Anyone else a SAHM who doesn't plan on returning to the work force?

[Cruz Family]

It is a luxury to have someone else pay your mortgage, all your bills, put food on your table etc. I would imagine that most moms who work do so in order to pay those kinds of bills not so they can drive a Lexus, get their nails done etc. If you can live comfortably on your husband's salary alone, you are fortunate.

I stay home but I run a family childcare out of it. After working out side the home for years and having my first son in childcare I decided when we got pregnant with our 2nd. we would do what ever we had to so I could be home with our children. And after working 8yrs. as a child care provider (and a very good one if I do say so myself ) I know for certain nothing even comes close to the care of a good loving mother.

What do you mean by "it is a luxury to have someone else pay your mortgage, all your bills, put food on your table etc."???????????
If I may speak for the moms who do not have an income what do you mean by "someone else"? The last time I checked it takes two to make a baby and marrige is a partnership. You sound like it is some "sugar daddy" or some outside source paying these bills. And if you do not think they contribute with houshold expenses you are dead wrong. By being a SAHM you save money in many many ways: childcare, transportation, gas, work clothing, eating lunch out, less dinners dining out, lower taxes, etc.

 

[Cruz Family]

I am an attorney by trade. So is my DH, although he has begun an investments business, which is proving to be very lucrative.

In two years, my pension with the state will vest. In five years, I'll have practiced law for 20 years .

Somewhere between those two milestones, we want me to "retire". I'll be betwen 42 and 45, DS will be between 8 and 11.

I have told DH, once I retire, I'm never going back to work, so he'd better make sure I don't have to!

I'm sure I'll get comments about giving up a "great" career just to stay home and fold towels...but I don't care. I will have been a career woman for 20 years. Been there, done that...NOT going back!

I look forward to being a SAHM and taking care of my family. I'm sure we will all be much happier. I know I will.

So, you all are my idols. I look forward to the day that I can properly call myself a stay-at-home-mom .

That is wonderful, congrats!

 

[lookingforward]

But this is a fantasy, is it not? You can be secure in your marriage, but if your husband hands you divorce papers after 25, 30 or more years of marriage, then you have no choice. It happens all time, every day, to more shocked women than you can imagine, apparently.

My dad divorced my mom after 45 years of marriage, after promising me that he would always be there to take care of her.

I agree. Also, I was a stay at home mom for five years when by daughter was born until she went to school.. I also stayed home for a few years in between with my older two while traveling around with my husband who was in USMC. That said, now that I am in my 40's I realized that I do not have any retirement plan. I have a good marriage and we are comfortable financially BUT my husband has two pensions. If he were to ever divorce me I would be in a bad situation for the future. YES, I would get half the house, half the savings, half the investments. BUT I would not have a pension or source of income in my senior years other than a small amount of social security. That is not fair. Do I have regrets about staying home, NO WAY! But women do get the shaft when these things happen. And they do happen. One more issue...when I stayed home for those years my career minded friends climbed the ladder and I have not. I am working in a great job but not at the level they are. My income potential has been limited by those stay at home years, which is my reality. We are actually planning on moving to NC so that my husband's salary is more than enough for us to live really well and still save for the future. I plan on working part time.

 

[musicdude]

Keep in mind that not all SAHM's have husbands who make six figures. Mine makes under $40K and I am just returning to the workforce part-time this year, after 11 years at home. We have made major adjustments over the years and still live within our means. We have one car, our mortgage is much less than most people's rent, and we don't have all the newest toys. Still, we are able to provide nicely for two children and go on vacation once a year. Many times, my dh and I do without...no new shoes, etc. But it's totally worth it for us! I've never considered my sacrifices to stay home a luxury....but I do feel totally blessed!!

Marcy

Your an amazing wife and mom!!!! I to am a sahm but do have to work part time. My hubby is a teacher so we need the extra income to make life a little more comfortable and also my company provides great benefits. But take it from our horrible experience to work around each other's schedules and to always be home with your kids. When our DD was two we decided that I should start working during the day so that I could be home with our DS at night because he was starting first grade and at school all day. So it was worked out that our DD would only be in daycare for ten hours per week. After weeks of searching, visiting, and interviewing we decided to go with a neighborhood mom from DS class. She was a certified teacher who was a SAHM also, her husband was a youth minister at a local church. What could be more perfect? You can imagine our horror when the FBI showed up at our front door to inform us that the husband was under investigation for transporting child pornagraphy across state lines. Needless to say this turned our family upside down. Our DD is fine and no evidence was found involving her, but the question of whether he ever violated her in anyway will never be answered. We keep our kids at a close distance now and I don't think we will ever trust anyone with our little one again. Which honestly hurts me deep inside because I know that most people are good and honest, but it is just not worth the chance. So all of you SAHM hold on tight to your little ones and ignore all of the looks from other people, because you know that your kids are safe at home with you.

