Advice Needed - Am I being selfish?

[GoofySon'sMom]

My husband, DS11 and I have been lucky enough to go to WDW the past three summers. Financially things have really changed and the trip we are planning for this summer will probably be our last for a while. On top of the financial issues, DH's job situation is changing and he is unsure that he wants to take a long vacation from work. I am thinking about doing a Mom & Son trip with DS, 10 days at POP with the dining plan. DH is all for this as he doesn't know if things will change for us in 2009 so that we can all go as a family. My problem is my family ... they think I am being selfish going without DH and that we should just wait. I am split down the middle. I think this would be dream trip for me to have with DS before he gets older and doesn't think it is cool to be with his parents any longer. But I do really enjoy our family time and know that I would miss DH being with us. If I remove DH from the reservation, I have the trip about half paid and think that we can get the other half paid in plenty of time. Plus we'd only have two airfares to deal with. My biggest concern is that I cancel this trip and won't be able to take DS back to the World. I don't want a cloud hanging over my planning and am trying to resolve this in my mind. Am I being selfish putting DS (who desperately wants to go back) ahead of DH? Any and all opinions are welcome!

 

[carlyle688]

DH is all for this as he doesn't know if things will change for us in 2009 so that we can all go as a family.

There is the answer to your question. If your husband is ok with it, don't worry about what the rest of the family thinks.

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

I just want to add that we talked about a shorter trip for all 3 of us, but DH doesn't want to do that. This past year we only had 5 days and everything seemed very rushed, not at all relaxing. DH said that he would rather not go than feel rushed like we did last year. He is definitely pushing for DS and I to take the trip on our own. My family is the real problem ... although they don't understand why we go to Disney every year anyhow.

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

There is the answer to your question. If your husband is ok with it, don't worry about what the rest of the family thinks.

Deep down I know you are right. I have always been a person that needs 'approval'. Maybe it is time that I get over that!

 

[Bill From PA]

Exactly who in your family objects? Not hubby, I assume not your son, then who is it that has a vested interest in your vacation plans? DH is good with this for his own reasons, so how is this "putting DS (who desperately wants to go back) ahead of DH?" There are three of you who have enjoyed WDW trips in the past, all three are comfortable with you and DS going yourselves. No one else gets a vote in this.

Bill From PA

 

[fairfax]

I think this would be a memory your son would treasure. I would do it! Go and have a wonderful time, and you are not being selfish.

 

[pickles]

If you are selfish then i am downright evil. I am going with my one son in Jan..I asked advice here several months ago and it was quite varied. I have 3 kids, but wanted to spend some time with my one son alone..my other 2 kids are special needs and take up a TON of time, sometimes my one son gets left out while the world caters to the other 2.
I wanted to have a special memory as my son is growing up on me..now 11 and time goes by so quickly. So, since hubby and others were ok with it, we are taking the plunge.
The only people that matter are the ones living in your home and it sounds like they are all in agreement, so stop worrying about the rest of the people's opinions. They aren't who matters most to your son.

 

[momof3girls6712]

I agree with the others. This could be a wonderful trip for you and you DS. I often take the kids and go without my DH. He does not like crowds and I do not like being stressed out by him. Do what is best for you and your DH and DS and do not worry about the rest.

 

[Traveliz]

Deep down I know you are right. I have always been a person that needs 'approval'. Maybe it is time that I get over that!

Sounds like your husband approves - there is that approval you need - go for it!

Liz

 

[zippy doo dah]

You are not being selfish in the least!!! As long as you and your DH and DS are fine with who goes, that is all that matters. Go and have a blast! I also think this would be a wonderful memory for you and your son to have - maybe he won't treasure the memory right now, but when he's older with children of his own, I think the special "Mom & Me Time" (that's what I call it for my kids when we just have me and only 1 of my 3 kids with me doing whatever) will be one of his most treasured memories.

I was also thinking that if your DH is anything like mine and he may feel badly if you and your DS decide not to go only b/c he can't and that might cause your DH added stress. I only say this b/c my DH wasn't able to take time off from work for a family vacation (and this was only for a 4 day trip to Washington) so I was going to cancel it, and he was adament that i not cancel it b/c it would make him feel like less of a man b/c he would feel like he couldn't provide for his family - so it was going to be a "Mommy and us trip". I had to cancel it in the end anyway b/c my furnace and hot water heater decided to call it quits within 1 week of each other

Best of luck with your decision and Have a magical and memorable time

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

. I have 3 kids, but wanted to spend some time with my one son alone..my other 2 kids are special needs and take up a TON of time, sometimes my one son gets left out while the world caters to the other 2.
I wanted to have a special memory as my son is growing up on me..now 11 and time goes by so quickly. So, since hubby and others were ok with it, we are taking the plunge..

You are far from Evil! I think it is WONDERFUL that you are able to do this with your son. He must have to deal with a lot of stuff with his siblings wo this is a great chance for one on one with you.

Why can I support your decision 150% but am still struggling with mine?!

