Amy's Journal: Comments Welcome!

[lovinaz]

I bet DS is doing great at his new school! And like pearlieq said, HE is not the problem, it's all the idiots around him. Be so glad that you've raised a sensitive, caring young man. Better that than a heartless bully, right?

I think you have the right approach with your sister - small, infrequent doses are all you need.

Hope DD feels better soon so you can get back to the rec center!

 

[pearlieq]

Hey you,

Just wanted to say I'm thinking about you and DS today and wishing him all kinds of great new school mojo! I really hope he has a great day. I know it must feel really strange starting this late in the game, but these things have a way of working themselves out.

I can understand your relief about the holidays. It's nice that there's a very long stretch here now without any major occasions (unless, of course, your mom was a major fan of Arbor Day, or something. ). It will be good to have time to process and regroup. I can feel how much you missed her last night. She must have been a great lady.

It is totally OK to love your sister but not like her very much. Or just not want to hang out with her too much. Who knows why we wind up related to who we do? Sometimes I think it's solely because God has a sense of humor. It sounds like you recognize that taking a break is the best thing for your now. I applaud your self-awareness and your willingness to advocate for yourself. You're right--it's hard, but you're in charge of taking care of you now. And I think you're doing a great job getting started.

Have fun with the packing! The anticipation is so much fun!!!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Amy,

We're getting ready to head out to dinner, but I wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers. I will try and catch up with your journal later on this evening. If you need anything, please let me know.

 

[MIdanceMom]

Amy,

The first holidays after a loss are always hard. Pearliq is right, your Mom was a special person, and she raised a very special daughter. Don't feel bad about not wanting to spend time with your sister right now. She is toxic to you, and you neeed time to heal before you can tackle that.

I hope DS had a fantastic first day. It may be a positive to have him come in in the middle of the year. He will be the new kid, and people will be curious. I hope he made some friends.

Thinking of you,
Beth

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate how much concern and caring you have shown regarding my son! It has really helped me to stay grounded through all of this nightmare.

So today went very well for ds! He liked his teachers, said they are all really young except for one lady he described "as older, at least 33". Thank God they have at least one 33 year old geriatric on staff! He said they were all really happy, the kids all seem to like the teachers and each other and he got the electives he was hoping to get into. He said lunch was a bit scary, but he just went in and found an open spot next to a boy that looked nice and sat down. He saw one boy that he knew from second all the way through fifth grade in elementary so that was nice. They were never good friends but he's a nice boy and Matthew always liked him. He said this boy was happy to see him. Who knows, maybe they'll click this year. Its interesting, this kid's parents apparently also yanked him out of the other middle school and open enrolled him at this school. I guess we aren't alone! I am cautiously optimistic, after all a year ago I thought I had found the perfect solution! So my own judgement isn't too trustworthy but I do have to say I feel very good. I think this whole atmosphere is very postive which seems to start from the principal and trickle right on down. It has a whole different feel. I am just keeping my fingers crossed and pleased that ds was able to go in there and handle the situation. Female Dog Teacher can gloomly say he'll fail all she wants. My money is on my son and I think today proved he's a good bet!

Dd wasn't feeling all that well today so we stayed home. I ended up walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes, I knew by the time ds got home the rec center would be packed and I really wanted to spend some time hearing about his day. So I still did work out. I had promised him dinner out, he picked CiCi's Pizza , which is all you can eat and well I ate all I could eat! I was just too hungry, I didnt' eat enough today, I was nervous and not hungry and then I walked in there, took a whiff and it went from there. Dh said I didn't do that bad but I shudder to think what the scale will say. I hope to rec center walk tomorrow, if not, I"ll just treadmill again. At least I did do that today.

Next week, ds will be home all week but he's old enough to stay home alone so that shouldn't have an impact on my working out. As long as dd has this cold she doesn't need to be swimming. Thank goodness I have the treadmill. Which means I have no excuse not to walk even when I can't get to the gym!

Thanks again for alll your support!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Amy,

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to stop by here yesterday. The first holiday after a loved one passes away can be so very difficult. I want you to know that I was thinking about you and praying for you.

Please don't feel bad about not wanting to deal with your sister right now. You need to focus on you and what will help you heal. If she will not help in the healing process, then I think it's best to take a break from being around her right now.

I'm glad to hear that Matthew's first day at his new school went well. I hope that each day gets better and better for him.

I'm sorry to hear that your DD is not feeling well. I hope she is feeling better soon!

In just a few weeks, you'll be in WDW! How exciting! Have you started packing yet? I looked at my countdown a week ago in excitement because I could make my ADRs. Now, I look at my countdown and think my vacation is so far away... I hope you'll do a trip report or tell us all about your trip so we can live WDW vicariously through you.

