Amy's Journal: Comments Welcome!

[lovinaz]

Bummer about the weigh-in, but like you said - it's just a number. The REAL gauge of success is that your clothes fit better! That means you are getting rid of fat and building lean muscle, which will make those inches melt away. It's great that you love the rec center, I think you may have finally found something you can stick with. And I bet once you get more confident you will try some other things there. Since you want to give your foot a rest, what about swimming? No shoes required there and it is excellent exercise for the whole body.

And YAY for DS's art show entry!!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Amy: I thought about swimming, started looking for my suit but began to wonder if maybe it got left on the bathroom hook of the Disneyalnd Hotel in January. It is nowhere to be found! I may ride the bike if my feet start to hurt when I walk tomorrow.

Stacy: Thanks for the encouragement, I just have totally reached my limit as to the way I look and feel. I need to channel that from desolation to determination!

Tracy: Thanks for the nice words, I get discouraged and then you make me feel better! I guess that's what WISH is all about maybe??


Thanks everyone. I didn't walk today, my poor feet! I lost a toenail last night (I stubbed this toe badly and now with all the walking guess it just put the nail over the line) and I still have my blister on the other foot. So I just tried to stay off my feet to let them heal a bit. I am going to try to walk tomorrow, I bought some moleskins and better bandaids and I promised dd that we would go again so she could swim. If they start hurting, I'll ride one of the bikes. Which I don't like at all but it would be a lot less stressful on my feet. I currently do not own a bathing suit so that nixes swimming. I couldn't find it, then suddenly realized I probably left it on the bathroom hook at the Disneyland Hotel in January! So I need to get online and order something huge, that I"ll hate and will hopefully only wear a few times. I have lovely suite from Lands End that is two sizes too small. Maybe by July I can fit into it which would be swell!

I went to the dinner place today with my friend. I made 7 dinners for me and one for stepdad. I picked the healthy stuff again, they even provide all the nutrional information which is nice. So far its all been really good. And on one recipe I cut the butter by about half or more. I am even wondering if this might be a good place for me to work at part time this fall. The owner and I chatted today, her dad had dementia and she has lost both of her parents so it was nice to talk to her and I can tell she likes me. Maybe I'll ask her at my next session if she would love to hire a 43 year old mom who hasn't worked in 14 years! The woman is a grandmother and looks like Susan Lucci. I'll bet she weighs 100 pounds soaking wet. Her daughter looks the same. I certainly did not inherit those type of good genes!

Had four chicken wings and some chips and salsa for dinner after eating very light and healthy the rest of the day. Stayed exactly within points but probably not the best choice for dinner. Still, for a Friday night, it was not bad. I skipped the cocktail and had 120 oz. of water today. I looked at this as a legal splurge. Its not feasible for me to give up my favorite junk so I am not even going to try. All week long thanks to some Wing Stop commericial I have been craving them. So I figured how many I could have on points and that's what I ate. My WW leader says that is the key to success. She ought to know, she has kept off her 35 pounds for 14 years and still eats her beloved Taco Bell and LaMar's Donuts, all in moderation. Tomorrow I have lean steaks and salad on the menu and a walk (hopefully) on the gameplan.

Sunday we are supposed to take my sister and nephew to lunch at a Mexican place. I keep waffling on whether I even want to go. Mexican food and my sister could really derail my well being and set me up for a downfall that could last several days! I find that my downfalls all start with one bad meal and just keep on a goin.

Thanks so much for reading, hope everyone has a nice weekend!

 

[pearlieq]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your poor feet. I hope they feel better soon!

I'm really glad to hear you like the rec center. It sounds like a great setup and it's wonderful that Curves got you out of your contract. I liked Curves well enough, but you kind of "outgrow" it pretty quick as you get stronger.

I think you're doing really well processing the loss of your mom. What I love it that sounds like she's so much a part of you--you can still feel her presence/absence and you still can hear her and remember all the things that made her, her. I think it's wonderful that you're carrying her in your heart and I just have this strong feeling that you're going to come through this journey strong and peaceful.

