Am I a mean mom?

[Ciao Mickey]

So I have this household policy for my three kids, 9, 8 and almost 5 that they have to clean their rooms and they can only have ONE type of toy/game/etc out at a time. They are not to leave the room (bathroom breaks, get a drink, that's fine) until they clean up what they were playing with. Kind of like preschool, you are done with the blocks, you put them back before you get out something else.

My DH thinks I am over the top, but I will take away ANY toy that "I" have to clean up. Just now it was a board game that the kids only played with once. They left to go watch tv before bed and left this board game on the floor for someone else to clean up. So now, they lost the game for 2 weeks ( I put it in the shed).

My kids are MORE than old enough to clean up after themselves. I am not nagging nonstop anymore..if they don't clean up after themselves, they won't have whatever. I feel bad when I have to follow through and take stuff away..(90% of the time they are really good about cleaning up)- but I am thinking if I let it slide ever now and then, they will walk all over me and I end up being a maid. I hate doing MY housework, let alone their housework. Thoughts?

 

[clutter]

I have the opposite problem, as you can see by my name.

Seriously, I couldn't enforce such rules for my kid, because I don't always remember to pick up after myself. I'm not saying my house is a mess, it's (usually) not. But if there's some mail on the counter, or a pile of things that forgot to go upstairs, it just doesn't bug me. Actually, not too much really bugs me.

However, I agree, that it's your house, your rules. For some, not having such a rule would make them nuts. OTOH, if you heard yourself on a video like Buffetfan, would you be proud of yourself would you think twice?

 

[MAH4546]

That's just cruel.

I don't think there's anything wrong with making sure they have a clean room and making them clean it up. I wouldn't be as strict as you with it, but to each her own.

What I think is cruel is that "one toy at a time rule." I find that to be insane. It accomplishes one thing: limiting your child's creativity and imagination.

 

[aprilgail2]

Ever heard of the soup nazi?..........just sayin..............yikes!

Honestly, I think that is a little "over the top".

I think it is WAY over the top! I would hate to live in your house, to many rules for us LOL. My daughters room is her room, if she wants to live in a pigpen then just please close the door so the rest of the house doesn't have to look at it. That is how my mother was with me when I was younger- she can take out every toy and play with it for all I care as long as its in her room or the rec room that is fine, she can play with toys in the living room but those I would like put back into her room when she is done or the dog will chew them to pieces.
Taking away things for 2 weeks- poor kids. I agree with your husband!

 

[bumcat]

Wow! I agree way over the top!
I'm curious will you show your husband this thread?

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

A friend of mine came over one day unannounced and my house was a wreck. The kids and I were playing and toys were everywhere. I apologized for the mess and she said "it just looks like some happy kids live here".

 

[Belle0101]

Our neighbor has told us how he and his brother were only allowed 1 toy out at a time. He hated it. It still bothers him that his mother was so anal, his word. He says, even after all these years, he just wanted to be a normal kid. The best times he ever had? Going to a friend's house and being able to have toys out. It's really sad to hear him talk about his childhood like that.

Just sayin'.

 

[chager]

It is too much for me. But like others said it is your house. I will none of my friends homes are run that way either. Pretty much if NIck was playing in his room then it is no big deal. If everything doesn't get picked up at night then we put it away the next day. If unexpected guests come, shut the door. If we were playing in the livingroom, well it just meant a kid lived here. We cleaned up when we were done. No biggie. Way too many other things to stress out over. Kids are going to be kids, sometimes they get sidetracked and forget normal rules. I would give a gentle reminder then put up the item for a couple days if it really is that big of deal. Just my opinion.

 

[tar heel]

Way too over the top for me. My sons each have a room with a door, and I encourage them to close it. Sometimes I need to close mine. Right now would be one of those times . . .

My son has a friend who was not allowed to play in his room. He could play outside, in the garage and in the playroom. He also was not allowed to have other kids spend the night. Guess who spent a lot of time at my house!

 

[Scornelius]

Whoa, mark this date- Feb 3, 2009:

I agree completely with Dawn.

 

[Arielx2]

So I have this household policy for my three kids, 9, 8 and almost 5 that they have to clean their rooms and they can only have ONE type of toy/game/etc out at a time. They are not to leave the room (bathroom breaks, get a drink, that's fine) until they clean up what they were playing with. Kind of like preschool, you are done with the blocks, you put them back before you get out something else.

My DH thinks I am over the top, but I will take away ANY toy that "I" have to clean up. Just now it was a board game that the kids only played with once. They left to go watch tv before bed and left this board game on the floor for someone else to clean up. So now, they lost the game for 2 weeks ( I put it in the shed).

My kids are MORE than old enough to clean up after themselves. I am not nagging nonstop anymore..if they don't clean up after themselves, they won't have whatever. I feel bad when I have to follow through and take stuff away..(90% of the time they are really good about cleaning up)- but I am thinking if I let it slide ever now and then, they will walk all over me and I end up being a maid. I hate doing MY housework, let alone their housework. Thoughts?

