Advice Needed - Am I being selfish?

[GoofySon'sMom]

I understand the appeal of getting a vacation with DS, but I have to admit that when I read that you were planning TEN DAYS, knowing what you know about how your financial situation is going to change, I thought that was a bit much. If you're going to spend that kind of money on the last vacation you might get for a while, then I would vote for shortening the timeframe and taking DH along.

You've said that a shorter trip with the three of you isn't really what you want because of how rushed you felt last time. But the only people who were making you feel rushed last time were ... well ... you! You can control how rushed you are -- just plan less and enjoy it for what it is. A family vacation.

Even though your DH seems alright with it, I'm sure he'd actually prefer to be with you (and, from your responses, you'd prefer him there too). You haven't mentioned how DS feels. What's his opinion, as it's his vacation too? Would he rather have fewer days, but with dad there too?

Look at it from the POV of "quantity vs. quality."

I have thought of changing to 7 days. DH is the one that felt rushed for our 5 night/6 day trip. He doesn't want to go for less than 8 or 9 nights. He said he felt rushed even though I don't think that we rushed too much. We did have the August crowds to deal with but I actually didn't think they were that bad last year. I think if DS and I go alone, it would be 8 nights, 9 days. DS absolutely wants to go and I think even would possibly prefer just he and I. He and DH aren't seeing eye to eye on a lot of things right now.

I have definitely thought of shortening the trip but DH is looking at it like if it is the last time DS and I go for a while, he wants us to spend plenty of time so we can do everything we have managed to miss the past 4 years!

 

[loriandmatt]

when i read the first 2 or so lines of your post, my first knee jerk reaction was to say "i would never go to WDW without my husband just to save money. we can either all afford to go or we can't go at all."

HOWEVER - and notice how that is large however.....after reading all the details of your OP and your follow up posts......your DH wants you to go, is OK with you going and seems not to be just "taking one for the team" and just saying he is OK with it to make you and the boy happy. Go and don't give a thought to what others (no matter how closely related to you they are) think about it. Go, enjoy the time alone with your son. You will both have a great time. i am sure you will both miss your DH, but you will be happy for the one on one time with each other.

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

when i read the first 2 or so lines of your post, my first knee jerk reaction was to say "i would never go to WDW without my husband just to save money. we can either all afford to go or we can't go at all."

HOWEVER - and notice how that is large however.....after reading all the details of your OP and your follow up posts......your DH wants you to go, is OK with you going and seems not to be just "taking one for the team" and just saying he is OK with it to make you and the boy happy. Go and don't give a thought to what others (no matter how closely related to you they are) think about it. Go, enjoy the time alone with your son. You will both have a great time. i am sure you will both miss your DH, but you will be happy for the one on one time with each other.

Your knee jerk reaction is the same as mine which is why I am struggling with the decision. I thank you for your honest post. I am going to sit down with DH right after the holidays and lay out all options. If he still wants us to go alone, I am going to do it. I do feel it is a special opportunity for DS and I. We are both comfortable enough there that I think we would have a great time even though we would miss DH especially in Germany for a brat & a beer (ok, no beer for DS!)

 

[jjarman]

Go on the trip and have fun. DS and I have made the last 2 trips without DH only because DH really does not like going to WDW (go figure). DS is 17 now and may not make another trip with me until he is married with children (in that order please) but I know we ran into several moms and sons traveling alone. I remember one mother and her grown son we met in AK who came all the time together. It gave me hope that DS might make another one with me.

 

[loriandmatt]

Your knee jerk reaction is the same as mine which is why I am struggling with the decision. I thank you for your honest post. I am going to sit down with DH right after the holidays and lay out all options. If he still wants us to go alone, I am going to do it. I do feel it is a special opportunity for DS and I. We are both comfortable enough there that I think we would have a great time even though we would miss DH especially in Germany for a brat & a beer (ok, no beer for DS!)

one thing i didn't add to my "honest" post......i have a DS of my own. he is turning 13 and we have been taking a family vaca to WDW each year for the last 8 years. He still enjoys that time with us. I am envious of your time alone with your son. i know that if DS and i went "just the two of us" we would miss DH (and now 3YO DD) but we would have a great time together. our time now is so much about homework and running him somewhere....that some time to "bond" with him again would be a special treat.

go, have a great time. he (and you) will remember it fondly for a very long time.

 

[mrp4352]

Sounds like 3 women thinking like women.

I love my wife and we have fun together, but as a guy....its such a treat when she goes on a trip and leaves me home alone (its a guy thing).

I watch BAD TV, war movies, eat frozen pizza, don't do the dishes and just enjoy some lazy time. (My wife always has us doing stuff when she's around- plays, fancy dinners, parties,family events)

Did You, your Mom, and Sister ever think that he might be very happy with some "guy-time" to do something he might enjoy, like watching 18 hours of football, or playing golf with his buddies?