I hope you have a very nice weekend and that Sunday goes well, whatever you decide. I understand what you mean about a backslide starting with just one meal. I kind of reminds me of something I heard on TV about AA--I guess they have a saying that it's the first drink that gets you drunk. Not all the ones that come after, but the one that starts the slide. Whatever happens, be kind and loving with yourself.

Take care!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
sorry the scales not playing fair but hang in there, you will definatly be losing inches i'm sure! when i worked out properly the scale hardly moved but i went down a dress size!!!
Your doing fantastic with all that walking & eating healthy, & i think your right not to completly deny yourself the odd treat in moderation, try taking some body measurements & i'm sure over the next few weeks you will be pleasently suprised

 

[Goofydiane]

I'm sorry about the blisters and loss of a toe nail. Those are tough to deal with as you feel that you get to a good place and then things outside of your control cause issues and make you skip a day. Stay with it and the blisters will get better and the toenail will grow back eventually. I'm missing a toe nail as well and it is almost all the way back to where it was.

I'm proud of you for being able to choose a food you want to eat and work it into your points for the day. That goes to show how you are working to get your points and food under control. It may not have been the best choice, but you had 4 wings and enjoyed them and you stopped at 4 (which is hard to do!) and didn't go over the points total. Congratulations!

I love walking/running on the treadmill. I find when I walk outside I lose my focus and it is more of a meandering walk and not a work out - when you walk in a circle, or on the treadmill, you can focus on the workout. Use the music to try and improve your time each day. I love those types of workouts because it allows me to think through lots of things - my co-workers and I call them "Thoughts from the Treadmill". I work through my problems on the treadmill or just let go of the day. I find that I have less stress going on - let the walks do that for you.

Keep it up, you are doing great!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane: I love the outdoors but never seem to walk at a proper pace when outside either! I am glad to know I am not the only one.

Pearlieq: Thank you for your kind words. I do try to just keep her (my mom) right in my heart and thinking at all times. I guess I am partly not ready to let go and partly we were just so close for so long I can't! Its a work in progress let me tell you!

Tracey: I do need to take measurements. I remember that you did lose a dress size, that gives me hope!

Today not so good with food. I ate Mexican food out, not a good choice. I used up all my points and some flex points to boot. I didnt even eat dinner and also slept through breakfast. Which left me starving by the time we got to the restaurant. Oh well, its another day tomorrow. At least I did enjoy it.

We aren't going to my sister's tomorrow. Dan just has too much work to do and the weather is supposed to be bad. I also am just not in the mood to see anyone or anybody. I love my sister but again, its never uncomplicated where she is concerned. I do hope to see her in a couple or three weeks before we leave for WDW. Of course she has no idea of that trip nor does stepdad. I just don't want to tell anyone afraid they will let it slip! Brother and my one friend (rec center buddy) are the only ones besides my disboard Wish friends who know!

I am making the lean steaks tomorrow and need to grocery shop as well. I have a bit of a food hangover from my big lunch. Eating one large meal is not the best way to eat during the day but again, the day is done, can't change it but can make tomorrow better.

Thanks for reading, hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I forgot to add that I didn't walk today. I decided to go tomorrow so that dd's friend can come with us. Plus that gives me feet another day to heal up. My goal is 4-5 times a week for now, if I make it tomorrow I can make the four times since I already have made plans with my friend for Monday and Tuesday. I sort of missed it today, its been since Thursday. I think I may try to buy some new shoes, of course that could just bring up more blister problems! Diane is so right, I feel sort of bummed, I am doing so well and now this. Still, its not the end of the world and I will just have to work around it.

 

[Goofydiane]

The new shoes are a great idea. If you can, go to a running shoe store or a store that focuses on fitness shoes. I did the last two times I had to buy shoes for walking/running and no blisters! I found going during the week and not a Saturday afternoon is a slower time and they have more time to spend with you. I also brought my old walking shoes and showed them were I was wearing them down and getting blisters. They changed my shoe brand and I love them! I always buy 2 pairs so I can switch and not always wear the same shoes day after day. Just like disney, your workout shoes need to switch up too.

