Age Restriction for Flower girls--MINIMUM age for a Catholic wedding????

[mrsltg]

Dznypal, if you don't want to run off with the thread, then don't. I can't tell you, as a Catholic, how sick I get of everyone yammering about the Catholic Church. For something that everyone seems to hate, it sure seems to be a HUGE topic of discussion on the DIS!!!!!!!!

As far as age limts for flower girls...I don't think this is Catholic Church rule. It is probalby more of a local parish or diocese rule. My guess is that the pastor of the church has had some bad experiences with too young flower girls/ring bearers that disrupted the wedding Mass.

If there is someone who will be turning seven two days after the wedding, my guess is that it won't be an issue. Sounds like what they are trying to avoid is a toddler, who again, could become disruptive during Mass.

MTE!!! My cousin is getting married in a Catholic mass in May. DD will be 6 and is the flower girl and the center of the wedding (she's the first of her generation and everyone bows before the great and powerful Dierdre ). I had a 3 year old ring bearer at my nuptual mass and nothing was said about it. Cousin asked if my then 2 year old could be a flower girl, too - NO WAY!!! Sounds to me like the Pastor wants a mass and not a circus. I understand completely.

 

[WDWLVR]

I definately think it is a parish thing.

When I got married in 1990 my flower girl was my niece who was just shy of 3. No one said anything about her not being in the ceremony. We had a full nuptial Mass and yes she made a fuss during about halfway though. Her mother quietly took her out until she settled down.

Also when I got married I was sterile. It was 6 months after having a total hysterectomy due to Ovarian Cancer. Again that was not an issue. In fact a couple of people even mentioned to me after the fact what a great job the priest did about not bringing children up during the prayers and homily.

 

[auntpolly]

Aunt Polly--they actually initially requested our woudl-be-4yo to be the flower girl.

They just found out the age restriction so I seriously doubt they are using the church for cover.

.

I was just trying to say that it could be many reasons besides the Catholic Church decreeing age restrictions on flower girl (which I don't think is true).

One thing that I think is hard for non-Catholics to fathom is the whims of priests. When I was little and a protestant, the minister was kind of like our employee and did as we told him to. That suits alot of people, but I kind of like it better, the "Father" figure, in charge. We've moved around alot and we've had "strict fathers" and really lenient ones. But I'm just used to it.

The priest got it into his head that weddings were better that way, I guess.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

True Aunt Polly.

I just don't see how 48 hours would change her behavior much.


*poof* you are Seven--mature I say--MATURE!!! LOL!

 

[froglady]

DD was a flower girl at age 5. The bride's niece was a JR bridesmaid at age 8. Guess who had the wedding meltdown? Hint: Not DD.

 

[Laura]

True Aunt Polly.

I just don't see how 48 hours would change her behavior much.


*poof* you are Seven--mature I say--MATURE!!! LOL!

 

[SandraVB79]

Where? We only got married once--no separate civil ceremony.

Belgium. And it's the case in the Netherlands too. And I'm sure in other European countries too.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Belgium. And it's the case in the Netherlands too. And I'm sure in other European countries too.

In the state I got married in you go to the state and get a license that the Priest/Minister/Rabbi etc (state registered) signed. So we have a civil marriage and a religious marriage that are performed at the same time. Thus only one ceremony. So which day is your anniversary on?

 

[LisaB]

Every parish has different rules. My friend was getting married in her bf church in RI she belonged to a Fall River diosese church. In both our churches ( mine and hers) the priests said don't make your confirmation because you need it to get married because you don't don't make it because your parents want you to do it because you want to . She didn't make it I did. Different parishes but same diosese. Flip to 12 years later and his priest will not marry them unless she makes her confirmation. They ended up marrying in an Episcopal church and are now bringing up their children in that denomination. The Catholic Church lost another family because of one priest enforcing his own ways. I asked my priest about it (both Kevin and I were confirmed) and he stated what my old pastor said : You do not need it to get married"

 

[belle&beast]

