying to me, I never said that I do more, just that I have stuff to do, we are all not just lounging around all day. And being that I have worked before, I know that there is downtime (many many posters here post only while at work ) and that you get a lunch hour all to yourself. So think what you may, and I will too because I have done both. We could argue forever over who does more, never said that because I don't know you. All I stated was that I see my SAH as my job and I do darned good at it!


Andrea

 

[mjantz]

I know a lot of SAHM's that say well they have a degree in such and such, but they have not worked in 10, 15 years in that field, but if they had to, they coud get a job in their degreed field and support themselves/their families. Now after even a 10 year gap of employment, how do they really expect to do that?

I would say it really depends on your degree field. I have a background in education & have been working in preschool less than part-time. This year I tried to get a full-time job. It didn't pan out, in part I believe, because I am not certified to teach in this state. So, my goal for this year is to get my certification & get my name & face 'out there'. I'm going to sub at a few schools I would eventually like to teach at & do some networking in that regard.
Its been harder than I thought & I did suffer a bit of a setback but I'm hoping in a year or two to be able to find a full-time job where I would like to work.

 

[MATTERHORN]

Being at home is a luxury. Every SAHM should realize how blessed they are to be able to afford to do that!!!

Have to slightly disagree there. SAH is not a luxury for me, we sacrifice a lot for me to be able to do so. Also it is a necessity because here in Vegas to get daycare (no family) at anyplace that I would even remotely feel comfortable with (still wouldn't happen) for 3 kids would cost almost as much as I could make. Why should I work to pay people to be with my kids all day? So even if I did feel differently, it still wouldn't be cost effective for me to work 40 hours and come out 100 bucks ahead. So maybe for some it is a luxury, but not for us. Either way I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Don't try to spin this as me being ungrateful that I SAH because that is not the case, it's just that I give up a lot to stay home. I dont get nails/hair done, I don't take Yoga and Spin classes, I don't drive a Lexus, my kids don't go to preschool, I teach them at home. Not bashing those that do those, if my DH made more money, I probably would do more too! It's all in the priorities and what you feel is a luxury may not be what I think is one. It's not like I said, Oh I think I'll stay home. My DH works 60-70 hours per week and we still only clear $50,000 a year, so it's not luxurious by any means.


Andrea

 

[MATTERHORN]

I don't agree that it is harder to stay at home than it is to work. That is also an ignorant statement.

And we don't agree. It is all how you look at it. I could very easily say your statement is untrue or ignorant. Isn't gonna do any good. Still can't understand why people who don't SAH feel the need to reply and tell us how great your kids still turned out and how you are so special that you do both WOHM and SAHM. Congrats to you! I'm done, and I am glad that everyone is happy with their choice. We'll never know how our kids would turn out had we chosen the other way so it does no good to speculate. I make my choice for my kids, I live for them and that's all I can say.


Andrea

 

[beattyfamily]

These threads always depress me. Fellow mothers fighting with each other over such silly things. People get so darn defensive over someone else's opinions/decisions. I just don't get it.

OP, I'm a SAHM and I plan to be for as long as possible, probably till they move out and that is how DH wants it so I'm very lucky. He's even told me I never have to work again if I don't want to but I'll see when they are off to college. I think I'd go a little crazy.

My youngest is going to school all day this September and I'm already getting the "so what will you do with your time?" "You going to find a job?" Nope, I'm going to stay home and be here for my kids and take care of our home. I'm going to be here when they get on the bus in the morning and when they get home from school too. I'm going to be here when they are sick or when they have a show at school. I'll be here to drive them to classes and bring them to the doctors/dentist. I'm going to be here when they have Spring and Winter break and finally, when they have summer vacation. If I worked, I wouldn't be able to have a job where I could still do those things....unless I was a teacher. Boy do I envy teachers.

I feel very blessed that I can do this and I have my wonderful DH to thank for this opportunity. I'm not going to base my decision to stay home for my kids on the fear that DH 'might' leave me someday. I guess I'm a gambling woman!

