Well, with some trepedation (sp?) I would thought I would share something with you that I wrote in my journal almost a year ago. I'm not nervous for your response, but rather scared to put it out there for all eyes to see.
Let me explain...I'm not sad right now, but, rather, just wondering why in the world I let myself go last year! Duh!
I was about 165 - within 15 lbs. of the 150 club and just stopped...everything! As my weight began to climb up, I got more and more discouraged. I'm not discouraged right now just wondering what happened!
In posting this list, please realize that I'm not trying to be mean to myself or looking for sympathy from anyone. Rather I just feel like I need to make this list public. It's hard to be so honest!
So without further ado (and, hopefully, not to many confused looks on your faces!) I present my list of why I am afraid to be thin.
1. I am afraid to be thin because I willl get more attention.
2. I am afraid to be thin because I may be truly happy.
3. I am afraid to be thin because what else will occupy my mind all the time.
4. I am afraid to be thin because I may become fat again.
5. I am afraid to be thin because I won't be allowed to use my weight as an excuse.
6. I am afraid to be thin because I will have to be more responsible in regards to my eating habits.
7. I am afraid to be thin because I won't be able to "blend into" the crowd.
8. I am afraid to be thin because I would have higher expectations of myself.
9. I am afraid to be thin because others may have higher expectations of me.
10. I am afraid to be thin because food would no longer be able to comfort me.
11. I am afraid to be thin because I might meet new people.
12. I am afraid to be thin because outsiders may realize that I am not as confident as I appear to be.
13. I am afraid to be thin because what else would I talk about.
14. I am afraid to be thin because it's the identity that I've known for so long.
15. I am afraid to be thin because I would have to maintain my weight.
16. I am afraid to be thin because I would have to stop being destructive to myself.
17. I am afraid to be thin because being fat is a "crutch" that I regularly lean on.
18. I am afraid to be thin because I would have to go on dates since I tend to use my weight as an excuse not to date.
19. I am afraid to be thin because my life, my confidence, etc. might not improve.
20. I am afraid to be thin because I might meet "the one" who would see me as others don't - a scared, timid, etc. person.
21. I am afraid to be thin because I won't have an excuse for being lazy.
22. I am afraid to be thin because it's going to take a lot of work to get there.
23. I am afraid to be thin because my body will still have flaws.
24. I am afraid to be thin because I may never be attractive or good enough.
25. I am afraid to be thin because changing my weight involves my personality and changing everything about me.
Wow! That was very powerful typing that list for me! I read the list last night, but typing it again and really thinking about it hit home to me. Each one of these is still true to me. I think I am my biggest problem in holding myself back. I can't even pick one that seems like the most important to me because they are all so valid and true about me.
Again, I hope this doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable, but wow was this a good experience for me!
Lisa
Let me explain...I'm not sad right now, but, rather, just wondering why in the world I let myself go last year! Duh!

In posting this list, please realize that I'm not trying to be mean to myself or looking for sympathy from anyone. Rather I just feel like I need to make this list public. It's hard to be so honest!
So without further ado (and, hopefully, not to many confused looks on your faces!) I present my list of why I am afraid to be thin.
1. I am afraid to be thin because I willl get more attention.
2. I am afraid to be thin because I may be truly happy.
3. I am afraid to be thin because what else will occupy my mind all the time.
4. I am afraid to be thin because I may become fat again.
5. I am afraid to be thin because I won't be allowed to use my weight as an excuse.
6. I am afraid to be thin because I will have to be more responsible in regards to my eating habits.
7. I am afraid to be thin because I won't be able to "blend into" the crowd.
8. I am afraid to be thin because I would have higher expectations of myself.
9. I am afraid to be thin because others may have higher expectations of me.
10. I am afraid to be thin because food would no longer be able to comfort me.
11. I am afraid to be thin because I might meet new people.
12. I am afraid to be thin because outsiders may realize that I am not as confident as I appear to be.
13. I am afraid to be thin because what else would I talk about.
14. I am afraid to be thin because it's the identity that I've known for so long.
15. I am afraid to be thin because I would have to maintain my weight.
16. I am afraid to be thin because I would have to stop being destructive to myself.
17. I am afraid to be thin because being fat is a "crutch" that I regularly lean on.
18. I am afraid to be thin because I would have to go on dates since I tend to use my weight as an excuse not to date.
19. I am afraid to be thin because my life, my confidence, etc. might not improve.
20. I am afraid to be thin because I might meet "the one" who would see me as others don't - a scared, timid, etc. person.
21. I am afraid to be thin because I won't have an excuse for being lazy.
22. I am afraid to be thin because it's going to take a lot of work to get there.
23. I am afraid to be thin because my body will still have flaws.
24. I am afraid to be thin because I may never be attractive or good enough.
25. I am afraid to be thin because changing my weight involves my personality and changing everything about me.
Wow! That was very powerful typing that list for me! I read the list last night, but typing it again and really thinking about it hit home to me. Each one of these is still true to me. I think I am my biggest problem in holding myself back. I can't even pick one that seems like the most important to me because they are all so valid and true about me.
Again, I hope this doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable, but wow was this a good experience for me!
Lisa