An Inconvenient Truth: happyhaunt Style! (New... pg. 113!)

[mjmcca]

What's a hoser?

Well first you start with 2nd City...then you add Bob & Doug Mackenzie then you add beer and then you get Take off you Hoser...there is even a Bob & Doug version of the 12 days of christmas.

And I think there was a movie too....

More Cdn speak...double double please.

I loved how they kind of reprised those roles as Rutt and Tuke in Brother Bear.

 

[mjmcca]

You've aboot tootally lost me. Still very unclear on what a hoser is. It doesn't sound like a compliment. Eh.

This should help:
ho·ser (hōz'ər)
n. Canadian Slang.
A clumsy, boorish person, especially an uncouth, beer-drinking man.

http://www.answers.com/topic/hoser




here is a whole Canadian slag dictionary

http://www.answers.com/topic/canadian-slang

 

[offwegotoneverland]

Some of that Cdn. slang is a tad off (but hoser is indeed an insult of sorts kind of like you would use goof or dummy I guess).

Toon is not the nickname for the two dollar coin...it is Toonie to go with the loonie...loonie is the one dollar coin with picture of a loon on the back...there is not a cartoon on the two dollar coin but a polar bear...aparrently polie just wasn't catching on.

and yes the pair in brother bear were a great riff on that comedy routine!

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

Mel -
I finally got a chance to read your latest installment this morning.

EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT.

Don't let that two-bit loser of a miserly barrister tell you otherwise. (Although, I quite agree, I think he must have been coming down with something to be so complimentary, of sorts.)

I have included O'Hana's Character Breakfast in our line-up this year, but am saving the dinner experience for when the kids are just a wee bit older. The girl still doesn't understand limbo rules, and I don't want her disqualified on a technicality, ya know.

Can't wait to read more. And about camping. And the raccoon.

Amy

 

[lonegirl]

Another funny TR...thanks!

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Only I call it "The Hot French Guy Day" though.

Mellyman doesn't.

He refers to it as "Lunch at the French Place with my wife ignoring me".

Instead.

But... that's for later.

Here we go. Then.

Calvin the Koala woke Me(l) up with a nice snuggle, a kiss on the cheek, a wet willy and a loud "ENNOLLLAAA"!!!!!!

Yikes!!!!

Marilyn Manson wishes he was that scary. In the morning.

Yes.

I slept in the Minnie Headband. So sue me. I know a good lawyer. Anyhow... I put it on right before bed fooling around with the kids. Then I slipped into a coma due to two nights of very little sleep. Clearly I didn't move much during my sleep of death. As my lipstick still appears to be on. My apologies to all for the picture of myself in the morning. Ahhhh. What am I saying? I don't really give a half of a crap.

So we had our morning snuggle and it quickly turned into a Mommy Pile On. Calvin, Beth, Tommy and finally Mellyman. I can easily handle the three kids. Mellyman is quite a large male, though. But they let up on me when they saw my extremities had turned blue. After a quick closed heart massage it was time to get ready and head to EPCOT.

EPCOT.

The very word is like a poem. To me.

A beautiful poem. Not a limerick. Although the happyhaunts are more like a limerick than fine poetry.

Trust me. On. That. One.

Where was I? I was singing the praises of EPCOT. We all love this park. It is our happy place. Just like some other people I know. One is also a lawyer. One is a preacher. One is a little bit grumpy. EPCOT is also our eating place, our drinking place and it is where I find the other love of my life: Gary Sinise. AND MISSION SPACE!!!!!! BABY!!!!

Please call it Mission Sinise. From now on. Thank you.

All of the happyhaunts also love MS, and Test Track and Soarin', too. Even Tommy who has never ridden MS. Before. He is too small. But he loves to spend many hours playing, crying, waiting and napping in the dump shop and dark arcade area there. He LOVES it. I think.

Anyhow... we were going to have a quick healthy....errrr.... Poptart breakfast and head directly for MS. Gary. To ride MS.

That's what I'm sayin'. Now.

Just because.

I HAVE to.

The kids ate their Poptarts happily. Because they never get them at home. I will insist that when finished they also consume the box and wrappers. Because that is where all of the nutritional value is. In a Poptart.

Mellyman and I opted for the caffiene rush. And powered two cups aka large jugs of Starbucks back.

We also talk to our Starbucks coffee like Golem. In the morning on vacation... "My precious! My precious!"

We like coffee. A lot. Coffee did not like Me(l) much that day though. I guess because of my stomach issues. That I was having. Did you know there are NO BATHROOMS between the UK and Morocco? In EPCOT.

My second favourite park. Next to the Magic Kingdom.

There are no public washrooms in France.

Big freakin' surprise. There. Mellyman has been to France. He claims the French don't really want you in France. Let alone using their facilities.