I was married in the Catholic Church in 2000 and our experience was totally different. Our priest actually wanted the children in our families to be included as much as possible as it seems they should be. We had 3 flower girls- almost 2, 6, 8 and one ring bearer- 2. Two of the children are my godchildrena nd we both come from large families- go figure! During the Mass there is a time when the bride presents flowers to Mary and we had all the children in the congregation- there were tons!- bring up a flower they were given as they walked in and that was the bouquet I used. So this priest was really into involving the children at Mass, it was really sweet. My guess is that the parish or dioscese has made a rule based on past experiences. My opinion is that any kid can misbehave at any age- my sister and I were in trouble a lot of times as teenagers in church!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Belgium. And it's the case in the Netherlands too. And I'm sure in other European countries too.

oops--didn't notice your location.

In the US--clergy can get something that allows them to sign off on the wedding certificate. I don't think it is a notary--or what they get...but we do not have to have two separate ceremonies so long as it is someone who is authorized to legally marry you.

(not familiar with the legalities on this--just know that most churches do not have this issue).

 

[Quinn222]

The Catholic Church lost another family because of one priest enforcing his own ways. I asked my priest about it (both Kevin and I were confirmed) and he stated what my old pastor said : You do not need it to get married"

Your old pastor and priest are mistaken. You must be confirmed to be married as a Catholic in a Catholic Mass. It's always been that way. Fifty years ago my mother had to make her confirmation before she could marry and just a couple of years ago when I called my childhood parish asking for a copy of my first communion paperwork the secretary said to me, "Oh you must be getting married! Do you need the proof of confirmation also?"

 

[phillybeth]

Your old pastor and priest are mistaken. You must be confirmed to be married as a Catholic in a Catholic Mass. It's always been that way. Fifty years ago my mother had to make her confirmation before she could marry and just a couple of years ago when I called my childhood parish asking for a copy of my first communion paperwork the secretary said to me, "Oh you must be getting married! Do you need the proof of confirmation also?"

Nope, not true. At least one partner has to have been baptized Catholic to have a Catholic wedding. That's all you need. I know of at least 2 marriages where one partner was Christian but not Catholic and the other had only been baptized- not recieved any other sacrament- and both couples were married in a full Catholic wedding mass.

 

[beattyfamily]

Nope, not true. At least one partner has to have been baptized Catholic to have a Catholic wedding. That's all you need. I know of at least 2 marriages where one partner was Christian but not Catholic and the other had only been baptized- not recieved any other sacrament- and both couples were married in a full Catholic wedding mass.

I believe you are correct:

What if one of us is not Catholic or is not a member of the Christian tradition?

Like most faith traditions, the Catholic Church encourages Catholics to marry another Catholic because it is assumed that if two people share the same faith tradition it will be easier for them to incorporate their personal experience of faith into their marriage and raise their children in this same faith tradition.

At the same time, the Catholic Church recognizes the right of a Catholic to ask permission or dispensation from his/her bishop in order marry a person who is not a member of the Catholic Church. If the Catholic is seeking to marry a person who is a baptized Protestant, it is only necessary to request "permission" from the bishop in order to enter an interchurch marriage. If the Catholic is seeking to marry a person who is not baptized (e.g., a Jew, Muslim, agnostic, etc), it is necessary to request a "dispensation" in order to enter an interfaith marriage. The Catholic can obtain this permission or dispensation by meeting with his/her pastor, who will have the proper forms for recording the information that must be included in the request. These requests are usually always granted, and are returned to the local pastor within a few days (it is usually done by snail mail).

NOTE: This answer about marrying a person who is not Catholic assumes that the person you wish to marry is free to marry you in the Catholic Church. If either of you have been married before, you will need to deal with the questions of freedom to marry first. If either of you have been married before you will need to establish your freedom to marry in the Catholic Church before you can obtain permission or delegation to marry a person who is not a Catholic.

 

[chirurgeon]

My niece was a flower girl when she was 3. The wedding was at our cathedral. The only problem was when my sister, the matron of honor, walked past her up to the altar. Of course it could have been my niece's comment to my sister earlier. Sister was 7 months pregnant and the dresses were purple satin. Sweet, adorable blue eyed blond niece says, "Mommy, you look just like Barney."