I hope you have a great week ahead!

 

[pearlieq]

I'm so glad to hear it went well! Good for him! I hope it continues to be a positive experience for him.

I hope today is a great day for you!

 

[Goofydiane]

Hi Amy,

Haven't stopped by and caught up for a bit and I'm amazed at everything you've gone through with the old school. I can't believe that a principal understands the issues with a teacher but does nothing to correct it. It sounds like you absolutely made the right decision in changing schools. You are right - let him look at this as a new adventure and the opportunity to make even more friends.

As others have said, the first year of holidays seem to be the toughest. One of my best friends lost her father suddenly a few years back and each holiday was referred to as the first without....her family started making time in each holiday to remember dad and then also started a new tradition on that holiday so they got to remember how it used to be and start something new for the future. They've kept that tradition going and it seems to work for them.

Enjoy spending time with your daughter this week and your son next week and plan new things to do with them.

Hang in there, only a short wait until vacation and some relaxation!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
I'm so glad DS's first day went well

& well done you for getting on that TM
keep positive

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you everyone.

DD and I are both sick now. I pretty much spent yesterday miserable on the couch with chills and aches and dd felt even worse. I did manage to get caught up on my daytime tv however. Today I feel a bit better but dd is the same. Poor kid, not much of a spring break. Its lovely outside but she has scarcely left her bedroom. Hopefully she will begin to feel better soon. At least she is not missing school.

Ds had another good day at school. A girl from church is in one of his classes and they are partnering on a project. He had lunch with some other boy yesterday, he says he is just enjoying all the different kids and its not as hard as he thought to go up to a stranger and start talking. I am so proud of him. Again, I am just cautiously optimistic!

I woke up feeling very discouraged about my weight issues. I didn't work out yesterday, not sure I'll feel like it today, last week I only managed two workouts and I have not lost one pound since I joined WW in January. My clothes fit so much better so I know I have maybe lost some inches but its obvious my goals of losing x amount of weight before my trips will not be met. I just have to keep plugging away. I won't be able to go to WW today, I don't want to leave dd home alone and I certainly don't want to take her to the meeting and expose everyone to our germs. Maybe I can go weigh in tomorrow. Again, I am not giving up, just realizing that as usual this is hard for me. Since I have been 10 years old I have been struggling with this problem and I am so sick of it. I swear, I sometimes wish I would have used the money my mom left me to get a gastric bypass. Not that that is an easy, failproof solution either. I absolutely hate the way I look and feel, why isn't that enough? Although, I have been doing so much better lately, its just a mystery why the scale can't at least show a small loss. And even though I was sick yesterday, I still managed to eat my allotment of points. I pretty much have to be barfing up a lung not to eat!

Okay, enough whining. I hope to take at least a slow, 30 minute walk on the treadmill today and again, I am making a tentative plan to weigh tomorrow. I won't give up but I also know this is probably going to take two years IF I stay disciplined. For those of you who have under 50 pounds to lose, read my pain and don't let yourself get to the point I am at!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
please dont lose heart
you ARE losing inches & its better to be able to tell with lose clothing than feeling no different & the scale saying you down 10 lb's!! right?
I hope you feel better soon - i'm at my worst when ill - i comfort eat everything!!!
I know your a much stronger person than me though
ride out the storm & come out even stronger & proud you havnt given in

 

[lovinaz]

Yay for DS!!! This experience has got to be building so much confidence in him. I think he'll do great in this new school.

I am so sorry to hear you and DD are sick! It stinks that she is not getting to enjoy her spring break, but you are right - at least she is not missing school. AND she will have gotten it out of the way before you go to WDW!

As for you, give yourself a break! You are sick, of course you don't feel like exercising and your body needs to focus on getting better right now. You are definitely losing inches if your clothes fit better, which means lean muscle is coming in and yucky fat is going out. That's great!!

I notice that you get really down on yourself when you don't make your self-imposed goals to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain event. Try to remember that it is a GOAL and nothing will change if you don't meet it! Don't give up, it's a slow and frustrating process, but I know you will succeed in the end. HANG IN THERE!!!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Tracey: Being sick does totally make me feel my worst! It just brings the whole thing down, so not what I needed right now. Oh well, that is life as they say. I am feeling a bit better so that is good.

I notice that you get really down on yourself when you don't make your self-imposed goals to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain event. Try to remember that it is a GOAL and nothing will change if you don't meet it! Don't give up, it's a slow and frustrating process, but I know you will succeed in the end. HANG IN THERE!!!!