Johnny Depp lives in France now. He's welcome there. It's because JD is cool as crap. And he doesn't care what the French think of him.

I love the French. I do. More on that later.

So we powered our coffee and foodish stuff down and headed down to the Boardwalk and took a walk to EPCOT. Which rocks!

We entered at the turnstiles and took a quick left at the top of the hill and headed into the UK.

There was hardly anyone around. Very quiet. It was fairly early. So we took our time and stopped for pictures of the Winnie the Pooh Topiaries of all our favourite characters. There is a picture of Mellyman with RABBIT. Tommy with POOH. Beth with PIGLET. Calvin with TIGGER. And this one of Me(l):

There was a lovely young English lady outside of the pub. She was beginning to draw a hopscotch on the ground. We stopped and chatted with her. And we decided show her our prowess. At the game of numbers and fleet feet. We happyhaunts can hopscotch. Oh yeah!

We did this:

That's the mental game. In the War of Hopscotch. It's called: Learning the Board. Mentally preparing and figuring out your foot placement and rhythm. Because it's all about speed and airtime.

I am an IDIOT.

And a nerd. FYI.

So are my kids. Now.

Then this happened:

My baby girl FLEW.

Then this:

A Koala FLEW.

Then I did. And I was wrong... we ARE like poetry. In motion:

Then Tommy ignored all my advice and teachings, stood on the board staring at number five and he about grew roots. He is our limerick. FYI. Looky at Calvin's face. He is exasperated. Ha! Ha!

Mine was the same.

But, again, it's not whether you win or lose... yada, yada, blah blah. Load of crapatolla.

We carried on.

Into Canada. Because we LOVE CANADA. We missed our wonderful home. Already. We took some pictures while we wept.

This one:

And this one:

It's not really in Canada. FYI. It's just a little past Canada. Why did I take it? I don't know. Really. I was a freakin' mess.

Then we sat down on the bench while the kids explored the Gardens. Frolicing and uprooting flowers and plants grown in honour of EPCOT's Garden Festival. Heh heh.

I lied.

Tommy picked one flower. Then we beat him soundly.

And carried on towards MS. That's Mission Sinise. Get it straight, people!

The plan was this: Calvin and Mellyman will ride. First. Then Beth and Mellyman. Then Calvin and I. Then Calvin, Beth and Mellyman. Then me and Mellyman and Calvin. Then Mellyman and Calvin and Beth. Then Mellyman. Then Mellyman. Then Calvin. With Mellyman.

Wait.

A darn minute.

Someone is missing out on a lot of rides on MS. Besides Tommy.

It's Me(l).

And I guess I did. MS was at walkon status. Still we had to have spent about an hour and a half there. Repeating the ride like the ride reiterators that we are.

It is a darn good ride though. Gary was happy to see me. I could tell. No one hurled. Or cried. Or whined. Except for Tommy. Who was, eventually, bored to tears.

But I played with him while my husband rode countless times. I taught him a game we named "Stitch ate my brain!"

Insert here: Picture of Tommy's head in the mouth of a Stitch Head Hat. (There. Better?) Geez.

We sang, " Brain on a bun with ketchup, cheese... YUM YUM YUM more juicy brain please!"

People DID look at us. Strangely.

No matter.

We're used to it by now. My friends.

Then Stitch ate my hand. Tommy's face. And my butt.

That made Tommy laugh so hard he squealed. Like his father does. In a similarily manly way.

Then we put the Stitch hat back in the bin.

For someone else to actually buy.

Heh heh.

To be continued. Up next: Lunch in France. Delicious and HOT! Food was great too.

Five mopeds for EPCOT. And France.

No mopeds for someone else.

 

[horsegirl]

Only I call it "The Hot French Guy Day" though.

Mellyman doesn't.

He refers to it as "Lunch at the French Place with my wife ignoring me".

Loved this installment Hauntie.... I too love the French and Canada. I was singing french yesterday. And I like brie. And frenchmen, who shower and don't just washcloth shower and spray on some cover up cologne.....

All the pics were superdillyieicious! ANd you were ravishing with your minnie ears....we should all look like that in the morning!

Sally forth...Carry on....Tally ho!

 

[flipflop]

yay. you stopped torturing meanest mama with "hoser" and added an installment.

 

[Shelby5514]

Two and a

for you girlie!

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Two and a

for you girlie!

"Why does Gary have his hand in his pants?"

Clearly you are trying to get Me(l) locked up. Again.

And you call yourself my "friend".

You are a hoser.

Of the finest variety.

Take off.

Eh.

I'm outta here. I'm in THE POOL!!!!

For real. So the kids don't drown. Too much.