Remember, that is what flex points are for, when something comes up that you aren't expecting or you just have a bad day. WW wouldn't allow the flex points if they don't want you to use them. You do such a great job acknowledging when bad decisions were made and the just let it go and say 'tomorrow is another day', I need to work on this more.

I hope your blisters are healed enough to allow you to enjoy your walk today.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Diane, I think I may try your suggestion of a running shoe store. Although I have $25 in Famous Footwear rewards and am broke from buying my kids new clothes, shoes, and God knows what else! As usual, Mom's shoes have to come cheap! Still, I want good shoes.....

Today, MUCH better on the food front! I skipped breakfast due to some severe oversleeping. Normally we do church on Saturday nights however the kids church school was doing a program at that church so we decided to go there instead so the kids could participate. I woke up, turned off the alarm, thought, "oh I have plenty of time" and the next thing I knew it was over an hour later. We all had to get up, shower, get dressed, in less than 45 minutes. So I didnt' eat since dd's hair needed to be styled since she was singing in the program. I just drank a bottle of water on the way over and listened to my stomach growl. Again, bad planning, I need to restock my supply of Fiber One Bars for the car, they are 2 points, have 9 grams of fiber and really fill me up. And are great for just this type of emergency. I just bought a whole new box, again I just need to preplan, things will always come up.

We went out to eat after church and I kept nuking everyone's suggestions, not wanting to set myself up for sure fire failure. And I was proud, as they would suggest things, one of them (even my 11 dd) would say "nope nothing healthy there". We finally decided on the bbq place, so I could get smoked turkey breast. I split a meal with dd, we each got our meat and a salad, and I had my dressing on the side. And I passed up the cheddar corn muffins and ice box lemon pie this place is famous for. In fact I told the waiter up front, just bring three muffins, dd let me have one small nibble. Those things I estimate have around 6 points apiece. After yesterday, I just had no room for refined carbs. So a very successful lunch. I came home, dd and I were going to go to the rec center but we decided to take a drive to the mountains instead with Dan and ds. Nice family outing, we saw a ton of deer which was nice. Then I came home and did Walk Away the Pounds for 30 minutes which was better than nothing I guess. DD and I both agree, we need to rec center on Saturday to make sure we get that in.

I have drank my water very well all weekend but have to tell you I am STILL so bloated. Very discouraging. Very PMSish and no TOM to relieve me. No idea if or when that will occur. I have really had too much salt this weekend which of course does not help.

Tonight is the lean steak on the grill (its snowing, that should be fun for Dan to grill) a salad and some steamed veggies.

I have planned my menus for the week with dinner, did my grocery shopping and plan to wash all my workout clothes today so they are ready to go. We are supposed to get something like 8 inches of snow tonight, if I can't make the rec center due to the roads, I'll just treadmill at home.

I had some bumps this weekend, mainly in the form of Mexican food but I did get back on track. So for that I am happy!

Thanks for reading!

 

[pearlieq]

Aha! I knew there was a reason I've been craving Mexican food all day. You started it!

What a nice day it sounds like you had today. A family drive through the mountains sounds like a wonderful way to spend a Sunday. Great recovery with your good lunch and lean dinner! It can all balance out.

I'm so impressed that you have everything all set up and ready to go for this week. It makes it so much easier to succeed when you set yourself up for it.

As for your poor, ouchy feet, have you ever considered Crocs? I picked up a pair a couple of years ago and I never looked back. I know the ones they sell at the mall look like giant holey clown shoes, but they make models that are much more unobtrusive--some are downright cute. I really like the Endeavor model and they also have completely closed ones that are suitable to use in the snow/cold. They come in various widths--my feet are wide and so the regular ones work for me, but they have narrow cut models for people with smaller feet.

I wear mine with socks and I never had a blister and they just provide the most amazing cushioning. I'm a big gal, and it's just like walking on marshmallows. They my walks so comfortable and I find I can go farther because my feet aren't bothering me. It may be worth checking out.

I hope you have a great day tomorrow!

 

[toystoryduo]

Sounds like you did a great job this weekend, Amy! Way to go!

How's the weather out there? I know you said that you expected some snow. I'll tell you...I can't wait for Spring!

