Am I a mean mom?

[ajk912]

So I have this household policy for my three kids, 9, 8 and almost 5 that they have to clean their rooms and they can only have ONE type of toy/game/etc out at a time. They are not to leave the room (bathroom breaks, get a drink, that's fine) until they clean up what they were playing with. Kind of like preschool, you are done with the blocks, you put them back before you get out something else.

My DH thinks I am over the top, but I will take away ANY toy that "I" have to clean up. Just now it was a board game that the kids only played with once. They left to go watch tv before bed and left this board game on the floor for someone else to clean up. So now, they lost the game for 2 weeks ( I put it in the shed).

My kids are MORE than old enough to clean up after themselves. I am not nagging nonstop anymore..if they don't clean up after themselves, they won't have whatever. I feel bad when I have to follow through and take stuff away..(90% of the time they are really good about cleaning up)- but I am thinking if I let it slide ever now and then, they will walk all over me and I end up being a maid. I hate doing MY housework, let alone their housework. Thoughts?

 

[MushyMushy]

I can't say that you're mean -- you're just doing things your way!

For me, it would be way over the top. IMO, the kids' rooms are their space to do with as they wish. There are consequences to really messy rooms, such as having no friends over because mom's embarrassed.

 

[GJM]

I let my DS have more then one toy out at a time. When his friends come over they play in his room and play with a bunch of things. Right now it is legos, so they have all this stuff that is built. I make my DS clean his room when it gets bad, which it never gets that bad. The built legos are kept out.

Even when he was in daycare the kids played with more then 1 thing at a time.

It is his room, which is upstairs, so it isn't a big deal to me.

 

[robinb]

Two weeks?? Yes, I think it's mean to take away the toy for two weeks. A few days, a week maybe ... but two weeks is over the top, IMO. I'll probably be in the minority though and you don't want to see my house . There are toys everywhere and I only have one child.

 

[Angelhalo]

Ever heard of the soup nazi?..........just sayin..............yikes!

 

[freckles and boo]

That seems kind of stifling to me. I like having a clean house but that isn't what I want my children to remember about their childhood. I think it is fine to clean up at the end of the day or after a long play session.

 

[jx3smom]

Honestly, I think that is a little "over the top".

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Do what works for you, but it would be over the top for me. I don't much care what my kids do in their room as long as it's cleaned up on occasion. My 9yo has to clean up his room once a week. Sometimes I'll have him put his clothes in the hamper in-between cleanings, but I don't normally say anything about his room. I don't like toys all over the house, but am not too strict with that.

My kids do have regular chores--my 9yo has to put away the dishwasher dishes whenever they're clean, has to set the table, vacuum sometimes.

 

[jlima]

If there's a few toys or books out in their rooms or in our upstairs bonus room I'm OK with that. My house isn't a museum. But, if it's in a high traffic area, it's gotta go. Nothing at the top of the stairs or a hallway where someone can trip or stumble over something, and ABSOLUTELY no toys left in my room. I have a pet peeve about board games also - I'm OK if the box is left out over night, but all of the pieces, dice, tokens, fake money, whatever better be in the box.

 

[DawnCt1]

So I have this household policy for my three kids, 9, 8 and almost 5 that they have to clean their rooms and they can only have ONE type of toy/game/etc out at a time. They are not to leave the room (bathroom breaks, get a drink, that's fine) until they clean up what they were playing with. Kind of like preschool, you are done with the blocks, you put them back before you get out something else.

My DH thinks I am over the top, but I will take away ANY toy that "I" have to clean up. Just now it was a board game that the kids only played with once. They left to go watch tv before bed and left this board game on the floor for someone else to clean up. So now, they lost the game for 2 weeks ( I put it in the shed).

My kids are MORE than old enough to clean up after themselves. I am not nagging nonstop anymore..if they don't clean up after themselves, they won't have whatever. I feel bad when I have to follow through and take stuff away..(90% of the time they are really good about cleaning up)- but I am thinking if I let it slide ever now and then, they will walk all over me and I end up being a maid. I hate doing MY housework, let alone their housework. Thoughts?

I love a neat house but part of childhood is playing with multiple toys of different types at a time. Its part of the creativity of childhood. Making a garage out of blocks or leggos for the matchbox cars and having the dinosaurs crush them all. That's a bit too structured for me. But, your house, your rules.

 

[C.Ann]

I could see a rule like that if they were playing in the living room - or in the kitchen - as a matter of fact, DD's IL's have a similar rule when DGD is at their house - but not so much in their own bedrooms.. In their own rooms, it would be more along the lines of they had to pick up their toys and put them away before they went to bed..

I get the whole "not wanting to be their maid" thing though.. They should definitely be responsible for their own things by that age..

 

[HelenePA]

It would never work here.. I do not have time to police what my kids are playing with all the time.. they do clean up before bed.

 

[shellybaxter]

20 year child development teacher here - I think its over the top. I agree that once you make the rule you have to follow through but I think you should re-think the rule. That kind of strictness can be stiffling and cause the children to be less creative. Creativity is an important sucess skill in our society

 

[BuffettFan]

I would agree that its over the top. However......

