Advice on Famiy Issue Needed (Long, sorry)

[disneyfanz04]

Then why in the hell did you bring up all of that and make 32 posts about it? and why on earth would you need to make up an alias to post about it? Stop being a martyr and tell Joe he has a week to do something about the car or you will.

Seriously you are creating way too much drama for yourself.

I couldn't have said it better myself....

OP...I do not understand why you think people would have asked you all this other information if you posted a thread about having an unregistered, uninsured vehicle in front of your house. You didn't even have to mention that it was your DB's...You are the one that keeps mentioning about the Dr appointments and everything else.

 

[mytwotinks]

I would have no problem watching Joe's children. But Joe doesn't need his children watched. He has a wife. She watches them. I don't have a wife to watch my kids during the day, it is my job to watch them.

Maybe it is just me, but you seem really jealous of Joe. It seems like you feel he should have to take on more of the burden because he has more $, is self employed, and his wife doesn't have to work. Everyone has their limits and you don't seem very worried about how far Joe has to stretch himself. I think Joe might even have put the car in front of your house to be a jerk to show you how frustrated he is with what he has had to take on. I guess what I would say is that maybe you should have a little compasion for Joe and let him be a little ticked off for a while. Don't do what you don't want to do, but it is extremely unfair to offer to help and then have such a cruddy attitude when someone beleives that you meant what you said.

 

[marlasmom]

This is ridiculous. In your first post you said Joe wanted Mike's car and your dh said no. I am confused. Edited - I'm sorry I reread your post and see that your SIL asked if the car could be kept in front of your house. Sorry. The rest of my comments stand.

As to making appointments, my dh just this week made an appointment for me to see a doctor - one I had never seen before.

If you can't work it out doing all three things, stop fussing and simply change the appointment.

Sell the car.

 

[N.Bailey]

What do I do if the docs doesnt' open until 9?? Leave a man who can't stand outside of a doctors office?? Yes, the trip is 45 - 60 minutes, depending on traffic. I can only guestimate cause I have never been to where he has to go.

And again, the advice was the best way to deal with the car.

Do you not have a telephone to call and see what time they open?

 

[disneynutt1225]

My other son is in court this week from 8:30 AM - 4:30 PM, and he isn't allowed to drive my cars (insurance), and I can't drive his (stick shift).

Doesn't your son live in your house (if not, disregard the following)? Not sure if you said you lived in NY or NJ but I'm assuming it's one of the two based on the other posts you've done. Basically, if your son lives in your house, as long as he has insurance, he can drive whichever car in your possession he has to drive at the time. He isn't limited to only "his car".

As far as you wanting advise on the car that was left in front of your house and nothing else...well...you posted a pretty big synopsis there. People are going to respond to what they want to respond to, not necessarily what you'd like them to respond to.

 

[lsyorke]

1. Call and change the appointment. Anyone can schedule an appointment for a patient.

2. Tell Joe to sell the car,or better yet, get the title and sell it yourself. Why call the city when some money can be made by selling the car?

Simple!

Way to much drama over a doctors appointment and a car.

 

[Dis-Anonymous]

Doesn't your son live in your house (if not, disregard the following)? Not sure if you said you lived in NY or NJ but I'm assuming it's one of the two based on the other posts you've done. Basically, if your son lives in your house, as long as he has insurance, he can drive whichever car in your possession he has to drive at the time. He isn't limited to only "his car".

As far as you wanting advise on the car that was left in front of your house and nothing else...well...you posted a pretty big synopsis there. People are going to respond to what they want to respond to, not necessarily what you'd like them to respond to.

My son has been away in college for 4 years, and that was his legal address. Lets just say that I promised my inusrance company he was moving and would never drive my cars again. SO my son can only drive his cars.

 

[gris gris]

OP I'm really sorry you're getting beat up about not having "compassion" for your brother (a brother who obviously could care less about taking care of himself) - your kids come first. You've stated this a dozen times and I'm proud of you for standing by that. I love my family with all of my heart (every single one of them), but my kids will always come first.

