Absolutely sick over a $150.00 flower girl dress

[CF'er]

My DD was just a flower girl in June and we got her dress from Strausberg Children's outlet. I still paid around $100 for it though.

If you really can't afford it you should tell them. Maybe they would be willing to help you with the cost.

 

[Dina]

You don't have to pay for it. I didn't pay for everyone's dresses-- but the flowergirl and her mom picked out the dress and the shops we went to. I just went along for the ride-- the mom wanted to make sure I liked it, but I didn't' really care.

 

[barkley]

while i could 'afford' a $150 dress for my daughter-that does not mean i would ever think to spend that much. just as i would never spend $150 on an outfit i could only wear once i would not spend that much on one my dd would wear once.

the only 'one time' outfit i've ever bought was my wedding dress-but that was for what i believe will be my once in a life time wedding. i think brides/grooms should be upfront about what they expect their attendants to incur cost wise when extending the 'invitation'-it allows the person to evaluate weather they are able or willing to make that financial obligation and make a final decision.

frankly, when i look at all the weddings i've attended over the past decades the last thing i noticed/remember is weather the attendants wore matching attire.

 

[ZuZugal]

My 2 daughters are going to flower girls in a wedding this Saturday and the bride found the most beautiful dresses on a web site called butterflyxc.com. We paid a total of $70.00 all together. They were around $30.00 a piece then shipping was $10.00. She went and looked at the high dollar bridal stores first then she looked at this site and found almost the same dresses. So my advice is to look on the net for dresses. Hope that helps.

They also sell these dresses on ebay under the same name.

Quite a few of the dresses start at 14.99. Unbelievable. I hope the quality is good. I'm looking to buy my DD11 a dress.....she will be handing out programs in a wedding in October.

 

[Mimi Q]

My older DD is 14 yo and has been a flower girl in four weddings and a bridesmaid in three. I have had to pay for each and every dress, and I had no less than $100 in each wedding. The bride picked out the dresses, and we bought them. I say unless you truly can't afford it, keep the peace and buy the dress the bride-to-be wants you to. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[MinnieGi]

My 6 yo DD was a flower girl in my Dbro and DSil wedding when she was almost four. DSil let us pick our her dress. However DD and I both loved the same expensive dress at the bridal salon! It was a beautiful white organza with light lilac embroidery that matched the bridesmaids lilac dresses perfectly. It was $109.00. The price made me swallow hard, but she looked sooooo adorable in it and it matched so well I bought it. She looked gorgeous the wedding day and had so much fun dancing the night away in her "gown." It was worth it.

DSil after the wedding gave my DH (for his birthday) an 8 X 10 black and white portrait of he and DD dancing. There she is in her white miniture bridal gown dancing on daddy's shoes and holding his hands looking up adoringly. It was a picture that made us all cry.

 

[5champs]

Don't feel so bad - my future sister in law and brother are getting married after living together for 7 years-- they are having this huge wedding this weekend and I had to pay $250 for my dress (bridesmaid) $250 for daughter's dress (junior bridesmaid) $400 for both of my sons tuxes and $200 for my husband!!!! They are nuts but what could we do - this is why I began trying to sell things on Ebay for extra money. I am a stay at home mom with three kids so spending $1100 on clothes for a wedding does not fit into my budget at all. Now I have to get them a gift, our shoes, pocketbooks etc also for the wedding. I feel so bad but I promised we would be in the bridal party. Oh well - wish us luck!!

 

[mickeyluv'r]

OP - sorry to hear about your FIL!

Some weddings do get out of hand, and ours wasn't particularly inexpensive, but it was a really beautiful day, and the memory of it (and my siblings weddings) are very special memories - especially when I think of the family members who are no longer with us. That we were able to have such a happy day with them is great. Our grandparents were so proud of each of us!

 

[princesscj]

My dd was in a wedding last summer. Luckily the bride just said I could get what I wanted, but kinda in the same style of hers. I found one on eBay for $35. It was a great dress!

