Absolutely sick over a $150.00 flower girl dress

[TnTWalter]

how sweet the gesture is, but you just can't afford it right now.

If it's just irritating but you can afford it, suck it up for family harmony.

Trish

P.S. I posted adorable flower girl dresses I found for under $30 each [my cousin said to just buy something cute] ...maybe send her the link and say...what do you think of these?

 

[ChristyJ]

Sure, the "afterthought" part is an issue-but when she asked my daughter first and did it all in front of my MIL as well, there's really no way to say no. Seriously, saying no thank you, no matter how tactful would cause life-long problems. I know my husband's family-I would have been the bad guy for a long time.

For my wedding, there were some things I really wanted that I could have done at less of a cost, BUT, the things I was willing to pay more for were NOT imposed on other people-they were expenses I took care of.

I still think $150. for a 7 yr. old's dress is too much, regardless of whether someone can or can not pay for it. I'm planning on sucking it up, but it does frustrate me because this is the same sister-in-law who often FORGETS my daughters' birthdays, never buys them Christmas gifts, etc.

 

[Carrie Ellis]

My sister got married July 1st. I was the MOH and that was all she had. Her fiance at the time only had a best man. It worked out very nice. This kept cost down and it prevented hurt feelings because they each only chose 1 person. It also helped me because since I was the only brides maid; I was able to choose the dress that looked best on me and I can use it again.

My mom was given a flower girl dress by a friend. She shortened it and took it up in a couple of places. Then she made a sash that matched my dress. With it shortened just enough to see the ankles, she wore white ballet shoes. It was very pretty. Cost-$0 except a little time.

Personally, I think the price of weddings is ridiculous.

 

[Jenn]

My 2 girls were flower girls in both of my sister's wedding, one was in 2003 and one was in 2006 - and I lucked out both times.

The 2003 wedding was in December and the bridesmaids wore a cranberry color. Right before Christmas in 2002 I was out shopping and found these gorgeous cranberry holiday dresses in Gymboree. They were absolutely beautiful, silk and tulle with flowers embroidered all over the top. I called my sister and told her about them and she said buy them and I will look and them and if not, you can always return them. I bought them for $25 or so each (marked down) in the next size up for each girls since they would be wearing them a year later, and my sister loved them. They matched the bridesmaids dresses perfectly and they looked beautiful during the wedding.

In 2006, my other sister's wedding was at night, very elegant. Bridesmaids wore chocolate brown. Bride wore ivory. I found gorgeous ivory flower girl dresses on Ebay in one of the Ebay boutiques. They were only $20 each!!! I sent the link to my sister, she loved them, so I bought them. They were a little sheer, so I also had to buy them slips to wear under them for $10 each, but I still made out like a bandit!

 

[mlwear]

Sure, the "afterthought" part is an issue-but when she asked my daughter first and did it all in front of my MIL as well, there's really no way to say no. Seriously, saying no thank you, no matter how tactful would cause life-long problems. I know my husband's family-I would have been the bad guy for a long time.

For my wedding, there were some things I really wanted that I could have done at less of a cost, BUT, the things I was willing to pay more for were NOT imposed on other people-they were expenses I took care of.

I still think $150. for a 7 yr. old's dress is too much, regardless of whether someone can or can not pay for it. I'm planning on sucking it up, but it does frustrate me because this is the same sister-in-law who often FORGETS my daughters' birthdays, never buys them Christmas gifts, etc.

Wow. She asked your daughter BEFORE talking to you. I would be most upset about that.
I didn't have any children in my wedding. Seems they often don't cooperate or they "steal the show" --JMHO and my choice. I wanted to advise you to argue that point with the bride since she already suspects that her first choice won't do things as she wants, but since your daughter already knows about it, that would be hard.
Yes, sounds like a bridezilla. Also seems like you will just have to suck it up and try to get past it. Keep the peace. I certainly understand your desire to vent.

 

[crisi]

I think you need to pull her aside and explain to her that she should have cleared it with you before bringing it up to your daughter. Better yet - its your sister in law - have your husband do it. Have him explain to her that $150 is a lot of money, but now your daughter has her heart set on it and you can't pull the rug out - but you would have said you were flattered to be asked but couldn't afford it had she come to you.