 

[mytwotinks]

OP I'm really sorry you're getting beat up about not having "compassion" for your brother (a brother who obviously could care less about taking care of himself) - your kids come first. You've stated this a dozen times and I'm proud of you for standing by that. I love my family with all of my heart (every single one of them), but my kids will always come first.

I think what is bothering people is the lack of "compassion" for the brother that is taking time away from his "first priority" to care for the brother who is sick.

 

[gris gris]

I think what is bothering people is the lack of "compassion" for the brother that is taking time away from his "first priority" to care for the brother who is sick.

oops - I understand

 

[Toby'sFriend]

OP I'm really sorry you're getting beat up about not having "compassion" for your brother (a brother who obviously could care less about taking care of himself) - your kids come first. You've stated this a dozen times and I'm proud of you for standing by that. I love my family with all of my heart (every single one of them), but my kids will always come first.

I think it is just that when anybody presents a solution to all the "problems" that are preventing the OP from helping out, they are greeted with a list of 22 different reasons why that isn't possible.

After a bit of time it becomes kind of apparent - taking over the Doctors appointments is probably something she is not interested in doing. It doesn't really matter whether that is right or wrong, it is her decision to make. The PROBLEM is that she told her brother she would do it. If she doesn't want to do it, it would at least be nice for her to pick up a phone and help make some alternate arrangements. If not, oh well. I'm sure somebody from the nursing home or another family member will step in. But just remember, most people at some point in their lives become dependent upon others...

Again, this is a whole lot of drama over some pretty solvable problems.

I just don't understand what the OP wants from the DIS here - just a bunch of people to tell her that "it's ok, taking care of your brother isn't your responsibility? Just have that car towed away and forget all about it?"

 

[raammartin]

• Sell the car.
• Reschedule the doctor appointment - you can do that.

 

[Caradana]

The beautiful humor of this situation is that we feel bad for JOE, who has the business, the money, the responsibility, the stay-at-home wife, the good kids, the camper, and the flexibility to hire the OP's son.

We don't really feel terribly bad for or about Mike, because he's just a lost cause.

We don't really feel terribly bad for the OP, who has the credit card debt, credit in tatters, the five cars (does anyone else see an easy method of reducing the credit card debt here?), the garage full of who-knows-what (EBAY), the part-time job (please think about getting a full time job, you need the $, reducing the financial stress in your life will help you focus on your family, which is clearly important to you), the intermittently-employed DH who is apparently so checked out of this situation that he barely gets mentioned on this thread aside from "he wants the car gone because the police will charge him a fee" (suffice it to say that your DH is not an attorney ... you two have no legal connection to the car ... they can't touch you), the older son who apparently went so wrong that you had to promise your insurance company that he would never drive your cars again (whoa baby), the younger son who is sitting on his rear end for the next six weeks (I'd have him driving Mike to the appointment in two seconds flat), and a five-year-old who is apparently a bit of a handful because the SIL wouldn't be able to handle babysitting.

Isn't it kind of hilarious that we feel bad for Joe in this situation?

OP: as a New Jersey taxpayer who is about to start picking up the tab for Mike, I feel in some ways entitled to weigh in and tell you this: you should thank God for Joe. You should be on your knees, hands prayerfully clasped with gratitude that he exists and is as generous as he is. You should be on the phone with him right now, telling him that you can't do the 9:30 appointment but you'll send your younger son, and that you'd like to help him sell the car, and he can keep the proceeds as your thank-you for the years of busting his butt in the service of your brother. Point out to him that selling the car now and gifting the proceeds is a heck of a lot smarter than selling it later and in-effect forcing that money to the nursing home as part of Mike's estate.

Just my $0.02.

