15 yo boy going to be a father...wow

[LindsayDunn228]

Oh, I don't make any excuses for his actions or hers. I just think the whole thing is a shame. Their lives and the lives of the child are forever altered by mistakes made at a young age. I don't agree with the mentality of 'you deserve it'. Sorry, but their living with the repercussions for the rest of their lives is enough 'punishment' to trump my need to ridicule from the sidelines after the fact.

The whole thing is just tragic, IMO.

I'm not of the "mentality" of "they deserved it." I just don't feel sorry for them. And I don't think sharing my (or anyone's else's) opinion of the situation is ridiculing them from the sidelines. You aren't saying these things to their face and it's an opinion they will never even know about.

 

[Sleepy]

The mother of one of my GAL kids is 16 - the baby is 18 months. The grandmother is 33. The great grandmother is 48. See the pattern here. Not much chance for this kid I'm afraid.

Exactly how it is with my SIL. Since she was never taught responsibility (give birth multiple times before age 18, then throw them off on grandparents to raise), she never taught her own kids and they too have viewed my MIL as the adoption agency. My SIL became a gmother at age 30 and the cycle continues.

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm not of the "mentality" of "they deserved it." I just don't feel sorry for them. And I don't think sharing my (or anyone's else's) opinion of the situation is ridiculing them from the sidelines. You aren't saying these things to their face and it's an opinion they will never even know about.

I wasn't making the point that you don't have the right to voice your opinion or that it is wrong...just clarifying how I feel about it because you quoted me when making your point. That gave me the impression you were talking to me.

Also, for me this isn't a hypothetical person this is happening to, it's a person I have known since he was a young boy. I know his family. That hits home to me in a different way than reading about someone I do not know.

 

[crz4mm2]

Sorry, but I don't have much sympathy for the boy. He had choice, and he chose to be sexually active at such a young age. Pregnancy is a risk and it's a chance he chose to take.

But you HAVE sympathy for the girl? Sigh. It is such a double standard. The boy says he used a condom. Says the girl TOLD him she was on bc.....
I think it is terrible to make the boy pay for something he did not want. Just my opinion. Why is it the GIRL's Choice to keep or not keep the baby and the boy has to go along for the ride?????

 

[mickeyfan2]

No flames here. I would insist on a DNA test if I were the boy's parent.

ITA. Also since she is 18 and he is 15 there maybe legal issues too. I hope that the parents don't make him work too much and his education and future earning potential is effected.

 

[Barb D]

*sigh* donning my flame suit.....

If she wants it she should pay for it, period.

This boy has no say as to whether he wants to be father. The use of BC clearly indicates his intent to prevent this pregnancy. Since he now has no choice in the matter, he should not have to pay to support it. JMHO.

He chose to have sex, so he did have a say. He could have chosen not to. The girl should not have to bear the entire responsibility; they were both there for the conception. And she should not have to terminate because HE wants her to.

I had DS14 read this thread as a reminder that he will be responsible for his actions. (So far he's not even interested...)

 

[LindsayDunn228]

But you HAVE sympathy for the girl? Sigh. It is such a double standard. The boy says he used a condom. Says the girl TOLD him she was on bc.....

Um, yoo hoo?? I never said I had sympathy for the girl. I don't have sympathy for either one of them. They were talking about using this kid as an example for her son and what can happen and I just said "sorry, I don't feel bad for the boy."

 

[poohandwendy]

The girl should not have to bear the entire responsibility; they were both there for the conception. And she should not have to terminate because HE wants her to.

Long before this situation, I have always had a problem with that. IMO, if a woman has the right to bear the entire choice of whether or not the pregnancy continues...the man should have the right to have a choice of whether or not he wants to continue the pregnancy. I think men should have the right to terminate parental rights and responsibilities early on.

JMHO

 

[Barb D]

...the man should have the right to have a choice of whether or not he wants to continue the pregnancy.

Do you think a man/boy should have the right to DEMAND that a woman/girl have an abortion?

... I think men should have the right to terminate parental rights and responsibilities early on. JMHO

Early on -- like before they have sex.

Kids need to be reminded that pregnancy (and disease) can occur any time they have sex -- even if they think they are protected. They shouldn't have sex if they aren't prepared for the consequences.

 

[RitaZ.]

If the situation were reversed, girl younger than the boy, the parents would probably press charges and he would eventually carry the label of sex offender for the rest of his life. However, our society still views these situations as the male "getting lucky". As for the DNA test, I agree. I would want definite confirmation.

 

[golfgal]

*sigh* donning my flame suit.....

If she wants it she should pay for it, period.

This boy has no say as to whether he wants to be father. The use of BC clearly indicates his intent to prevent this pregnancy. Since he now has no choice in the matter, he should not have to pay to support it. JMHO.

I disagree with the whole holding a man hostage financially because the woman decides not to terminate her pregnancy. I don't believe that any man should have to support a child if he has indicated that he would prefer pregnancy termination.

The really sad part is that this girl's parents will probably be left holding the bag to raise this child because it'll turn out that she really isn't ready to be a parent. In the meantime this poor boy will still be financially responsible.