 

[bunny]

It is a luxury to have someone else pay your mortgage, all your bills, put food on your table etc. I would imagine that most moms who work do so in order to pay those kinds of bills not so they can drive a Lexus, get their nails done etc. If you can live comfortably on your husband's salary alone, you are fortunate.

 

[mlwear]

Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the entire country! I have a BS degree in Business and could return if I needed to. I stopped working when we had kids. Those kids are now teens and everyone asks me when I plan to go back to work. While things were hard in the early years with finances, DH has worked his way up the ladder and while an extra paycheck is always nice, it isn't necessary. DH likes to not have anything to do on the weekends because I get it all done during the week. What can I say, he is spoiled and he knows it. I enjoy taking care of everything and he likes it this way. Once the kids are out of the house or maybe in a few years, I plan to travel with him on his business trips and we want to be free to pack up and go on the weekends. This seems to work for us but I feel like I am the only person around in this situation! Anyone else out there????

I'm with you. If I can avoid returning to the workforce, I will. I thought of replying after I read a few posts, but then read through much of the thread. I wish I hadn't. How sad. I know what is best for my family and that is my being a SAHM. I don't need to justify it. When I was younger, I tried to impose my opinion on others when the topic came up, but now I realize it is best to let every family decide for themselves and let it go at that. I won't judge you and you don't judge me . We are all doing what we feel is best.

 

[MATTERHORN]

I feel very blessed that I can do this and I have my wonderful DH to thank for this opportunity. I'm not going to base my decision to stay home for my kids on the fear that DH 'might' leave me someday. I guess I'm a gambling woman!

I guess I am a gamblin woman too! Being that I live in Vegas, I guess it's appropriate! I do remember to thank my DH daily for making my dream of staying home come true. Now if he could only get me to iron! I don't do it, he has to have creases in just the right spots, old military habit. But I don't mind!

Andrea

 

[MATTERHORN]

It is a luxury to have someone else pay your mortgage, all your bills, put food on your table etc. I would imagine that most moms who work do so in order to pay those kinds of bills not so they can drive a Lexus, get their nails done etc. If you can live comfortably on your husband's salary alone, you are fortunate.

Most (not all so don't try to post that next) people could, they just don't want to or choose not to give up the things that we do. Boy this is getting redundant. I guess you are not gonna let it die until everyone sides with you. Alright, you are right. Have a great day!


Andrea

 

[Skatermom23]

These threads always depress me. Fellow mothers fighting with each other over such silly things. People get so darn defensive over someone else's opinions/decisions. I just don't get it.

OP, I'm a SAHM and I plan to be for as long as possible, probably till they move out and that is how DH wants it so I'm very lucky. He's even told me I never have to work again if I don't want to but I'll see when they are off to college. I think I'd go a little crazy.

My youngest is going to school all day this September and I'm already getting the "so what will you do with your time?" "You going to find a job?" Nope, I'm going to stay home and be here for my kids and take care of our home. I'm going to be here when they get on the bus in the morning and when they get home from school too. I'm going to be here when they are sick or when they have a show at school. I'll be here to drive them to classes and bring them to the doctors/dentist. I'm going to be here when they have Spring and Winter break and finally, when they have summer vacation. If I worked, I wouldn't be able to have a job where I could still do those things....unless I was a teacher. Boy do I envy teachers.

I feel very blessed that I can do this and I have my wonderful DH to thank for this opportunity. I'm not going to base my decision to stay home for my kids on the fear that DH 'might' leave me someday. I guess I'm a gambling woman!

With DS in HS and DD in her last year of middle school, I have been getting those looks for a long time now! I can just imagine in 6 months when DS starts driving, I will really be getting the looks. ( I can't use the excuse that I have to drive them afterschool) I am glad we all have so many choices available to us, but bottom line is you do what is right for you and your family. I am lucky. Boy, do I know it. My DH would support me in a heartbeat with whatever I decide. I guess I am a gambling woman too!!! I don't dwell on the "what if he leaves me scenario."

