Alcohol and 19 year old

[sweetpee_1993]

Can I ask you, did he learn to respect alcohol from that? I would think that, at least, he would never want to experience that again. What about your younger son? I ask, because as a mother, I worry about my own boys who seem to be of the opinion that the only way to learn a lesson is the hard way.

He did learn some hard lessons. If you even mention Patron he gags. It was the classic story: "It wasn't my first time drinking so I figured I could handle a shot. But then I was fine so I did another. Still fine. Didn't feel any different. One more. But then I don't remember anything after that." We really illustrated several points with this. 1.) We were not lying & knew what we were talking about when we told him nothing good comes from shots. 2.) Imagine being us & the next time he wants to go hang with friends. Or wants to drink. How would he feel? Would he be confident nothing bad was happening? 3.) Thankfully we were on a Disney ship. What happens if a lapse of judgement happened when he's out in the city? Dangerous! 4.) We set ground rules for good reason. Our #1 rule is stay out of other staterooms. The train wreck began the moment he disregarded rule #1. 5.) We played the disappointed card heavily. That one eats him up inside. I bet he was apologizing & begging foregivemess for weeks. A momma knows the right buttons to push!

Yes, he learned some lessons. Then, several months later when he wanted a drink we cast the doubtful eye and he felt, again, the consequences of his irresponsibility. Takes a moment to destroy trust. Takes a long time to earn it back.

We cut them loose on the b2b NCL cruises we did in May. Both could order & be served beer. A couple bartenders that got to know my husband & me would serve them cocktails but they were watching them. We did a couple shots with the boys. But, we showed them responsibility. Drinking a glass of water between drinks. Showing them how to be chill and not end up in bad shape. They both did fine. I didn't have to haul anyone back to our room after any stupidity. Thankfully.

 

[sweetpee_1993]

That sounds incredibly scary, thankfully some of his friends and your younger son made some good decisions and you all got him back to the room and everything turned out ok in the end. If I had to guess he has been more careful with his drinking since.

Oh yes. He is pretty chill with the drinking since. I don't pretend the kids won't do dumb things. I sure did. I was waaaaaay worse than my kids ever dreamed of being. But then I snuck around...and was in a lot of very dangerous situations.

 

[FigmentSpark]

Luckily, you were with him when he made his bad choices.

 

[Anchors Away 2016]

Thanks for sharing your experiences, each of you. As the father of two teenage boys, I'm right on the edge of this. So what you have taken the time to share helps me keep my eyes open, and hopefully, apply the right mix of vigilance and trust.

 

[FigmentSpark]

Totally agree, Anchors Away. Vigilance and trust. Great rule about not going into others' cabins, SweetPee_1993

 

[sweetpee_1993]

Luckily, you were with him when he made his bad choices.

Indeed. I was glad his hangover day was the day we had to travel. His pain & suffering were real. No sleeping off the misery. Hubby & I took every opportunity to make him uncomfortable. It was sweet revenge for a sleepless night.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, each of you. As the father of two teenage boys, I'm right on the edge of this. So what you have taken the time to share helps me keep my eyes open, and hopefully, apply the right mix of vigilance and trust.

I'm the mom with 2 boys. As the boys have gotten older the big thing we've tried to impress upon them is to think decisions all the way through. Teenagers aren't so prone to do that! So if we can beat into their skulls the importance of taking a moment to think, hopefully it makes a difference. When being trusted to be out with friends, conduct yourselves as if you have everything to lose. Think where your decisions will go. Stay safe. The drinking we mostly tried to keep open between us. If they wanted to drink we steered it so we could be present & guide them. If they want to drink they will. No doubt. I'd rather they knew what they were doing, were supervised, and weren't sneaking around. This one incident us pretty much the only bad one we've ever had. We made it into as big a learning experience as possible. I tell the boys all the time: The mistakes you make don't define you. It's what you do with your mistakes that does. So if you mess up let's deal with it. Find you got in a bad spot? Call me. I won't be mad that you called me.

Major MAJOR praise to my youngest son for coming to get me when I was needed. That's what I encourage!

 

[Neptune's Fork]

This thread discusses alcohol and a 19 year old, completely different scenario than alcohol and an under 18 year old. A 19 year old is an adult and even though that is still under the drinking age, the penalties are much different than providing alcohol to a minor. I just mention that because someone along the discussion was talking about someone potentially being jailed for it.

 

[Anchors Away 2016]

When my boys were in Kindergarten, if someone in the class misbehaved (in a kindergarten way), the policy of the school was to send home a note from the teacher called a "stop and think" telling what the child did, so that the parent could discuss it with them.