Oh, and I'd give her a nice card and let her know that the expense you incurred for her wedding was her "gift."

I've always discovered when I do things for "family harmony" my family comes to assume that their behavior was OK with me. Its better if I say "well, I'm going along with this, but next time I really wish you would take into consideration that....." Once I grew the backbone, I discovered I was going along with a lot less - and carrying a lot less resentment.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't think $150.00 is that bad. In fact I'm surprised they are still available for that. My DD was in a wedding almost 8 yrs ago and hers was that much then and it was very plain.

 

[ChrisLei]

My 2 daughters are going to flower girls in a wedding this Saturday and the bride found the most beautiful dresses on a web site called butterflyxc.com. We paid a total of $70.00 all together. They were around $30.00 a piece then shipping was $10.00. She went and looked at the high dollar bridal stores first then she looked at this site and found almost the same dresses. So my advice is to look on the net for dresses. Hope that helps.

Wow these dresses are beautiful and so reasonable. Thanks for posting the website! My daughter makes her 1st Communion next May and we will definitely be needing a reasonably priced beautiful white gown for her.

 

[KCMiller]

When my children are old enough to marry, our plan is to 1. Suggest strongly that they have premarriage counseling, 2. Remind them that a wedding is a day, but a marriage is a lifetime, and 3. Suggest strongly that small is beautiful, that it's a gift to be simple, and that spending money like a drunken sailor is no way to start down the road to happiness (or asking other people to spend like that). Oh, my wedding was big and expensive and lovely, as were my sisters, but I don't think any of them was extreme - they were in keeping with our families values and ways. And, I might add, between the 3 of us, we're going on 21 years, 20 years, and 16 years !

I have 2 boys and a girl, and my prayer is that they find soulmates who think the way we do - who aren't obsessed with 'stuff' - who are more interested in the marriage than the party. My big fear is that my boys will end up with 'Bridezillas', who would be very hard for me to understand or respect.



KC

 

[ChrisLei]

My daughter was the flowergirl at my Best Friends wedding (she happens to be her godmother too). Her dress cost $150. It was alot of money for a dress she was wearing one day, but we didnt complain. I was the matron of honor so it was quite an expensive day! LOL It's one of those things where you dont want to stress out the bride. If it is way beyond your means, it is best to explain to DD and the bride, that you simply can't afford it.

 

[ChrisLei]

When my children are old enough to marry, our plan is to 1. Suggest strongly that they have premarriage counseling, 2. Remind them that a wedding is a day, but a marriage is a lifetime, and 3. Suggest strongly that small is beautiful, that it's a gift to be simple, and that spending money like a drunken sailor is no way to start down the road to happiness (or asking other people to spend like that). Oh, my wedding was big and expensive and lovely, as were my sisters, but I don't think any of them was extreme - they were in keeping with our families values and ways. And, I might add, between the 3 of us, we're going on 21 years, 20 years, and 16 years !

I have 2 boys and a girl, and my prayer is that they find soulmates who think the way we do - who aren't obsessed with 'stuff' - who are more interested in the marriage than the party. My big fear is that my boys will end up with 'Bridezillas', who would be very hard for me to understand or respect.



KC

I agree. I was very price cautious when planning my wedding. I picked out a gorgeous dress for the bridesmaid which retailed $180. I took the pic to a awesome seamstress and she replicated it EXACTLY for $90!!! Then since I lived in NYC at the time, I went down to the garment district and found my flowergirls dress for $45. I paid for it. I am a bargain shopper, and I know how expensive weddings can be. So I thought it was my duty to make it as economical as possible.

I bowed out of a Bridezilla's wedding party....She picked dresses that cost $285!!!!!! For a Bridesmaid's dress! Then chose $150 shoes!!!! There was no way I was going to spend THAT much money for a wedding....not including getting my hair done...wedding gift. I was glad I bowed out. The day of the bridal shower I was told that the BRIDE told the bridesmaids that she wanted it at this upscale restaurant (which is where the shower was held) and that each bridesmaid contributed $500!