She will never live down that comment.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I believe you are correct:

I'm not sure--I saw something earlier today where confirmation was required for the Catholic partner.

Obviously the non-Catholic partner need not become Catholic--but the confirmation question was in regards to the partner who is Catholic.

 

[froglady]

Nope, not true. At least one partner has to have been baptized Catholic to have a Catholic wedding. That's all you need. I know of at least 2 marriages where one partner was Christian but not Catholic and the other had only been baptized- not recieved any other sacrament- and both couples were married in a full Catholic wedding mass.

My interpretation of the post was that both bride and groom considered themselves Catholic, but only one had been confirmed. That's very different than a Catholic marrying a Protestant in a Catholic ceremony.

When I was MOH for my best friend, the rule had just changed to allow a non-Catholic to be MOH...as long as the bride, groom, and best man were all confirmed Catholics. Prior to that, I wouldn't have been allowed "within the rail" so could only be a bridesmaid.

 

[beattyfamily]

I'm not sure--I saw something earlier today where confirmation was required for the Catholic partner.

Obviously the non-Catholic partner need not become Catholic--but the confirmation question was in regards to the partner who is Catholic.

Yeah, I was addressing that a catholic and non-catholic can marry in the catholic church.

Regarding confirmation, if you are baptized catholic I believe if you want to marry in the church you do neet to be confirmed:

Dear Fr. Rob,

I am a baptized Catholic, but have never been Confirmed. Must I receive Holy Communion & Confirmation prior to being married?

Sincerely,

Louis
--------------------------------------------------------
Dear Louis,

There is no simple "yes" or "no" answer to this question. I offer this explanation which is taken from the Code of Canon Law (the official law of the Catholic Church)......note that I have highlighted some parts in bold.

THE RECEPTION OF CONFIRMATION, PENANCE, AND THE EUCHARIST

1983 Code of Canon Law: Text and Commentary

The text of the law:

Canon 1065 - 1. If they can do so without serious inconvenience, Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before being admitted to marriage.

2. It is strongly recommended that those to be married approach the sacraments of penance and the Most Holy Eucharist so that they may fruitfully receive the sacrament of marriage.1

The commentary (explanation):

Commentary: The reception of baptism is necessary for the valid reception of the sacrament of matrimony. The reception of the sacraments of confirmation, penance, and Eucharist is strongly recommended for Catholics who enter a sacramental marriage (including a mixed marriage) as well as those who enter a disparity of cult marriage. Although following this recommendation is not necessary for the validity of the marriage, it is urged in virtue of the faith dimension of marriage as well as the ecclesial obligations.CONFIRMATION

The present Code repeats the legislation of the 1917 Code (CIC 1021, 2) which urged the reception of confirmation before marriage. Commentaries on the 1917 Code and the marriage law committee which helped to formulate the present Code say little about canon 1065. Mention is limited to concern for the nature of the obligation and reasons for allowing non-confirmed persons to marry. In any event a willingness to be confirmed is presumed.

Some commentators hold that receiving confirmation is a grave obligation and others state that it is light. Those who hold to the gravity of the obligation relate confirmation to the strengthening of faith needed to respond to the graces of the sacrament of marriage. Cappello relates the obligation to the fulfilling of the purpose of marriage. Since this includes the acceptance of children and their education in the worship of God, parents must be confirmed in the same faith in which they will raise their children."

The confirmed Catholic is charged with communicating the faith by word and example. In marriage this is primarily realized through the community of the whole of life wherein the spouses assist each other by mutual sanctification and growth in faith. It is also accomplished by the nurture of the life of faith of their children.

PENANCE

Prior legislation treated the question of confession before marriage from a juridical and theological viewpoint. Prior to the 1917 Code, particular legislation in certain dioceses made confession before marriage an absolute requirement."

The 1917 Code (CIC 1033) used the words "strongly exhort" since confession (and communion) are not strictly a matter of precept in the context. It is "strongly recommended" (enixe commendatur) in the present canon that penance be received prior to marriage; however, it is not an absolute requirement for the sacrament of marriage.

