mom x4 grandma x4
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2005
- Messages
- 21,392
well since i did one for the ladies, I must do one for the men. Equal rights and all.
BECAUSE I'M A MAN
>
>Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
>wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in.
>AAA is not an option. I will win.
>_________________________
>Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
>the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
>another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
>able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
>everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer
>and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
>_____________________
>Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me
>soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman.
>You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
>_______________________________________________ __ __
>Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
>the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic
>items like "cumin" or "tofu" For all I know, these are the same thing.
>And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for
>which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is
>a spice and not a bodily function)
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
>insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
>me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it
>back together.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
>hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a
>whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by
>holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
>The answer is always either sex, cars or football I have to make up
>something else when you ask, so don't ask.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
>mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about
>her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is
>okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
>for my mother too.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
>Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you
>are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least
>remember the name and recommend it to others.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
>you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes
>is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine.
>You look fine. Can we just go now?
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share
>equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
>cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like
>looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a
>beer wondering what to do.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>This has been a public service message for Women to better understand
>the Male.
BECAUSE I'M A MAN
>
>Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
>wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in.
>AAA is not an option. I will win.
>_________________________
>Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
>the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
>another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
>able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
>everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer
>and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
>_____________________
>Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me
>soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman.
>You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
>_______________________________________________ __ __
>Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
>the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic
>items like "cumin" or "tofu" For all I know, these are the same thing.
>And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for
>which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is
>a spice and not a bodily function)
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
>insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
>me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it
>back together.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
>hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a
>whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by
>holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
>The answer is always either sex, cars or football I have to make up
>something else when you ask, so don't ask.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
>mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about
>her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is
>okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
>for my mother too.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
>Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you
>are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least
>remember the name and recommend it to others.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
>you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes
>is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine.
>You look fine. Can we just go now?
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share
>equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
>cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like
>looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a
>beer wondering what to do.
>_______________________________________________ __ ____
>This has been a public service message for Women to better understand
>the Male.
OMG, Kathy! Those are HYSTERICAL!
On my best and lightest day, it takes me an hour!
How time flies ...
Is it Beer:30 yet?