Consolation prize, she wears it all of the time to play dress up! So, it was worth the money!

Why not eBay it afterwards and try to get at least some of your money back if she won't cooperate! Just a thought!

Good luck!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Okay, so I need some major help rationalizing this...my sister-in-law, the baby of the family, is getting married and as an afterthought has asked my 7 yr. old to be a flowergirl in her wedding (seriously, an afterthought-she had asked one niece MONTHS ago and was only going to have the one niece, but decided that in case the one niece wouldn't cooperate, she'd have my daughter be in it).

She has picked out a $130.00 dress, plus tax, plus alterations=$150ish. She won't hear of shopping any where other than a bridal shop. I'm so frustrated, but need to get over it-help!!

How about offering to pay what you can afford.

My daughter was asked to be FG for my cousin's wedding next summer.

They found a dress--it was over $400. They quickly came to their senses before even saying a word to me.

They asked my threshhold--I said $100 would be lovely but we can go to $150.

My aunt also offered to supplement the cost if it was too expensive but a dress that was just too perfect to pass up.

Typically though--dresses are around $100 for bridal shop dresses and $130 isn't all that bad.

Does it have to be altered b/c it was the other girl's size?

If soo--I would defnitely request the bride to cover that. Not your fault she needed second fiddle. Had you been first choice, you could have gotten the proper size dress.

The last wedding DD was in, the bride's family paid for the dress (I was very surprised!!). She was fitted for a dress and it didn't need altering at all.

 

[Lizzy2]

As somone who is getting married in 7 weeks this thread is quite amusing.

Here's my take to everyone who thinks that paying for your own child's outfit is wrong: If you don't want to pay for the dress then be honest and tell them no. The bride is not being a bridezilla at all from what I have read (although it's tacky she forgets birthdays and that she asked the daughter first before the parent). $150 for a flower girl dress is not that much today - anything with the word wedding associated is expensive. In some parts of the country it is completely known that the bridal party pays for their own attire - if that does not work for your budget please, just say no, it will be easier on the couple than dealing with the complaints (and yes, even if you do not verbalize them people know you are not happy).

Being a flower girl is something that is honored in our family and my best friends little girls are excited! Oh and by the way, I tried to pay for their dresses and their mommy would not let me.

Sweetie, $150 is a heck of a lot of money for some of us-Until someone close to you that you feel you can't say no to asks you to spend $150 plus shoes plus headpiece plus crinoline plus tights on a dress your 4 yr.old will wear once and ruin with punch and cake giving you no chance at reselling it on ebay you might have trouble understanding why the poor girl is upset-Just a thought-

 

[mjbaby]

Sweetie, $150 is a heck of a lot of money for some of us-Until someone close to you that you feel you can't say no to asks you to spend $150 plus shoes plus headpiece plus crinoline plus tights on a dress your 4 yr.old will wear once and ruin with punch and cake giving you no chance at reselling it on ebay you might have trouble understanding why the poor girl is upset-Just a thought-

But that's exactly what she's saying. If the person is truly close to you, sack up and speak up - honest, loving communication goes a lot farther in a relationship than simmering resentment. And if you think the person in question wouldn't understand your hesitation to spend the money then maybe you're not as close as you think.

But if one doesn't feel that saying no is an option, then that's not the fault of the bride, you know? If one wants to say no and doesn't, then that person has to own the lapse and deal with it.

 

[eeyorelori]

Ok i have to chime in ..Did you ever think about a communion dress??? Walamrt had these for 20 bucks plus..And very cute ...i picked one up for a freind for her little girl ..Money not there either..Her father is getting remarried and wanted granddaughter in the wedding but she couldnt afford either..I also got a communion dress for my niece for our wedding too..Baby depot had them cheap too... Talk to your sis in law see if you can get a different dress or see if she will change both dresses cheaper in the long run to only where once.....good luck

 

[Gillian]

For people who say $150 is normal/reasonable for an attendant's dress, that may be true but a flower girls dress is different. It doesn't have to match, it doesn't have to be a special fabric, and there is very little chance of it being worn again simply because children grow.