Theologically, penance is recommended in view of the traditional teaching that marriage is a sacrament of the living. In this context the law is concerned with the proper dispositions of those about to marry. Since the marital covenant requires a self-less commitment of the parties one to another in view of their special role in the life of the community, those who make this commitment should be in the state of grace, having been reconciled to God and His Church.

EUCHARIST

Prior to the revised rite of marriage, the Eucharist was celebrated after the wedding itself had taken place. The exchange of consent within the Mass in marriages of two Catholics and a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic emphasizes the intimate relationship of the Eucharist to the sacrament of marriage.

Marriage is a human reality founded on reciprocal love. As a sacrament, marriage reflects the covenant between Christ and His Church and is the efficacious sign of this New Covenant. It is symbolized in marriage by the reciprocal and indissoluble commitment of the spouses. Since the Eucharist is the nuptial banquet of those sharing in the covenant between Christ and His Church, it is fitting that Catholic spouses partake in it at their wedding since they are committing themselves to a life which should reflect the reality of the union of Christ and His Church.

Sacramental marriage is more than an example of the New Covenant. It is also a means of accomplishing it. Like the Eucharist, marriage is ordered to the building up of the Body of Christ. The place of the Eucharist in a marriage relationship is made clear when marriage and the family are considered as the basic Christian community or a "little Church." Conciliar and post-conciliar documents refer to the role of the spouses in building up the Church." The Eucharist, the center of the Church, should also be the center of the marital community.

The exhortation to receive the Eucharist is more a pastoral than legal concern. It is included under proximate preparation for marriage because of the importance of spiritual preparation for marriage.

Although marriage cannot be prohibited or delayed solely because one or both spouses refuse to receive the Eucharist, the reasons for such a refusal should be carefully examined by the pastoral minister as he assesses the overall readiness for marriage. It is somewhat incongruous for certain Catholics habitually to reject the Eucharist from their lives and at the same time request sacramental marriage, which is so intimately related to the Eucharist.

 

[RoyalCanadian]

In the US--clergy can get something that allows them to sign off on the wedding certificate. I don't think it is a notary--or what they get...but we do not have to have two separate ceremonies so long as it is someone who is authorized to legally marry you.

In most states of the US clergy are given the authority to preside over marriages by virtue of their ordination as a minister in their particular church body. There are some areas in which I understand clergy must be speciallly registered to perform marriages -- the boroughs of New York City come to mind.

I am a Lutheran minister in Ontario, Canada and given authority by the province of Ontario to perform marriages in Ontario because I am ordained by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada. However, I can't just go to Manitoba or Quebec (for instance) and perform marriages without requesting a license from those provinces.

However, I am able to cross into New York State (and have done so) to perform a marriage. This caught me by surprise. No registration required at all. I was asked by friends to perform their wedding at a state historic site in New York State. I agreed, pending authorization from the state of New York. I called the appropriate state offices in Albany, NY and requested permission. I was told that so long as I was allowed to perform marriages wherever I was from I could perform marriages in the State of New York, save for the boroughs of New York City -- in which case I must be registered with the City of New York. I didn't need to register with the State or a local church body in the State. I didn't need to send them a copy of my marriage registration license or my ordination certificate -- they didn't seem to care who I was, so long as I said I could do weddings in Ontario or "wherever."

The New York State marriage license was a one sided sheet of 8.5x11 paper -- no place for the witnesses to indicate their address and very little space for me to indicate my own. Very peculiar; but we had it all reviewed by an assistant district attorney for the State of New York who said it seemed in order and we popped it in the mail. To this date the good burghers of the State of New York haven't chased me down to suggest that I did something wrong, and I hear the couple are officially married.

 

[ntburns22]

Nope, not true. At least one partner has to have been baptized Catholic to have a Catholic wedding. That's all you need. I know of at least 2 marriages where one partner was Christian but not Catholic and the other had only been baptized- not recieved any other sacrament- and both couples were married in a full Catholic wedding mass.

I wish that would have been my case 7 years ago. I am Catholic and my DH was never baptized anything. I call the church to see if we could get married in 4 months time. DH was military and was going to be shipped overseas. They day was open in the church. But he told me he was unable to perform the ceremony because DH wasn't Catholic and he told me to have a nice day.