Amy you are so right. I do this each and every time I go to WDW. I plan the trip, then immediately count how many weeks til I go, and how much weight I can lose in that amount of weeks. Two years ago, I hit my goal, pretty much have not done that since! It just makes me so down because I feel like a failure even if "some" good things have happened. I really wonder if setting these specific, time geared goals is even that good of an idea for me. I hate to not at least to try and yet it really brings me down. I think that is what got me going today, I woke up and thought, "ahh, three weeks from today we leave" and then in the next second thought "well, another failure, there is no way I can lose that ten pounds I set myself up to lose when I planned this trip". I just can't seem to find a good game plan/thought process to inspire me and make me successful! And I don't know how to stop myself from feeling this way.

Food today:
Fiber One Bar, (2), milke (2)
Chicken sandwich (7) ice tea (0)
Water so far: 32 oz.

So far my food is good. I really want to try to treadmill for 30 minutes in a bit. If I feel yucky, I'll stop. It may improve my spirits at the very least! Now that I have started to really get back into exericsing, I find that I feel very sluggish and depressed when I don't. I guess that is progress!

Forgot to add that I think this whole thing is making DS feel better about himself. He is doing this on his own so to speak and I think he feels very proud that he has done so well. I think when Mrs. Female Dog kept telling him he would fail when he went back to public school, it really struck a chord with him. And rather than let that be fulfilled, he has chosen to prove her wrong. He has seemed much more mature lately. I am just sitting back and letting him do it his way and so far, so good!

 

[pearlieq]

I'm so sorry to hear you're sick. That crud really is going around and it's no fun at all. Here's hoping you feel better soon!

It's great that DS continues to do well--that's wonderful for him! I hope good things keep happening and he stays very happy there.

I understand what you mean about time based goals. Sometimes they feel kind of arbitrary, but they can be great for motivation. Lately I'm trying to take the long view--focus on better habits (smaller portions, letting go of food, etc.) and I figure I'll get there when I get there. Hopefully you'll find what works for you.

Have a nice night. Sending to get you and DD better!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
did you manage the TM?
well done on your food
As for the dreaded goals - Its good that you can see where & when your feeling low & that you know how to improve that - your half way to winning the battle just with that!

 

[lovinaz]

Maybe instead of defining goals the way you currently do, you could do something different. I imagine they talk about this at WW. Something like "when I lose x lbs I will treat myself with xxx". You know, some short term, some long term, etc. And when the x is a really big number, the xxx can be another WDW trip!!

How did the rest of your day go? Hopefully you and DD are on the mend.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you Amy, Pearlieq, and Tracey. I cannot believe how lousy I have been feeling! Dd is much better today and just in the last hour or so I finally got out of bed. I got up, cleaned up the downstairs and am now hoping to take a shower and join the living again. I guess we had some sort of viral, flu thing. In any case, I am happy to say we are both better. Of course now ds is starting to have a runny nose and headache. I am just glad he will most likely make it thorugh tomorrow. Then he can also be sick over his spring break!

I did not treadmill yesterday. My head hurt so bad and I was running a fever again so I decided not to. I ddin't today as well, I am hopeful maybe tomorrow. We are supposed to have friends over for dinner on Saturday night, hopefully we'll all be well. I did eat very well yesterday and today, my appetite is now decreased (something good comes of everything).

I have been spending so much time in bed just laying around and I have been trying to think of some sort of way to make my mind follow what my body so depsarately needs to do. Amy, they do talk about short term goals and long term goals. I think like everything else in my life, I tend to work things around my Disney trips! That is clearly not working. Lately I have been trying to work towards more exercise. And I have done pretty well with that until ds had his school switch and dd got sick. However, in spite of that, I did manage 3 workouts in a week so that was something and since my goal was at least 3 times per week, I have actually made that three weeks in a row. The first two weeks I did 6 and 5 times respectively. So that has been done and I need to feel proud of that.

I also tried to cheer myself up by doing some online shopping yesterday. I got some new capri's for WDW as well as some shirts and new pj's from Lands End. I ordered a new bathing suit last week, I actually ordered it in two sizes. One size was too small and the next size was missing the bottom (tankini type thing). I realized I didn't even like the styling so I sent them both back, dug around in my closet and found an old suit that fits and will work for our next trip. I still have the lovely suit I bought several years ago that is still too small. So my goal is to be wearing that suit before summer's end. That's it. I probably need to lose 20 pounds or so to fit into that, I hung it on my closet and maybe that will motivate me. But I left that wide open, end of summer is Labor Day, that gives me some wiggle room to make that happen. My new/old suit doesn't work for swimming laps or aquasizing since its a swim dress. I may try to find some sort of one piece I could use for that, I do enjoy swimming and the rec center has a great lap pool. But at least I have something for laying around the pool at ASMU and the lazy river at Blizzard Beach next month. I really miss the days when I was thin enough to just go buy a bathing suit at any old store. Just another reason to lose weight, shopping is so much easier when you don't have but one department in some stores that will fit you. I was telling a friend of mine last week that I hope to lose weight so that I can go shop at Casual Corner again. She had to impart the sad news that all Casual Corners went out of business years ago! Guess I have been a "WOMAN" size for a bit longer than I like to admit. Bummer, I loved that store!

