An Inconvenient Truth: happyhaunt Style! (New... pg. 113!)

[Kimberly815]

I have just found this now. . . thanks to another disboarders suggestion. Great read! Keep it coming.

 

[HaleyB]

Oh goody a Calvin story is next!

I love those.

"FFUB"

 

[WeLoveThePoly]

I got up and chugged unsafe quantities of Pepto-B. Quantities that will turn my tongue black. For sure.

This reminded me of a time many years ago when my sister woke up one morning with a black tongue and thought she was dying (but she always thought she was dying and still does 20+ years later). My mother took her to the ER where they asked her if she'd taken Pepto Bismol .... yep. We never knew it could turn your tongue black. Live and learn.

Thanks for another great installment!

Note to self: Add carrot to Disney packing list.

Debbie

 

[Shelby5514]

Heh Heh!

Keep it up Mel...can't wait to hear the Caaaaaalllllllllllvvvvvviiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn story!

 

[connorsmom911]

OMG Mel...I actually had a lol from your trip report at work tonight that was so totally embarassing. I'm sitting here with agoofymom and our boss is having a very serious meeting with us, talking about being professional and such and he says "but at the same time, I don't want you to be turtles about things either" and I started to giggle cause all I could think about was Calvin in the airport. Agoofymom, who is also a big fan of your trip reports, actually looks at me, looks at the boss and says "You're going to have to let her laugh for a minute" and then I actually had to explain to the boss what I was laughing about in his very serious meeting with us. Not a good thing. Considering we both mostly read your trip reports here. At work. When we're supposed to be working.

Anyways, a few suggestions for you, if you ever decide to stay at All Stars again, which I personally love...5 words...gravol and ear plugs baby. Although I can't speak too much to the pros/cons of Pepto, I swear by gravol for the upset-stomach-may-have-to-ZZUB kind of feeling, even better if you can catch it and take it before the ZZUB. Plus it has the bonus side benefit of making you sleepy/dopey/happy and many of the other seven dwarfs too!! The ears plugs work like a charm too, particularly if you were like me, stuck sleeping with the 3 yr old snorer because we were too lazy to blow up the bed when we got in late. Hey, we only had 3 to the room!!!

 

[connorsmom911]

Shelby...who doesn't love a cartwheeling carrot!?!??!?!?

 

[scrap4u]

From another lurker--I love your trip reports! They are hilarious and I love hearing all about your family. What is too funny is that we were in the World from 5/6-5/14. We must have seen you somewhere! I can't believe I didn't recognize you. I certainly would have spoken to you, although I don't know much Koala-ese!

Thanks for sharing!

 

[maxiesmom]

Ohhhh Melly, . Even though I know you are over it, to me there is nothing quite so lonely as having a tummy-ache in the middle of the night.
Glad you woke up ok after 4 hours of sleep. Waiting with baited breath for the next installment!

 

[DisneyAunt]

Mel

Love your TR!!!

Can I go on the next HappyHaunt trip......I'll contribute my DVC points to. But I must tell you I have 2 nephews that would have to come with me. They are just like your boys, not sure if we would survive your koala boy and my fearless afraid of nothing boy.

 

[Backstage_Gal]

Ok, Mel, I'm talking, do you hear me?

When I was born, I was a little girl.... and then I got shouted out again...

Seriously, love, love your Trippie as always, sorry to be just a lurker bum, I'm trying.

 

[labdogs42]

Although I'm questioning my need to bring the huge 1.5 litre shampoo and conditioner bottles. Travel-size, anyone?????

BWAHAHAHA!!! I was trying to catch up on the trip report and keep myself from posting until I got to the end, but this stopped me in my tracks. I ALWAYS take full-sized bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and hair gel on our vacations and I'm really the only one who uses them!! I'm deathly afraid of running out of my shampoo and I can't stand those tiny littl ehotel bottles (they just for show anyway, right?). You are too funny, Mel!

I was at Disney from May 9-13, so I'm wondering if our paths crossed at any point. I'm also wondering if you got a FASTPASS for Maelstrom while you were there, because I got one! I'll be waiting to see...

I'm so excited about your new TR -- I can't keep up wioth those threads on the Community board anymore!! The TR board is just my speed!