I hope you have a great Monday!

 

[lovinaz]

Wow, and here I was complaining that it only got up to 57 yesterday! Did you get a lot of snow??

You did GREAT with your planning this weekend! I'm glad to see you have all your meals planned out for the week, your WW leader is right - it makes it so much easier to stay on track! Don't worry about the Mexican day - you counted the points and you made it a cheat meal - not a cheat day, not a cheat week!!!

You might want to ask someone that works at the rec center to show you around and demonstrate how the different machines work. There might be something that you'd really enjoy that you wouldn't think to try on your own.

I hope that bloating goes away soon, I know how miserable that can be. Hormones are the worst! You are doing awesome, keep it up!

 

[MIdanceMom]

Hi Amy,

I hope your tootsies are feeling better. I think spending money on good workout shoes is an investment worth making. I love crocs, but I have stopped wearing them. My podiatrist has seen a huge increase in fallen arches since crocs have become popular. JMI.

Great job getting back on track with food aster the Mexican meal. That is what will make this time work. Having your meal, then starting over the very next meal. Keep it up woman!

Hope you didn't get all 8 inches.

Take care,
Beth

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks everyone. Today had the usual ups and downs but I survived it. We didn't get much snow at all, the weather man had to eat some serious crow with this "major winter storm warning". The kids were bummed, they wanted a snow day, frankly I did too! But it was probably good we didn't get one since if they had been home all day, I would have used that as a lovely excuse to just sit on my rear all day. I packed them off to school, came home cleaned, did some laundry and then picked up my friend for the rec center by 10:00. Walked one hour, my feet were fine until about 40 minutes in and then I could tell the blister was getting cranked up again. I just kept walking. Came home, popped said blister, put on a loose bandage and it feels better. I am really at a loss. I cannot stop walking long enough for this thing to heal, if I do I fear I'll just lose what little bit of ground I have gained. I bought moleskins but haven't used those yet, will try that tomorrow.

I really fought my urge to just sit down and wail all day. I was really, really missing my mom. Maybe it was the dreary day, who knows. I fought it at the gym (they have a Silver Sneakers class there during the mornings and all those seniors remind me of her), I kept walking wondering, why I am even bothering, I just feel like its never going to happen. Then went to the grocery store, bought healthy food, resisted the urge to buy chips. Came home, ate a healthy lunch, resisted the urge to make pancakes or some other type of comfort food. The whole day was just a struggle. I finally just made myself some tea, plopped down in my mom's old rocking chair and sat and allowed myself to feel sad and crappy for a half hour.

Now I am making dinner, and frankly just glad I survived the day without some sort of depressed meltdown! They say time heals, I can't wait for that to happen. I did talk to my brother a bit and that also helped. He feels much the way I do, he was also extremely close. Sister is useless at a time like this. And we didn't go to lunch with her yesterday. I just wasn't in the mood. She is coming her on Sunday for Easter. I guess it will be nice to see her.

Food today:
Breakfast: Oatmeal with skim milk and walnuts: 5
Lunch: Lean Cusine, parmesan cheese: 5
Snack: Microwave popcorn: 1
Snack: Fiber One Bar: 2
Snack: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich made on light bread: 4
Dinner: Chicken with rice, salad: 9
Total for the day: 26

I have four points left, not sure what I will eat to take those up. Three snacks and three light meals is what I like best so I am okay with this food. Maybe I will eat some fruit later tonight.

Thanks for reading:

Tracy: Tracy, thanks for the "cheer", I guess I did do pretty well this weekend!

Amy: I plan to use a personal trainer at some point, for now I just want to walk and get used to the routine of working out. I really want someone to design some sort of weight routine for me. I think I'll do that sometime in April after we get back from WDW.

Beth: I didn't get all 8 inches (sounds sort of kinky ) thank goodness!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Later on Monday:

I don't know what I am thinking somtimes! So I had a blue day anyway. Dropped ds off at his 7th grade boys group. They were playing outside (football) and I sort of drove off a bit and then stopped. I could see out my rear view mirror. He wasn't really playing much. None of the other boys ever come up to him when I drop him off. The one kid who he was friends with has moved. I just wish life wouldn't be so hard for him. He is so shy and its so hard for him to make friends. I just wanted to cry.