There are so many places to get inexpensive children's dresses. There is no need to order from a bridal shop!

It's not fair to compare to a bridesmaid dress, where they may need to get the same thing for a large size range, all from the same dye lot, from different parts of the country, etc.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Sweetie, $150 is a heck of a lot of money for some of us-Until someone close to you that you feel you can't say no to asks you to spend $150 plus shoes plus headpiece plus crinoline plus tights on a dress your 4 yr.old will wear once and ruin with punch and cake giving you no chance at reselling it on ebay you might have trouble understanding why the poor girl is upset-Just a thought-

Then you just don't participate or own up to that you would love to but the price is a problem.

Growing up--I expected that any wedding we were in or went to, we'd have to buy our clothes whether in the wedding party or not.

I was SHOCKED when my DD's FG dress was paid for. I was ready and willing but they wouldn't take the money.

This next wedding DD is in--I was told that the bride couldn't decide beige or white. I woudl LOVE for it to be white b/c then it can be recycled as a first communion dress. But I am horrified at the thought to even request it. It isn't *my* wedding and I would feel like a guest-zilla for even suggesting a color to a dress.

I don't see why it is okay to have a hissy fit about the cost of a dress--but it isn't okay for a bride to have a vision of what her wedding should be like as though she is a bridezilla for even asking.

Last I checked--humans don't really have the mind reading capability and noone will no if you don't speak up.

The bride whom you quoted even said that she offered to pay for the FG dress and mom refused.

While the bride in the OP is being a bit snitty in the aftermath and didn't clear the invite with mom first....choosing a particular dress I don't think deserves the bride-zilla label.

Thankfully we didn't have any children in our wedding. (didn't know any the proper ages anyway). I would have hate to have been thought of as a bridezilla just b/c I liked a particular dress.


The underlying theme in most of these posts--I will let my child participate but only if I can dictate your wedding theme. YOU may not care if a dress isn't a particular design or color (way way back when I thought I remember FG dresses that were mini-bridesmaids dresses and not brides).

And someone posting that a wedding was at Christmas as though it were a bad thing?

Nowhere is it written that you must attend a wedding or be in it. You should do things b/c you want to. Nothing stops you from staying at a Motel 6 either. Are we sure that "guest"-zillas don't exist?

 

[Lizzy2]

I'm standing by my original comment on this one. She said

[$150 for a flower girl dress is not that much today

and I completely disagree!! I, just like alot of others who have responded, have seen beautiful dresses perfectly fit for the Queen of Sheba's wedding on Ebay and in Baby Depot at Burlington's and in JC Penney's for petes sake, that do not cost $150.
In an ideal world this would be as you said about communication and loving gestures but unfortunately the majority of brides do not see it that way. They want what THEY want, it is THEIR day, and how dare anyone object or not go along no matter what the cost. Do you think the shows like Bridezilla just sprang up out of thin air? It does not matter to these girls who they hurt or inconvience as long as they get THEIR day. Where do these attitudes come from?
I do not spend $150 on a dress for myself and I'm certainly not spending it on one for my 4 yr. old. when there are perfectly beautiful, less expensive options. If this was all truly about loving communication(as it really should be) and if the bride is really just thrilled that everyone she loves will be beside her on this special occasion(as she should be) then why not let the little tike wear her best Sunday School dress and put some polish on her Mary Janes and be done with it?
Because weddings have become like bad community theater where the bride wants to be the big star and we have a rate of divorce in this country to prove it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

For people who say $150 is normal/reasonable for an attendant's dress, that may be true but a flower girls dress is different. It doesn't have to match, it doesn't have to be a special fabric, and there is very little chance of it being worn again simply because children grow.