My kids preschool is not like this. They clean up at the end of free play not during. It's called "free" for a reason.

 

[yeartolate]

Don't you understand?

You need the Thomas Tank engine train track to run over the playdough mountain until it runs into the precisely aligned dominos which if placed correctly will sequentiallly fall until a the sign of the devil in which a troll doll is placed as a sacrafice.....the remote control car driven by Woody and Buzz swing by to save the troll doll who is given a pair of pants made by Barbie and her fashion designer suite. The troll doll is an instant fasion success and he marries barbie and they all live happily ever after in their dream home.

Well until the Millenium Falcon comes along to prove it can do the kessel run in less than 12 parsecs and slams through the dream home and the lego repair man comes to fix it up.

 

[Rella Bella]

Am I a mean mom?

Well, as my nephew says M O M does stand for
Mean Old Mom.

Don't worry... it's your house and unless your signing up for wife swap it's no ones business but you and your dh.

 

[shellybaxter]

Well, as my nephew says M O M does stand for
Mean Old Mom.

Don't worry... it's your house and unless your signing up for wife swap it's no ones business but you and your dh.

Unless, of course, you ask people on an internet discussion board; then it becomes their business as well

 

[robinb]

Unless, of course, you ask people on an internet discussion board; then it becomes their business as well

My guess is that the OP didn't quite expect the reaction to her question.

 

[mumto3girls]

In terms of being a mean mom on this issue I suspect I am pretty close to you, but even I think that having to put a toy away before using the bathroom seems a bit over the top. I handle it like this:

1. While they are playing, they can play with whatever they want and as many toys as they want out is fine. I have considered your rule about 1 toy at a time, but I get the whole having My Little Pony's living in the lego house. I would probably make suggestions about putting something away if they were not actively playing with it and I was worried about pieces getting lost or the littlest getting into it--board games, markers etc

2. Before bed everything must be cleaned up and put in the proper spot--not just tossed somewhere. If they refuse or don't cooperate I get out a garbage bag and start tossing. Those toys are then donated to children who will treat them appropriately. This may sound really harsh to some, but it made a huge difference here. There are very few toys that my kids seemed to care about losing for a few days--they would just play with something else. It drove me crazy. Let me also say that it is only necessary (at least in our house) to do this a time or two. Now I just have to mention getting a garbage bag and kids start running. I also made sure that the first time I instituted this rule was a time that I was willing to get rid of the stuff on the floor i.e I went into battle over some happy meal toys or a few random pieces to a play kitchen--not the doll they slept with every night. I will say though ithat there are times since the firs time that I have hesitated over a toy that seemed special to me or to one of them in some way and then reminded myself that the loss of a toy or two is worth having a picked up house. My kids consider me to be terribly mean on this issue as do my niece and nephew and some of the neighbor kids--although not all. My sister says she doesn't have the heart to do this.

3. I sometimes will require things to be picked up at other times--I am ready to vacuum the family room--everything needs picked up off the floor, we are going out for the evening so we clean up before we go, my middle daughter doesn't have preschool and wants to watch tv in the afternoon for a while so the stuff she played with earlier needs to be put away, the kids have been playing all morning and now want to play outside they have to clean up before they are allowed out. In those cases I would probably just use the more natural consequence--you don't clean up you don't play outside etc.

My kids are 8, 5 and 2. All girls. I still help the 2 year old pick up her toys and put them away. I think she is a bit young to get that if she doesn't put it away she loses it so I haven't started that yet with her. I think with my second one she was around 3 or 3 1/2. My oldest was probably 4 or 5.

 

[mumto3girls]

Oops, sorry OP, just re-read your original post and see that your examples about bathrooms and drinks were the exceptions to putting the toy away. I misunderstood. I don't think you are too mean; but I might ease up on the 1 at a time thing if they were playing with those items together.

 

[MAH4546]

When it comes to the cleaning up rules, I'd agree that it your house, your rules, and you are free to run things as you wish.

The one-toy-at-a-time rule really sickens me. That's absolutely idiotic. No parent should ever try to stifle a child's creativity like that by limiting the toys they can play with at a time.

Sorry for being blunt, but I just find that rule to be disgusting. It serves no purpose.

 

[christiane]

It's definitely not our parenting style, but you may have your reasons for doing this. So, I can't say if you are mean or not!

Our children have a play room which is set up to inspire creativity, but we do try to tidy it up at the end of the day or it just becomes too chaotic to find anything in there. Sometimes I have them pitch in, other times it is just easier for us to do it.

 

[hentob]

Just now it was a board game that the kids only played with once. They left to go watch tv before bed and left this board game on the floor for someone else to clean up. So now, they lost the game for 2 weeks ( I put it in the shed).

We often have the same Monopoly game going on for a week My kids will get sick of playing it, walk away to do something else, and start the game where they left off the next day

Since you asked, I think you are over the top with your punishments