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

I was also thinking that if your DH is anything like mine and he may feel badly if you and your DS decide not to go only b/c he can't and that might cause your DH added stress. I only say this b/c my DH wasn't able to take time off from work for a family vacation (and this was only for a 4 day trip to Washington) so I was going to cancel it, and he was adament that i not cancel it b/c it would make him feel like less of a man b/c he would feel like he couldn't provide for his family -

Thank you ALL for your thoughts & advice. I know that this decision should only be DH and mine's, but my Mom and Sister seem to feel the need to weigh in. I quoted the above poster because I do think having to cancel the trip will make DH feel bad. That has been a factor in my thinking as well.

But I keep going back to how much DH enjoys Disney as well. Granted he enjoys different aspects of it from DS and I, but he still really loves the time we have been able to spend there. I told him that down the road when things even out & DS is older, we will go just the two of us to the Food & Wine Festival. It is just such a hard decision right now. I am leaning towards going with just DS but I am not sure that I am going to be able to stop feeling guilty about it! And I don't want that feeling to overshadow the trip. Wow, I just realized how dramatic that sounds!

 

[dopeyfanatic]

What matters is that your dh is ok with it. However, I know my dh would say that so I didn't feel bad, not necessarily because because he really didn't mind. I know he wouldn't want me to cancel something because of him. I also know that I couldn't go on a vacation that large without him. I would rather him take off a few days a couple times and have long weekends together. But my dh does work a lot. I would feel guilty being on vacation while he's at home working. When it comes down to it, do what is right for you guys. You don't live with your mom or sister so who cares what they think. Have fun if you go!

 

[Markstudy]

but my Mom and Sister seem to feel the need to weigh in.
....but I am not sure that I am going to be able to stop feeling guilty about it!

Sounds like 3 women thinking like women.

I love my wife and we have fun together, but as a guy....its such a treat when she goes on a trip and leaves me home alone (its a guy thing).

I watch BAD TV, war movies, eat frozen pizza, don't do the dishes and just enjoy some lazy time. (My wife always has us doing stuff when she's around- plays, fancy dinners, parties,family events)

Did You, your Mom, and Sister ever think that he might be very happy with some "guy-time" to do something he might enjoy, like watching 18 hours of football, or playing golf with his buddies?

Just trying to add some male thought to your predicament

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

What matters is that your dh is ok with it. However, I know my dh would say that so I didn't feel bad, not necessarily because because he really didn't mind. I know he wouldn't want me to cancel something because of him. I also know that I couldn't go on a vacation that large without him. I would rather him take off a few days a couple times and have long weekends together. But my dh does work a lot. I would feel guilty being on vacation while he's at home working. When it comes down to it, do what is right for you guys. You don't live with your mom or sister so who cares what they think. Have fun if you go!

This exactly sums up my dilemna! I think he is saying he is Ok with our going, but when push comes to shove he is going to want to be there with us. But if that really isn't an option, he would rather we go to Disney than anywhere else because he knows how much it means to us.

 

[dopeyfanatic]

Then I would go on it. And if last minute he can add on, then do it. I do suggest maybe going 7 days instead of 10. That's plenty of time for you and one child and not some big group to please. You can do whatever your son wants. And because you've been before, you'll know what you want to avoid. I'm just suggesting it to save money since you said there have been financial changes....

 

[WDSearcher]

I understand the appeal of getting a vacation with DS, but I have to admit that when I read that you were planning TEN DAYS, knowing what you know about how your financial situation is going to change, I thought that was a bit much. If you're going to spend that kind of money on the last vacation you might get for a while, then I would vote for shortening the timeframe and taking DH along.

You've said that a shorter trip with the three of you isn't really what you want because of how rushed you felt last time. But the only people who were making you feel rushed last time were ... well ... you! You can control how rushed you are -- just plan less and enjoy it for what it is. A family vacation.

Even though your DH seems alright with it, I'm sure he'd actually prefer to be with you (and, from your responses, you'd prefer him there too). You haven't mentioned how DS feels. What's his opinion, as it's his vacation too? Would he rather have fewer days, but with dad there too?

Look at it from the POV of "quantity vs. quality."

 

[suzzzze]

If you and your hubby are ok with going just with your son, I say go. The two best trips I've had to the world are the ones when it was just my daughter and I. Once when she was only 5 and the other right before she left for college. She has great memories of the later trip and always says she's glad we had that alone time.

 

[Colleen27]

If your DH is okay with it, DO IT! I do quite a bit of travel without DH, because he can't really get away during the summer and there are so many places that aren't worth doing in the winter. The kids love it, and DH doesn't mind at all. He'd mind more if we never took the kids on beach vacations and camping trips because of his work schedule. I'm blessed with a very understanding family and my mom often travels with me & the kids on those summer trips, but my inlaws don't really get it. Oh well. They aren't the ones that matter, IMO, and as long as DH is okay with it, I'll keep taking the kids on summer vacations.

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

Sounds like 3 women thinking like women.

I love my wife and we have fun together, but as a guy....its such a treat

Did You, your Mom, and Sister ever think that he might be very happy with some "guy-time" to do something he might enjoy, like watching 18 hours of football, or playing golf with his buddies?

Just trying to add some male thought to your predicament

I love this! No, I hadn't actually thought of it from this perspective! I be DH would enjoy reverting to his bachelor day habits at least in spirit!