 

[stephgles]

Its funny I am currently in the same situation. My brother's bride to be is acting like a Bridzilla. I have a friend who has a closet full of flower girl dresses. She use to sell them on Ebay. Well my soon to be sil, wants nothing to do with them. Wants me to spend $130 on the dress $30 on the headpiece, $150 on my dress and $120 on my dh tux. Needless to say we also have to get airline tickets and a gift. I told my brother yesterday that it was getting out of hand. I told him this wedding is costing me close to $1500.00 if not more. (On a marriage my family agrees will not last). He advised me that he will be picking up my dd dress and headpiece.

I think the whole wedding is getting out of hand. We is finalizing everything before making a budget. I dont know what he is thinking at this point.

THank you for letting me vent on this.

Steph

dd - 29 months

Heading to Disney in 14 days

 

[jajuan]

My DD was in a wedding when she was about the same age. My ex SIL was such a snot. It was a Strasburg dress and it cost 250.00. I went to the site to see if I could find something similar to show you but there wasn't anything. All of the dresses on the site were beautiful...but hers wasn't at all. I hated it. I think ex SIL picked it just because of the price...lol. That is so her personality.

 

[mjbaby]

I bowed out of a Bridezilla's wedding party....She picked dresses that cost $285!!!!!! For a Bridesmaid's dress! Then chose $150 shoes!!!! There was no way I was going to spend THAT much money for a wedding....not including getting my hair done...wedding gift. I was glad I bowed out. The day of the bridal shower I was told that the BRIDE told the bridesmaids that she wanted it at this upscale restaurant (which is where the shower was held) and that each bridesmaid contributed $500!

In 1995, well before I developed much in the way of a spine and/or common sense, I paid $485 for a bridesmaid's dress (I'm guessing that today it might be $600 or more), $500 for my "share" of a shower, $200 for the mandated group gift and then about $400 to get to the wedding in the first place.

The kicker? I never saw the bride again after the wedding. She had been one of my, ahem, best friends up until then but she was mad at me for not a) buying the $120 shoes she picked out (I wore my own wedding shoes redyed - I had been married two months before) and b) not going out drinking with her the night before her wedding, leaving my husband to stay alone in the guest suite of my sister's sorority house (where we were staying).

Something tells me that I made out o.k. in the end by not seeing her after this! And, it's experiences like this that give a $150 dress some perspective.

Can the dress be dyed? Can it be refashioned into a halloween costume? The skirt made into fancy handkerchiefs for holiday gifts? Special pillows - like that for the tooth fairy, future baby-related ceremonies, etc.? My aunt took the blue velvet dress I wore in the above wedding and made a cocktail dress for my cousin, a table runner for Christmas, two pillows for gifts and trim for her own coat.

 

[ChrisLei]

In 1995, well before I developed much in the way of a spine and/or common sense, I paid $485 for a bridesmaid's dress (I'm guessing that today it might be $600 or more), $500 for my "share" of a shower, $200 for the mandated group gift and then about $400 to get to the wedding in the first place.

The kicker? I never saw the bride again after the wedding. She had been one of my, ahem, best friends up until then but she was mad at me for not a) buying the $120 shoes she picked out (I wore my own wedding shoes redyed - I had been married two months before) and b) not going out drinking with her the night before her wedding, leaving my husband to stay alone in the guest suite of my sister's sorority house (where we were staying).

Something tells me that I made out o.k. in the end by not seeing her after this! And, it's experiences like this that give a $150 dress some perspective.

Can the dress be dyed? Can it be refashioned into a halloween costume? The skirt made into fancy handkerchiefs for holiday gifts? Special pillows - like that for the tooth fairy, future baby-related ceremonies, etc.? My aunt took the blue velvet dress I wore in the above wedding and made a cocktail dress for my cousin, a table runner for Christmas, two pillows for gifts and trim for her own coat.

I am so glad I didn't come out in her wedding.....after she got married I never really spoke to her much. I guess she was upset that I didn't come out. Not to mention she expected guests to give her $500 in a card as a wedding gift. Quite frankly, DH and I could not afford to give her our rent money at the time as a gift. We gave her $200 and she shouldve been happy.