PS for anyone who hasn't figured it out, to Zzub is to blow chunks, hurl, toss your cookies, etc. Best when done into a fanny pack, but any other receptacle will do. Search for the battle for my wallet and you can learn more about Zzub-ing!!

 

[Ron from Michigan]

Your reports are so great. My Wife and myself just enjoy them so much. I just hope that Calvin will not have a permenent bad back, with the load he had to carry. Poor Guy.

 

[Hanover]

Thanks for the entertaining trip reports. I've spent more minutes reading them over the last year than I should have while at work and have had friends join Disboards just to read them too. Great writing!

 

[AshClan]

Mellypie,

You are awesome. Lovin the report, thanks so much for entertaining us.

Also, just want to add that it cracks me up how "pulling a ZZUB" has become part of our daily language! And, now, we have "FFUB" too! Thanks for that, really!

Can't wait to hear about Animal Kingdom. and stuff.

LY/MI

 

[ZZUB]

PS for anyone who hasn't figured it out, to Zzub is to blow chunks, hurl, toss your cookies, etc. Best when done into a fanny pack, but any other receptacle will do. Search for the battle for my wallet and you can learn more about Zzub-ing!!

I must correct the record. You will search my trip reports in vain for any information which would bring this term into relief.

For one I have never, ever, under any circumstances worn a fanny pack. Fanny packs, and hurling therein, are the sole and exclusive purview of LaLa.

After having read Ms. LaLa's trip report which was remarkably vivid in its description of multiple episodes of gastrointestinal upheavals (the soiled fanny pack was just one of many), I commented that I had ruined my keyboard. On a discussion thread where otherwise normal people gather for, it would seem, the sole purpose of making each other ill, there have been numerous references to the kinds of stories which make me turn green. Not environmentally obsessed, mind you. Not Al Gore. Rather, sick to my stomach green. Thereafter, a rather mean mommy coined the phrase, "pulling a ZZUB" which, I deduce, means to get sick and hurl. This is what passes for comedy these days.

Other than your unexplained fascination with my screen name and its nascent connection to gastrointestinal disorders, Mel, this is a funny Trip Report. Thus far I think it exceeds your previous efforts.

So .

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Tommy happyhaunt is well rested.
Calvin happyhaunt is well rested.
Beth happyhaunt is well rested.
Mel the Man happyhaunt is well rested.

I am not well rested. At all. And... I am restless. By nature.

Look out.

Just kidding. I think.

We head straight from the All Star Movies Resort to Disney's Animal Kingdom. The kids are completely ramped up. So are we. Both Mellyman and myself are pretty jazzed at the prospect of riding Expedition Everest for the first time. Calvin is similarily excited. Beth is nervous. As usual. About riding something new. Especially with scare potential. We have agreed to let Calvin and Daddy ride it first and then give her the lowdown on just how scary it really is. She does not trust my judgement. Of rides. Ever. We seem to have vastly different opinions. Of what makes for a good ride. My top three are: The Haunted Mansion, The Tower of Terror and Mission Space. Her top three are: Splash Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and The Rock n' Roller Coaster Staring Aerosmith. She claims that I love the chills while she loves the thrills. She may have a point. There. But, then again, I also carry quite a torch for the Rn'R. And Aerosmith. You can always count on Mr. Steven Tyler and Company for one HECK of a wicked ride. On a rollercoaster. I say. But... as a general happyhaunt rule... we have different taste. Beth and I. And, it's probably not such a bad thing. So she turns to her father, and not me, for his trusted judgement call. On such issues. If he gives her the thumbs up... she will ride EE with just him. And then Calvin and I will be allowed to do it. Calvin for the second time and me for my first. That's her plan anyway. We'll all go along. ANYTHING to get Beth on a new ride. Tommy is too small. He will have to skip this one. Sadly. But... we haven't told him that yet. Mellyman and I were still flipping a coin to see who will incur the wrath of Baby Naomi Campbell. When he realizes that he can't ride it he is going to go all ravenous egomaniacal supermodel on us. Big time. And... how come she can find her cell phone so fast... but not her own freakin' jeans?

