12 year old 7th grader afraid in football....Do I allow him to quit

[dolphindan1]

My son just made the middle school football team, well in week 3 now...He hasnt played in a few years but has been coming home crying...Says he is afraid to get hurt. He is one of the bigger kids on team so its a bit of a shock. It was his decision to play as I tried to talk him out of it cause he was already playing soccer. He insisted. I am kinda old school that if you start something you finish it BUT if he is miserable and scared I am worried about his safety. I am not sure what to do here...He is playing soccer and isnt afraid there or on the basketball court. Do i force him to finish or let him turn in his pads. His big brother is the starting QB on the varsity so I think that is why he wanted to play...not positive though

 

[WDSearcher]

My son just made the middle school football team, well in week 3 now...He hasnt played in a few years but has been coming home crying...Says he is afraid to get hurt. He is one of the bigger kids on team so its a bit of a shock. It was his decision to play as I tried to talk him out of it cause he was already playing soccer. He insisted. I am kinda old school that if you start something you finish it BUT if he is miserable and scared I am worried about his safety. I am not sure what to do here...He is playing soccer and isnt afraid there or on the basketball court. Do i force him to finish or let him turn in his pads. His big brother is the starting QB on the varsity so I think that is why he wanted to play...not positive though

He's already got soccer ... in my house, one sport would be enough. If he doesn't want to play, let him leave this behind and concentrate on soccer. But I'd also be telling him that he needs to think more seriously before starting something next time because not everything will be as easy to leave behind.

 

[Lehuaann]

My son just made the middle school football team, well in week 3 now...He hasnt played in a few years but has been coming home crying...Says he is afraid to get hurt. He is one of the bigger kids on team so its a bit of a shock. It was his decision to play as I tried to talk him out of it cause he was already playing soccer. He insisted. I am kinda old school that if you start something you finish it BUT if he is miserable and scared I am worried about his safety. I am not sure what to do here...He is playing soccer and isnt afraid there or on the basketball court. Do i force him to finish or let him turn in his pads. His big brother is the starting QB on the varsity so I think that is why he wanted to play...not positive though

I'm a big believer in teaching my children old school virtues, one being not to quit when the going gets tough. HOWEVER, I also believe children are highly intuitive...and if something/someone scares them THAT much, there is a reason to be concerned (the highlighted words stood out to me).

Has he given any details into the kind of "hurt" he's referring to? My DH has not encouraged our HSer to play football due to the link between football and TBI, although DH was a HS quarterback himself.

Sometimes just listening and trusting our children is the right thing to do. This doesn't seem to be about a lack of confidence. He's scared of getting hurt. So no, I would not force him.....especially since he is making the effort to play an alternative sport.

Good luck!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It doesn't sound like a good "fit" for him. He should be comfortable with what he's doing.

 

[wilkeliza]

My son just made the middle school football team, well in week 3 now...He hasnt played in a few years but has been coming home crying...Says he is afraid to get hurt. He is one of the bigger kids on team so its a bit of a shock. It was his decision to play as I tried to talk him out of it cause he was already playing soccer. He insisted. I am kinda old school that if you start something you finish it BUT if he is miserable and scared I am worried about his safety. I am not sure what to do here...He is playing soccer and isnt afraid there or on the basketball court. Do i force him to finish or let him turn in his pads. His big brother is the starting QB on the varsity so I think that is why he wanted to play...not positive though

Talk with him about it and ensure him that you don't expect him to play just because his bigger brother plays. Perhaps you should even have your older son talk to him. You wouldn't want him to end up super hurt later because he makes a wrong move in a tackle out of fear.

 

[cobright]

My son [...]Says he is afraid to get hurt. He is one of the bigger kids on team so its a bit of a shock.
[...]
I am kinda old school that if you start something you finish it BUT if he is miserable and scared I am worried about his safety. I am not sure what to do here...

Without knowing what might be brewing under this scene I can only suggest that your boy sounds like a bright observant young man with a uniquely qualified vantage point on this matter.

What isn't he telling you? What is he replacing with the tears he knows will touch your heart?

• The depth of his fear maybe, because this particular athletic program is run much more aggressively than the coach lets on?
• A bully on the team?
• A sweetheart he would rather spend time with?
• He'd rather join the drama club?
• Maybe he's read a bit about just how much head trauma he'll be subjecting himself to (hint, more than a boxing match)

I will admit to a bias against American Footbal in general, not even mostly based on how poorly its players suffor for it.

As for perserverance as a life lesson... would you follow your own advice? Say you got yourself into a bad mortgage, an ARM and the rate is climbing painfully would you stick it out?

The life lesson for making a bad decision is learned by your son realizing he does not belong somewhere and he is trying to remove himself.

 

[PizzieDuster]

My father has coached over 2500 kids in pop warner and in high school. He wrote a book about his coaching. He coached my brothers, etc. Then I had my kids, he wanted to coach my son in pop warner and did and even at the sophomore level in high school.

I'll never forget the advice he gave to me when I saw my son being a little 'shy' about hitting. Okay, he never hit if he didn't have to

He said you don't understand what these kids feel like when they put on pads and helmets. The weight and the sound that the helmet makes when they tackle, the shoulder pads crashing, etc. My dad had a wonderful sense about which boys were hesitating or having trouble. He made every player a part of that team. Even if they were on the sideline. He coached freshman football too. He took all the 'small' kids and made their own team. When the team was ahead, they would go in and the players and parents went crazy! He built up their self esteem and made them proud that they had their 'own' team. They all got a special plaque at the award ceremony too. I still see some players commenting on his FB page about how much they appreciated my dad and still call him "coach" to this day.