 

[jodifla]

Your an amazing wife and mom!!!! I to am a sahm but do have to work part time. My hubby is a teacher so we need the extra income to make life a little more comfortable and also my company provides great benefits. But take it from our horrible experience to work around each other's schedules and to always be home with your kids. When our DD was two we decided that I should start working during the day so that I could be home with our DS at night because he was starting first grade and at school all day. So it was worked out that our DD would only be in daycare for ten hours per week. After weeks of searching, visiting, and interviewing we decided to go with a neighborhood mom from DS class. She was a certified teacher who was a SAHM also, her husband was a youth minister at a local church. What could be more perfect? You can imagine our horror when the FBI showed up at our front door to inform us that the husband was under investigation for transporting child pornagraphy across state lines. Needless to say this turned our family upside down. Our DD is fine and no evidence was found involving her, but the question of whether he ever violated her in anyway will never be answered. We keep our kids at a close distance now and I don't think we will ever trust anyone with our little one again. Which honestly hurts me deep inside because I know that most people are good and honest, but it is just not worth the chance. So all of you SAHM hold on tight to your little ones and ignore all of the looks from other people, because you know that your kids are safe at home with you.

oh, please.

 

[littleclover]

oh, please.

This type of response I think is so very sad. I too had my DS in a home daycare only to pick him up one day and he had a HUGE bite mark on his cheek. Purple and bruised I immediately took him to the ER and of course, I was the one questioned. Do you think I really enjoyed having to find another daycare? No, but I have no choice as I am a single mother. That is my decision and I have to live with it BUT if I could be a SAHM I most certainly would!!!!! I am totally jealous that I can't be at home for my DS when he is out of school. I don't like that he has to get himself ready in the morning alone and be a latchkey kid but that is life.

Kudos to all who do what they can for their family and disregard ALL the negativity that is on this thread.

 

[dizcrazy]

Well, I agree with jodifla - oh please is right.

SAHMs hold on tight to your little ones? Shouldnt that message be sent to all moms, not just sahms? I honestly believe all moms do the best they can for their kids, whether they are working or not.

 

[DVCLiz]

I don't understand why SAHMs get defensive when it is pointed out that they have the luxury of staying home. The phrase means they are able to stay at home because someone else is providing the living for their family. It doesn't mean SAHMs are living in the lap of luxury, and the posters who have interpreted it this way are the ones who are, in my opinion, being defensive.

It's just a fact that, no matter how you've been able to cut back, if you're not earning your money by working, you get it from somewhere else. You either have family money, you inherited enough money to live on, or you married someone who can provide at the level you are comfortable with. It's not a great mystery. It's just a fact.

I think that's why so many moms get so riled up about this issue. If you're busy using the language of SAHMs, like "This was the nest decision our family could have made," or, "Why have children if someone else is going to raise them?" or, "I could never put my children in daycare", then you're making judgements, but you're leaving out the part about having been able to find someone else to pick up the tab. I'm not saying that's wrong - in fact, it's fabulous!!!! And I'm not implying anything about a "Sugar Daddy" - if you have a loving relationship with a committed husband, and his job provides enough income, and you've mutually decided you'll be at home with the children while he earns the living, that's WONDERFUL!!!!!!!! But there are many, many woemn who don't have that in place in their lives, and they don't like being made to feel like bad mothers, or like they shouldn't have been allowed to have a baby, simply because they married someone who couldn't provide for the whole family, or they married someone who left them for another woman, or they married someone who died, or they never married at all.

 

[kinntj]

Well, I agree with jodifla - oh please is right.

SAHMs hold on tight to your little ones? Shouldnt that message be sent to all moms, not just sahms? I honestly believe all moms do the best they can for their kids, whether they are working or not.

You're right that it should be directed to ALL moms, but again...OP was about SAHM's.

 

[DVCLiz]

Well, I agree with jodifla - oh please is right.

SAHMs hold on tight to your little ones? Shouldnt that message be sent to all moms, not just sahms? I honestly believe all moms do the best they can for their kids, whether they are working or not.

And I agree with this, too. Is your point that SAHMs are better because they keep their children safe at home, while working moms put them in harm's way by using childcare or sitters???? I expect you could probably find many more cases of child abuse in private homes than have ever been proven in childcare centers or by private babysitters. And millions of young kids bite each other every day - that's not unique to daycare by a long shot. I've seen the same behavior at the playground...and the little darlings were being carefully tended by their moms.

 

[Skatermom23]

I understand you don't dwell on it. But are you prepared if it happens? One doesn't dwell on having disasters that require car and home insurance, and yet we have it anyway.

I think your life sounds pretty great and if you can make it work out without going back to work, that's terrific. Most people live closer to the financial bone, and the second income goes a long way into staving off real trouble.

Of course I am prepared...that is why I went to school before having children. I have one of those degrees that allows me to jump back into the work force. If something ever happened, I know I could earn a reasonable amount of money to support myself, even if only part time. Your right my life sound really good right now. The question of this thread is....Are there others out there like me?

 

[DaisyD]

It's just a fact that, no matter how you've been able to cut back, if you're not earning your money by working, you get it from somewhere else. You either have family money, you inherited enough money to live on, or you married someone who can provide at the level you are comfortable with. It's not a great mystery. It's just a fact.