We enter A.K.'s parking lot and are guided by friendly CMs to a parking space. We park, get out and start to organize our tons of crap. That we love to haul around... just in case. We always have at least three different sunsreens with us and a whole package of bandaids. Mellyman reminds us to note where we are parked so we can find this red SUV again. And THAT reminds me that I brought a little somethin' along to help us. I dig through my OPK(Obsessive Planner Kit) and find the Mickey ears antenna topper. That I bought for this occassion. And, also, to surprise the rest of the happhaunts. I stick it up and stand back to admire. Nice. I think so, anyway. Both Beth and Mellyman see it at the same time. Melly laughs and Beth shrieks "MOM!!!!! You are SO weird!" It's a purple spider Mickey ears topper. From last year's Hallowe'en collection. The clearance bin. At the Disney Store. 99 cents. I'm cheap. Don't judge me. I also HATEHATEHATE spiders. So... don't attempt to analyze me either. Oh... go ahead. Wait! I'll do it for you: I'm cheap. But I also thought it might stand out from all the other toppers out there. I was right. We didn't see one other purple spider topper the whole 10 days we were in Disney. Not one. And... you could see the legs on it from quite a distance away. So it worked. Perfectly. Although it started one of Calvin's famous chats while we stowed all our gear in the knapsack, stroller and checked 15 times to see if the doors were locked...

Calvin: Mom? Why did you buy that spider for the car when you hate spiders?
Me: It was in the clearance bin. It was very reasonably priced.
Calvin: So you bought it. Even though you hate spiders? Just because it was cheap?
Me: Pretty much.
Calvin: So now you like spiders.
Me: No.
Calvin: But you just bought one. To decorate our car with. So you must like that one at least.
Me: Yes. Yes. And... I suppose so.
Calvin: Would you have bought it if it wasn't on sale?
Me: No.
Calvin: What if I was being sold at the regular price but Tommy was for sale in the clearance bin? Who would you buy?
Me: What?
Calvin: What if the thing you liked BETTER was at regular price? And the one you HATED was for sale? Which would you buy? The one you HATED? Or the one you REALLY wanted?
Me: Are you insinuating that you think I love you more than Tommy?
Calvin: Yes. You do.
Me: Why do you always do this to me? Somewhere on a desert highway, she drives a Harley-Davidson, her long blond hair flyin' in the wind...
Mellyman: Peaceful place, Mel?
Me: Trying, Mel. I'm trying.
Calvin: Mommy's just mad because I can read her mind.
Mellyman: Calvin... just grab your hat if you want it! Let's get on the tram. Let's go.
Calvin: Right now she's thinking she doesn't like that purple spider much anymore.
Mellyman: NOW!

We head to join the huge crowd of people waiting for the parking lot tram to take us to the front gates of the AK. Big crowd. It's awfully hot already... just before 11:00am. Sunday morning. We stand waiting and Beth wants to know if we can have some time today to just walk around and look at the amimals. I tell her that probably not today because we still have to go to check in at the BWV and hit Walmart for supplies. But next AK day we will try to take our time and check out the wildlife. She loves animals and wants to be a vet. Maybe. One day. She's hoping to get a good view of the lions this time. Calvin is hoping to see koalas. If they have any at Animal Kingdom. Besides just him. And I want to see Bjork on safari. In the swan dress. You know, Bjork in that dress was the kind of thing... oh... nevermind. I have a personal rule about Bjork. I don't make fun of Bjork. It's too damn easy. I tried to stop thinking about Bjork. Which is actually pretty hard to do. Once you've started, FYI. Bjork.

See?

See?

Sorry.

The tram finally comes. People pile on. We are in line with the row where the seats face in towards each other. It's easier to get the stoller in. Two teenage boys hop on in front of us. Then Beth, Calvin, Tommy and I climb up. Mellyman hands me the knapsack and the stuff from the stroller's basket and bends down to fold it up for the ride. He clips it together and puts his hand up on the tram for balance and lifts his leg to step up and in... SUDDENLY two people push rudely by him and climb in beside the rest of us. There is no room for Melly and the filthy stroller. He says, "Excuse me! I was about to sit beside my family." They ignore him. Sitting to my right and staring straight ahead. He looks for another spot on our tram car but it's full. A lady in the car behind us kindly calls to him that she has a spot beside her. He climbs on and she says, loudly, "I saw that. That was so rude!" He agrees, "I know. Don't worry though. HEY MEL!!!!" And he waves at me and gives me The Smile. Which means, roughly translated: Go for it. Heh heh.

