Am I being rude?

Do you have a source on the fact that a lot of people live like that compared to previous generations? Or are you just basing it on the anti-millennial and gen z rhetoric that's so popular? As someone in that age range, everyone I know is very much worried about staying within their means.

So you were 22 in 2009 but somehow in 2019 you are still in your early 20's?
Please can you give me directions to that fountain of youth.


OP you weren't rude at all, but she's a friend, just be honest with her next time. Maybe she would have said OK lets go to the original place if you had.
 
Do you have a source on the fact that a lot of people live like that compared to previous generations? Or are you just basing it on the anti-millennial and gen z rhetoric that's so popular? As someone in that age range, everyone I know is very much worried about staying within their means.

My source is strictly from personal knowledge of friends and family and parents I see from day to day. We have been in this area a long time so know a few generations. I do know a few, but very few, that want to live within their means, but there are more that have no qualms about using cards for their 'I wants' vs their needs. A lot of them have been provided for and given lots of 'wants' through college that being out on their own they're not willing to deny themselves the 'frills'.
Of course there are exceptions, but it is amazing that everyone you know lives like that.
 
So you were 22 in 2009 but somehow in 2019 you are still in your early 20's?
Please can you give me directions to that fountain of youth.


OP you weren't rude at all, but she's a friend, just be honest with her next time. Maybe she would have said OK lets go to the original place if you had.

I'm a millennial, which is an age group I mentioned in the post. People often lump them together. I never said I was the same age as the OP. But way to miss the point entirely.

My source is strictly from personal knowledge of friends and family and parents I see from day to day. We have been in this area a long time so know a few generations. I do know a few, but very few, that want to live within their means, but there are more that have no qualms about using cards for their 'I wants' vs their needs. A lot of them have been provided for and given lots of 'wants' through college that being out on their own they're not willing to deny themselves the 'frills'.
Of course there are exceptions, but it is amazing that everyone you know lives like that.

So no source then? I believe you know people who do that. I just don't believe it's any more than in previous generations. Older generations just have to put down the younger ones since the beginning of time.
 


I'm a millennial, which is an age group I mentioned in the post. People often lump them together. I never said I was the same age as the OP. But way to miss the point entirely.



So no source then? I believe you know people who do that. I just don't believe it's any more than in previous generations. Older generations just have to put down the younger ones since the beginning of time.
I've been around enough generations to see the difference. It's very big the difference. My own kids included. See I called them kids, they are young adults, educated with good jobs. One a lawyer. They want to live like their mother and I do. Don't understand why they can't, because they did growing up. I'm just glad they are out on their own and not living in our basement. Believe it or not one of the friends was because he didn't want to live alone, he plays in the NHL and makes a pile of money. But he just can't do things on his own, so we let him for awhile. Thank God the season started. He's not coming back.
 
OP - go and enjoy a nice meal with your friend. It’s the company not the food that’s the point no? What’s being lost in all this is that part of being friends is compromise. I see your point about not spending money on places you don’t LOVE but that’s a bit limiting.

You can’t always be the one to choose the restaurant and having the stance that if it’s not one of your favorite places then you’re not going/not eating is not fair to your friends. Same with movies, which beach to go to, where to get drinks and what to watch on tv - it can’t always be your choice. Sometimes you have to take one for the team and do what someone else wants to do.

Yes it was rude of your friend to change things last minute and you should have spoken up then - maybe suggested you stick to the plan today and she could choose next time.
 
I would have your kids clean up after dinner.
You know, they would if I asked. However, I’m a SAHM and my only 2 kids still home are 16, so I have it pretty sweet. My kids have always played 3 season sports, the 2 still home play club sports as well as varsity. They get home from school around 5:30, eat, get some homework done, and then head out to club soccer 3 nights a week, getting home after 9 to do the rest of their homework. I’m a little OCD when cooking, everything that can be washed before we eat I do. DH is in charge of the pot if there is one.

ETA they do put dishes in the sink and say “thanks for dinner mom” every night.
 


I don't think it's rude, as navigating this period of life where everyone is still getting settled as adults, balancing finances on their own, being paid different amounts in new jobs, etc. can be challenging.

I think you should be honest with your friend, though, and say that you had been looking forward to that restaurant and just ask why she switched it up and in the future, stick to whatever plan you had already made. I would take a friend being honest with me like that over coming out to dinner and watching me eat while they sipped a club soda, though I still think it's great to prioritize the company.
 