Just trying to add some male thought to your predicament

I had to laugh when I read this - my best friend's husband ships her off with me to Disney at least once a year for 'girl time'. Which translates directly into him laying on the couch, eating pizza and watching war movies all weekend!


Oh, and OP, I'm going to chime in with going - make those memories and have a wonderful time!

 

[Brae's Mom]

I was in this very position this time last year. We had planned a vacation for myself, my dh, my dd and my d mother. Well our finances got a bit tight and we almost cancelled the whole thing. But DH insisted that he was fine with not going and that he wanted me and DD to go and have a good time. Well, we went. While we had a good time, I felt really bad the whole time because I knew what he was missing. He would call just to say hi and I knew that he was home alone and probably wishing he was with us.

I know I'm probably putting a damper on this, and this is only how I felt. Everyone is different. I just feel like if it were me, I would not do this again with my family because it just wasn't the same without him.

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

one thing i didn't add to my "honest" post......i have a DS of my own. he is turning 13 and we have been taking a family vaca to WDW each year for the last 8 years. He still enjoys that time with us. I am envious of your time alone with your son. i know that if DS and i went "just the two of us" we would miss DH (and now 3YO DD) but we would have a great time together. our time now is so much about homework and running him somewhere....that some time to "bond" with him again would be a special treat.

go, have a great time. he (and you) will remember it fondly for a very long time.

This not only pretty much made my decision for me, but made me teary as well. You are right ... all of you that posted ... as hard as it would be leaving DH home, it would (will?) be such a special time for DS and I. Yes, too much of life now is about homework and do this, do that, go here, go there. DH and I will hopefully have many more years down the road to go to the World as a couple. This may be my only chance to go as 'just Mom'.

 

[the Fidge]

You know Dad's and son's have their time especially at your son's age. Mom moments will become fewer and what a great memory of just the two of you. Soon enough it wouldn't be that cool to be hanging with Mom. This magical moment will be remembered forever and will be something you treasure when he gets all manly on you!

DH will be fine in fact its a great way to come home and find that you were missed. Great for the marriage we often forget with the daily nonsense how much we really treasure our spouse's. He will probably be doing the happy remote dance the first few days but then it will fade!

Don't foget to bring something back and maybe send him postcards daily and remind him how much you miss him.

Your family is done making your decisions your a big girl now! AS long as you and DH are at peace with it then go for it! He may look a bit sad when you leave but the face you come home to will make it all worth while!

Trust me on that one been there! Remember you left your family to be joined in heart mind and spirit with DH and his opinion is the one that counts!

Have a great time! Different is not always bad, its just that different and nothing else! Soon enough it will be just the 2 of you on trips and maybe DH and DS can plan a little weekend together over the summer. Camping or a car show or something they enjoy togehter that may help you ease your mind!

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

You know Dad's and son's have their time especially at your son's age. Mom moments will become fewer and what a great memory of just the two of you. Soon enough it wouldn't be that cool to be hanging with Mom. This magical moment will be remembered forever and will be something you treasure when he gets all manly on you!

DH will be fine in fact its a great way to come home and find that you were missed. Great for the marriage we often forget with the daily nonsense how much we really treasure our spouse's. He will probably be doing the happy remote dance the first few days but then it will fade!

Don't foget to bring something back and maybe send him postcards daily and remind him how much you miss him.

Your family is done making your decisions your a big girl now! AS long as you and DH are at peace with it then go for it! He may look a bit sad when you leave but the face you come home to will make it all worth while!

Trust me on that one been there! Remember you left your family to be joined in heart mind and spirit with DH and his opinion is the one that counts!

Have a great time!

Thank you! You are so right about DH and DS doing things together, although not quite as big as Disney. And, yes, I know that hanging with Mom won't be a very cool thing to do much longer. You have all made me feel so much better about this decision. Yes, I will miss DH, but I will treasure each moment with DS!

 

[cmonroe]

I'd like to chime in.

I think you going accomplishes two things.

1. You get to spend a wonderful vacation Mother/son vacation with your son with your husband's husband's blessing (Take video and tons of pictures).

2. You get to get out from under your Mom and your sister who realize you look for approval and use that to meddle in business that is not theirs. This also requires that you stop asking for their approval on future decisions.

I would miss my wife, but I would go. Just my two cents.

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

I'd like to chime in.

I think you going accomplishes two things.

1. You get to spend a wonderful vacation Mother/son vacation with your son with your husband's husband's blessing (Take video and tons of pictures).

2. You get to get out from under your Mom and your sister who realize you look for approval and use that to meddle in business that is not theirs. This also requires that you stop asking for their approval on future decisions.

I would miss my wife, but I would go. Just my two cents.