That is a nifty idea to get the dress made into a cocktail dress.....I have to see if I Can do that with the dress from my best friends wedding!

 

[rt2dz]

Okay, so I need some major help rationalizing this...my sister-in-law, the baby of the family, is getting married and as an afterthought has asked my 7 yr. old to be a flowergirl in her wedding (seriously, an afterthought-she had asked one niece MONTHS ago and was only going to have the one niece, but decided that in case the one niece wouldn't cooperate, she'd have my daughter be in it).

She has picked out a $130.00 dress, plus tax, plus alterations=$150ish. She won't hear of shopping any where other than a bridal shop. I'm so frustrated, but need to get over it-help!!

YIKES!! You're kidding me right? Now, what is the point in that? I had two flower girls in my wedding (my two oldest neices) and I still get complemented whenever anyone sees our wedding pictures on how they are the cutest, best flower girl dresses that they have ever seen.

My flowergirls did not look like mini brides in overly poofed up, uncomfortable dresses. I got them at Steinmart (kind of like a nicer Marshall's or Ross) for $18 each on clearance after Easter. They were simple ivory slip dresses. My neices even went on to wear them again and pass them down to their little sisters.

Of course, my bridesmaid dresses were from Dillard's on clearance after prom and were only $80 each too. And every one of my bridesmaid seemed to be able to wear those dresses again too--cruises, officer banquets, another formal wedding. I get lots of complements on how nice those dresses were too.

Bridal shops are the worse place to buy that attendents clothing. They're uglier, much more expensive, and unable to be used again.

 

[mjbaby]

That is a nifty idea to get the dress made into a cocktail dress.....I have to see if I Can do that with the dress from my best friends wedding!

I wanted to make my own wedding dress (an ivory brocade) into pillows and cafe-type curtains for my dressing room but my husband said an emphatic NO WAY. He's much more sentimental than I. But I'd rather have items I can use and enjoy than a dress rotting on a hanger in the event that my daughter might someday want to wear it, you know?

I made one of my bridesmaid's dresses (a $100 number from Davids Bridal) into a luncheon suit. I always purchase a yard or so of extra material with dresses just in case (I can't tell you how many bad alterations I've had). With this dress, we (my mom and I) cut the dress at the knees and created a new hem and then used the excess material along with the extra I bought to make a waist-length jacket. It's perfect for dressier occasions for which a dress is a bit much - I've even worn it to another (afternoon) wedding.

I have one bridesmaids dress left - a dark green satin - and I can totally see it becoming Christmas decor in my new dining room.

Yikes, OP. I seem to have committed a thread hijak here. I hope your dress situation works out!

 

[nuke]

I refused to spend a bunch of money on my wedding dress, bridesmaids dresses and flower girl dress. I just couldn't justify it. I found my bridal gown for under $500, my mom made the flower girl dress out of material that almost exactly matched my gown and the two bridesmaids dresses were less than $100 each. Then my mom and I went to JoAnn's and bought stuff to make my veil. It cost $17 total and was gorgeous.

I think it's ridiculous to spend all that money on one day.

 

[jaysue]

Something tells me that I made out o.k. in the end by not seeing her after this!

That was the most valuable thing she could have done for you!

Cheers
jaysue

 

[jennifer293]

Here is one for ya:

My best friend's little brother was getting married and they didn't have a flower girl. The bride to be was at my best friends house and saw a pic of my DD on her fridge and said, " Oh, she is a beautiful little girl, do you think her mom would let her be our flower girl?? Well my friend says, "She might..I can ask her". Well then the bride to be proceeds to say, " Well she will have to buy her a dress similar to mine". My friend tells her, "No, I will not ask my friend to let her DD be in your wedding and you expect her to buy an expensive dress when she has never met either of you". Well of course she calls me in a rage..LOL but it ended up working out to be the same weekend we were to be in Disney so we couldn't do it anyway..

I have never understood the whole idea, but I know a lot of people that the attendents have to pay for their own dresses and tuxes.