15 yo boy going to be a father...wow

[Barb D]

So did she. And may I remind you... SHE was an adult.

So would your opinion change if she was 15, too?

They both had the first choice (sex vs abstinence), and they both have responsibility. All I'm saying is that he shouldn't be able to say, "I want you to have an abortion, and so therefore I am no longer responsible in any way."

They BOTH knew when they had sex that there was a possibility of pregnancy (even if they thought they were protected), they BOTH took the chance, and now they BOTH have the responsibility to see this through.

 

[mickeyfan2]

SHE was an adult.

For me this is a problem. Sorry he is a minor she is not and that is different then if they were both 15.

 

[MsLeFever]

They both had the first choice (sex vs abstinence), and they both have responsibility. All I'm saying is that he shouldn't be able to say, "I want you to have an abortion, and so therefore I am no longer responsible in any way."

And if he did have that choice do you know who could end up paying for those babies?

Me and you, through government assistance.

 

[bubie2.5]

So would your opinion change if she was 15, too?

Yes, of course. Things are not always black or white, every situation is different so for me the way to approach them should not be the same.

If they were both 15, this would be totally different; there wouldn't be anything "illegal" about it.

 

[mickeyfan2]

"I want you to have an abortion, and so therefore I am no longer responsible in any way."

The problem with this is that EVERY man/boy who became a dad would use it to not pay child support. I bet even dad's who divorced would use it too.

 

[DVC Sadie]

(interesting that this came up after the recent teen pregnancy thread)

My son told me tonight that a boy he played soccer with FOR YEARS, is going to be a father!!!!! His girlfriend is 18 (!!!) and is keeping the baby. He told his friends that he needs to get a job so that he can pay child support.

My son is not close to him, but he said that this biy was pretty shaken in school on Monday. He is telling his friends that she was on BCPs and he used a rubber. (big rolleyes here) Of course this went across the school like wild fire.

Honestly, all I can do is pray for him. Seriously, he is NOT one of those kids you would expect to be fathering a child as a sophomore in HS. Just your average, non-descript, somewhat quiet, honor roll student...

Wow...is all I can say. My son and the rest of the school are just stunned by it all.

(btw, we can debate till the sun stops shining whether or not this baby should be born. As I understand it, right or wrong, the girl is adamant about keeping the baby)

My first thought was...can you say DNA testing? Just to be sure...kwim? Flame me all you want, but I would want to be sure.

Of course, this really hit home with my son...he is just amazed and disappointed that this kids life will be so forever altered. We talked a long time about it. That is always a good thing, but I hate tha it came about because a boy, I have known since he was picking his nose on the soccer field, is facing this.

Sad.

You betcha I would insist on DNA testing! What gets me is how so many females actually lie about being on birth control pills which is why we stressed to our son that even if they say not to worry, you had better WORRY and take care of things yourself to be sure no unexpected kids turn up.

 

[RUDisney]

I don't think the woman who legally raped him should decide how the rest of his life should play out. Making him pay for the rest of his life for a mistake he made when he was 15 (remember he used a condom), is like giving everyone who had a sip of alcohol before they where 18 an eternal hangover.

This is the crux of the whole thing. She is an adult. He is a minor. She should be held accountable for preying on this young boy. If she was also 15, I would feel differently about it, but she took advantage of a minor and got "caught" with a pregnancy.

My sister is a HS freshman, also 15. One of her classmates is due any time now. The father's name is Tragedy. She plans to name her child (a girl) Tragedy, too. Talk about a vicious cycle and pinning something on te kid for the rest of its life!

I feel badly for both of these kids... mostly for the boy. He is a minor. If nothing else, she should have known the legal consequences of having sex with a minor whether she got pregant or not.

 

[RUDisney]

You betcha I would insist on DNA testing! What gets me is how so many females actually lie about being on birth control pills which is why we stressed to our son that even if they say not to worry, you had better WORRY and take care of things yourself to be sure no unexpected kids turn up.

Not to mention the diseases that they could get from unprotected sex. They are far different and more deadly diseases than I ever had to worry about.

 

[Lanshark]

It seems most of lifes biggest lessons are learned at someone elses expense. Hopefully this boys mistake will make a lasting impression.

 

[SillyMe]

*sigh* donning my flame suit.....

If she wants it she should pay for it, period.

This boy has no say as to whether he wants to be father. The use of BC clearly indicates his intent to prevent this pregnancy. Since he now has no choice in the matter, he should not have to pay to support it. JMHO.

I disagree with the whole holding a man hostage financially because the woman decides not to terminate her pregnancy. I don't believe that any man should have to support a child if he has indicated that he would prefer pregnancy termination.
The really sad part is that this girl's parents will probably be left holding the bag to raise this child because it'll turn out that she really isn't ready to be a parent. In the meantime this poor boy will still be financially responsible.

Really? So my ex-husband shouldn't be responsible for supporting my daughter because he changed his mind about wanting a child after she was born? That is sooooo wrong. It doesn't matter. He helped create that child. He knew the chances he was taking when he had sex. Bottom line.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I would normally agree with you, but not in this case, since he's considered a minor, and she's legally an adult (thinking rape charges even if it was consensual). Why should she get to decide? I wouldn't force a 15 yo girl to raise a child of a 40 yo boyfriend.

It seems there's a double standard here. Women have two choices:
1. Abstinence or having sex
2. Having/raising the baby or not.
Men only have the first one.