I agree. I am a SAHM and love it! I am a kept woman and have no plans on going out to work again! Yes I get my nails done, get massages, go to the gym, and drive a nice car. SO WHAT! I'm enjoying every minute of it with no guilt whatsoever! LOL!

 

[DVCLiz]

I agree. I am a SAHM and love it! I am a kept woman and have no plans on going out to work again! Yes I get my nails done, get massages, go to the gym, and drive a nice car. SO WHAT! I'm enjoying every minute of it with no guilt whatsoever! LOL!

If you'll drop the "kept woman" comment, I'll agree that you shouldn't feel any guilt either!!! That sounds like a really nice life.

 

[MATTERHORN]

You're right that it should be directed to ALL moms, but again...OP was about SAHM's.

Thank you. This thread was not about all moms, it was about SAHM. I would not go on a thread that was solely directed towards WOHM and tell them they are wrong for doing so or how they should feel about it. But I will post that on a thread that is about SAHM because that's what I am. This is a thread where we should be able to post about our choices without having to explain to everyone what we mean when we post something. If WOHM feel offended by it, that is because of their own insecurities otherwise it wouldn't bother them so much. Did the WOHM that responded think they were going to come on this specific thread and find posters that think working out of the home is the best choice?


Obviously we think we are making the best choice for us and our kids or we wouldn't be doing it. Why must you always try to convince us otherwise, I don't get it. And the whole idea that someone else pays all our bills is so funny as if when both parents work their DH's check doesn't go towards the bills at all. If it does, then you also have someone else paying your bills don't you?

If anyone remembers right, I said my mom was divorced and single when I was 7. I understand sometimes parents have to work and have no other choice. That's a fact of life. But for anyone to claim that working and being away from your kids is the same as being home with them, well I will never agree. That's my opinion and you are entitled to yours, but frankly it doesn't belong on a SAH thread. Nobody can understand why these posts go wrong? It's because people feel the need to come into what should be a harmless thread for SAHM to explain their reasons for not returning to work and tell us their side like we haven't heard it a million times already. Thanks but no thanks.


Andrea

 

[DisneyMommyRoe]

Well Ladies I am a stay at home mom. I was in the corporate field. Last year I was in a bad accident that forced me to leave my job. It was a huge adjustment for me to go from 12 hour days 7 days a week to 24-7 lifestyle. SAHM is a title like dr or lawyer. We all (ALL MOMS SAHM or working)
Work hard everyday to do the best for our families. Now that I am home I have to find alternate ways to earn an income from home while running a household and kids etc. I think that some of the previous posters need to look at why they are all so immensly defensive here? We are woman who have alot in common. We all love our families very deeply otherwise all these harsh words would have never come into play. Remember the main reason your here people DISNEY "Think HAPPY THOUGHTS" At any rate this is my 2 cents worth. Are your kids all happy with your life choices?? Are you ?? Then you know what... It really dosen't matter what anyone else thinks of you and your choices.

 

[DVCLiz]

If WOHM feel offended by it, that is because of their own insecurities otherwise it wouldn't bother them so much.
Andrea

You've said this three times during this thread, and I don't agree that it is true, but I am glad you are able to be the kind of mom you think best.

 

[Tracey1974]

But there are many, many woemn who don't have that in place in their lives, and they don't like being made to feel like bad mothers, or like they shouldn't have been allowed to have a baby, simply because they married someone who couldn't provide for the whole family, or they married someone who left them for another woman, or they married someone who died, or they never married at all.

Thank you! I have been trying since this thread started to put that thought into words!

 

[sbpuckett]

I haven't read all of the posts but I have been a WAHM for 4 years now. However, because I'm not "using" my degree I get that question all of the time. I have been in direct sales for over 3 years now and am doing quite well. I do not plan to go back to teaching but am working my rear off to get my business going full throttle. I'm figuring that once I'm making 50,000+ a year (the average in our company) and still staying at home, everyone might just get a clue My husband likes me at home as well, he has figured out that things don't get done quite so efficiently if I'm working 40+ hours a week.

 

[DVCLiz]

Thank you! I have been trying since this thread started to put that thought into words!

You're welcome! Wish I'd spelled "women" correctly, though!!!!

 

[MrsPete]

Do not name that well from which you will not drink . . .​

Oops -- British lit teacher here, and I've been reading old Arthurian poetry -- back to modern day now . . . never say never.

Seriously, I don't think any woman can say with certainty that she will NEVER go back to work. Life changes. What is right for you (and your children) at 20 may no longer be right for you at 30, 40, 50 . . . I was just talking to a mom who's been very, very happy at home with her three children for 20 years. Now that the youngest is in high school, she's having serious issues about this phase of her life coming to an end -- and she's the last person you would ever have believed would feel "unfulfilled". She's pondering going back to school and starting a fresh career for herself. Then there was my own mom who was abandoned with a whole houseful of kids after more than a decade at home. Things change -- sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad, sometimes just because we and our children mature.

Instead of declaring that you will NEVER go back to work, I think it's wiser to say, "This is the choice that works for this stage of my family's life. Every couple years we'll reexamine and see if it's still the best option for us."