I'd go to a practice and watch from a far. Not being noticed. Just to see for yourself. It could be clicks, see how the coaches are coaching, etc. But I wouldn't make him stick it out. Stopping one sport for another is completely normal. Like the above poster said, there could be some other reason and then...he is a teen

Good luck!

 

[Viva Las Disney]

What isn't he telling you?

It could be as simple as he's shocked by how aggressive it is but I also wonder if he doesn't have a difficult coach or is maybe being picked on for something as simple as messing up plays, a lot of the kids have probably played for years and if he just picking it up he's probably messing up a lot of stuff they think is basic. Combine either with the fact they are probably doing sprints and drills all day and it's all work and no fun.

I'd have your other son talk to him, he might open up more to him, if it turns out he's really scared and he's in soccer I'd probably just let him quit football.

 

[PizzieDuster]

It could be as simple as he's shocked by how aggressive it is but I also wonder if he doesn't have a difficult coach or is maybe being picked on for something as simple as messing up plays, a lot of the kids have probably played for years and if he just picking it up he's probably messing up a lot of stuff they think is basic. Combine either with the fact they are probably doing sprints and drills all day and it's all work and no fun.

I'd have your other son talk to him, he might open up more to him, if it turns out he's really scared and he's in soccer I'd probably just let him quit football.

 

[AllyBri]

Sounds like there might be something going on here. Let him quit.

 

[Nancyg56]

My son played FB when he was in HS. One season, and that was it. He was a big kid, and strong so he was an asset for the team, but he hated it. He just was not aggressive enough. When he told me that he really did not want to continue, I respected that decision.

i agree with the others who say that your boy may not be telling you everything. My son told me that what they were officially told to do was not necessarily the same as what they were "encouraged" to do. Some kids on opposing teams got hurt.

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm with the group that says "once you start something, you finish it".

I would go to a practice and watch from afar and/or talk to his favorite coach. I agree there's something else going on here.

I *MIGHT* let him quit, but only after I investigated what's causing the problem. Just saying "I don't want to anymore" doesn't qualify.

Another option would be if he would be willing to be an equipment manager or a statistician or something like that.

 

[rigs32]

I would also fear that his hesitancy might increase the chance of him getting hurt. I don't go to my Muay Thai class when I'm overly distracted by work because I know that distraction increases the chance of me getting punched in the head.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'd let him quit. One sport is enough, and it's early enough in the season that the team isn't going to be lost if he leaves. At this point, someone else is just waiting to step up.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

First off is there any way to have his brother talk to him privately about what is going on? Maybe he can ferret out what is really going on or maybe this sport is not for him.

I would have to investigate wth is going on. Coming home crying is major anxiety so something is going on that is not good.

 

[kellyg403]

I would also fear that his hesitancy might increase the chance of him getting hurt. I don't go to my Muay Thai class when I'm overly distracted by work because I know that distraction increases the chance of me getting punched in the head.

OP I agree with this, especially since it is middle school football. It can get really tough out there since he will be playing against some bigger kids. If he hasn't played before this year, he probably doesn't know the basic safety measures. To me, football is one of those games the kids have to start early to play because of all the contact involved later. The first two years is just learning the mechanics and keeping yourself as safe as possible.

I also think you should go to the school and take a look, but honestly I would let him quit just from the safety viewpoint. And I am big on not quitting when you start something.

Kelly

 

[goofyintoronto]

If he's coming home crying and youre concerned for his safety, then i'd let him quit. He comes home crying for petesake! poor kid.

For the pp who suggested he might be crying in order to spend time with a sweetheart. Really? To come home crying every day because of that? Although I can see him coming home crying because of a bully, or even because the coach is being a bully. There might be a deeper issue here, but the bottom line is that he's miserable and crying. Yes its nice to finish what you started, but not like this. Poor kid.

 

[okeydokey]

If he that upset about it, I would let him quit. Not everything they try is going to be the right fit. He already enjoys other sports.

 

[Colleen27]

I'm with the group that says "once you start something, you finish it".

I would go to a practice and watch from afar and/or talk to his favorite coach. I agree there's something else going on here.

I *MIGHT* let him quit, but only after I investigated what's causing the problem. Just saying "I don't want to anymore" doesn't qualify.

Another option would be if he would be willing to be an equipment manager or a statistician or something like that.

That's how I'd handle it too. Our house rule is that once you sign up you're committed for that season. If you decide not to play next year no one will question your choice, but I'd have to hear a very good reason for quitting mid-season.

I'd go and observe a practice from a distance, see how your son is interacting with the coaches and other players, and see if I couldn't figure out what the problem is. Asking your older son to bring it up might be a good idea too, and depending on the coaching staff I might also suggest he talk to a favorite coach about ways to address his fear without quitting the team.

My son plays HS football and I know some of his friends this year and last have gone home begging to quit, some even to the point of tears (esp those who didn't play youth ball - middle school is a tough first experience with the sport). I don't know what line they're giving their parents - the safety angle is probably the most persuasive and I'm sure they know it - but when they're in the back of my van the complaints I hear aren't about contact or injuries. They're about intense practices, sore muscles, early mornings, and hard-*** coaches. If it were my son coming home asking to quit I'd want to rule that out as the real reason before I gave the okay. If there's a genuine fear of injury or inability to handle the requirements of the game, I wouldn't make him stick it out. But if it is first week (or two) misery over the physical demands, I would push him to tough it out a little longer and give his body a chance to adjust.

 

[cobright]

If you worry about him developing a lack of commitment then structure his withdrawel from footbal.

Give him the option of taking up something less dangerous but equally taxing for the rest of the season.

I like to reccomend fencing. Its all cardio and reflex training. And u get to play with swords.

But the whole ' stick it out ' strategy always seemed contrived to me. I teach my kids to make good decision and to correct bad ones asap.