3 year age difference with kids

[chewbacca]

We are planning on trying for #2 this late summer/fall and the due date would be around DS's 3rd birthday. Well my DH seems to think that it is too much of an age gap. I really do not want to start now b/c I am weaning myself off of Zoloft for my OCD and do not want to be pregnant while taking it.

I don't think that it will be that bad. There were 5 and 4 years between my sisters and my brother and they all played together.

Anyone have kids with this age difference? How do they get along?

Thanks!

 

[Bob Slydell]

I always thought 3 years was an ideal age difference between kids. We were planning for a 3 year gap, but then things came up that pushed us back a couple years, so our 2 boys are 5 years apart, but 3 years is a good age difference.

 

[jgmklmhem]

I think three works well Our 2 girls are 3yrs 4mo apart (and they paly very well together) and our next will be 3yr 3mo from our second. In my family growing up we were all essentially 4 years apart and that seemed to work really well too. I always played with my brother and sister and rarely were there any real problems.

 

[Christine]

My kids are 3 1/2 years apart. Plus they are girl (oldest) and boy (youngest). The tough part is that they are so different in every way. The movies they both want to see are different, the activities that they do are different, etc. I only see it being marginally better if they were the same gender.

Having said all that, I don't thing 3 1/2 years is "too far apart" but they will probably never have similar likes at the same time.

I do get envious of those who have like 2 boys that are no more than 2 years apart. They seem to be able to really all do the same things.

 

[ElizaB39]

DD12, DS8 (3 1/2 years between). They are lovely with each other. DD "organizes" games for DS and friends, they play with each other, help each other, and generally love each other. Their personalities are what make it work though. I have a bro one year older and we never really got along. My two sis are 3 1/2 and 7 years younger (they are best friends with each other) and we never really associated with each other growing up. I was on my own usually.

Simply put, there are no guarantees even if they are 1, 2 or 3 years apart in age, same gender or not.

 

[CPM]

I think three years is perfect!!!

Mine are nine years apart. Not how I wanted it, but apparently how God did.
It's like raising two only children.

You can have children that are twins and still have separate likes and dislikes too.

Go for it!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My first 3 kids are each 3 years apart and I think it's a good gap. Then a 6 year gap before #4. Little did we know we'd need that time to prepare for Jake. I think that 3 years is wonderful--the older sib is potty trained, is in preschool, assuming you go that route, is old enough to help a bit, etc. There is no one ideal age, though. Two years would be nice, too, since they would be closer and grow up more as playmates, and even further apart would be ok, too, since they would be more independent. One of those things that there's no one right answer. Good luck with your decision! What an exciting time.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

My DD are 3 years apart. It worked out well when the younger was born, because the older started nursury school and are a little more self-sufficient than the terrible 2's.
Howeve, My DD are so different they never played with each other much.
They are now 12 & 15, and are as different as night and day.

 

[Tiffann4k]

Well there is a 3 1/2 year age difference between my oldest and youngest

I had 4 kids in 3 1/2 years so does that count ??

Anyhow I agree with the others have said. I myself loved having my kids so close in age ( would of done it a bit differently with the 2 that are 10 months apart, but anyhow....) but it would of been nice to have a 2-3 year age gap. I wouldnt change it for the world though.

Good luck to you

 

[becka]

My two are a little less than 3 years apart (2 years 8 months) and I don't think I would have wanted them any closer. DS was old enough to understand and help a little but he was still not potty trained, etc.. I didn't want them very far apart either so this works well for us. Even now with DD only 13 months and DS almost 4 they can still play together well.

 

[DVC Jen]

My girls are 4.5 years apart and it has worked for us.

There isn't a "magical" age different you should go for. What ever it turns out to be is what it is and you will make it work.

 

[froglady]

My niece and nephew are 4 years apart, and IMO, it was a very positive experience for them. They are very close, especially once they both reached adulthood. I know that it feels like childhood is forever, but most of your life is spent as an adult, so a 4 year age difference doesn't mean much when one of you is 30 and the other 34.

Having a bit of a gap does have certain advantages. There is enough age difference that the younger doesn't feel entitled to participate in everything the elder does. (this has been a problem at birthday parties, etc when the 1 or 2 year older/younger sibling unexpectedly shows up as part of the package)

There is also less chance of one sibling constantly being compared to the other. I remember my brother (18 months older) resenting this, particularly since middle school girls tend to be more mature and taller than the boys. He got lots of "Are you sure she's your LITTLE sister?" teasing. I was also better behaved, so he got a lot of the "Why can't you be more like your sister?' remarks. He also had a brothers who were 2 had 3 years older, so he got it from both sides.

 

[Meriweather]

Mine are 2 years 11 months.
One boy, one girl.
I think the big difference is personality types and not age difference.
Mine are SO different!!
All grown now and finally friends

 

[Beth76]

I think it's perfect--for now anyway. They are almost 5 and almost 2. It was great when my younger one was born because my 3yo was able to help me around the house some. He was also able to self-entertain a lot. And he understood that he needed to be careful with the baby. We were lucky as there was no sibling rivalry.

Now, at 5 and 2, they play together very well. They have been for awhile now. I can't say how they will get along when they are older obviously, but for now, it's worked out great so far. Also, with my younger son barely making the K cut-off date, they probably will be 4 years apart in school. Not a big overlap (if any) in college tuition.

ETA: with them being 3 years apart, as opposed to 2-1/2, if you have the same sex, then you can reuse clothing easier. If they are a half-year apart, they will be completely opposite seasons.

 

[I Love Tigger]

My sister and I are three years apart and get on great and my DD & DS are exactly three years and two weeks apart. Three years seems to be a popular age gap thinking about other friends and family.

I found it was a perfect age gap when they were small, but my sister in law had her two DS's 16 months apart and found it very hard work.

Now the only problem we have is our DD at 17 can learn to drive, but our son has another three years to wait and he's not happy

 

[azgal81]

My brother and I are a couple of months shy of 3 years apart. I always thought that was a perfect age difference. We are pretty close, of course when we were younger I hated him but that was only in my middle school years when I first became a teenager!

 

[minkydog]

I don't believe there is a "best" age difference--best for who?? Our older two are 7 yrs apart, boy/girl, and they are best friends for life. He has always taken care of her and she has always looked up to him. They don't fight, they speak kindly to each other, and they do a lot of things together. We do things with both kids and with them separately. Many is the time i have had one in time-out only to have the other one crying & begging to please let the sibling go. Obviously there are times when the 19yo wants to go off with his friends but there are plenty of times when DS19 takes his12yo sister to see a chick flick just because he loves her.

I worried myself to death over the age difference, but in the end it has been the biggest non-issue of them all. Having the last two 2yrs apart was much, much harder

 

[golfgal]

Our oldest is just about 3 years older then the twins and that worked out well for us. Looking down the road a bit, if they are 3 school years apart, you will only have them in college together for 1 year . I always felt that spacing worked best either less then 18 months or more then about 22 months, the time in between was too much work with the older child.

 

[Nite0wl71]

The first 4 were 2 years apart, but since I had them boy, girl, boy, girl that makes the boys and the girls each 4 years apart. They had their ups and downs growing up but now they get along really great.

Now my last one DD is 9 years younger then my 1st youngest, sometimes I feel like I am raising an "only" child now. The others are all out on their own

 

[mrsmom]

My first and second are 6 yrs apart, my second and third are 22 months apart and my third and fourth are three years. i vote for the 3 yrs apart , it was a great age difference.

Kim ::