Am I being rude?

Hikergirl

DIS Veteran
Joined
Feb 28, 2016
Do you have a source on the fact that a lot of people live like that compared to previous generations? Or are you just basing it on the anti-millennial and gen z rhetoric that's so popular? As someone in that age range, everyone I know is very much worried about staying within their means.
So you were 22 in 2009 but somehow in 2019 you are still in your early 20's?
Please can you give me directions to that fountain of youth.


OP you weren't rude at all, but she's a friend, just be honest with her next time. Maybe she would have said OK lets go to the original place if you had.
 

North of Mouse

DIS Veteran
Joined
Mar 31, 2011
Do you have a source on the fact that a lot of people live like that compared to previous generations? Or are you just basing it on the anti-millennial and gen z rhetoric that's so popular? As someone in that age range, everyone I know is very much worried about staying within their means.
My source is strictly from personal knowledge of friends and family and parents I see from day to day. We have been in this area a long time so know a few generations. I do know a few, but very few, that want to live within their means, but there are more that have no qualms about using cards for their 'I wants' vs their needs. A lot of them have been provided for and given lots of 'wants' through college that being out on their own they're not willing to deny themselves the 'frills'.
Of course there are exceptions, but it is amazing that everyone you know lives like that.
 
  • ashley0139

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 24, 2009
    So you were 22 in 2009 but somehow in 2019 you are still in your early 20's?
    Please can you give me directions to that fountain of youth.


    OP you weren't rude at all, but she's a friend, just be honest with her next time. Maybe she would have said OK lets go to the original place if you had.
    I'm a millennial, which is an age group I mentioned in the post. People often lump them together. I never said I was the same age as the OP. But way to miss the point entirely.

    My source is strictly from personal knowledge of friends and family and parents I see from day to day. We have been in this area a long time so know a few generations. I do know a few, but very few, that want to live within their means, but there are more that have no qualms about using cards for their 'I wants' vs their needs. A lot of them have been provided for and given lots of 'wants' through college that being out on their own they're not willing to deny themselves the 'frills'.
    Of course there are exceptions, but it is amazing that everyone you know lives like that.
    So no source then? I believe you know people who do that. I just don't believe it's any more than in previous generations. Older generations just have to put down the younger ones since the beginning of time.
     

    dish rag

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 30, 2017
    I'm a millennial, which is an age group I mentioned in the post. People often lump them together. I never said I was the same age as the OP. But way to miss the point entirely.



    So no source then? I believe you know people who do that. I just don't believe it's any more than in previous generations. Older generations just have to put down the younger ones since the beginning of time.
    I've been around enough generations to see the difference. It's very big the difference. My own kids included. See I called them kids, they are young adults, educated with good jobs. One a lawyer. They want to live like their mother and I do. Don't understand why they can't, because they did growing up. I'm just glad they are out on their own and not living in our basement. Believe it or not one of the friends was because he didn't want to live alone, he plays in the NHL and makes a pile of money. But he just can't do things on his own, so we let him for awhile. Thank God the season started. He's not coming back.
     

    sharona

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 7, 2008
    OP - go and enjoy a nice meal with your friend. It’s the company not the food that’s the point no? What’s being lost in all this is that part of being friends is compromise. I see your point about not spending money on places you don’t LOVE but that’s a bit limiting.

    You can’t always be the one to choose the restaurant and having the stance that if it’s not one of your favorite places then you’re not going/not eating is not fair to your friends. Same with movies, which beach to go to, where to get drinks and what to watch on tv - it can’t always be your choice. Sometimes you have to take one for the team and do what someone else wants to do.