I think the only thing I would have done differently was to just be honest with your friend and say: Hey, I don't really want to switch venues. I have very limited funds, I don't treat myself often, and Restaurant A is one of favorites so I don't mind the splurge. I don't overly care much for Restaurant B and it feels like I'm wasting my money there. Since we both like Restaurant A so much, can we just stay there? That's not rude either and I think it sets a good example.
Yes, I was going to say something much like this.
It's always best to be up-front about your real reasons (a desire to save money); otherwise, your friend may "make up in her own head" a different -- and probably worse -- reason. Since your desire for financial stability is highly admirable, you may inspire your friend to do the same.
So no source then? I believe you know people who do that. I just don't believe it's any more than in previous generations. Older generations just have to put down the younger ones since the beginning of time.
Disagree. When I was a kid, I never felt "put down" by older people.
Millennials -- and my daughters fall into this age group, though they don't fit the stereotype -- seem to be the first group who really feel a group identity (maybe because of social media?). I always knew my parents were in a group termed "Baby Boomers", but I never even heard a name for my generation until I was an adult -- I feel no "group identity" with people in my age group. I don't think my parents really "identify with" other Baby Boomers -- they just know they were born in that generation. I think Millennials are unique in feeling that kinship, and they most definitely tend towards very thin skin /tend to take neutral comments as personal insults.
I've been around enough generations to see the difference. It's very big the difference.
Yup. Thinking back to my high school and college years vs. my daughters' high school and college years -- BIG differences. Sure, they've had some curveballs handed to them (just like every generation), but Millennials have had quite a few nice things handed to them.
 
Yes, I was going to say something much like this.
It's always best to be up-front about your real reasons (a desire to save money); otherwise, your friend may "make up in her own head" a different -- and probably worse -- reason. Since your desire for financial stability is highly admirable, you may inspire your friend to do the same.
Disagree. When I was a kid, I never felt "put down" by older people.
Millennials -- and my daughters fall into this age group, though they don't fit the stereotype -- seem to be the first group who really feel a group identity (maybe because of social media?). I always knew my parents were in a group termed "Baby Boomers", but I never even heard a name for my generation until I was an adult -- I feel no "group identity" with people in my age group. I don't think my parents really "identify with" other Baby Boomers -- they just know they were born in that generation. I think Millennials are unique in feeling that kinship, and they most definitely tend towards very thin skin /tend to take neutral comments as personal insults.
Yup. Thinking back to my high school and college years vs. my daughters' high school and college years -- BIG differences. Sure, they've had some curveballs handed to them (just like every generation), but Millennials have had quite a few nice things handed to them.

I mean literally, since the beginning of humans, older people have put down younger people. It's a fact.

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/articl...ple-have-always-complained-about-young-adults
The references in that article go back to Aristotle. There's an entire song about it in Bye Bye Birdie, written in 1963.
 
You handled it very well OP.

And I know a lot of people are ragging on the friend who changed it up last minute, but it is your friend. Big whoop. Friends do that from time to time. Maybe she didn't feel like going to the restaurant you originally planned on. Maybe it isn't her favorite, and she usually just goes for you. Eh, who cares. As long as she isn't repeatedly changing it and you are always the one to compromise, I don't see the huge deal with the last minute switch. It happens, and you went with the flow and hopefully still had a great time. :)
 
I mean literally, since the beginning of humans, older people have put down younger people. It's a fact.

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/articl...ple-have-always-complained-about-young-adults
The references in that article go back to Aristotle. There's an entire song about it in Bye Bye Birdie, written in 1963.
Not something I have ever experienced; until the Millenial generation, not something I ever heard of.
I looked up the song; if this is a complaint about younger people, you'll have to explain it to me.

Bye, bye, Birdie
I'm gonna miss you so
Bye, bye, Birdie
Why'd ya have to go (Bye, bye)
No more sunshine (Sunshine)
It's followed you away (You away)
I'll cry, Birdie (Birdie)
Till you're home to stay (Home to stay)
I'll miss the way you smile
As though it's just for me
And each and ev'ry night
I'll write to you faithfully
Bye, bye, Birdie,
It's awful hard to bear
Bye, bye, Birdie
Guess I'll always care
Guess I'll always ca-a-a-a-are
Guess I'll always care!
 
Not something I have ever experienced; until the Millenial generation, not something I ever heard of.
I looked up the song; if this is a complaint about younger people, you'll have to explain it to me.

Bye, bye, Birdie
I'm gonna miss you so
Bye, bye, Birdie
Why'd ya have to go (Bye, bye)
No more sunshine (Sunshine)
It's followed you away (You away)
I'll cry, Birdie (Birdie)
Till you're home to stay (Home to stay)
I'll miss the way you smile
As though it's just for me
And each and ev'ry night
I'll write to you faithfully
Bye, bye, Birdie,
It's awful hard to bear
Bye, bye, Birdie
Guess I'll always care
Guess I'll always ca-a-a-a-are
Guess I'll always care!