There are so many places to get inexpensive children's dresses. There is no need to order from a bridal shop!

It's not fair to compare to a bridesmaid dress, where they may need to get the same thing for a large size range, all from the same dye lot, from different parts of the country, etc.

I don't think it matters what it is.

Since the bride is being snitty in her conduct (IMHO not in the original dress choice)--I don't think it will matter how fab a dress can be found for an excellent deal. I would imagine the other dress has been chosen and in the off chance both girls are used...the bride will totally want the dresses to match.



I also don't feel comfortable with making suggestions to people about what *I* think could work in their wedding.

It should be on them to ask my opinions on price--but I'm not about to dictate where they should shop. If I cannot afford what they want, I would say so and leave it at that. I won't allow myself to be treated as a doormat and then pretend that *they* are the ones being unreasonable.

Courtesy is a two-way street.

The bride didn't do that and it is up to the FG's mom or dad to speak up and not be doormats. If the bride asks what they could afford and wants to know where she can find FG for that cheap--then that would be the time to let the bride know what has been suggested here.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm standing by my original comment on this one. She said

[$150 for a flower girl dress is not that much today

and I completely disagree!! I, just like alot of others who have responded, have seen beautiful dresses perfectly fit for the Queen of Sheba's wedding on Ebay and in Baby Depot at Burlington's and in JC Penney's for petes sake, that do not cost $150.
In an ideal world this would be as you said about communication and loving gestures but unfortunately the majority of brides do not see it that way. They want what THEY want, it is THEIR day, and how dare anyone object or not go along no matter what the cost. Do you think the shows like Bridezilla just sprang up out of thin air? It does not matter to these girls who they hurt or inconvience as long as they get THEIR day. Where do these attitudes come from?
I do not spend $150 on a dress for myself and I'm certainly not spending it on one for my 4 yr. old. when there are perfectly beautiful, less expensive options. If this was all truly about loving communication(as it really should be) and if the bride is really just thrilled that everyone she loves will be beside her on this special occasion(as she should be) then why not let the little tike wear her best Sunday School dress and put some polish on her Mary Janes and be done with it?
Because weddings have become like bad community theater where the bride wants to be the big star and we have a rate of divorce in this country to prove it.

They have the show bridezilla b/c it is GOOD tv.

Seriously I doubt that is the majority of brides.

One day they will have a show about guest-zillas.

People who bring unvited guests to weddings, bring in their McD's bags to the 5 course dinner who changed into jeans on the way to the black tie reception.

Brides have their dream weddings--having a dream doesn't necessarily make you an awful person or a bridezilla.

 

[ChristyJ]

I'm the OP. I have suggested other dresses-dresses I thought were beautiful AND reasonable. But rather than even responding, the bride-to-be ignored them. Then she flipped out on me for asking how much a newly chosen dress would cost, I asked her if she had considered the ones I Emailed to her. She flatly said no. She is the youngest of 5 and is very used to getting exactly what she wants when she wants it. She is also unaware of money in general and has no problem spending other peoples' money and is quite rude about it. There was never a "I'm sorry, I know this is expensive, but I absolutely love this dress." Rather, it was "I picked out the dress I want."

So, after all of this (and my step-father's health crisis), I had finally given up and called in my daughter's measurements to the bridal shop. The owner tried pressuring me to pay 3/4's of the dress, saying the bride was SURE this was the dress she wanted, etc. I told her to call me when they were there and I would give her my credit card info at that time (because you know once you put any money down in most bridal shops, that's it-you must buy there-no refunds!). Turns out...the bride has changed her mind again.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Wow, that's ridiculous. When we got married we asked a friends daughter to be the flower girl. The bridesmaids dresses were blue and her mom said they already had a white dress with a subtle blue flower pattern already and asked if she could wear that. I said sure no problem, without even seeing it. I knew she'd look cute in whatever she wore, so it didn't matter to me. I was a very mellow bride.