    Yes it was rude of your friend to change things last minute and you should have spoken up then - maybe suggested you stick to the plan today and she could choose next time.
     

    mjkacmom

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 20, 2006
    I would have your kids clean up after dinner.
    You know, they would if I asked. However, I’m a SAHM and my only 2 kids still home are 16, so I have it pretty sweet. My kids have always played 3 season sports, the 2 still home play club sports as well as varsity. They get home from school around 5:30, eat, get some homework done, and then head out to club soccer 3 nights a week, getting home after 9 to do the rest of their homework. I’m a little OCD when cooking, everything that can be washed before we eat I do. DH is in charge of the pot if there is one.

    ETA they do put dishes in the sink and say “thanks for dinner mom” every night.
     
  • skyblue17

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Nov 4, 2017
    I don't think it's rude, as navigating this period of life where everyone is still getting settled as adults, balancing finances on their own, being paid different amounts in new jobs, etc. can be challenging.

    I think you should be honest with your friend, though, and say that you had been looking forward to that restaurant and just ask why she switched it up and in the future, stick to whatever plan you had already made. I would take a friend being honest with me like that over coming out to dinner and watching me eat while they sipped a club soda, though I still think it's great to prioritize the company.
     

    MrsPete

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 24, 2002
    I think the only thing I would have done differently was to just be honest with your friend and say: Hey, I don't really want to switch venues. I have very limited funds, I don't treat myself often, and Restaurant A is one of favorites so I don't mind the splurge. I don't overly care much for Restaurant B and it feels like I'm wasting my money there. Since we both like Restaurant A so much, can we just stay there? That's not rude either and I think it sets a good example.
    Yes, I was going to say something much like this.
    It's always best to be up-front about your real reasons (a desire to save money); otherwise, your friend may "make up in her own head" a different -- and probably worse -- reason. Since your desire for financial stability is highly admirable, you may inspire your friend to do the same.
    So no source then? I believe you know people who do that. I just don't believe it's any more than in previous generations. Older generations just have to put down the younger ones since the beginning of time.
    Disagree. When I was a kid, I never felt "put down" by older people.
    Millennials -- and my daughters fall into this age group, though they don't fit the stereotype -- seem to be the first group who really feel a group identity (maybe because of social media?). I always knew my parents were in a group termed "Baby Boomers", but I never even heard a name for my generation until I was an adult -- I feel no "group identity" with people in my age group. I don't think my parents really "identify with" other Baby Boomers -- they just know they were born in that generation. I think Millennials are unique in feeling that kinship, and they most definitely tend towards very thin skin /tend to take neutral comments as personal insults.
    I've been around enough generations to see the difference. It's very big the difference.
    Yup. Thinking back to my high school and college years vs. my daughters' high school and college years -- BIG differences. Sure, they've had some curveballs handed to them (just like every generation), but Millennials have had quite a few nice things handed to them.
     

    ashley0139

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 24, 2009
    Yes, I was going to say something much like this.
    It's always best to be up-front about your real reasons (a desire to save money); otherwise, your friend may "make up in her own head" a different -- and probably worse -- reason. Since your desire for financial stability is highly admirable, you may inspire your friend to do the same.
    Disagree. When I was a kid, I never felt "put down" by older people.
    Millennials -- and my daughters fall into this age group, though they don't fit the stereotype -- seem to be the first group who really feel a group identity (maybe because of social media?). I always knew my parents were in a group termed "Baby Boomers", but I never even heard a name for my generation until I was an adult -- I feel no "group identity" with people in my age group. I don't think my parents really "identify with" other Baby Boomers -- they just know they were born in that generation. I think Millennials are unique in feeling that kinship, and they most definitely tend towards very thin skin /tend to take neutral comments as personal insults.
    Yup. Thinking back to my high school and college years vs. my daughters' high school and college years -- BIG differences. Sure, they've had some curveballs handed to them (just like every generation), but Millennials have had quite a few nice things handed to them.
    I mean literally, since the beginning of humans, older people have put down younger people. It's a fact.


    The references in that article go back to Aristotle. There's an entire song about it in Bye Bye Birdie, written in 1963.
     

    fly girl

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 20, 2012
    You handled it very well OP.

