Age Restriction for Flower girls--MINIMUM age for a Catholic wedding????

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I wish that would have been my case 7 years ago. I am Catholic and my DH was never baptized anything. I call the church to see if we could get married in 4 months time. DH was military and was going to be shipped overseas. They day was open in the church. But he told me he was unable to perform the ceremony because DH wasn't Catholic and he told me to have a nice day.

Your priest was wrong. "HE" may not have wanted to do it--but the Catholic church has no restrictions against this.

But since they say it requires dispensation--you're pretty much toast if the priest says no.

 

[Caradana]

I'm a confirmed Catholic marrying a Protestant in a nondenominational Chapel (University) in January. I haven't been asked about confirmation yet. I did crack up at the precana scantron questionnaire: "How will you react if your partner shies away from seeing you ... el flagrante. Check "A" if that's acceptable." (hmm.) "Have you ever been attracted to people of the same sex? Check "A" for "strongly agree," "B" for "mildly agree" ..."

I was in a gorgeous wedding last summer ... like a $100K wedding ... the five-year-old flower girl made it ten steps down the aisle, wailed like a banshee, and ran back. Then the four-year-old flower girl broke down in tears when mom, the maid of honor, couldn't sit with her. They took her outside. You can still hear her crying through the entire video - from OUTSIDE. I'm not having any flower girls. I don't need the stress!

 

[PhotobearSam]

Got married in a Catholic Church 3 years ago and my niece was one of my flower girls and she was 2 1/2...No age restriction here...

 

[PaulaSB12]

My sister got married in a catholic church, her husband is catholic and we have no religion. She had to get dispensation from the bishop as she didn't sign to say she would raise her children catholic. She told her husband if he wanted to he would have to do it, they didnt. If you are wondering why they married in church his mother was terminally ill and wanted this to be done.

 

[auntpolly]

My sister got married in a catholic church, her husband is catholic and we have no religion. She had to get dispensation from the bishop as she didn't sign to say she would raise her children catholic. She told her husband if he wanted to he would have to do it, they didnt. If you are wondering why they married in church his mother was terminally ill and wanted this to be done.

OK, this is a sad story, but I have to ask:

I hear stuff like this all the time, married in the church because elderly relative expects it. So the person is doing it for them - admirable. But they are lying to that person, right? They are saying "the church is important enough for us to get married in" when they are really just meaning "the church is only important for the wedding day".

If you are going to lie, why not keep going and lie to the church? Tell them you "plan" on raising the kids in the church???

I'm being a bit facetious -- actually -- I don't advocate lying to anyone, but if you can "stand" having a wedding in the "terrible" Catholic Church, can you not entertain the idea for 10 minutes that you might take your (still fictional and yet to be born) children there someday? No one is going to sue you if you don't follow through! Why would you, instead of "seeking special dispensation" (and that's not upsetting to the dying mom???) just say to yourself, "I'm getting married here, maybe someday it may be a nice place of worship for my family." How hard is that?

And yet a better question; if you can't handle that, why is it the church's fault??? It's like saying, "I want to use you, but I don't like you -- and it's all your fault!!!!"

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I was in a gorgeous wedding last summer ... like a $100K wedding ... the five-year-old flower girl made it ten steps down the aisle, wailed like a banshee, and ran back. Then the four-year-old flower girl broke down in tears when mom, the maid of honor, couldn't sit with her. They took her outside. You can still hear her crying through the entire video - from OUTSIDE. I'm not having any flower girls. I don't need the stress!

This is precisely why my flower girl was 9 years old

 

[PaulaSB12]

OK, this is a sad story, but I have to ask:

I hear stuff like this all the time, married in the church because elderly relative expects it. So the person is doing it for them - admirable. But they are lying to that person, right? They are saying "the church is important enough for us to get married in" when they are really just meaning "the church is only important for the wedding day".

If you are going to lie, why not keep going and lie to the church? Tell them you "plan" on raising the kids in the church???

I'm being a bit facetious -- actually -- I don't advocate lying to anyone, but if you can "stand" having a wedding in the "terrible" Catholic Church, can you not entertain the idea for 10 minutes that you might take your (still fictional and yet to be born) children there someday? No one is going to sue you if you don't follow through! Why would you, instead of "seeking special dispensation" (and that's not upsetting to the dying mom???) just say to yourself, "I'm getting married here, maybe someday it may be a nice place of worship for my family." How hard is that?

And yet a better question; if you can't handle that, why is it the church's fault??? It's like saying, "I want to use you, but I don't like you -- and it's all your fault!!!!"

Who was lying? Mys sister said outright that if her husband wanted to bring them up catholic she would not stand in his way, BUT he had to do it he chose not to. Why was it wrong to the son of a dying woman to fufill her request? Any way considering the views on ivf babies they would not have been welcome.

