Am I being cheap re a BBQ?

[RadioFanatic]

My uncle and family are coming up next weekend and my parents will happen to be here too. He asked if we could have a Bbq at my house to get everyone together which I agreed. Everyone is coming, but no one has offered to bring anything? I don't mind providing some things obviously but don't think I should be the one to have to get everything simply bc it's at my place. Is it bad to send out an email asking people to bring things? and if I do, how is the best way to do it? thanks!

 

[superme80]

Personally I would. If I am having family or close friends over I have no problem asking them to help out.

 

[brymolmom]

That's a tough one but if it was ME I would definitely ask everyone to bring something. I would do it like this - CALL each person/family invited and say the following:

"Hi Sally! Uncle Bob asked if I could invite everyone to my place so he and family could visit with everyone in one location this weekend. I'm just calling to see if you can make it and to confirm day and time with you. It will be on Saturday evening starting anytime after 3:00. Since we're trying to throw this together last minute I'm just assigning a dish to everyone to save on duplicates, etc. so how would you feel about being in charge of the mac salad or would you prefer dessert?"

Of course, I would not be offended at all by this, but I guess some might. Then again, in our family we ALWAYS offer to bring something, even to more formal events where we have been invited. Since this isn't a formal invitation to a party - no way, IMO, should you be expected to foot the bill (and do all the work) for the BBQ. So I would definitely do it. I highly doubt anyone would be upset by it.

Oh and since it was uncle 'bob's' idea - I would sign him up to bring something too!!!!

 

[ragtopday]

I think it is TOTALLY fine to ask people to bring things!

Either send out an email, or call, depending on how you'd normally communicate, and say something like "I am really looking forward to having everyone over. I'll provide the burgers and dogs (or whatever). Could you bring some soda/salad/dessert (whatever) to share?"

Just be upfront, friendly and non-confrontational about it - it shouldn't be a big deal.

Have fun!!

 

[shoney]

Under these circumstances I see nothing wrong with asking.
Is anyone "famous" for a certain dish? In our family it is my mom's potato salad, my MIL's cole slaw, etc... You may want to ask that person to make what they are known for.... Could you please make your "famous xxxx" that everyone loves? It is a compliment as well as a big help to you!

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Something very similar happened to me. My family would have been perfectly happy letting me provide everything but here is what I did and no one really seemed to mind. I called everyone (people can happen to not get emails) and told them that I can't wait to see everyone. DH and I are already planning his "world famous ribs" so whatever you bring will be just fine. The only response I reveived was what should I bring. Now everyone knows that when we invite people over to our house for an event we provide an over the top food extravaganza. BUT when our house is the meeting place, such as all holidays, everyone chips in. Also make sure you let them know what, if any beverages, you are providing. So they can bring their own.

 

[3boymthr]

Not at all wrong, my family does it all the time. That way you also know that everyone has been invited and you have a head count. But as PP noted, definitely call as opposed to sending an e-mail. It's just more personal and less apt to be taken wrong.

Plus that way you can ask everyone to make their BBQ speciality - for example, my aunt makes the best Potato Salad and my mom always brings the Baked Beans vs. the single guy cousin who we ask to bring either a case of soda or a bag of chips .

And that way you also don't end up with 20 pans of brownies and hotdogs to eat and nothing but water to drink.

 

[VAN]

I'd definitely call everyone and say that you were asked to host the event ... you'll be providing the meat, and need everyone to bring a dish to pass. Most people will ask what they should bring ... have a list ready to suggest. Or if you know who is bringing what, say ... well, Susie is bring the dessert, so we still need someone to bring a salad. Can I put you down for a salad?

We frequently have family gatherings and, unless its a graduation open-house, wedding or similar, it is expected that everyone bring something.

Just be upfront about it. If you have people who are coming from out of town, you could suggest that they provide the beverages or something that they could just stop by the store to pick up.

If your family is unwilling to do their part, then you are certainly within your rights to keep the menu scaled down to something that fits your budget - even if it is just hot dogs and chips.

I would think the main focus of the gathering is for everyone to have an opportunity to visit and catch up with each other - not for gourmet food.

 

[Zandy595]

That's how my family always does get togethers. Heck my aunt even asked us all to bring a dish to my cousin's graduation party (I won't be doing that when DS graduates). Who ever hosts usually takes care of the meat and everyone else brings sides/salads/desserts/drinks.

My family usually communicates through email, so I would just send one out asking people to bring a dish to pass.

 

[jrmasm]

How many people are coming and what distance are they travelling?