P.S. If you impound that car, I think you'll put your son's job in some serious jeopardy. Tell your husband that you'll handle it next week, and cross your fingers.
P.P.S. Sell the stuff in the garage!!!

 

[Dis-Anonymous]

The beautiful humor of this situation is that we feel bad for JOE, who has the business, the money, the responsibility, the stay-at-home wife, the good kids, the camper, and the flexibility to hire the OP's son.

We don't really feel terribly bad for or about Mike, because he's just a lost cause.

We don't really feel terribly bad for the OP, who has the credit card debt, credit in tatters, the five cars (does anyone else see an easy method of reducing the credit card debt here?), the garage full of who-knows-what (EBAY), the part-time job (please think about getting a full time job, you need the $, reducing the financial stress in your life will help you focus on your family, which is clearly important to you), the intermittently-employed DH who is apparently so checked out of this situation that he barely gets mentioned on this thread aside from "he wants the car gone because the police will charge him a fee" (suffice it to say that your DH is not an attorney ... you two have no legal connection to the car ... they can't touch you), the older son who apparently went so wrong that you had to promise your insurance company that he would never drive your cars again (whoa baby), the younger son who is sitting on his rear end for the next six weeks (I'd have him driving Mike to the appointment in two seconds flat), and a five-year-old who is apparently a bit of a handful because the SIL wouldn't be able to handle babysitting.

Isn't it kind of hilarious that we feel bad for Joe in this situation?

OP: as a New Jersey taxpayer who is about to start picking up the tab for Mike, I feel in some ways entitled to weigh in and tell you this: you should thank God for Joe. You should be on your knees, hands prayerfully clasped with gratitude that he exists and is as generous as he is. You should be on the phone with him right now, telling him that you can't do the 9:30 appointment but you'll send your younger son, and that you'd like to help him sell the car, and he can keep the proceeds as your thank-you for the years of busting his butt in the service of your brother. Point out to him that selling the car now and gifting the proceeds is a heck of a lot smarter than selling it later and in-effect forcing that money to the nursing home as part of Mike's estate.

Just my $0.02.

P.S. If you impound that car, I think you'll put your son's job in some serious jeopardy. Tell your husband that you'll handle it next week, and cross your fingers.
P.P.S. Sell the stuff in the garage!!!

Ok, first of all the 5 cars, one is a 1990 my first car, which I passed on to my eldest son. 2 of the other cars, which are also old used cars, were bought and paid for and belong to my son that just graduated from college. The other 2 cars are mine and my dh's and are both 6 years old. So we are not like car rich or anything. My eldest works for his uncle, my other son has the inusrance issues. Yes he had a car accident when he got his liscence and is being sued, he has been an execellent driver since. He is not sitting on his butt for the next six weeks. He is moving across country and will be trying to find a place to live and pack, and probably work for his uncle if he needs a spare body. My 5 year old is not a handful, my sil is a horrible mother. Is that blunt enough?? My sons both hate her and the way she treated them ask kids. Her 10 year old dd hits her and tells her to shut her face. SO yea, I don't want her alone with my 5 year old. Sue me for loving my kid. My full time job is to be here for my kids. My dh makes enough to support us, my job is to pay off the HECL we built up during his down time. I have no credit card debt, thank g-d. We were very careful and had lots and lots of savings. I want to have savings again sometime. A full time job means I will see my kids at 6 or 7 PM, and when I drop them off at a day care center. I am not going to do that, unless I would have too. Thankfully I don't.

As for the stuff in the garage, it is mostly kid stuff, which didn't sell on ebay or the 2 garage sales we had. I hope it goes with the next one. ANd as I said, neither son is available, unless my brother has the son that works for him do it. THat is up to them. And I have told my brother on numerous times that Mike is very lucky to have him, and that he should have let him stand on his own 2 feet before hand. Mike treats Joe like sh*t and Joe lets him. I don't want to be part of it, beacuse brother or not I owuld I have told him to blank off a long time ago. Also, once his Jersey benefits kick in, Joe will only have to stop by to say hi, there will nothing else for him to do. That is why he brought him out here. THe next thing will be to empty Mike's apt. I am sure that will be fun. And no, I will probably not be albe to help much. But I did all the work for our mom's apt, and that was lots bigger. Oh, yes, both my brothers stopped by, not to help sort or throw out, but to take what they wanted.

