Age Restriction for Flower girls--MINIMUM age for a Catholic wedding????

[roliepolieoliefan]

As far as age limts for flower girls...I don't think this is Catholic Church rule. It is probalby more of a local parish or diocese rule. My guess is that the pastor of the church has had some bad experiences with too young flower girls/ring bearers that disrupted the wedding Mass.

If there is someone who will be turning seven two days after the wedding, my guess is that it won't be an issue. Sounds like what they are trying to avoid is a toddler, who again, could become disruptive during Mass.

Another Catholic here and thats a horrible rule. Its your wedding, if you want a 2 year old flower girl/ring bearer who could possibly disrupt the ceremony that is your choice.

My DS was 2 when he was SIL's ring bearer and did fine. But I explained to her "what could happen". She knew, was OK with it, and thank goodness all went well.

 

[arminnie]

my DD needs an affidavid that "she is able to bear children"

She should tell them that as a good Catholic she is not going to have sex until after marriage so she has no idea if she is fertile or not.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

She should tell them that as a good Catholic she is not going to have sex until after marriage so she has no idea if she is fertile or not.

(This is what I thought was funny about our premarital inventory--they had sex questions...I don't recall precisely what they were...they had living together questions....and my whole thought process is why the heck they have such questions if you aren't supposed to co-habitate and you can't have sex before you are married. How the heck would you know the answer to these questions? )

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Now if I explained that my water broke--but then my doc was too lazy to do anything until the next day--that she is younger only b/c of a lazy doc--do you think they'd buy that?

What if I just put her in heels?


My real problem...she's small--so if they'd require proof and then say that yes she could do it and then make a stink later on or something. I certainly wouldn't want my cousin to get her hopes up and at the last minute be told--nope sorry--she doens't pass the id check.

I told someone her age recently and they didn't believe me.

 

[annegal]

She should tell them that as a good Catholic she is not going to have sex until after marriage so she has no idea if she is fertile or not.

 

[magiroux]

I know when we went to the marriage classes it was brought up that we should make sure that our flower girl/ring barer should be mature enough to handle the Mass. It was put this way (and I am paraphrasing from 1992), that it is not a show, and it is not about how cute the kids are in their tux/dress. It is a serious Commitment Cermony made before God and to be treated as such. I do remember it being a very serious topic, so it doesn't surprise me that some dioceses have made it the policy to have an age restriction.

BTW, my niece was 5 and my nephew was 7 and they were perfect children the entire day .

 

[georgina]

It's all part of the Catholic experience - you have to get married in a church (not outdoors somewhere), the priest of the parish can veto your use of secular songs during the ceremony, and can obviously add his own stipulations. I suspect the person asked to provide an affidavit that she is able to bear children misinterpreted what she was asked, but there are those in authority who still cling to the idea that having children is the only reason for marriage. It does seem a little ironic that they try to keep a child OUT of the ceremony.

 

[Nancy]

Indeed! Don't plenty of people not discover their fertility issues until after their marriage? Surely they aren't requiring extensive fertility tests.

Most that I know spend their time before marriage trying NOT to conceive so they wouldn't know if they were fertile or not!

Back to OP...I don't think any of the Catholic churches here have that rule cause I've seen plenty of really cute little kids in weddings, including the full Catholic mass weddings. My 2 oldest girls were not 7 when they were flower girls, my oldest was 7, other DD was 5. (Church was in CT)

 

[swea_pea1]

I also think this is probably a parish or diocesan rule. I've never heard of it before. Our flower girl was 7 but our ring bearer was only 5.

I'll go with the theory that the Pastor/Bishop had received some indications that children were disrupting the Wedding Mass. It is a sacramental occasion and while certainly most kids do behave, I think it's hard to get the misbehaving ones out of the church discreetly.

That being said, I think that a child 2 days before her 7th birthday should certainly be acceptable.

As for the proving infertility - that's new one on me as well. Our priest asked us if any children born of the marriage would be baptized and raised Catholic. I think that's a pretty standard question and maybe there was some sort of misunderstanding.

We were also asked about living together and our priest was quite adamant that we would not be married in our parish if we were. That being said, there are also extenuating circumstances. The same priest married my brother and his wife - he with 4 kids from a previous marriage and she with one from a previous relationship. They were living together and freely admitted it and he still proceeded over their nuptials.

I think every parish has different quirks...the pastor in my current parish absolutely abhors children and has made it clear he wants them in the nursery during Mass. It drives me nuts. But I'm there every week, with my kids, and it doesn't matter to me what he thinks nor will he shake my faith. He's our 4th pastor in 5 years so I figure I'll just ride it out until the next one comes along.

OP, if the priest doesn't allow your DD to participate, give him a call yourself to plead the case. Explain that you're a practicing Catholic in your parish and offer up a letter to confirm that your DD attends CCD or Catholic school. I think all he probably wants is to set his mind at ease that your daughter won't disrupt the Mass. You shouldn't have to do that, but if it'll set your mind, your daughter's mind, and the bride's mind at ease then it will be worth it.

 

[Julia M]

I also think this is probably a parish or diocesan rule. I've never heard of it before. Our flower girl was 7 but our ring bearer was only 5.

I'll go with the theory that the Pastor/Bishop had received some indications that children were disrupting the Wedding Mass. It is a sacramental occasion and while certainly most kids do behave, I think it's hard to get the misbehaving ones out of the church discreetly.

It's kind of funny......I had two flower girls, and one was 7 and one was 9 at the time of my wedding. Most people thought it was a bit odd that they WERE flower girls.....people around here usually have kids around 4. But that's who I wanted.