Not that long ago, we were watching old home movies.... my kids were 1 and 3, and you could hear my voice on the tapes saying "One toy at a time", "Make sure you put that away before you take out something else".....You could also hear me tell my 3 year old to "fix" the way the baby put things on the shelf. So I used to be the same way!
It wasnt long after that we made those tapes that my husband convinced me to lighten up, and let the kids just "be kids". They could play all they wanted, they just had to clean up before bed.
It was a lot less stressful for ALL of us!

They're now teens, and I have to admit that I go into the gameroom, and sometimes miss seeing toys scattered all over the floor!!

 

[AristocatFan]

I have the same rule with my kids! They are now teenagers and they never had a problem with it. Now their rooms sometimes get messy, but for the rest of the house they always knew to only have one thing out at a time. Plus our board game rule is--the winner picks up.

 

[dolphinrescuegirl]

I'll just warn you they may turn out like me! My mom was crazier than that. She once yelled at me because I hadn't cleaned my room good enough. The problem? I had a necklace and a pair of earrings on my dresser. The rest was spotless. She was very anal about the house being spotless. Now I am horrid at cleaning. She would have a heartattack if she walked in my house! Not dirty, just very untidy. When she would visit my apt when I was younger, she would clean it! So your kiddos might turn into an anti-clean person once they are out of the house. Just be forewarned.

 

[Butwhyistherumgone?]

So I have this household policy for my three kids, 9, 8 and almost 5 that they have to clean their rooms and they can only have ONE type of toy/game/etc out at a time. They are not to leave the room (bathroom breaks, get a drink, that's fine) until they clean up what they were playing with. Kind of like preschool, you are done with the blocks, you put them back before you get out something else.

My DH thinks I am over the top, but I will take away ANY toy that "I" have to clean up. Just now it was a board game that the kids only played with once. They left to go watch tv before bed and left this board game on the floor for someone else to clean up. So now, they lost the game for 2 weeks ( I put it in the shed).

My kids are MORE than old enough to clean up after themselves. I am not nagging nonstop anymore..if they don't clean up after themselves, they won't have whatever. I feel bad when I have to follow through and take stuff away..(90% of the time they are really good about cleaning up)- but I am thinking if I let it slide ever now and then, they will walk all over me and I end up being a maid. I hate doing MY housework, let alone their housework. Thoughts?

I have clutter issues.
I am trying to be more easy going about their rooms though.
I have them clean their room every week and encourage them to put things up when they are done so it will not be a huge chore when they go to clean. Sometimes they do great other weeks it's a total MESS. They still have to clean it up.
I dont take toys/things away but I have threatened to throw my DS's dirty socks away if he leaves them in the living room floor one more time!
I do have the "one thing only out" in the living / family room because that is my space too and well like I said I have clutter issues LOL

I grew up in a very cluttered home and my mom is not a great housekeeper - I guess that is part of my issues , so my kids will probably be total slobs when they leave home LOL

 

[kacaju]

to each their own..

My SIL is like this, I am not.

I used to babysit my niece and it was very difficult because if the kids were playing legos and we had to leave the house I'd leave the legos right where they were since as soon as we came home 9 times out of 10 the kids would go right back to playing with them. My niece on the other hand would not only clean up, but would break apart every piece of lego (because their box only fit all the legos if they were in single pieces). It caused big problems (with the kids fighting and my niece crying because my kids were yelling at her) until we figured out why. Then my SIL had to let my niece know it was OK in my house to leave the legos out. She still would ask me if we were leaving... is it OK if I don't clean up??
My girls are now 15, 13 and 9 my niece is now 7 this was a good 3-4 years ago.
Do my kids still leave stuff around... sure they do, but they are also old enough that if I ask them to clean a room up they do it.

 

[TwinsinCA]

To be perfectly blunt? Yes. I would not want to live in your house.


It would be one thing if you have an infant you were trying to protect from little pieces, but you don't. How would you feel living in a house where you are effectively punished for not putting EVERYTHING away immediately. I would be miserable and stressed out and no way would I do that to my kids.

And if you are trying to instill some kind of life long habits? Just know it might backfire.

 

[freckles and boo]

I love a neat house but part of childhood is playing with multiple toys of different types at a time. Its part of the creativity of childhood. Making a garage out of blocks or leggos for the matchbox cars and having the dinosaurs crush them all.

My girls enjoy using just about everything they own to make the Disney parks. They use a My Little Pony castle as Cinderella Castle and a witch's hat as the Sorceror's hat at Hollywood Studios. They have a jungle tree from a Tarzan toy that they use as the Tree of Life. They use a beach ball for Spaceship Earth. Then they create as many attractions as they can - the use a small round stool and all their Ponies to make a carousel and their wooden train tracks for BTMRR and the train. They mix and match EVERYTHING. We end up with a ton of toys out and a long clean-up, but it is worth it to see their imaginations go into overdrive.