    And I know a lot of people are ragging on the friend who changed it up last minute, but it is your friend. Big whoop. Friends do that from time to time. Maybe she didn't feel like going to the restaurant you originally planned on. Maybe it isn't her favorite, and she usually just goes for you. Eh, who cares. As long as she isn't repeatedly changing it and you are always the one to compromise, I don't see the huge deal with the last minute switch. It happens, and you went with the flow and hopefully still had a great time. :)
     
  • MrsPete

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 24, 2002
    I mean literally, since the beginning of humans, older people have put down younger people. It's a fact.


    The references in that article go back to Aristotle. There's an entire song about it in Bye Bye Birdie, written in 1963.
    Not something I have ever experienced; until the Millenial generation, not something I ever heard of.
    I looked up the song; if this is a complaint about younger people, you'll have to explain it to me.

    Bye, bye, Birdie
    I'm gonna miss you so
    Bye, bye, Birdie
    Why'd ya have to go (Bye, bye)
    No more sunshine (Sunshine)
    It's followed you away (You away)
    I'll cry, Birdie (Birdie)
    Till you're home to stay (Home to stay)
    I'll miss the way you smile
    As though it's just for me
    And each and ev'ry night
    I'll write to you faithfully
    Bye, bye, Birdie,
    It's awful hard to bear
    Bye, bye, Birdie
    Guess I'll always care
    Guess I'll always ca-a-a-a-are
    Guess I'll always care!
     

    ashley0139

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 24, 2009
    Not something I have ever experienced; until the Millenial generation, not something I ever heard of.
    I looked up the song; if this is a complaint about younger people, you'll have to explain it to me.

    Bye, bye, Birdie
    I'm gonna miss you so
    Bye, bye, Birdie
    Why'd ya have to go (Bye, bye)
    No more sunshine (Sunshine)
    It's followed you away (You away)
    I'll cry, Birdie (Birdie)
    Till you're home to stay (Home to stay)
    I'll miss the way you smile
    As though it's just for me
    And each and ev'ry night
    I'll write to you faithfully
    Bye, bye, Birdie,
    It's awful hard to bear
    Bye, bye, Birdie
    Guess I'll always care
    Guess I'll always ca-a-a-a-are
    Guess I'll always care!
    Oh boy. I didn't say it was the song Bye Bye Birdie. It is a song IN Bye Bye Birdie. The song is called Kids. But yes, complaining about the younger generation has literally been around since Aristotle.

    [Mr. MacAfee]
    Kids!
    I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!
    Kids!
    Who can understand anything they say?
    Kids!
    They are disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
    Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy, loafers!
    While we're on the subject:
    Kids!
    You can talk and talk till your face is blue!
    Kids!
    But they still just do what they want to do!
    Why can't they be like we were
    Perfect in every way?
    What's the matter with kids today?

    [Mr. and Mrs. MacAfee]
    Kids!
    I've tried to raise him the best I could
    Kids! Kids!
    Laughing, singing, dancing, grinning, morons!
    And while we're on the subject!
    Kids! They are just impossible to control!
    Kids! With their awful clothes and their rock an' roll!
    Why can't they dance like we did
    What's wrong with Sammy Kaye?
    What's the matter with kids today?
     

    MrsPete

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 24, 2002
    Oh boy. I didn't say it was the song Bye Bye Birdie. It is a song IN Bye Bye Birdie. The song is called Kids. But yes, complaining about the younger generation has literally been around since Aristotle.

    [Mr. MacAfee]
    Kids!
    I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!
    Kids!
    Who can understand anything they say?
    Kids!
    They are disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
    Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy, loafers!
    While we're on the subject:
    Kids!
    You can talk and talk till your face is blue!
    Kids!
    But they still just do what they want to do!
    Why can't they be like we were
    Perfect in every way?
    What's the matter with kids today?