Oh boy. I didn't say it was the song Bye Bye Birdie. It is a song IN Bye Bye Birdie. The song is called Kids. But yes, complaining about the younger generation has literally been around since Aristotle.

[Mr. MacAfee]
Kids!
I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!
Kids!
Who can understand anything they say?
Kids!
They are disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy, loafers!
While we're on the subject:
Kids!
You can talk and talk till your face is blue!
Kids!
But they still just do what they want to do!
Why can't they be like we were
Perfect in every way?
What's the matter with kids today?

[Mr. and Mrs. MacAfee]
Kids!
I've tried to raise him the best I could
Kids! Kids!
Laughing, singing, dancing, grinning, morons!
And while we're on the subject!
Kids! They are just impossible to control!
Kids! With their awful clothes and their rock an' roll!
Why can't they dance like we did
What's wrong with Sammy Kaye?
What's the matter with kids today?
 
Oh boy. I didn't say it was the song Bye Bye Birdie. It is a song IN Bye Bye Birdie. The song is called Kids. But yes, complaining about the younger generation has literally been around since Aristotle.

[Mr. MacAfee]
Kids!
I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!
Kids!
Who can understand anything they say?
Kids!
They are disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy, loafers!
While we're on the subject:
Kids!
You can talk and talk till your face is blue!
Kids!
But they still just do what they want to do!
Why can't they be like we were
Perfect in every way?
What's the matter with kids today?

[Mr. and Mrs. MacAfee]
Kids!
I've tried to raise him the best I could
Kids! Kids!
Laughing, singing, dancing, grinning, morons!
And while we're on the subject!
Kids! They are just impossible to control!
Kids! With their awful clothes and their rock an' roll!
Why can't they dance like we did
What's wrong with Sammy Kaye?
What's the matter with kids today?
Sounds like part of a plot more than a reflection on society.
Seriously, I see that YOU believe it, and it seems important to you that other believe you've "been wronged", but -- again -- it's just not something that's been commonplace. I've literally never heard anyone of my generation complain about this; I've never heard anyone except a Millennial complain about this issue.
Regardless, this is a diversion from the original topic.
 
Off-topic, but never have I ever been so happy to be Gen-X.

We're the overlooked generation, & we're sandwiched between the millenials & the boomers.

We're the "whatever" generation & just want to be left alone.

453062


On-Topic - OP, I think you handled it fine, but I do like the advice of some other posters that, next time, don't be afraid to let your friend know that you were looking forward to the original choice of restaurant. One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is how it's usually best in these situations to just politely & graciously explain the truth.
 
Sounds like part of a plot more than a reflection on society.
Seriously, I see that YOU believe it, and it seems important to you that other believe you've "been wronged", but -- again -- it's just not something that's been commonplace. I've literally never heard anyone of my generation complain about this; I've never heard anyone except a Millennial complain about this issue.
Regardless, this is a diversion from the original topic.

And I presented facts that it's been happening since the beginning of time. It's not just something I came up with off the top of my head. It seems important to you to believe that millennials are the only generation anyone has ever complained about and are somehow fragile and worse than every other generation, which is just patently untrue.

I don't care if you personally believe it, but it's so common to come into these threads to see a "kids these days are terrible" post that has nothing to do with the original post (which is how this convo started) and I just hope that maybe people will start thinking for themselves and not buy into the rhetoric that is so common these days to be able to feel superior.

Anyway, sorry OP for getting so off topic. I'm done.
 
Off-topic, but never have I ever been so happy to be Gen-X.

We're the overlooked generation, & we're sandwiched between the millenials & the boomers.

We're the "whatever" generation & just want to be left alone.

View attachment 453062


On-Topic - OP, I think you handled it fine, but I do like the advice of some other posters that, next time, don't be afraid to let your friend know that you were looking forward to the original choice of restaurant. One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is how it's usually best in these situations to just politely & graciously explain the truth.
Screamers, Whiners, and Boozers.
Guess that makes me a screaming lush.....
 
Sounds like part of a plot more than a reflection on society.
Seriously, I see that YOU believe it, and it seems important to you that other believe you've "been wronged", but -- again -- it's just not something that's been commonplace. I've literally never heard anyone of my generation complain about this; I've never heard anyone except a Millennial complain about this issue.
Regardless, this is a diversion from the original topic.
I have, many times. Generation after generation complain about “Kids these days”. It is commonplace.
 
Sounds like part of a plot more than a reflection on society.
Seriously, I see that YOU believe it, and it seems important to you that other believe you've "been wronged", but -- again -- it's just not something that's been commonplace. I've literally never heard anyone of my generation complain about this; I've never heard anyone except a Millennial complain about this issue.
Regardless, this is a diversion from the original topic.
You're lying if you are seriously trying to claim no one has ever complained about "kids these days" for generations. That's patently false and you know it.
 

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