Came home, just felt wiped, sent dd up to do her reading and plopped on the couch and turned on the tv. It was the show "Intervention". Now I like this show but it does tend to be depressing. Watching people in all various forms of addiction and their families is not easy watching. This episode really got to me. This guy was so sweet, such a sad, lost soul, loved his family, had a hard life. I really, really, really, wanted this guy to turn his life around. Watched all the show and they came on the end and said he had died. I just about lost it! Why oh why do I watch this kind of thing? I need to find American Idol or Dancing with the Stars and leave the A & E reality shows (watched about four episodes of the First 48 last night and wonder why I can't sleep).

After that show I really wanted to just eat or have a real coke or something. I thought about going to pick up ds, there are about 25 fast food places I could swing by but I didn't. Sent dh to pick him up and forced myself to leave the kitchen/downstairs area and came up here to WISH. I felt like one of those addicts, I just needed a fix. But I didnt' give in.

Okay, enough of this. I had a rockey day but I made it through. Ds came home and said he had fun. I think I worry too much about that kid, but he just tugs at my heart.

 

[Goofydiane]

The best success on a rocky day is to make it through the day. Look at what you accomplished today that was positive: Walking workout - done. Healthy eating - done.

I think it is totally ok to sit and be sad. Losing a loved one is tough to go through and some days are always going to be better than others. I've never lost a parent, but lost a best friend 11 years ago and I still have moments that I mourn the loss. I ran across her picture today in my cleaning and enjoyed some great memories reminiscing about a trip we took. It's ok to mourn and be sad, and you probably felt closer to your mom when sitting in her chair. The holidays coming up this weekend and that could be the trigger for some memories as well.

I've never watched "Intervention", but I find myself watching those detective/crime shows like 48 Hours, FBI Files and just can't figure out why I watch them. I can watch The First 48 for hours at a time and just wonder why people think they can get away with murder or a different crime.

Here's to a great Tuesday!

 

[toystoryduo]

Amy,

I know that yesterday was a tough day, but I am so very proud of you for getting out there and exercising and making healthy food choices. I know that it was very hard to do, but you did it, Amy! Great job!

Please don't be hard on yourself...Grieving is a process and it will take time. Like Diane said, losing a loved one is very difficult and some days will be better than others. Know that you're in our thoughts and prayers.

If you need anything, please let me know. Please be sure and take good care of you, WISH sis.

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
well done for resisting so much temptation, especially when your feeling so down! Your bound to have days like that & count it as a major success that you didnt 'cave in' I'm proud of you

(& i know your mom will be proud too as she watches over you)

 

[pearlieq]

I am an avid Intervention watcher--something about it is just really compelling. I think it's because I identify with the addicts because I struggle with so many of the same issues.

We totally have the same taste in TV too, it sounds like. I'm forever watching those First 48, Cold Case Files, etc. And then we wonder why we can't sleep? I swear sometimes I watch it when I'm bummed out just to see someone who is having a worse day than me.

I am so proud of you for making it through your rocky day yesterday--especially since you dug down and found the strength to resist trying to make yourself feel better with food. Good for you!

I'm glad you hear your DS said he had fun. Hopefully things get easier for him.

I hope today is a better day--take care.

 

[lovinaz]

I'm sorry to hear you had such a rough day!

But you MADE it!!!!! Try to focus on the positive - you resisted the urge to emotional eat and you kept yourself busy on the computer instead. That is GREAT and I bet you are really proud of yourself this morning. I'm definitely proud of you!

It's so hard to see our kids struggle. But DS must be having fun if he keeps wanting to go to boys group. I bet once he gets "warmed up" he is just fine.

Did you watch that show I Can Make You Thin on TLC? It was on Sun and I think they are having repeats in case you missed it (check their website). It's a 5 part series and it looks pretty interesting. All about changing your relationship with food, focusing on your body's needs, etc. I liked it and I can't wait for the next 4 episodes!

Keep it up, you made it through one tough day and hopefully today will be a breeze!