I agree with most of this, although I would prefer to see the child given up for adoption. I think the boy should have a say in this as well. I would also insist on DNA testing. Like the pp said, this boy claims to have used BC and if this is true, his wishes should be taken into consideration. If an agreement can't be reached and the girl decides to keep the baby, the boy should maybe not be off the hook, but not held responsible for 1/2 the upbringing unless he chooses to do so.

 

[crz4mm2]

Long before this situation, I have always had a problem with that. IMO, if a woman has the right to bear the entire choice of whether or not the pregnancy continues...the man should have the right to have a choice of whether or not he wants to continue the pregnancy. I think men should have the right to terminate parental rights and responsibilities early on.

JMHO

THis is what I agree with. I think the man should have the same rights the woman has. If the woman wants to keep the pregnancy and the man does not, the man should be able to terminate parental rights and responsibilities right away.

I see this every day. I just think it is unfair. Many people think the boy/man should be 'punished' for having sex. why should the boy'/man be any more responsible than the girl/woman..... Especially in this case.

 

[poohandwendy]

Do you think a man/boy should have the right to DEMAND that a woman/girl have an abortion?

No...I did not say that. I said that he should have the to choose whether or not HE wants to continue the pregnancy...his rights and responsibilities of the pregnancy.

They both made an equal choice at the conception...the equality should not end there, IMHO.

Early on -- like before they have sex.

They both are equally responsible and active participants in that choice. I do not think men should be held to a different standard in this.

Kids need to be reminded that pregnancy (and disease) can occur any time they have sex -- even if they think they are protected.

I could not agree more.

They shouldn't have sex if they aren't prepared for the consequences.

I agree with that too. But, I do not think that the consequences should be weighted in favor of the choices of only one participant.

 

[Sleepy]

Long before this situation, I have always had a problem with that. IMO, if a woman has the right to bear the entire choice of whether or not the pregnancy continues...the man should have the right to have a choice of whether or not he wants to continue the pregnancy. I think men should have the right to terminate parental rights and responsibilities early on.

JMHO

But that could get tricky for minors. Aren't there still states which have parental consent laws for abortions? Say the girl does want to have an abortion, but mom and dad say no, the pregnancy would continue? And given the fact the father is underage and his parents are in control of him legally, his parents can still force him to be responsible????????? (I know a minor too young for a public job can be forced to pay child support and it is the responsibility of his parents to pay the amount). Of course I understand your way of thinking is not how things really are, but I was thinking if it were law, it could be a possible turn-about for minors due to minors falling under their parent's control.

 

[crz4mm2]

Um, yoo hoo?? I never said I had sympathy for the girl. I don't have sympathy for either one of them. They were talking about using this kid as an example for her son and what can happen and I just said "sorry, I don't feel bad for the boy."

I didn't mean 'you' in particular. It is a discussion. General. Sorry, not picking on you. This is a subject I feel strongly about (can't tell, can ya?).

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I didn't mean 'you' in particular. It is a discussion. General. Sorry, not picking on you. This is a subject I feel strongly about (can't tell, can ya?).

No problem I do too

 

[bubie2.5]

He chose to have sex, so he did have a say. He could have chosen not to. The girl should not have to bear the entire responsibility; they were both there for the conception. And she should not have to terminate because HE wants her to.

I had DS14 read this thread as a reminder that he will be responsible for his actions. (So far he's not even interested...)

I would normally agree with you, but not in this case, since he's considered a minor, and she's legally an adult (thinking rape charges even if it was consensual). Why should she get to decide? I wouldn't force a 15 yo girl to raise a child of a 40 yo boyfriend.

It seems there's a double standard here. Women have two choices:
1. Abstinence or having sex
2. Having/raising the baby or not.
Men only have the first one.

I don't think the woman who legally raped him should decide how the rest of his life should play out. Making him pay for the rest of his life for a mistake he made when he was 15 (remember he used a condom), is like giving everyone who had a sip of alcohol before they where 18 an eternal hangover.

 

[Sleepy]

This boy has no say as to whether he wants to be father. The use of BC clearly indicates his intent to prevent this pregnancy.

The problem is the only people who know his form of BC was used 100% is the boy and his girlfriend.

No trying to sound accusatory in the discussed situation, but men have been known to poke holes in condoms to get even with someone. There is no way to prove otherwise. Are you saying a man who pokes a hole and causes a pregnancy should be let off of responsibility because he used a condom and showed intent to prevent pregnancy?

 

[Barb D]

I wouldn't force a 15 yo girl to raise a child of a 40 yo boyfriend.

I wouldn't either. She could give it up for adoption.

It seems there's a double standard here. Women have two choices:
1. Abstinence or having sex
2. Having/raising the baby or not.
Men only have the first one.

But he DID have that first choice.

My DS wants to go to the Air Force Academy, and you can't go there if you have any dependants. We've already had the discussion: If you get a girl pregnant, you are NOT going to the AFA. It would ruin your dream. Any time you have sex, you are in effect saying, "I'm ready to be a parent with you."

 

[bubie2.5]

But he DID have that first choice.

So did she. And may I remind you... SHE was an adult.