 

[auntpolly]

Who was lying? Mys sister said outright that if her husband wanted to bring them up catholic she would not stand in his way, BUT he had to do it he chose not to. Why was it wrong to the son of a dying woman to fufill her request? Any way considering the views on ivf babies they would not have been welcome.

Weren't they lying to the mom? Did they tell her that they had no intentions of ever setting foot in the church again? If so, that wasn't upsetting????

Sorry, I just don't get it -- it's good enough for "the bride's special day" but really creepy for everything else???

 

[CamColt]

I got married in a Catholic church and my flower girls were 5 & just turned 2. We were never questioned.

 

[Wonders10]

Pretty sure this is probably just that churches way of making sure that the flower girl/ring bearer are well behaved during the ceremony. (because sometimes the younger ones have a tendency to wander and distract from the ceremony, that kind of thing) I'm a practicing catholic and never heard of such a thing. Besides that, my niece was a flower girl last year at a catholic church and she was 4. Many individual churches have their own little rules about things and this is probably one of them.

*Shannon

 

[phisigprincess]

Our only rule is that if they were under 5 they had to have an escort to walk with them. We had the girls' moms walk them down and it was 100% fine. They were 2 and 3. Each church must be different.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Weren't they lying to the mom? Did they tell her that they had no intentions of ever setting foot in the church again? If so, that wasn't upsetting????

Sorry, I just don't get it -- it's good enough for "the bride's special day" but really creepy for everything else???

It wasn't done for the "bride's special day" the SON wanted to fufill his dying mothers last request.

 

[Hedy]

OK, this is a sad story, but I have to ask:

I hear stuff like this all the time, married in the church because elderly relative expects it. So the person is doing it for them - admirable. But they are lying to that person, right? They are saying "the church is important enough for us to get married in" when they are really just meaning "the church is only important for the wedding day".

If you are going to lie, why not keep going and lie to the church? Tell them you "plan" on raising the kids in the church???

I'm being a bit facetious -- actually -- I don't advocate lying to anyone, but if you can "stand" having a wedding in the "terrible" Catholic Church, can you not entertain the idea for 10 minutes that you might take your (still fictional and yet to be born) children there someday? No one is going to sue you if you don't follow through! Why would you, instead of "seeking special dispensation" (and that's not upsetting to the dying mom???) just say to yourself, "I'm getting married here, maybe someday it may be a nice place of worship for my family." How hard is that?

And yet a better question; if you can't handle that, why is it the church's fault??? It's like saying, "I want to use you, but I don't like you -- and it's all your fault!!!!"

::nods:: My apologies to those in this thread, but I'm with you on this. In being married in the church, you're making a certain set of promises to the church as an entity.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Looks like Auntie isn't going to worry about it. She feels it is a silly rule but also things that the church probably will not have a problem with the 48 hour youth disadvantage she has.

If they card her though--she's done.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It wasn't done for the "bride's special day" the SON wanted to fufill his dying mothers last request.

While quite noble to want to make mom happy when she dies...that is rather unfortunate that IF they duped the church..that is what they had to do.

If the Priest gave dispensation with full disclosure of circumstances, then I guess it really isn't up to us a judge.

I don't think it should have been given though.

And if they in anyway lied to the church...I don't agree with that for one minute. Despite popular opinion--weddings and a life together aren't all about location location location. The end result regardless of where you do it--will always be the same. You'll be legally married.

 

[4chitlins]

I am Catholic and I have never heard of such a thing. I've been to Catholic weddings too where the flower girl and ring bearers were younger than that

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

My niece was 4 at our Catholic wedding.

 

[LisaB]

While quite noble to want to make mom happy when she dies...that is rather unfortunate that IF they duped the church..that is what they had to do.

If the Priest gave dispensation with full disclosure of circumstances, then I guess it really isn't up to us a judge.

I don't think it should have been given though.

And if they in anyway lied to the church...I don't agree with that for one minute. Despite popular opinion--weddings and a life together aren't all about location location location. The end result regardless of where you do it--will always be the same. You'll be legally married.

There are many reasons why people lie to their priest. In my case my dh and i were living together before marriage. The preist didn't ask and I didn't tell I just used my parents address. I was baptizied, first communion and confirmed there as was Kevin confirmed and first communion as an adult. The priest had said he wouldn't have given us a full Mass so no communion and in mho that is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of the Mass. My cousin also got married in a Catholic church--same diosese different church and the priest had no problem with them living together. He said to them I am not stupid and I am just glad you want to get married in the church. Also since sex before marriage is a sin you can just go to confession on the day of your wedding afterall hopefully you will not be committing that sin again.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Hmm--we didn't have to lie to our priest--used the same address--did a confession when we needed to (slept in separately) and opted out of mass (not a requirement for a Catholic marriage).

So just pointing out that lying isn't necessary to be married into the Catholic Church--they have their rules but as your cousin's priest said--they aren't stupid.

So no I don't agree with lying just so you can get married in your desired location.

 

[LisaB]

I didn't tell and he didn't ask because I wanted communion at my Catholic Mass.