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[C.Ann]

.............................

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

When I was severely depressed, the most helpful thing for me was just knowing that people still cared about me and still were there, even if I didn't initiate any contact, or seemed to be pushing them away. The emails and phone calls were nice, but the best things were the handwritten little notes that said things like "hang in there, I'm praying for you" or "anytime you want to talk, I'm here to listen". Sometimes it was a funny card or email, but it was the gentle "I care about you" notes that really meant the most.

The other things that helped were having friends bring dinner over, or offer to help with daily tasks (like laundry or cleaning), or getting little gifts like flowers or bubble bath or chocolate. I had a hard time doing things to take care of myself, so getting little gifts that encouraged me to do things I usually enjoyed doing was very helpful.

I'm sure your friend appreciates your continued contact and the fact that you remember her and think of her. The most important thing is that you are reaching out to her.

 

[Aidensmom]

I have gone through some stuff, and I appreciated when someone sent some lighthearted stuff. However, I don't know if everyone would react the same way, I would think it would depend on if she knew you were just trying to cheer her up or not.

Maybe you could send her an email saying something like "I have been sending you some lighthearted stuff and just wanted to make sure you know I am not making light of your situation, but rather just trying to give you a break from it."

 

[CEDmom]

I've never been severly depressed but like most people I've had my share of pain. Honestly, it has bothered me when someone would say "oh, things could be worse" or something like that. Usually what helped is just often being reminded by friends that they were there if I needed them, having them recognize my sadness and then just having them act normally. I hope things turn around for her.

 

[makinorlando]

I am dealing with this situation right now with two of my family members in PA. It is very hard not to be able to help them.

My niece, has been hospitalized twice since right before Christmas, depression as well as addiction issues. She is now home, but still very much in a dark mood. She does not really share at all what she is feeling so it is very hard to understand what is going on with her, and she pretty much just cuts herself off.

The other is my sister (my niece's mother) whose second husband of 16 years out of the blue on New Year's Day told her he didn't want to live there anymore, and moved in with a woman with whom the both had been friends (her husband died about a year ago, and my BIL and this woman had been together prior to the respective marriages) so.... my sister is now feeling deeply betrayed, etc, and is in a dark place as well. We normally would speak several times a week, just to chat about whatever, and now after several attempts to call, and getting the feeling that she really didn't want to talk, I wait for her to call - infrequently, and then basically just sit and let her talk. She is seeing a therapist several times a week, and is on meds etc.

They both know that I am here for them, but my attempts to reach out to them have not been well received, so I wait for them to come to me! This is really hard for me to see in my sister, as she is usually the STRONG one...

 

[Forevryoung]

I've been there.

People are different but if she doesnt want to read your emails, she can very easily hit the delete button before reading them. Keep sending them.

My sister sent me handwritten notes all the time during my darkest days. She would write them during her classes and I would get 4 or 5 a week. They would be talking about her own life, the boring mundane stuff like what she ate for breakfast or the ugly shirt the girl in front of her is wearing but it reminded me that she cared about me.

I didn't feel like talking but I prefered to listen to others talk. It helped me to remember that I wasn't alone. People just sitting with me helped as well. I would wear my pjs (i rarely got out of them), they would bring a movie or just turn on the tv and sit. Sometimes they would suggest I shower or eat or help me put up a load of laundry. It was the gentle requests that helped. I felt bad enough that I was having trouble taking care of my life.

 

[C.Ann]

Thanks for all the replies.. I don't have a vehicle right now - and she lives a ibt of a distance from here - so I can't really "get" to her to do anything for her..

 

[Serena]

It sounds like you're doing the right thing to me C.Ann.

 

[Rajah]

I've never been severly depressed but like most people I've had my share of pain. Honestly, it has bothered me when someone would say "oh, things could be worse" or something like that. Usually what helped is just often being reminded by friends that they were there if I needed them, having them recognize my sadness and then just having them act normally. I hope things turn around for her.