Sooooooooo... I turn to my new rude seatmates as the tram starts to move forwards, "Hey, since you just took my husband's place... why don't you take his place for the rest of the day? Ok? We'll join you and your wife for today. The whole day! It'll be fun. But we'll be needing LOTS of souveniers. We eat A LOT. And I have the Bird Flu. What are your names?" No answer. They stare straight ahead. The woman starts to redden a tiny bit. I continue, "Let's have lunch at Flame Tree BBQ. Ok? We love the Flame Tree!" That's when one of the two teenage boys beside us, who are now both grinning ear to ear, pipes up, "We love the Flame Tree too! Can we come too, Dude?" No answer. From Rude Dude. Or his sidekick. So I answer, "Sure! Why not? The more the merrier! Hey, you have a kleenex? No? Well, then, check out this black thing on my little guy's finger. Do you think that's a wart or just a fungus?" Still staring straight ahead. Wife is really red now. The tram pulled up to the front of the AK and those two practically FLEW OFF. They didn't even wait for it to come to a full and complete stop. Heh heh. We got off and, following directions, proceeded to move past the line on the ground before attemping to gather together in a group and set up the stoller. My new young teenage friends waved goodbye and Mellyman looked like he was about to have a real good day. Now.

We load up and head for the turnstyles. I get out our annual passes and hand them out. To everyone except Calvin. Because he can't handle it. We know from experience. He handles it as well as he handles money. He'll drop it, step on it, lose it, rip it or just give it away. As soon as humanly possible. So I hold mine and his. And we wait in line. The line is huge. There is quite the crowd at the AK today. It seems. I suggest heading straight to EE. Mellyman agrees but he'd like to get a coffee first. I tell him we should skip the coffee because we want to get fastpasses ASAP for EE. It's a FASTPASS ride after all. Just like Maelstrom and Living With the Land. So you JUST KNOW it's gonna be a madhouse. Bedlam. I convince him that we should skip the oral caffiene injection and go hard to EE. Plus... I don't really want coffee. Today. We haven't even fed the kids a real breakfast yet. They ate late last night and finished up the snacks we brought for the plane this morning at the All Stars. I figure they're fine for now. Plus... I don't really want food. Today. We are the thrifty, breakfast skipping, sun-screen toting, one-track minded, EE seeking happyhaunts.

IT'S EXPEDITION EVEREST OR BUST, BABY!!!!! With one little stop in front of the Tree of Life for a photo opp. Because that's just what you do. Dontcha know?

To be continued. Up next: Ok. Ok. THE NEXT PART is where Calvin gets in trouble. I didn't get to it in this last part. I have no real plan here. For how I write. Big freakin' surprise.

 

[horsegirl]

great report hauntie! Can't wait to hear how you all loved my most favorite ride in the world, and Schuylers!

 

[2infinity&B-ond]

Thanks Mel. I got my Happyhaunt fix just in time! Another great installment!

 

[Lisa_Belle]

Calvin: What if I was being sold at the regular price but Tommy was for sale in the clearance bin? Who would you buy?

So, Melly, who WOULD you buy?

 

[KTSMOM]

Sooooooooo... I turn to my new rude seatmates as the tram starts to move forwards, "Hey, since you just took my husband's place... why don't you take his place for the rest of the day? Ok? We'll join you and your wife for today. The whole day! It'll be fun. But we'll be needing LOTS of souveniers. We eat A LOT. And I have the Bird Flu. What are your names?" No answer. They stare straight ahead. The woman starts to redden a tiny bit. I continue, "Let's have lunch at Flame Tree BBQ. Ok? We love the Flame Tree!" That's when one of the two teenage boys beside us, who are now both grinning ear to ear, pipes up, "We love the Flame Tree too! Can we come too, Dude?" No answer. From Rude Dude. Or his sidekick. So I answer, "Sure! Why not? The more the merrier! Hey, you have a kleenex? No? Well, then, check out this black thing on my little guy's finger. Do you think that's a wart or just a fungus?" Still staring straight ahead. Wife is really red now. The tram pulled up to the front of the AK and those two practically FLEW OFF. They didn't even wait for it to come to a full and complete stop. Heh heh. We got off and, following directions, proceeded to move past the line on the ground before attemping to gather together in a group and set up the stoller. My new young teenage friends waved goodbye and Mellyman looked like he was about to have a real good day. Now.

That is so hilarious!!! What a great way to handle rude people! You are my mentor!