Another Wedding Spinoff--Alcohol at Reception

[RedAngie]

My homebrewing, craft beer afficionado hubby would tell the snooty site they're gauche. You get the good stuff on tap, either make it yourself, buy quality tapped craft brew or have a custom batch made and kegged for your event.

I'll take your word for it. I have little knowledge of beer since I don't like it. I might take a sip of DH's beer once a year.

I got a few giggles and eyerolls from the article I read. They did use the word "gauche," but the rest of the wording in my response was mine, attempting to convey the tone of the snooty story.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Sweet Baby Jesus..I can't believe how incredible selfish and self-centered some of you sound. Really??? You would cross out the gift check amount to cover the cost of your drinks????? This day is not about YOU (general you) it is about this couple. Cash bar/open bar/no bar..isn't up to you to judge, it is up to the couple or whoever is paying. You are a GUEST, not the main event. \

As a GUEST who is present for hours at your event, I expect SOME beverage to be offered as you are a kind and generous HOST! And to not have to pay for it.

If you cannot afford open bar, just serve soft drinks and water. That is perfectly acceptable.
Cash bar is the tackiest thing - hi come to my wedding and I will charge you.
Its like serving chicken but offering lobster at a $20 surcharge.

The couple should serve whatever they want - water, vegan who cares? I will be happy for them. But to have anything for SALE??? Horrible

 

[msjprincess]

I don't think anyone would have any issue at all with a wedding reception of lemonade and cake! (OK, I suppose some people would, but they'd be rude and tacky people.) If the couple wants a cake and tea reception, for religious reasons or financial reasons or just because they like cake and tea, then that's awesome! I'd be thrilled to celebrate with them however they want. And if they want filet and cavier and an open bad, that's awesome too and I'd be just as thrilled to celebrate with them however they want.

But I do get a little annoyed when someone invites me to a party and expects me to pay for something that is being offered to the guests at the party. I certainly wouldn't get huffy or think less of the couple, but yeah - I find it a little rude. (And I was a bit huffy at the wedding where I couldn't get anything but water from the water fountain for free. That was just whacky.)

Exactly. I don't care what people serve. I just hate the idea of being charged. It's like telling guests they can have chicken for dinner or if they'd like they can upgrade to surf and turf for $40.

 

[holden]

I haven't read the whole thread, so forgive me if this is a repeat...

I've never been to a wedding where there is no open bar. However, I'd think the venue would give guests a clue about what to expect. Reception at the Ritz Carlton downtown = open bar. Reception in the backyard or other casual venue = maybe open bar, maybe not, maybe no alcohol at all.

 

[cabanafrau]

I'll take your word for it. I have little knowledge of beer since I don't like it. I might take a sip of DH's beer once a year.

I got a few giggles and eyerolls from the article I read. They did use the word "gauche," but the rest of the wording in my response was mine, attempting to convey the tone of the snooty story.

You're one up on me, not so much as a sip for me. Cannot stand the stuff -- although I do plenty of shopping for rare stuff despite never drinking it myself!

 

[SirDuff]

I haven't read the whole thread, so forgive me if this is a repeat...

I've never been to a wedding where there is no open bar. However, I'd think the venue would give guests a clue about what to expect. Reception at the Ritz Carlton downtown = open bar. Reception in the backyard or other casual venue = maybe open bar, maybe not, maybe no alcohol at all.

To me, the *last* place I would expect there not to be an open bar is in someone's backyard. No alcohol there? Sure. But to be charged for drinks in someone's backyard would shock me.

 

[pryncess527]

Exactly. I don't care what people serve. I just hate the idea of being charged. It's like telling guests they can have chicken for dinner or if they'd like they can upgrade to surf and turf for $40.

Exactly!! I've been to cake & punch weddings, I've been to full on sit down dinners. I'm not snobby in the least about what a person chooses to serve, I just think it's strange to host an event and charge for upgrades -- charging an "upgrade" for alcohol, in my mind, would be no different than charging an "upgrade" for steak, or the good cake.

 

[CPanther95]

But your guests have no way of knowing gratuities wouldn't be accepted. Around here, folks use tips to bribe the bartenders to look out for them at open bars - $20 up front and $1 or 2 per drink works well.

All of my guests knew - because I told them.

They didn't need to tip the bartenders to get them to be more liberal with my booze. They got exactly what they asked the bartenders for. At the rates you're paying, the guest is paying more for 6 drinks than it cost the host to pay for 30 drinks worth of alcohol. Give that money to the bride instead.

 

[nugov2]

To me, the *last* place I would expect there not to be an open bar is in someone's backyard. No alcohol there? Sure. But to be charged for drinks in someone's backyard would shock me.

But what if it was a catered event? Would people think it was tacky to go to a birthday party at someone's house and it is a catered birthday party by a third party company. All food is free but they let the venue charge for drinks, so the event is more affordable?

I'm in the camp of either don't offer it or make it included, like the pp...do not charge guests for items they may want at a party you are hosting.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

A bribe would be a smart investment.

I've told both of my children that I am not paying for their weddings. I will help for pay a portion of certain things, for example, pay for DD's dress or cover DS's transportation costs. Or maybe cover their open bar.

 

[CPanther95]

I've told both of my children that I am not paying for their weddings. I will help for pay a portion of certain things, for example, pay for DD's dress or cover DS's transportation costs. Or maybe cover their open bar.