M. For Meatloaf.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Loved this installment Hauntie.... I too love the French and Canada. I was singing french yesterday. And I like brie. And frenchmen, who shower and don't just washcloth shower and spray on some cover up cologne.....

All the pics were superdillyieicious! ANd you were ravishing with your minnie ears....we should all look like that in the morning!

Sally forth...Carry on....Tally ho!

Thanks Pony!!!

I love ya!

Although if you look carefully you'll find a bit of a tricky poo there.

In that installment.

I had to improvise.

A little teeny bit.

Shhhhh. Don't tell the freakin' Lawdude.

Cheers, your baby Mel.

 

[canucktyke]

Hey Mel,

You heading to Rama soon? :-

Fri, 07/28/06
09:00 PM Gary Sinise & the Lt. Dan Band
Sat, 07/29/06
09:00 PM Gary Sinise & the Lt. Dan Band

 

[offwegotoneverland]

Great report...loved the pics (but can't imagine looking that good first thing!)

Can't wait to her about the 'ZE LUNCH'

 

[Shelby5514]

"Why does Gary have his hand in his pants?"

Clearly you are trying to get Me(l) locked up. Again.

And you call yourself my "friend".

You are a hoser.

Of the finest variety.

Take off.

Eh.

I'm outta here. I'm in THE POOL!!!!

For real. So the kids don't drown. Too much.

M. For Meatloaf.

Is THIS better?

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Is THIS better?

Thank YOU!!!!

That's awesome!!!

Look!

LOOK!!!!

LOOK how CUTE we are. As a couple. Together.

Like we're standing together. Touching.

Good Golly.

Mellyman will love it on his desk at work!!!!

So that everyone who comes in can say "Is that your wife... with Gary Sinise?"

I'm back to the pool!

Mel.
Happymelhaunt.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Hey Mel,

You heading to Rama soon? :-

Fri, 07/28/06
09:00 PM Gary Sinise & the Lt. Dan Band
Sat, 07/29/06
09:00 PM Gary Sinise & the Lt. Dan Band

You betcha!

My fellow Hoser or Hoserette.

My Canucklehead.

I will be there on the Saturday. Second row. Centre. Full view.

Of Gary.

Sinise.

Mellyman is really looking forward to it, too. I think.

He says he's gonna throw stuff at the stage. Like rocks. And cats.

Darts.

Things like that.

Should be fun.

For Me(l). Me. Mel. That is.

Over and out.

Mel happyhappyhappyhaunt.

 

[LaLa]

Where was I? I was singing the praises of EPCOT. We all love this park. It is our happy place. Just like some other people I know. One is also a lawyer. One is a preacher. One is a little bit grumpy.

And one is on Ignore. Apparently. Welcome Home. To La2.

Take off Hoser. No mopeds and all that jazz.

 

[Lisa_Belle]

Wow happyhauntie - I take a couple of days off and get not one, but TWO happyhaunt reports! I should be in trippie heaven. Except I like you a little less now that I've seen how you look when you get up in the morning. That is just not right. Where is the bed head? the dark circles under the eyes? the lack of color? the bloodshot eyes?

And where is the hunka hunka French guy?

Inquiring minds need to know

 

[ZZUB]

I understand that some people who read this drivel are unclear whether you and I like each other or are just playing.

Allow me to clear this up.

I HATE MEL!

No, we don't like each other. We DESPISE each other. We are like Bush and Gore, Bush and Kerry, Bush and the MSM, Bush and the "people" who frequent DailyKos, Bush and Hillary!, Bush and the English Language.

But not really.

We're more like Donnie and Marie only without the cheesy variety show; more like Captain and Tenielle only without the creepy muscrat love; more like Coke and Pepsi. Clearly one is better. Depending on who you ask.

So if I write that Mel's Trip Report sucks, it's only because it does and only because it needs to be said. If Mel writes that I am a cheap fart with a weak stomach and a penchant for losing it on my keyboard, it's only because she's a bitter old shrew suffering multiple as-of-yet undiagnosed mental disorders. Also, I don't even think she really exists. I think she's fake. Like Lord John Marbury's accent.

But for the fact that this installment featured a day in the 6th worst park in Orlando and you snubbed one of the kindest, most thoughtful Disers, the person MOST associated with Epicot, this wasn't a bad read. Don't be snubbing La2. She's got mean pig feet skills and she ain't afraid to use 'em. Also, I think she's mean with the cutlery.

Query: did Mellyman change his mind about posting pictures or are you rebelling? Again.

Brother Z

 

[jamal]

MELLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I lovelovelove the newest installments and pics. You make me laugh, snort, and want you to live next door to me. Come on, please, and move in. Grammy is coming, too. The spice shop will be rockin'!!!!

MS makes me barf but you make me howl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!