You are right! I am not going to specifically mention that DH isn't going any longer when I talk about the trip. When the time comes, I will remind them that I did tell them. And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your pizza story! Course I will kill DS if he ate a strangers food, but that is beside the point!

 

[sbell111]

My husband, DS11 and I have been lucky enough to go to WDW the past three summers. Financially things have really changed and the trip we are planning for this summer will probably be our last for a while. On top of the financial issues, DH's job situation is changing and he is unsure that he wants to take a long vacation from work. I am thinking about doing a Mom & Son trip with DS, 10 days at POP with the dining plan. DH is all for this as he doesn't know if things will change for us in 2009 so that we can all go as a family. My problem is my family ... they think I am being selfish going without DH and that we should just wait. I am split down the middle. I think this would be dream trip for me to have with DS before he gets older and doesn't think it is cool to be with his parents any longer. But I do really enjoy our family time and know that I would miss DH being with us. If I remove DH from the reservation, I have the trip about half paid and think that we can get the other half paid in plenty of time. Plus we'd only have two airfares to deal with. My biggest concern is that I cancel this trip and won't be able to take DS back to the World. I don't want a cloud hanging over my planning and am trying to resolve this in my mind. Am I being selfish putting DS (who desperately wants to go back) ahead of DH? Any and all opinions are welcome!

Since you asked, it does seem a little selfish, to me. Moneys getting tighter, so your husbands going to stay home while you take a ten day vacation. To top it off, your husband's going to have less time to get away in the future. So basically, you get to have a nice long vacation now (while he works) and he doesn't get to have a nice vacation now, or in the future.

Do what you feel is best, but...

 

[cmonroe]

You are right! I am not going to specifically mention that DH isn't going any longer when I talk about the trip. When the time comes, I will remind them that I did tell them. And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your pizza story! Course I will kill DS if he ate a strangers food, but that is beside the point!

Good plan.

Thanks for commenting on my pizza story. Those are the memories (albeit not the same) that you will be creating with your son as well!

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

Since you asked, it does seem a little selfish, to me. Moneys getting tighter, so your husbands going to stay home while you take a ten day vacation. To top it off, your husband's going to have less time to get away in the future. So basically, you get to have a nice long vacation now (while he works) and he doesn't get to have a nice vacation now, or in the future.

Do what you feel is best, but...

And I have thought of this. But my husband doesn't want my son and I to forego a vacation just because he may not be in a position to take one. And even though it isn't 'vacation' my husband travels quite a bit for work and often has time for sight-seeing and evening dinners. Sometimes we can go, most of the time we cannot. And coming back to the 10 days, I have discussed with DH MANY times about shortening the trip so we can all go and he is very against that. Our trip wraps around Labor Day, that his why it would be 9 nights as opposed to a "normal" week. Shortening the trip for the 3 of us to go is out of the question. So it's either DS and I go or none of us get a vacation this year. Part of me would be Ok with this, but a bigger part of me wants DS to enjoy a vacation.

 

[sbell111]

If my family was looking at the same situation that your's is, we wouldn't have a big vacation this year. There's a good four more years before the world ends. We would still have a chance before then.

 

[SnowWtch]

You're not being selfish. I wish my mom was able to take me to Disney as a kid. We never went but twice when I was growing up and it was a whole family thing. You're a good mom for wanting to do this for your son and your DH even better for wanting you to do it.

 

[Brian Noble]

I think it is entirely up to you. However, there is a third option between "just the two of us go" and "none of us go"---a less ambitious trip that all three of you can take. It could be a shorter trip to WDW, or one that only included CS meals, or a trip someplace less expensive/closer to home.

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

Now, I know some of you are not saying we go with out my dad. But, like my mom said Dad takes a lot of trips and has a lot of Sight Seeing time. I do think we should go in my opinion b/c Dad is ok with it and all for it. I am willing to do what ever the family choses {Mom my Dad and me} and would be willing to stay home if they chose so. I, however, want to go on the trip with my mom for 10 days b/c i am 11 and might not like taking trips with my mom in a couple of years. I hope I do, but who knows?

I know my mom and I would have a blast having 10 days in WDW. I dont want to shorten b/c I think we could have 7 days to see every thing and eat every were we want to and 2 days to do the things we missed or do anything we want to do again. Then we would have the last day at our hotel to relax and calm down before we leave so it is not "YEAH, we are seeing wishes and Spectro!!!" to "Wake up we got a plane to catch!

 

[NancyIL]

Sometimes people post on message boards because they need answers to a question. Sometimes they post because they want others to agree with them. (I've done both on the DIS.) There's nothing wrong with wanting to hear from others who agree with you, but you don't NEED our permission or approval to go to WDW with just your son. It doesn't matter what we on the DIS think or what your mom and sister think. It only matters what you, your husband, and your son think, as your decision affects only the three of you.

**But since you asked - have a GREAT mother-son trip!