Am I being a Worry Wart?

[budmonster]

My DS12 came home from school yesterday with birthday invitation to a friends birthday. So I read it, no address, times that have been scratched out and rewritten and the party is the next day. So I ask him about it and its for a girl in his class that I have meet before, she is very nice but the parents are questionable. Well my DS tells me that the party is at the girls sister's house in the county above us (over hour away), it's say to call for directions so I have DS call and he's talking with the girls sister and gives me the phone to talk to her. I get on the phone and the girls sounds like she is 9, she really 14. So I ask her for the address so I can just put it in my GPS and she say they don't have an address they just us a PO box. She then tell me they are going to meet at the Hungry Howies by them and people can follow her back to the house. After hanging up with her I ask DS about why the party is at the mom's house here in our county. DS tell me that the 14 yo sister did'nt get along with Mom so she moved in with Mom's exboyfriend. I don't want him to go to the party, hubby says that I am being a worry wart and that everything will be fine. But how can I send my DS to a place that I don't even know where it is, not even sure if there will be adults present? Am I over reacting? Or should I just go with the flow?

 

[SDFgirl]

That would raise red flags for me too...I would definitely want to talk with an adult to make sure they'll be there.

If I couldn't talk with an adult, he wouldn't be going.

 

[need_a_Disney_fix]

I always follow my mother's intuition and it has never led me astray. It sounds like your intuition is waving flags and sounding warning sirens so I would listen. Something is not adding up.

 

[TennisGirl80]

Sounds like a really wierd situation to me - my kid wouldn't be going!

 

[agnes!]

My child would not be going. My warning alarms are going off and I don't know this other family and didn't talk to the sister. Trust yourself mama - there will always be other parties to attend, your DS doesn't have to go to every single one he's invited to anyway.

agnes!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Weird or not, I am not driving my kid to a b-day party an hour away. That is just too much.

 

[TaraPA]

I see a few red flags in that post....go with your gut, keep him home. If your son protests & really wants to go, you will have your hands full with that, but better that knowing he is home safe & sound with you.

Last year my son got invited to an ATV party for a good friend of his. We don't allow him to drive an ATV, or ride one unless an adult is driving it. We don't have an ATV so he's really not around them all that much, and he's an impulsive 11-year old. I felt it wouldn't be a safe environment for him to go (same as the OP above, there have been questionable issues with this family previously). I told him he was not allowed to go. All of his friends went. He cried & yelled & slammed things for 2 days over this.

The day after the party I get a call from one of the other boy's mom's that 2 things happened at this party - they were throwing fireworks into abandoned vehicles on the property & one caught fire & the fire dept. had to be called to put it out, and another boy had to go for stitches because a trailer door hit him in the head while they were trying to open it to unload a piece of heavy equipment. I don't know if there was any adult supervision, and even if there was, I'd have to question the judgement of the adults allowing them to do the above things.

I'll take the tantrum over not going to the party any day over having my kid involved in things that are questionable! I vote to keep him home.

 

[Christine]

You aren't being a worry wart. There is no way in HECK I would let my kid attend a party like that.

Sorry--it's too far and sounds as if it doesn't even have the minimum of supervision.

 

[DizneeMommy]

Nope--no WAY I'd let my child go to that party!!

 

[budmonster]

Thanks guys I just wanted to make sure it not me, I just got off the phone with him, I'm at work and I said NO. So he's upset, I know he just wanted to hang out with his friends, we live in the boonies with no neighbors, so to get to hang out with buddies outside of school is rare. I just wasn't confortable with him going, maybe if I was home and taking him and staying, but that can't happen so it was a NO. I know sometimes I am way OVER protective when it come to my kids but I can't help it. I get that way because of my job.

 

[TaraPA]

It's so hard as a parent (for me anyway) to draw the line between letting them go & be independent and keeping them safe. I still say go with your gut. My DS11 has really been begging to be dropped off at the mall or movies without an adult & I just won't do it. I get the "but mom - everyone else is allowed to, I'm not a baby, etc. etc."