 

[MATTERHORN]

With DS in HS and DD in her last year of middle school, I have been getting those looks for a long time now! I can just imagine in 6 months when DS starts driving, I will really be getting the looks. ( I can't use the excuse that I have to drive them afterschool) I am glad we all have so many choices available to us, but bottom line is you do what is right for you and your family. I am lucky. Boy, do I know it. My DH would support me in a heartbeat with whatever I decide. I guess I am a gambling woman too!!! I don't dwell on the "what if he leaves me scenario."

I am so not looking forward to those looks! I already get the questions about when I will go back and my kids are only 5, 3, and 9 months! It's gonna be a long time I am lucky that my DH also thinks that staying home is best. I could not imagine being a mom that wanted to stay home and her DH wasn't on board with that. That would be tough.


Andrea

 

[Skatermom23]

I am so not looking forward to those looks! I already get the questions about when I will go back and my kids are only 5, 3, and 9 months! It's gonna be a long time I am lucky that my DH also thinks that staying home is best. I could not imagine being a mom that wanted to stay home and her DH wasn't on board with that. That would be tough.


Andrea

Funny thing is that I get those looks from ladies in my neighborhood with young kids that stay at home! So this isn't just a Working Mom vs SAHM thing. You could divide it up even more. The SAHM's with young children that "tend" to go back to work vs SAHM's that don't! I am kidding of course...

 

[marcyinPA]

It is a luxury to have someone else pay your mortgage, all your bills, put food on your table etc. I would imagine that most moms who work do so in order to pay those kinds of bills not so they can drive a Lexus, get their nails done etc. If you can live comfortably on your husband's salary alone, you are fortunate.

Keep in mind that not all SAHM's have husbands who make six figures. Mine makes under $40K and I am just returning to the workforce part-time this year, after 11 years at home. We have made major adjustments over the years and still live within our means. We have one car, our mortgage is much less than most people's rent, and we don't have all the newest toys. Still, we are able to provide nicely for two children and go on vacation once a year. Many times, my dh and I do without...no new shoes, etc. But it's totally worth it for us! I've never considered my sacrifices to stay home a luxury....but I do feel totally blessed!!

Marcy

 

[jodifla]

With DS in HS and DD in her last year of middle school, I have been getting those looks for a long time now! I can just imagine in 6 months when DS starts driving, I will really be getting the looks. ( I can't use the excuse that I have to drive them afterschool) I am glad we all have so many choices available to us, but bottom line is you do what is right for you and your family. I am lucky. Boy, do I know it. My DH would support me in a heartbeat with whatever I decide. I guess I am a gambling woman too!!! I don't dwell on the "what if he leaves me scenario."

I understand you don't dwell on it. But are you prepared if it happens? One doesn't dwell on having disasters that require car and home insurance, and yet we have it anyway.

I think your life sounds pretty great and if you can make it work out without going back to work, that's terrific. Most people live closer to the financial bone, and the second income goes a long way into staving off real trouble.

 

[HenDuck]

I am an attorney by trade. So is my DH, although he has begun an investments business, which is proving to be very lucrative.

In two years, my pension with the state will vest. In five years, I'll have practiced law for 20 years .

Somewhere between those two milestones, we want me to "retire". I'll be betwen 42 and 45, DS will be between 8 and 11.

I have told DH, once I retire, I'm never going back to work, so he'd better make sure I don't have to!

I'm sure I'll get comments about giving up a "great" career just to stay home and fold towels...but I don't care. I will have been a career woman for 20 years. Been there, done that...NOT going back!

I look forward to being a SAHM and taking care of my family. I'm sure we will all be much happier. I know I will.

So, you all are my idols. I look forward to the day that I can properly call myself a stay-at-home-mom .