This term has been my rallying cry for them ever since then. STOP and THINK. I try to teach them that if they take a minute, and make a conscious choice about what they should do, it will almost always be the right one. Oh, and as they have started High School and have friends starting to drive, I also tell them that if they contact me, I will come and get them from ANYWHERE, ANYTIME, no questions asked, or that they can call a cab and I'll pay the bill when they arrive home.

You are so right. What they do about a mistake is the key.

In a way, it's a lot like what they learned in various First Aid classes: how to stay calm in a crisis. Knowing what to do when the things go crazy and then doing the right thing. But we haven't had any big tests yet. (As far as I know.)

Oh, and that was our top rule on our cruise too: Don't go into other people's rooms. That and don't buy too many fruit smoothies.

 

[DynamicDisneyDuo]

This thread discusses alcohol and a 19 year old, completely different scenario than alcohol and an under 18 year old. A 19 year old is an adult and even though that is still under the drinking age, the penalties are much different than providing alcohol to a minor. I just mention that because someone along the discussion was talking about someone potentially being jailed for it.

Depending on the jurisdiction, you can still be jailed for furnishing alcohol to someone who is under 21 but 18-20. You are far more likely to just get a cite and release but it is possible.

 

[sweetpee_1993]

Oh, and that was our top rule on our cruise too: Don't go into other people's rooms. That and don't buy too many fruit smoothies.

Yeah. Shoot me a text before you buy anything. 99.9% of the time I'm good. But just in case some random impulse to buy a piece of artwork in the gallery comes up, let's have an extra check/balance.

 

[SnowWhite2]

I find this thread interesting. DCL served my DD16 so much alcohol on NYE that she was literally fall down drunk, which happened in front of officers. Her friends took her to the medical center and the medical center called us to get her at 2am. 1 bag of saline intravenously in the medical center - $1000 - charged to our KTTW card. Of course after she had the IV, she wasn't hung over the next day but her friends were.

I asked to speak with the food and beverage manager the next day since I was shocked that this happened and I didn't want it to happen to anyone else's kid. My DD was responsible for not drinking so I'm not totally blaming DCL but the fact that they served a visibly very drunk passenger also concerned me. I had to chase the beverage manager for several days before I caught him and he didn't care. He said it was a security issue not a beverage service issue. All I wanted was someone "in charge" to acknowledge that they shouldn't serve minors and talk to the servers about it. I was looking for no compensation. My DD shouldn't have drank but she shouldn't have been served either.

 

[wilkeliza]

I find this thread interesting. DCL served my DD16 so much alcohol on NYE that she was literally fall down drunk, which happened in front of officers. Her friends took her to the medical center and the medical center called us to get her at 2am. 1 bag of saline intravenously in the medical center - $1000 - charged to our KTTW card. Of course after she had the IV, she wasn't hung over the next day but her friends were.

I asked to speak with the food and beverage manager the next day since I was shocked that this happened and I didn't want it to happen to anyone else's kid. My DD was responsible for not drinking so I'm not totally blaming DCL but the fact that they served a visibly very drunk passenger also concerned me. I had to chase the beverage manager for several days before I caught him and he didn't care. He said it was a security issue not a beverage service issue. All I wanted was someone "in charge" to acknowledge that they shouldn't serve minors and talk to the servers about it. I was looking for no compensation. My DD shouldn't have drank but she shouldn't have been served either.

Wow did you follow up with DCL after? I would have taken that all the way to the top. You are right your daughter could have denied but she also may not have even known it was alcohol. I know there have been reports of crew giving toddlers alcohol as well when the parents ask for the non-alcoholic version. Seems to happen on the more crowded cruises when they might not be paying close enough attention. Yes your daughter should have turned down the drink but she should have never been served in the first place.

 

[over50visits]

1. Drinking age onboard is 21
2. If you come from a country where the age is 18, see rule 1
3. If you look 21, but aren't, see rule 1
4. If your parent/friend gets a drink for you and you're under 21, see rule 1
5. If your parents have booze in the room and are willing to give you some, see rule 1
6. If a DCL bartender is willing to serve you alcohol, see rule 1
7. If other cruise lines serve alcohol to 18yos, see rule 1
8. If you are very responsible, are with your parents, and turn 21 next month, see rule 1
9. If you thinks it's a dumb rule, and lots of underage friends are getting drinks, and it isn't hurting them, see rule 1

Disney works very hard to keep their part of the bargain in providing a fantastic cruise. No wonder they are rated #1. Give them back the same courtesy.

 

[natb]

Thank you for your responses. I think I have a clear handle on it now. We will be discreet when allowing our son to have a few drinks with us while on board Dcl.