 

[budmonster]

I see a few red flags in that post....go with your gut, keep him home. If your son protests & really wants to go, you will have your hands full with that, but better that knowing he is home safe & sound with you.

Last year my son got invited to an ATV party for a good friend of his. We don't allow him to drive an ATV, or ride one unless an adult is driving it. We don't have an ATV so he's really not around them all that much, and he's an impulsive 11-year old. I felt it wouldn't be a safe environment for him to go (same as the OP above, there have been questionable issues with this family previously). I told him he was not allowed to go. All of his friends went. He cried & yelled & slammed things for 2 days over this.

The day after the party I get a call from one of the other boy's mom's that 2 things happened at this party - they were throwing fireworks into abandoned vehicles on the property & one caught fire & the fire dept. had to be called to put it out, and another boy had to go for stitches because a trailer door hit him in the head while they were trying to open it to unload a piece of heavy equipment. I don't know if there was any adult supervision, and even if there was, I'd have to question the judgement of the adults allowing them to do the above things.

I'll take the tantrum over not going to the party any day over having my kid involved in things that are questionable! I vote to keep him home.

I can relate to this I feel the same way about ATVs. I have taken way to many calls (911) where people have ended up seriously hurt on these things. I let my son go to a friends house for the night I told the Mom, "he is NOT allowed to ride ATV's" she said OK. Well he lets it slip a couple week later that he was out on the traffic road. I was not happy, and I let her know it. I feel that if I have rules and I trust you with my child you should respect my rules and not go behind my back and let my child break them. I blamed her just as much as I blamed my son.

 

[themarquis]

so wait, you were supposed to drive an hour to take him to the party and then do what ... wait in the car? attend the party? drive back and then drive to go get him? So that would be either over 2 hours or over 4 hours of driving?

It doesn't seem that the fact that all the other details "raise red flags" (red flags of what specifically, I wonder ) that even matters. Why would you waste your whole day driving him back and forth to a party for some girl he isn't even close friends with??

 

[Cool-Beans]

Hard to say.

Ask yourself, "Am I overprotective? Am I a worry wart?" If you know you are and you know your husband loves his kids and wouldn't send them off to worse than death, let him go.

That's my advice. I think I'm normoprotective. My best friend is overprotective. She knows it. She consults her husband and I when she wonders if she's being overprotective or just plain normal. One time when her son was eleven - ELEVEN YEARS OLD and almost 12 - she wasn't sure if she should let him walk half a mile down to the basketball courts to play a game with friends.

If you read that and thought, "That would be me," at least consider what your husband tells you.

 

[Frankiesmom]

I wouldn't have let my kid go either. Let him have a friend over; maybe a sleepover- that should make it all better.

 

[rwdavis2]

Weird or not, I am not driving my kid to a b-day party an hour away. That is just too much.

This is the main reason I wouldn't let him go either. An hour's drive is ridiculous. That on top of the iffy directions. SKip it.
Bob

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Nope, no way would I let him go.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This is the main reason I wouldn't let him go either. An hour's drive is ridiculous. That on top of the iffy directions. SKip it.
Bob

Well if you want to talk about not giving out the address...what if the guy is a registered sex offender? Just a fleeting paranoid thought.

I am sure it was just the 14yo not knowing the address but still....what if the 14 has hooked up with the ex-BF of the mom? Never know.

 

[Zandy595]

I wouldn't let my DS go either. Maybe you could let him have friends over another weekend to hang out so he wouldn't feel as bad about missing the party.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I agree with a PP, let him have his own "party", have a friend over or take him to the movies. Either way, it's a lot less worry and you don't have to spend two hours in a car. Although, if I was driving an hour one way, I would end up sticking around the party anyway to take him home. So I would be an uninvited chaperone.