12/09/06 Cruise Continued ~ Pirating Bananas DIS Geekorama Part 2 Part 10

[slindamood]

We just passed a minimum wage Constitutional Amendment. It applies to 16 year olds! ACK! All the High School kids that work for us are going to get a HUGE raise January 1! We currently pay above minimum (5.90 to start, .75 above minimum) the new minimum is $6.85!

That is a 17% increase!

Like I needed this to deal with too!

John1

That new wage will apply to middle and high school babysitters as well. I don't know what the rates are in your area, but it will be quite a shock to parents around here.

 

[87Heel]

Well, friends, we have to get away from the post-election happiness/unhappiness (whatever your viewpoint, we're all geeks) and get posting. Another milestone on the way with very little effort. Maybe John1 will see 48,000 before the Cheetah Girls!

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

I'm gonna clean out my joke in box....

here's one for ya John...
Christmas Demands!

Barbie's Letter To Santa:

Dear Santa,

Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it).

So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998, Santa.

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man... maybe GI JOE. Heck, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boy toy, Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Chest (insert other B word) reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.

6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie," complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips, "Animal Rights Barbie," with my very own paint gun, fitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs. How about "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years - I think I deserve it.

Okay Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you
disagree, then you can find yourself a new witch (insert other word) for next Christmas. It's that simple.

Yours Truly,

Barbie

 

[87Heel]

That new wage will apply to middle and high school babysitters as well. I don't know what the rates are in your area, but it will be quite a shock to parents around here.

How can that happen? Who is tracking what you pay a kid sitter? Isn't it all cash under the table???

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

Ken's Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and
career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.

First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatment - the witch has everything. Along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, I DO NOT have a dream house, corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases the ability to change our hair style. I personally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length.

My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.

I too would like a change in my career. Have you ever considered "Decorator Ken," "Beauty Salon Ken," or "Out Of Work Actor Ken?" In addition, there are several other avenues which could be considered such as "S&M Ken," "Green Lantern Ken," "Circuit Ken," "Bear Ken," "Master Ken." These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open up new markets. And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away," I need bendable knees so I can kick her to the curb.

In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the blond bimbo from you know where will result in action be taken by myself and others. And Barbie can forget about having Joe - he's mine, at least that's what he said last night.

Sincerely,
Ken

 

[87Heel]

Thanks, Karen!

 

[MrsMork]

We just passed a minimum wage Constitutional Amendment. It applies to 16 year olds! ACK! All the High School kids that work for us are going to get a HUGE raise January 1! We currently pay above minimum (5.90 to start, .75 above minimum) the new minimum is $6.85!

That is a 17% increase!

Like I needed this to deal with too!

John1

So the price of the burgers and groceries goes up and everyone is right back where they started. I think there should be some break for employeers that hire HS kids (thank you John1) and give them the opportunity to learn to work. There is a large investment of time and training that goes into helping these kids learn how to show up when/where they are supposed to and be productive for hours at a time. There is a huge difference in my DGS's financial needs and those of folks who are trying to survive on MW and just don't have the where with all to do something more with their lives. DGS is doing a great job and his bosses absolutely LOVE him, he looks for work to do, offers extra help, etc., but that cannot be said of all his friends. Some of them require a bit of "management time" to become good employees.

My ranting for the day.

 

[becka]

We just passed a minimum wage Constitutional Amendment. It applies to 16 year olds! ACK! All the High School kids that work for us are going to get a HUGE raise January 1! We currently pay above minimum (5.90 to start, .75 above minimum) the new minimum is $6.85!

That is a 17% increase!

Like I needed this to deal with too!

John1

They are raising ours to $6.50 up from $5.15. I am not opposed to them raising it to $6.50 because honestly most places are here are probably paying close to that as the minimum right now and $5.15 is really low. However, the proposition that passed also includes annual COLA adjustments tied to the nation inflation index each year. Which means that every year the minimum wage is going up and if times get tough (and businesses are already struggling) we could see double digit annual increases for those on minimum wage and nothing for everyone else - we will be lucky to keep our jobs.

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

Not a joke....but some may like this one...

SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP!
This parable is told of a farmer who owned an old mule.

The mule fell into the farmer's well. The water wasn't very deep, so the mule could stand on the bottom. The farmer heard the mule praying-or whatever mules do when they fall into wells.