 

[taitai]

My only question is whether your uncle and family and your parents will have a place to prepare food. It sounds like they will be visiting your community from elsewhere so won't have their home and kitchen in which to cook. Is that correct? If so, then I would just ask your parents to split the costs of the event with you since they asked you to have it.

 

[ADKSPiette]

I like the idea of telling people what you will provide and opening it up for everyone else to bring something to complement the meal.

 

[Zandy595]

My only question is whether your uncle and family and your parents will have a place to prepare food. It sounds like they will be visiting your community from elsewhere so won't have their home and kitchen in which to cook. Is that correct? If so, then I would just ask your parents to split the costs of the event with you since they asked you to have it.

If it's not an all day drive, they can use a cooler for cold things. I'm making baked beans in a crockpot this weekend to take to a family get together. I will start it at home in the morning and then when I leave later in the day the whole thing goes in an insulated carrier for the drive.

 

[hipchickie]

not at all wrong - I would never, ever ask people to bring things to a party I am having, but I draw a line between "having" and "hosting".
Since we have a fairly large home compared to family members, we are often asked to "host"

 

[dreamin_disney]

If your hosting even if you were asked to, most people will expect you to provide the main dish meat. Doesnt have to be ribs, steaks and chicken......you can do hot dog and burgers for budget.


Call it a BBQ potluck for uncle . Call to invite and ask if they can bring a salad, dessert, drinks etc and ask so you can make list. Have fun!

 

[bpesch]

You can not be taken advantage of unless you allow it to happen. By all means, speak up. If I was on the receiving end of a request to bring a dish, I wouldn't think anything of it. Times are tough, and no one person should have to bear the responsibility of a BBQ that wasn't even your idea to begin with. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking everyone to contribute.

 

[RadioFanatic]

OP here. Uncle coming from SC, parents from Va, I'm in NY and all others here. I guess I'm surprised bc I mentioned it to my mom and she complained how is she supposed to bring anything when she is traveling - very unexpected bc not her nature. Then when I talked to others, no one mentioned bringing food, which also seemed bizarred and unusual. So I guess I got gunshy.

I was going to do a hot dog bbq (our family loves them) with a hot dog bar. that way people could bring hotdogs, buns, soda etc. that didnt' necessarily need to be cooked, and I would make a big pot of chili and pasta salad, regular salad and some other hot dog fixings. Just was surprised at how no one offered anything, esp. when this wasn't my idea to begin with.

 

[Pigeon]

Personally, if I'm holding the party, I provide the food and drink. If others offer to bring things I may or may not take them up on it. I would never expect anyone who is traveling from out of town to bring stuff. Generally speaking I don't like having other people bring stuff.

I can see how you'd feel put upon since the bbq wasn't your idea in the first place. But for me, if I agreed to do it, I'd do the food and drink or otherwise I'd decline to host.

 

[jrmasm]

I would never ask someone that is travelling to bring food.

But since your Uncle asked you to do this, he should offer to compensate/share the burden in some way or at the very least spread the word to the local family members that you are doing this at his request and they need to help out. The asking should not come from you.

If it were me, and no one offered, I would just do it myself.

eta: I think it's weird your local family members haven't offered to help.

 

[Marionnette]

My uncle and family are coming up next weekend and my parents will happen to be here too. He asked if we could have a Bbq at my house to get everyone together which I agreed. Everyone is coming, but no one has offered to bring anything? I don't mind providing some things obviously but don't think I should be the one to have to get everything simply bc it's at my place. Is it bad to send out an email asking people to bring things? and if I do, how is the best way to do it? thanks!

My sister's in-laws alway sucker them into hosting the family get-togethers since "you have a pool". It means that pretty much every weekend she is "hosting" upwards of 20 people with holiday weekends peaking around 50-75 people depending on the weather. It got the point where she started making plans to be out of town on summer holiday weekends. Even then, some of her in-laws have responded "that's okay, we'll just let ourselves in".

Anyhow, she got tired of skipping town whenever the weekend would roll around so she started telling people that they were welcome to come enjoy the pool with them but they could no longer afford to provide meals for everyone so the swimming had to end and guests would need to leave at 4 o'clock so that she could feed her family. Most of the relatives took the hint and offered to bring the burgers and dogs whenever they came. But the number of people who come to visit on the weekends has diminished considerably.

I think that since these people are your relatives, you should be able to be honest with them and let them know that you are providing the meeting place but not in a position to feed such a large crowd. If they don't offer to bring something, then I (personally) would have no problem assigning a dish to bring or maybe paper products or beverages if the guest is not much of a cook.