    [Mr. and Mrs. MacAfee]
    Kids!
    I've tried to raise him the best I could
    Kids! Kids!
    Laughing, singing, dancing, grinning, morons!
    And while we're on the subject!
    Kids! They are just impossible to control!
    Kids! With their awful clothes and their rock an' roll!
    Why can't they dance like we did
    What's wrong with Sammy Kaye?
    What's the matter with kids today?
    Sounds like part of a plot more than a reflection on society.
    Seriously, I see that YOU believe it, and it seems important to you that other believe you've "been wronged", but -- again -- it's just not something that's been commonplace. I've literally never heard anyone of my generation complain about this; I've never heard anyone except a Millennial complain about this issue.
    Regardless, this is a diversion from the original topic.
     

    Wendy31

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 5, 2005
    Off-topic, but never have I ever been so happy to be Gen-X.

    We're the overlooked generation, & we're sandwiched between the millenials & the boomers.

    We're the "whatever" generation & just want to be left alone.

    453062


    On-Topic - OP, I think you handled it fine, but I do like the advice of some other posters that, next time, don't be afraid to let your friend know that you were looking forward to the original choice of restaurant. One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is how it's usually best in these situations to just politely & graciously explain the truth.
     

    ashley0139

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 24, 2009
    Sounds like part of a plot more than a reflection on society.
    Seriously, I see that YOU believe it, and it seems important to you that other believe you've "been wronged", but -- again -- it's just not something that's been commonplace. I've literally never heard anyone of my generation complain about this; I've never heard anyone except a Millennial complain about this issue.
    Regardless, this is a diversion from the original topic.
    And I presented facts that it's been happening since the beginning of time. It's not just something I came up with off the top of my head. It seems important to you to believe that millennials are the only generation anyone has ever complained about and are somehow fragile and worse than every other generation, which is just patently untrue.

    I don't care if you personally believe it, but it's so common to come into these threads to see a "kids these days are terrible" post that has nothing to do with the original post (which is how this convo started) and I just hope that maybe people will start thinking for themselves and not buy into the rhetoric that is so common these days to be able to feel superior.

    Anyway, sorry OP for getting so off topic. I'm done.
     

    NYCgrrl

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 13, 2017
    Off-topic, but never have I ever been so happy to be Gen-X.

    We're the overlooked generation, & we're sandwiched between the millenials & the boomers.

    We're the "whatever" generation & just want to be left alone.

    View attachment 453062


    On-Topic - OP, I think you handled it fine, but I do like the advice of some other posters that, next time, don't be afraid to let your friend know that you were looking forward to the original choice of restaurant. One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is how it's usually best in these situations to just politely & graciously explain the truth.
    Screamers, Whiners, and Boozers.
    Guess that makes me a screaming lush.....
     

    okeydokey

    Frosty the Snowman scared me as a child.
    Joined
    Aug 9, 2006
    Sounds like part of a plot more than a reflection on society.
    Seriously, I see that YOU believe it, and it seems important to you that other believe you've "been wronged", but -- again -- it's just not something that's been commonplace. I've literally never heard anyone of my generation complain about this; I've never heard anyone except a Millennial complain about this issue.
    Regardless, this is a diversion from the original topic.
    I have, many times. Generation after generation complain about “Kids these days”. It is commonplace.
     

    Searc

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Aug 12, 2018
    Sounds like part of a plot more than a reflection on society.
    Seriously, I see that YOU believe it, and it seems important to you that other believe you've "been wronged", but -- again -- it's just not something that's been commonplace. I've literally never heard anyone of my generation complain about this; I've never heard anyone except a Millennial complain about this issue.
    Regardless, this is a diversion from the original topic.
    You're lying if you are seriously trying to claim no one has ever complained about "kids these days" for generations. That's patently false and you know it.
     



    Connect

    Disney News and Updates

    Get Daily Email Updates

    DIS INSTAGRAM

    Top