After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer sympathized with the mule, but decided that neither the mule nor the well was worth the trouble of saving. Instead, he called his neighbors together and told them what had happened...and enlisted them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery.

Initially, the old mule was hysterical. But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back a thought struck him. It suddenly dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back he should shake it off and step up. This he did, blow after blow of dirt hitting his back. "Shake it off and step up... shake it off and step up...shake it off and step up" repeated to encourage himself. No matter how painful the blows, or how distressing the situation seemed, the old mule fought panic and just kept right on shaking it off and stepping up. It wasn't long before
the old mule, battered and exhausted, stepped triumphantly over the wall of the well.

What seemed like it would bury him actually helped him, all because of the manner in which he handled his adversity. That's life. If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity...the
adversities that come along to bury us usually have within them the very real potential to benefit us. Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

GOD'S MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING!

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later..."Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

 

[MrsMork]

Oh John - so sorry that you are feeling this way.

Hey everyone - I think John needs some yellow banana pick me ups!!!

There you go, John11 Better?

 

[MrsMork]

That new wage will apply to middle and high school babysitters as well. I don't know what the rates are in your area, but it will be quite a shock to parents around here.

You have to pay MW to kids that babysit?? Things have sure changed!!

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

I feel silly posting jokes amongs the very serious comments about pay raises and politics.

Please don't feel that I'm insensitive.


You guys keep posting!!

Know that I'm sending ya hugs via the jokes, okay?!!!

here's another...

*******************************************************

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't, dear," She said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

*******************************************************

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for "the children's sermon," and all the children were invited to come Forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The little girl replied, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b---tch to
iron."

*******************************************************

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms.Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned".

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

Why we love Mom??

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed." She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.

Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night Solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails. Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed."

I'm on my way," she said. She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals. About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. I'm going to bed." And he did...without another thought.

Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer...?
'CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL......

 

[MrsMork]

Not a joke....but some may like this one...

SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP!
This parable is told of a farmer who owned an old mule.

The mule fell into the farmer's well. The water wasn't very deep, so the mule could stand on the bottom. The farmer heard the mule praying-or whatever mules do when they fall into wells.

After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer sympathized with the mule, but decided that neither the mule nor the well was worth the trouble of saving. Instead, he called his neighbors together and told them what had happened...and enlisted them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery.

Initially, the old mule was hysterical. But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back a thought struck him. It suddenly dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back he should shake it off and step up. This he did, blow after blow of dirt hitting his back. "Shake it off and step up... shake it off and step up...shake it off and step up" repeated to encourage himself. No matter how painful the blows, or how distressing the situation seemed, the old mule fought panic and just kept right on shaking it off and stepping up. It wasn't long before
the old mule, battered and exhausted, stepped triumphantly over the wall of the well.

What seemed like it would bury him actually helped him, all because of the manner in which he handled his adversity. That's life. If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity...the
adversities that come along to bury us usually have within them the very real potential to benefit us. Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

GOD'S MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING!

Good one for me this morning! Thank you, Karen for this reminder!

 

[87Heel]

You have to pay MW to kids that babysit?? Things have sure changed!!

The "family" rate here is significantly less than minimum wage...

 

[Bella2000]

Did you see the new MacBook - Knew they'd go to duo core. I want it I want it!

 

[slindamood]

I am so so frustrated, but am beginning to feel like all I do is complain . . .

Thank you to everyone for your kind words, PD, and prayers, and for all of you in tough personal situations, V, slindamood, et. al. you have the same from me.

What is unfair is children have no say in this - a bunch of people with no children, and no regard for the children of their community have made this decision. The future for them is all contained in their own purses.

John1

You have good reason to be frustrated, depressed, etc.

Think anyone would notice if I slip something into a bill giving your district the money you need?

suzanne

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

MATH JOKES!!! Can't believe I haven't dusted these off before now...


ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


MEMORY

Any married man should forget his mistakes,there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.


APPEARANCE

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


COMPREHENSION

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage.


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them
at funerals.

 

[MrsMork]

I feel silly posting jokes amongs the very serious comments about pay raises and politics.

Please don't feel that I'm insensitive.


You guys keep posting!!

Know that I'm sending ya hugs via the jokes, okay?!!!
******************************************************

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for "the children's sermon," and all the children were invited to come Forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The little girl replied, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b---tch to
iron."


We need it, Karen. Thank you!

This one is for Brandi!!