I don't think the woman who legally raped him should decide how the rest of his life should play out. Making him pay for the rest of his life for a mistake he made when he was 15 (remember he used a condom), is like giving everyone who had a sip of alcohol before they where 18 an eternal hangover.

ITA. I also have very strong feelings in regards to this topic. i worked in a hospital for years and we saw so many girls having kids and the fathers were held as financial hostages.

 

[DVC Sadie]

So would your opinion change if she was 15, too?

They both had the first choice (sex vs abstinence), and they both have responsibility. All I'm saying is that he shouldn't be able to say, "I want you to have an abortion, and so therefore I am no longer responsible in any way."
Yes, I believe he should have a choice in whether or not to keep a child that he didn't want.

They BOTH knew when they had sex that there was a possibility of pregnancy (even if they thought they were protected), they BOTH took the chance, and now they BOTH have the responsibility to see this through.

Her responsibility is greater IMO because she is 18 and he is 15. If the situation was reversed then I would feel differently.

 

[kelleigh1]

Not sure if it's been mentioned as I haven't read this whole thread, but the girl could also be charged with statutory rape as she is 18 and he is only 15. Not sure of the rules in your state, but I believe that in most states it does not matter if it was consensual or not - it's still statutory rape.

And I agree with a paternity test too.

 

[chobie]

*sigh* donning my flame suit.....

If she wants it she should pay for it, period.

This boy has no say as to whether he wants to be father. The use of BC clearly indicates his intent to prevent this pregnancy. Since he now has no choice in the matter, he should not have to pay to support it. JMHO.

I disagree with the whole holding a man hostage financially because the woman decides not to terminate her pregnancy. I don't believe that any man should have to support a child if he has indicated that he would prefer pregnancy termination.

The really sad part is that this girl's parents will probably be left holding the bag to raise this child because it'll turn out that she really isn't ready to be a parent. In the meantime this poor boy will still be financially responsible.

I agree in theory, but not because I feel sorry for "poor males" not being able to skip town like in the good 'ole days and leaving the girl without any choice but to give birth. While, it is unfair for the sperm donors these days; that unfairness in no way compares to what it was like for women before Roe.

However, I do think that that men should be able to decide if they want to support a child born out of wedlock and if they choose not to also waive any right to try to later get custody .

If nothing else I would like to once and for all be rid of the argument that since a guy does not have a choice in child support he should be able to force a medical procedure on a woman.

 

[chobie]

Really? So my ex-husband shouldn't be responsible for supporting my daughter because he changed his mind about wanting a child after she was born? That is sooooo wrong. It doesn't matter. He helped create that child. He knew the chances he was taking when he had sex. Bottom line.

I would think this would only apply to unmarried men and the decision would have to be made either before pregnancy or early enough for the woman to decide whether to keep the baby or not. That is what I would support anyway.

 

[Michie]

You betcha I would insist on DNA testing! What gets me is how so many females actually lie about being on birth control pills which is why we stressed to our son that even if they say not to worry, you had better WORRY and take care of things yourself to be sure no unexpected kids turn up.

My boys are 21 and 19 and I have been telling them this since I started telling them about the birds and the bees. As a mother of 2 boys, that has been one of my biggest fears, that a female they are involved with will lie about bc or even something worse.

 

[chobie]

My boys are 21 and 19 and I have been telling them this since I started telling them about the birds and the bees. As a mother of 2 boys, that has been one of my biggest fears, that a female they are involved with will lie about bc or even something worse.

.

As the parent of both a boy and a girl. I worry about a female lying to my son and a I worry about a male lying to my daughter that "he loves her and she loved him she would have sex".

The lies and deception that go along with sex are on both sides and are equally reprehensible

 

[SillyMe]

I would think this would only apply to unmarried men and the decision would have to be made either before pregnancy or early enough for the woman to decide whether to keep the baby or not. That is what I would support anyway.

I understand where you are coming from, but I still disagree. Everyone knows when they have sex that there is a chance that birth control will fail. You are taking that chance of getting pregnant or getting that girl/woman pregnant. If it happens, you need to be responsible.

A teenage boy may not want the baby and the mother decides to keep it. So some of you feel he shouldn't be held responsible financially because he does not want the baby. So what happens 5 years from now when he decides to be a father to that child? He's supposed to be able to walk into that child's life and not be held responsible for them financially? Or better yet, he waits until the child is an adult and wants to be a part of their life all of a sudden. Was it fair that the mom had to be financially responsible for 18 years alone even though it was her choice to keep the baby?

 

[DVC Sadie]

.

As the parent of both a boy and a girl. I worry about a female lying to my son and a I worry about a male lying to my daughter that "he loves her and she loved him she would have sex".

The lies and deception that go along with sex are on both sides and are equally reprehensible

Yep, I agree 100%. What has me worried is talking to girls who are 13,14,and 15 who think oral sex is not sex. When I asked a couple of the girls why they felt this way I as told that everybody does this. When we questioned the boys they thought that oral sex is sex. We asked these kids where they were getting there information and was told off of the internet. Whats sad is they think that what the internet is showing them is normal sex. I sure don't have all the answers but I do have lots of questions.

 

[Michie]

.

As the parent of both a boy and a girl. I worry about a female lying to my son and a I worry about a male lying to my daughter that "he loves her and she loved him she would have sex".

The lies and deception that go along with sex are on both sides and are equally reprehensible

That is what I plan on telling my daughter as well when she is old enough.