What happened to the good ol' days when you just had to fork over a couple sheep and a small bag of silver?

 

[NYDisGuy]

But what if it was a catered event? Would people think it was tacky to go to a birthday party at someone's house and it is a catered birthday party by a third party company. All food is free but they let the venue charge for drinks, so the event is more affordable?

I'm confused by this. By venue, are you saying the house would be charging or the catering company? And yes, i've been to plenty of catered house parties and would walk straight out if my friend was charging me money for a beer when I could have brought over a twelve pack. I couldn't imagine anyone doing that at their own house

 

[SirDuff]

But what if it was a catered event? Would people think it was tacky to go to a birthday party at someone's house and it is a catered birthday party by a third party company. All food is free but they let the venue charge for drinks, so the event is more affordable?

I'm in the camp of either don't offer it or make it included, like the pp...do not charge guests for items they may want at a party you are hosting.

The "venue" in that example is still my friend's house. And I would find it very weird to be charged for drinks (admittedly, I might have three drinks a year, so I'm unlikely to be affected). I'm fine casual BYOB in-house parties (or potluck type parties), but beyond that would find it weird (and uncomfortable) to be charged for anything at a party that a friend is hosting in their home.

 

[msjprincess]

Being charged for drinks at a friend's house is even tackier. I've been to plenty of BYOB parties. But being charged? No way. Not since I was 18 and paid $x per head for keg parties.

 

[nugov2]

I'm confused by this. By venue, are you saying the house would be charging or the catering company? And yes, i've been to plenty of catered house parties and would walk straight out if my friend was charging me money for a beer when I could have brought over a twelve pack. I couldn't imagine anyone doing that at their own house

Yes by venue I mean the catering company in the hosts backyard, I just used the wrong word...sorry.

What if it was a wedding in someones backyard and they were charging for alcohol? I don't see why having an event at a hall/hotel/museum or whatever the place may be makes it ok to charge for alcohol and not at someone's. Paying for a catering company and tents/lights/dj for a birthday/wedding in a backyard can be expensive too so why is it a no, no to charge at a house vs another place you are hosting an event. That is what my point was.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

But what if it was a catered event? Would people think it was tacky to go to a birthday party at someone's house and it is a catered birthday party by a third party company. All food is free but they let the venue charge for drinks, so the event is more affordable?

I'm in the camp of either don't offer it or make it included, like the pp...do not charge guests for items they may want at a party you are hosting.

In my circle people would have the face going on if you were charging at your home.

For US, in my circle of family and friends, if there is a party it has alcohol. Be it a birthday, babyshower, graduation, baptism, communion, etc. There is no charging. Now they may send out a text saying "hey we have beer and wine. If you want something else please feel free to BYOB." or "I have spirits to start the night. Please feel free to BYOB." And 99% of the time everyone shows up with some kind of alcohol (bottle of wine, 12 pack of beer) for any get together.

We are a very informal bunch. Most of our get togethers are pot luck or BYOB. One graduation party the host bought A LOT of beer and it ran out. The guys put together money and went out and bought more. It's just how we roll but no one would ever be charged.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Yes by venue I mean the catering company in the hosts backyard, I just used the wrong word...sorry.

What if it was a wedding in someones backyard and they were charging for alcohol? I don't see why having an event at a hall/hotel/museum or whatever the place may be makes it ok to charge for alcohol and not at someone's. Paying for a catering company and tents/lights/dj for a birthday/wedding in a backyard can be expensive too so why is it a no, no to charge at a house vs another place you are hosting an event. That is what my point was.

I don't think you should charge at either venue.

 

[gemini2727]

But what if it was a catered event? Would people think it was tacky to go to a birthday party at someone's house and it is a catered birthday party by a third party company. All food is free but they let the venue charge for drinks, so the event is more affordable?

I'm in the camp of either don't offer it or make it included, like the pp...do not charge guests for items they may want at a party you are hosting.

I'm curious, have you even actually experienced this, being charged in someone's backyard? Or are you supposing? Because that I've never heard of!

 

[Stacy's a freak]

Ack! We did an open bar for the cocktail hour and a half and a cash bar after and now I think we were "gauche"! I wanted a full open bar for the entire time but we never could have afforded it. Even with a group of about 80 ppl, it was a hefty bill for just that time of open bar. I didn't spell it out on the invitation but I mentioned it to many of my friends who might be concerned about it. They all seemed to understand or at least didn't cry when I told them. After the reception everyone raved about the food - it was at a higher end private steak and seafood restaurant - so we feel like people got a good value for the food and the hour and a half of open bar. When you're paying for it yourself, you have the right to determine what you can do within your budget.

 

[TechieRose]

As a recently married (within the last year) I've seen all three types of events (cash, no alcohol, covered bar) honestly I think any of the three are fine! The long held wisdom that a cash bar is "tacky" I think is going by the wayside for many people as costs within the "wedding-industrial complex" (as I refer to them along with many other offbeat brides) have continued to skyrocket. I would indicate on the invitation that there is a cash bar and would verify beforehand if they are able to take card. (Honestly in this age of Square, etc. if they can't take card I would go with a different vendor if possible). I am another person who doesn't have cash on hand so would appreciate the notice. I do think providing non-alcoholic drinks at a separate station is ideal so you don't weigh down the bar would also be a good plan. At the end of the GO WITH WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!

For ideas/inspiration on how other brides handled dry/cash bars check out my personal favorite site: http://offbeatbride.com/