I had a full Catholic mass, and there is absolutely no rule regarding ages of attendents from the church. It's obviously a parish or diocesian rule

Julia

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I was a FG in a Catholic wedding at age 6. In fact, when I was 9, I was a Jr. Bridesmaid bc I was considered too old to be a FG. So, IMO 7 seems way too high for the starting point. I certainly hope there's no issue, esp. since you're so close anyway. Good luck!

My Aunt wanted me to be a FG when I was 2, but my mom wouldn't let me. She was worried I'd do something terrible two-ish. I know the Catholic church didn't care though, bc my Aunt asked.

 

[MoniqueU]

Just one more case of things being different church to church. The catholic church is not Mcdonalds everyone, not all of them have happy meals.

 

[barkley]

probably an individual parish rule-alot of churches, catholic and non are establishing rules/policies about weddings because of previous "bad experiences" or an attempt to get back to the policies of the particular church (hey, i remember as a kid when no member of the wedding party could be non practicing catholic because of the use of the alter in the ceremony).

as for the fertility concept, i'm wondering if thats more of a statement the bride/groom has to fill out that to the best of their knowledge they are. since knowingly withholding infertility is one of the few basis for an acceptable disolution of catholic marriages-this may be something some parishes are doing to avoid someone using it as an excuse in the event the marriage does'nt work out (there are some people who go for years trying to get the church to recognize a marriage as invalid so that a subsequent marriage is accepted by the church).

the non catholic church i have a membership at revamed it's policy on weddings a few years ago (very divided opinions in the congregation to this day). for a person to secure the church as a "member" they not only have to have membership themselves or by virtue of a parent-but that "member" has to have been a member for a minimum period of time and attended x number of services over the past year. any person member or not, that applies for a wedding has to provide proof for the bride/groom's home address. if they live together they can't be married in the church until they've ceased co-habitating for a minimum of 6 months (and they do ask for new verifications like rental agreements, utility bills...)-the position of the local church is that cohabitation prior to marriage is not accepted as a basic tenant of the faith, and anyone wishing to be married in their church should be practicing the basic beliefs (they have a lovely church/popular pastor and had become very popular for non members who did'nt care what faith the church was-just wanted it for the facility).

 

[SandraVB79]

I'll start with saying I'm Catholic, went during 14 years to catholic schools, but don't go to church anymore. Why? Just because of things like these. I have never been someone who studied the Bible (as if people do that over here... Unless you're in some fanatic group), but for as far as I remember, Jesus wanted the children to come to him. And then the Priest wants them out of the church?

I'll go with the theory that the Pastor/Bishop had received some indications that children were disrupting the Wedding Mass. It is a sacramental occasion and while certainly most kids do behave, I think it's hard to get the misbehaving ones out of the church discreetly.

Yes, of course, if a child is screaming and crying and yelling, you have to take it outside, but don't ban kids from church because there is a possibility they might do it!
Btw, what do they do when you want to have your child baptized???

As for the proving infertility - that's new one on me as well. Our priest asked us if any children born of the marriage would be baptized and raised Catholic. I think that's a pretty standard question and maybe there was some sort of misunderstanding.

For as far as I know, I am not infertile. But I have some other emdical conditions that will make a pregnancy very difficult and dangerous, and then I don't even want to think about giving birth! That may result in me not choosing to have children. That will be a choice between me and my partner, or just a choice that I make when I don't have a partner. (Sorry if this shocks you, it doesn't shock that many people here anymore ) It's nobody else's business.

We were also asked about living together and our priest was quite adamant that we would not be married in our parish if we were. That being said, there are also extenuating circumstances. The same priest married my brother and his wife - he with 4 kids from a previous marriage and she with one from a previous relationship. They were living together and freely admitted it and he still proceeded over their nuptials.

And if that (not living together before you're married) were enforced here, there would be no weddings at all anymore in church! (but people wuld still get married, since you first need to go through a civil wedding, before you can have your wedding in a church)

 

[mtemm]

my sister was married in MD, I was married in MA, we both used my other sister's daughter for a flower girl...who was 1 and 2 respectively. Neither of our parishes required a minimum age.

 

[phillybeth]

INFERTILITY is not a bar to a catholic marriage (or a reason for annulment). Sterilization is, as that is permanent.
I would tell that priest to shove his affadavit where the sun don't shine.

 

[auntpolly]

Just one more case of things being different church to church. The catholic church is not Mcdonalds everyone, not all of them have happy meals.

No, we Catholics are all the same and all the priests are pedophiles and yada yada yada....we should hang our heads in shame...

About the flower girl thing -- I've never heard of that -- priests lots of time have their own rules, but I've even heard of churches having wedding coordinaters so maybe it's even someone elses idea. Or maybe the family wants it and is just blaming it on the church.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I was married in a Catholic Church and our flower girl was 3.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

And if that (not living together before you're married) were enforced here, there would be no weddings at all anymore in church! (but people wuld still get married, since you first need to go through a civil wedding, before you can have your wedding in a church)

Where? We only got married once--no separate civil ceremony.


Aunt Polly--they actually initially requested our woudl-be-4yo to be the flower girl.

They just found out the age restriction so I seriously doubt they are using the church for cover.

I just hope my Aunt is involved--you know...with her daughter checking in the church. Your hypothesis is more likely from the grooms family but I don't know them so can't really accuse them. Just not something that I would expect my Aunt and her daughter to do.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Our ring bearer was almost 5. The Priest suggested that he only carry fake rings and that the Best Man keep the real rings. The Priest said that at his age he might be too scared to walk to the alter by himself and what would we do if he lost one of the rings before the ceremony. Both were valid points but his age did not keep him from being in the wedding. Maybe I was non-perfection type of Bride, so the kids not doing everything correct was fine with me.