My goal for next week is to journal my food for 4 of my 7 days. My week began today, I didn't make it to WW this week but went ahead and started my week as if I had.

Breakfast: Fiber One Bar (2)
Lunch: Chicken paremsan breast (7)
Snack: crackers (4) Diet 7 Up (0)
Water thus far: 32 oz.
Dinner: no idea yet. I don't feel like cooking tonight, so dh may just pick something up or we may all have cereal because thats about all thats in my house since I haven't grocery shopped all week!

 

[goldcupmom]

The school situation for DS sounds like it has really improved and is good for him. Hard mid year, but worth it.

Sorry you have been sick but glad you're feeling better.

You, Cam & I need to get this WW thing DONE & make goal this year!!!!!!! it is SO HARD....been 5 years + for me, but I continue on......

Have you tried the caramel Fiber One bars? Good, but I think I still like the ones with Chocolate best.

have a great Friday & stay well!!!!

 

[Caitsmama]

Amy, hang in there!! Remember, for any of us who have weight to lose, we didn't put it on overnight - it won't come off overnight. Baby steps are the key.. Sounds like you are doing good on your WW points - which is what i am doing too.. Sometimes i am hungry, sometimes i am not.. I started having those hostess bluberry crumb things for breakfast (3 minis) and they are only 1 point and have 3 gr. of fiber! That and the V8 splash light -- mango peach, great stuff for those of us who don't eat all their veggies/fruits! LOL Only 2 points per cup.
I also have been eating Lean Pockets 4 Cheese Pizza things for dinner -- 6pts - and they have a good amt. of protein (15 g) and 3g of fiber.

I am a creature of habit, and if you look at my WW journal i keep - pretty much everyday is the same for me.. with the exception of my suppers. But, usally i do those lean pocket pizzas 3x's a week for dinner.

Good luck, we are here for ya! I am all for finding out new tasty WW foods!! We can share that!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Stacy, I am going to have to try those Lean Pockets and I do love that V8 Splash. I need to buy that again, for some reason I haven't lately.

So instead of overeating, I have now overshopped! I just paid off my credit card and her I go putting several hundred dollars of nothing but stuff for me on it! Frankly, I think I'll go shred my cc! I bought some more stuff online today, I just am sick of clothes that look frumpy and don't fit right. Hopefully these new things will make me feel more attractive. The problem is that I go months on end with buying nothing, then the dam breaks and I shop til I drop. Oh well, nobody ever accused me of being the Queen of Self Control!

So dinner tonight is Del Taco. I picked that because they have some things I like that are fairly low in points:

Been and Green Burrito ( 5.5)
Two chicken del carbon tacos: (7)
Total for dinner: 12
Total for Day: 25
I already shredded up some green leaf lettuce to add to my tacos to get more veggies in. I have some points left, I may have some fruit. Or not, I still don't feel that hungry.

I jsut realized that I have had no drama with ds all week! Very nice. He has made a friend, a boy that he actually went to kindergarten with. He said he also enjoys researching Word War II so they went to the library after lunch to look at some book this kid said is interesting. Ds said some of the kids aren't too nice to this boy, so I am not surprised they have gravitated towards each other. I remember this kid, no idea why he wouldn't fit in. Of course I have no idea why ds doesn't either! Ds' other friend (that goes to his old school) is the same way. Social dynamics amaze me. And not in a good way.

I also avoided unpleasantries when my sister called today: twice. I didn't pick up the phone: twice. Thank God for caller ID. I may never pick up the phone when she calls again. She was in my area on a call and no doubt thought I would take a page from our Mama's book and fix her a nice, free lunch. Sorry, the Amy Cafe is closed. I felt sort of bad for about two seconds then proceeded with my day. Inevitably when I even talk to her I get an urge to raid my frig. I just saw her and am still recovering, why rush for more weird drama? The sad thing is, she has no idea I feel this way and that pretty much everyone else does too. I felt so bad, at my mom's funeral she had not one friend show up. Oh well, not my problem.