Yes I am sure I will now get slammed again, go for it. I love both my brother, becasue they are my brothers. They are not my friends, we do not hang togther. I am actually getting a bit closer to Joe then I have in years. But with my family, I never know what they are gonna do next, and I just watch and see. My family are my dh, and my kids. Again, they come first and always will.

 

[momof2inPA]

Point out to him that selling the car now and gifting the proceeds is a heck of a lot smarter than selling it later and in-effect forcing that money to the nursing home as part of Mike's estate.

Good summary, but won't they see that as part of the "look back?" I doubt the car is worth much, anyhow-- just a guess.

OP, nobody said doing the right thing would be easy, and if you expect Joe to employ your son, you should expect to help Joe with Mike. Don't you think?

Yes, 2 of my children are adults. One works for Joe, and leaves the house before 8 AM to pick up Joe's employees, they aren't allowed to drive in the US. My son picks them up at the bus stop.

You are referring to workers who have a legal right to be in this country, aren't you? If not, I would advise your son to find another job, because in the current political climate, he might just get caught picking up his workers at the "bus stop."

THere is me, Mike, Joe, Joe's wife (who doesn't work), and me. We have a cousin in the area but he works very long hours, and there is his wife. The cousin did offer to help money wise with some issues last year, but Joe said no.

It's funny that you mentioned Joe's wife, a cousin, the cousin's wife and failed to mention your husband and at least one grown son (since the other is in court and moving away soon).

I agree with everyone else who said to sell the car or have it towed and re-schedule the appointment-- and suck it up woman. Everyone does things they don't necessarily want to do.

 

[raammartin]

My dh makes enough to support us, my job is to pay off the HECL we built up during his down time.

I understand you are working to pay off the HECL, but, since your DH makes enough to support your family, could you possibly miss a few hours to take Mike to his appt.? Otherwise, I'd have to suggest reschedule it or let Joe take care of it.

 

[phillybeth]

Still with the excuses

 

[LoraJ]

Sorry you're going through this. It's not easy, I know.
I have been doing so much for my boyfriend's sick father and I'm not even related.

You can definitely change the appointment. I've made them for his dad, changed them and cancelled them. I even hired a home health aide for him. I help my boyfriend out any way I can because he is the only local family that his dad has. Everyone else is out of state maybe sending a buck or two to help out. They have jobs, school etc. We understand that. But believe me, some resentment does build up. They get to go on vacation or do this and that, but we can't.

I can see where your brother Joe may be getting tired of carrying most of the burden and not feeling appreciated by it.

But on the other hand, you're not obligated to do anything. But just expect the resentment.

Do whatever you can to help out. I'm surprised that the nursing home doesn't provide transportation there for him.

 

[poohandwendy]

I don't want to be part of it, beacuse brother or not I owuld I have told him to blank off a long time ago.

I think this is it, in a nutshell. I think you need to just be honest with Joe and tell him that. If you don't want to help, own it.

I think impounding the car without notifying Joe first is an ignorant move, but it really sounds like you and your DH don't care because you see Joe as the golden boy with all of the riches and all of the time in the world to take care of everyone...

Just reminds me of people who think successful people are 'lucky'...

 

[poohandwendy]

My other child is working for Joe. If Joe wanted him to take his uncle he would have asked him too, and still paid his salary. He didn't.

Why on earth would you think Joe should be expected to pay your sons salary for time missed if he were to take his other uncle to the doctors appointment?

Seems to me that you think that time and money is only a necessity to you and yours...but Joes money and time are just disposable and irrelevant.